Lost But Not Forgotten
by TattooShadow
Summary: REVISED! Twenty years ago, a crime was committed and covered by the Ministry of Magic. Now, secrets are discovered and Severus Snape must relive the horror he witnessed while a student at Hogwarts and remember why he hates.
1. Prologue

I am sure many people think I have forgotten my fiction, but no. I just have been really busy with college and all that. I decided to go back and revise all of them so for those who enjoy the stories, I apologize. I know this is taking some time to do, but I will be working as fast as I can. This is the revised version of, _Lost But Not Forgotten_.

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Prologue**

The fall of the Dark Lord was one of the greatest things to happen to the Wizarding world. People were relieved that the war was over and things would go back to normal without the tyranny of a mad-man who had tried to annihilate muggles, half-bloods, and muggle-borns, running around. How naïve people were. Just because one tyrant was gone did not mean that there were others.

People put too much trust into their government and the Wizarding world was no different. They trusted the Ministry of Magic to take care of there problems and be honest and forthcoming with their misgivings. How much more wrong could they be? There were those who knew that the Ministry of Magic had done more wrong than Voldemort himself. There was one person who knew that better than anyone else.

Professor Severus Snape sat in his quarters glaring at everything he owned with a glass of Fire-whiskey in his hand. He hated the Ministry like he hated most people. His life had been nothing but torment because of them. They had taken away one of the most important things he had ever had in his life. His hatred had built to an almost uncontrollable level until Albus Dumbledore had finally stepped in. Albus had forced him to remove the memories from twenty years ago, but because of Severus's bloodline, the memories still in some form resided in his blood. The hatred was still there, but at least putting the memories aside had helped to keep him in some control. It was slowing the process of his change and it helped somewhat to dull the pain of the memories and what happened to ruin his life.

In the kitchens of Hogwarts, Dobby looked at the other house-elves who were all huddled, talking in hushed tones with each other. He listened to parts of their conversation and found that they were talking about a house-elf that had been taken from Hogwarts because of a secret she had kept for a student. She had been given something to deliver to Remus Lupin should something happen to the student and the elf had hidden it away for safe keeping. Before the item could be retrieved, the elf was taken by the Ministry and killed. No one knew where the item had been put, but there were rumors from the house-elves that it had been buried on the Hogwarts grounds with a stasis spell cast on it.

"Where on the grounds?" Dobby asked.

"Wee's don't know. Wee's thinks Emmy buried by the lake, wee's do," an elf responded.

"Dobby curious. What is it?" Dobby asked.

"Wee's don't know. Emmy never tell us. Ministry kill her before she could complete her task. Wee's must finish task to honor house-elves."

"Dobby wonders, why now?"

"Emmy disappeared very long ago. Wee's thinks she went to new home. No. Old elf from Ministry was freed. He comes here to tells us about Emmy. They kill her cause she knew secrets about student. A student that was murdered, she was!" the elf exclaimed.

"Murdered?!" Dobby exclaimed.

"Yes. Ministry elf tell us two days past! He hides now from Ministry cause they are bad, they are!"

"Maybe I help!" Dobby suggested.

"Wee's can go dig on Hogwarts grounds."

"I ask Harry Potter! He's like helping elves!" Dobby said enthusiastically. The house-elves cheered and nodded their agreement as Dobby disappeared.

Harry Potter was sitting in his dorm, looking out the window. Since he had defeated Voldemort, there hadn't been much to do. There was still this nagging sense of incompletion but he wasn't sure why he felt that way. He had come back with his friends to finish school after Voldemort's downfall and they were already in the beginning of October.

"Harry Potter!"

Harry jumped out of the window sill and pulled his wand before really realizing who it was that had startled him. When he saw Dobby staring at him with wide, clearing frozen in surprise, eyes, he lowered his wand and tucked it back into his pocket.

"Dobby, don't scare me like that!"

"Dobby is sorry, sir. Dobby needs help for house-elves," Dobby said. Harry frowned at him.

"Help with what?"

Dobby told him about what he knew regarding the house-elf that was taken by the Ministry and murdered and about the girl that had suffered the same fate. It instantly caught Harry's attention, especially because the Ministry was involved.

"So you's see? Ministry is bad!"

"I knew that parts of it were corrupt, but I never thought they would cover up murders," Harry said softly.

"They's did. Wee's must help house-elves!" Dobby exclaimed.

"Alright, let me get Hermione and Ron. I want to find out who the girl was," Harry said and quickly changed out of his pajamas.

Since it was Saturday morning, everyone had either slept in or was in the common room. Harry raced downstairs and motioned for his two best friends to follow him. Without question, they did and he quickly made his way to the grounds.

"What's going on, mate?" Ron asked.

"Dobby says that house-elf was murdered by the Ministry of Magic because she had been given a task by a student that was also murdered. The task was to deliver the item to Remus should something happen to this girl. The elf never got the chance to complete the task because she died. I guess an old Ministry elf was released and told the Hogwarts elves about it and then went into hiding."

"This sounds serious, Harry. What could that girl possibly know that the Ministry is willing to kill for it?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know, but I don't trust the Ministry anymore and I am not about to let something like this slide if I can help it."

They made their way to the lake and once there, they began using their wand to scan for anything unusual. Unfortunately, nothing came up. It was discouraging and they began to wonder if the house-elf were right.

"Maybe it isn't here," Ron suggested.

"Or maybe…it's protected by magic. The Ministry would probably have looked for it too and if the elf didn't want it to be found, she could have put a protection spell over it. We might have to dig it out," Hermione said and began casting spells at the sand. The other two began to do the same and before anyone realized it, they had dug themselves into a hole about six feet deep.

"Blimey, we better hope no one comes out here till we're done!" Ron exclaimed when he saw just how much damage they had done.

Hermione walked over towards Harry when her foot caught on something and she fell forward. The boys were instantly at her side, helping her to her feet before they turned around to see what she had tripped on. Excitement grew when they noticed a small box corner sticking out of the sand.

Quickly, Harry pulled it from the sand and looked it over. The box would not open, but on the top was a message scribbled. Harry read it and felt his excitement building.

"It says it's for Remus Lupin and it's from someone with the initials S.E.S."

"S.E.S? Who's that?" Ron asked.

"I don't know, but we should get this to Remus," Harry said and they quickly climbed out of the hole and repaired the ground, before racing to the castle.

They soon discovered that Remus was nowhere to be found and then remembered that he had mentioned taking the day to spend time with his wife, Tonks and their son, Teddy. Instead, they decided to go to the Headmaster's office.

When they were allowed entry, they were shocked and a little uncomfortable with the fact that many of the teachers were in a staff-meeting. Everyone greeted them except Professor Snape who looked at them sourly.

"Harry, what can we do for you?" Albus asked.

"Um…I was hoping you could contact Remus for me," he replied.

"Mister Potter, surely it can wait," Professor McGonagall said sternly.

"We're sorry, Professor, but we don't think it can," Hermione cut in.

"Why is that?" Albus asked, becoming serious.

"Sir, Dobby asked me for his help in finding something left behind by a student. He said the Ministry had killed the house-elf that had hidden it and the task was never complete so he asked me to help him," Harry replied. This seemed to catch the attention of everyone.

"What task?" McGonagall asked.

"I'm not sure exactly. This box was left behind with instructions to deliver it to Remus Lupin if anything was to happen to the student, but because the house-elf, Emmy was killed, it never got delivered."

"Emmy!" Poppy gasped.

"Albus, isn't that the house-elf that went missing twenty years ago?" Minerva asked.

"Yes, it is," Albus replied, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Dobby said that the student was murdered…here…at Hogwarts," Hermione said.

The trio noticed that Professor Snape had gone deathly pale and quickly stood up and came over to him. For once, he did not have the usual snarl or hateful glare, but rather an open expression full of emotion. The most prominent being fear.

"Let me see that box," he said. Harry gave it to him and watched him closely to see him staring wide-eyed at the handwriting.

"Severus?" Albus said softly.

"Albus, summon, Lupin back to the castle immediately," Snape said, his hands trembling.

"He's out with his family-" Minerva started.

"I DON'T BLOODY CARE!" His sudden outburst scared just about everyone in the room.

"Calm down, my boy," Albus said carefully.

"It's _her _handwriting! She had always said she would leave something behind for us! He needs to get here, now! He needs to open this box!" Severus snapped, his eyes wild for a moment.

"Alright, we'll summon him," Albus said and quickly sent his patronus out for him.

The trio watched Professor Snape hand the box to Albus who looked it over with wide eyes, his face pale. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other, wondering what was so important.

"Mister Potter, where did you find this?" Minerva asked, causing the teachers to look at the three students.

"Dobby said that the house-elves suspected that it was by the lake. The Ministry elf had given some vague description so they weren't sure. We just went to the lake and tried to find and when the spells didn't turn up with anything…so we dug a hole…a big hole and Hermione tripped on the box," he replied, waiting for the verbal lashing, but it never came.

"Where is the Ministry elf?" Albus asked.

"I don't know. Dobby said he went into hiding. I guess if the Ministry finds out that he told, they would try and kill him too," Harry said.

"If that box contains what I think they do, we might need the other two witnesses that are still alive," Minerva said.

"Minerva, send word to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy to come to Hogwarts immediately," Albus said and the woman quickly went to the fireplace.

"The Malfoy's?" Ron asked.

"Yes, besides us, they are the only witnesses that were close to the victim that are still alive," Albus replied.

"When did this student die?"

"She was killed twenty year ago during her seventh year on Christmas Eve," the Headmaster replied gravely. The pained expression on Professor Snape's did not go unnoticed by the trio or the teachers.

"Twenty years ago? Then…that means she attended here with…my parents," Harry said softly.

"Yes, she did. She was actually best friend to your mother. She had known all the Slytherins, but as you know, most of them like, Crabbe, Goyle, Rosier, Bellatrix Lestrange, and several others are dead. They were also witness to what this girl went through," he replied.

"So, my parents had seen what the Slytherins had seen too?" Harry asked.

"Yes, they had, as well as Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black, but they are also not here to testify to it. Besides the staff at the time, the Malfoy's, Remus, Mr. and Mrs. Snape, and Severus, there is no one else that was there that could be a credible witness."

"Sir, was she murdered by the Ministry?" Hermione asked.

"She might as well have been," Severus snarled viciously to no one in particular.

"Harry, I would like you three to come and sit. I believe that you should stay for these proceedings."

"WHAT?!" Snape bellowed. "I will not have them view _her_ memories, especially when they involve things to do with me!"

"Severus, you will do as I ask and calm down. I have a very good reason for asking them to stay and it has to do with something Shadow had told Harry's mother. They will stay. They are old enough to handle what they are about to view and I have a very, very good reason for asking them!" Albus said in a no nonsense voice. Everyone looked at Professor Dumbledore in confusion, but didn't question him.

Suddenly, the fireplace glowed and Minerva McGonagall stepped through with Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy right behind her. Harry still held distrust for the Malfoy family, but even before the fall of Voldemort, Lucius had supposed turned over to the Light and has remained there, loyally since then.

"Severus, my friend, I can see you are quite worked up," Lucius said without the sarcastic drawl.

"If you were in my position, you would be as well," Severus said sourly.

"Do we need to summon Severus's parents?" Minerva asked.

"NO! We don't need them here!" Severus snapped.

"No, Minerva, I think we can make do without them," Albus said, eying Severus warily.

"Is that really from Shadow?" Narcissa asked, looking at the box.

"Yes, it is," Albus replied. Some of the teachers who had not been at Hogwarts at the time of the murder were sent out of the room. The trio, the Malfoys, Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Madam Pompfry remained.

"Where the bloody fuck is, Lupin?" Severus cursed, catching the students off guard who had never heard him swear before. Just before anyone could reply, Remus came through the fireplace.

"What is going on?" he asked when he looked at everyone who was in the room. He had been told that he needed to return to the castle immediately and when he received the message he was sure that this was an emergency.

"Remus…this was left for you," Albus said and handed him the box. Remus looked down at the loopy handwriting and felt the blood leave his face.

"Shadow…" he whispered and just as he said her name, the box began to glow a magnificent red before it dimmed to nothing.

Slowly and with extreme care, Remus lifted the lid of the box and gazed inside. Everyone felt like their hearts were in their throats and you could hear a pin drop with the silence that surrounded them. With trembling hands, Remus reached inside and pulled a six inch crystal vial from inside and stared at it.

"Is that…her blood?" Poppy asked softly.

"Yes. All her memories would be stored in her blood. These are her memories! We can see everything that ever happened to her…"

"Oh my goodness!" Minerva gasped.

"I…I was supposed to…get this twenty years ago…wasn't I?" Remus asked, his voice becoming hoarse with emotion.

It was then that Harry explained what had happened according to the house-elves and was surprised to see the tears slide down Remus's cheek. What was so significant about the memories and who was Shadow?

"Who is she, sir?" Hermione asked, seeming to know what Ron and Harry wanted the answer to.

"She was my sister. My half-sister," he replied softly and handed the precious vial to Albus who began to chant an incantation few of them had ever heard. They watched as the blood became silver.

"Albus, we can view these in a pensieve, but we would have to go one at a time," Minerva said.

"Um…Professors?" Everyone turned to look at the girl.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"You don't have to do that. I…well I developed a spell in my sixth year that allows you to put the memories in a pensieve, but still view them from where you stand. The room would fill with the memory and play out as if we were actually there," she said.

"How did you develop such a spell?!" Minerva asked in shock.

"Well…I was thinking about muggle movies and then I just…got bored," she replied lamely.

"Incredible," Minerva said softly and nodded.

"Then we will use, Miss Granger's spell to view these. Before we start, I would like all of you who were there to please, place your memories inside the pensieve. Once they are all there I will put them in order and we will view her life at Hogwarts," Albus said and walked behind his desk to a silver cabinet. Using his wand, he opened it and pulled out another large crystal vial and walked over to the pensieve.

"You had already removed your memories?" Remus asked curiously.

"No. These belong to Severus." They looked sharply to see the dark-haired man glaring angrily at Albus.

"Why did you remove her completely?" Remus asked, in an almost accusing tone.

"Albus made me remove those memories, but you fail to remember that I have not been an ordinary wizard for quite some time and those memories are still in my blood, just not as strong. I still remember _everything_! Every single bit of pain, every bit of happiness, and every bit of hatred," Severus hissed coldly.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't think about it. I know why Albus asked you to remove them," Remus said with sudden realization.

The trio watched as the adults pulled several memories from their temple and dropped them into the pensieve. Harry was just as confused about what was going on as his friends were and wondered what could possibly have everyone so tense. When the students looked at Snape, they felt their hearts skip as the man was watching the memories being dropped into the pensieve. It wasn't just the cold and hate filled expression that he held, but also the face that his face seemed to have become just a touch greyer and his eyes looked blacker than they ever had. Now, the whites of his eyes could barely be seen.

"Blimey," Ron whispered in fear.

"What's happening to him?" Hermione asked, her heart beating wildly.

Lucius seemed to notice what the children were looking at and quickly went to Severus and captured his attention. Severus looked the blond man in confusion as Lucius leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"You were scaring the children with your _special _powers," he said.

Severus nodded his understanding and looked at the three students to see they indeed looked afraid. Even Harry Potter, who had fought the Dark Lord, looked a little afraid of the Potions Master. The man kept his face impassive as he looked at the three of them, but once Albus started talking, his attention immediately went to the old man.

"I know that this is difficult for everyone. Each of us have memories of Shadow that are different. All of us are going to see things we have never seen before," he then looked at Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "I'm going to ask you to be adult about what you are going to see. Like I said before, I personally have a good reason for showing you three, and it is not something I decided on lightly."

"We understand, sir." The three agreed and waited as Dumbledore motioned to Hermione.

The young Gryffindor stood up and raised her wand to the pensieve before chanting an incantation that no one had ever heard before. They watched as a diamond shaped gem formed above the pensieve and reflected the memories into the room, engulfing it as if they were really in the memory. Now…they had to watch.


	2. The New Arrival

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 1**

_The New arrival…_

Professor Minerva McGonagall walked briskly with the new raven-haired student to the Great Hall to be sorted into her house. The girl had just transferred from the Madrid School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Spain despite the fact the fact that she was a sixth year coming into school three months late. Minerva glanced at the new student and frowned at her frail body and pale skin. She was a far cry from healthy and the older woman could see quite clearly that the new student was uneasy about being there.

Professor Albus Dumbledore stood up and silenced the Great Hall. All eyes in the Hall were fixed on him as they waited patiently for him to speak. Severus gave the old man a glare but grudgingly waiting in silence for the man to get on with it. It was ever since the incident with Lupin, Severus had despised Dumbledore for not defending _him _when he was the one that nearly got killed by the crazed werewolf because of Sirius Black.

"I am pleased to inform you that we will be having a new student arriving shortly to be sorted into her new house. Her name is Sombra Elaine Hill and she is a transfer student from Madrid School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Spain," Albus announced. There was a murmur that spread throughout the hall, but the Headmaster's eyes rested on one young man sitting at the Gryffindor table. Remus Lupin's eyes were wide with surprise as he stared at the Headmaster in shock.

The young boy was in a state of shock that he couldn't describe. It had been at least ten years since he had seen Sombra, but he had never heard from her after that. It had devastated him, especially due to his recent loss at the time, and he had become angry and resentful toward her. It was only until he came to Hogwarts that he began to think more rationally and consider the possibility that there was more to it than he realized. He remembered there had been a terror in her eyes when she looked at him and that look had haunted him since. Now, he was going to see her again. Perhaps now, he would be able to find out everything he wanted to know.

"I expect Sombra to be treated with respect and patience since she is coming from a Spanish speaking school. Mr. Lupin, I will have you be the one to show her around the school no matter what house she is in," Albus stated with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes, sir. Is Shadow already on the grounds?" Remus asked. The other students, his friends included, looked at him curiously. Albus smiled even wider and nodded.

"Yes, Remus. Professor McGonagall is bringing your sister here as we speak," he said.

James Potter looked sharply at Remus. "You have a freakin' sister!" he practically yelled. Remus looked a little sheepish and nodded solemnly.

"I'll explain later," he said softly, and looked to the doors as McGonagall pushed them open.

"We've been friends for years and you never mentioned that!" James said in surprise, mildly angry.

"I'll explain later," Remus said again.

At the Slytherin table most of the students just sneered and waited for the new arrival. Since Sombra was the sister of a Gryffindor, she was automatically labeled as someone to not associate with. She would probably be sorted into the blasted house with her brother. So the students waited to see the new girl, wondering what she was like. Expecting Sombra to favor Remus, everyone was surprised when the doors opened to admit her and Professor McGonagall. Though she was beautiful, she looked nothing like her brother. She was pale skinned with hair that fell to the middle of her back and curled from the tips to just below her shoulders before it became straighter. Her eyes were a pale but bright green that stood out beneath the inky black hair that shielded part of her face. Her striking features were marred only slightly by the fact that she was unhealthily thin.

"Remus! That's your sister! You better introduce us!" Sirius Black hissed at his friend without taking his eyes off her. Sirius Black wasn't the only one that had noticed her either. Most of the Slytherin boys were staring at her as well, including a young black haired boy sitting a slightly apart from the rest of his group.

"She looks nothing like, Lupin!" one Slytherin gasped in surprise.

The young girl kept her head down for the most part, but her eyes looked straight ahead. She didn't even notice the eager Gryffindor waiting to talk to his sister at the first chance possible. Minerva brought Sombra up to the Head table and motioned for her to sit down on a stool. She sat quickly and waited as the Professor placed the Sorting Hat on her head. When the hat was place on her head it seemed to freeze for a moment.

"Oh Merlin! Such incredible power…power that has not even reached full potential… Incredible," it hissed in surprised. The students and staff were caught off guard and Minerva looked to Dumbledore for an explanation, but the older wizard had his brows furrowed slightly and a look of concern on his face.

"A student with the traits of all houses cannot be easily placed in any one house. There is only one house that might be appropriate for you," the hat continued, and before the whispering among the hall could start, the Hat it yelled, "SLYTHERIN!"

Minerva took the hat and looked at her curiously. Sombra offered no answers as she looked at the woman with a somber expression. The hall was filled with whispers and the Slytherins contributed to most of them. Minerva led the girl to her table and she sat down silently without looking up at anyone much to the Professor's concern. The young black haired boy was sitting across from her and eyed her warily. He despised the Marauders and although Remus was not the one who usually caused trouble with him, he was still their friend and that was enough to earn the Slytherins' hatred.

Severus watched the girl carefully, wondering what the Sorting Hat was talking about. No one, to his knowledge, had ever elicited such a reply from the old hat. It was unnerving to know that a potential time bomb had not only been sorted into his house but was sitting right across from him.

Sombra startled a little when a plate of food appeared in front of her. She eyed it for a moment before slightly waving her hand, causing the plate to move away from her. The slight movement caught the attention of the rest of her house who were looking at her strangely. Severus however, was a little more concerned about the pained look that had been in the girl's green eyes when she had looked at the food. It was almost as though she had wanted to eat it, but knew she couldn't and dismissed it before temptation took hold.

"She does wandless magic?" one girl in Slytherin whispered.

"Do you think she does it naturally or had to learn it from school?" another girl questioned, but Sombra ignored them. She had almost forgotten that most wizards and witches, especially her age, did not know how to use magic without a wand. Sighing unhappily, she pulled out her schedule and began to look it over. Sombra felt a tingling sensation and raised her eyes uncomfortably when she felt someone staring at her. It caught her off guard when she looked straight into the eyes of a pale boy with shoulder length black hair and the coldest black eyes she had ever seen. He was just watching her with an expression she could not read, but he narrowed his eyes and glared after she had apparently looked at him too long. She was a little surprised by it, but didn't comment and looked back down at her schedule with a twist of unease in her gut. There was something about the boy that had caught her attention like no one else in her life had. It wasn't just the coldness of his expression either. The boy resumed eating his dinner, but kept eying her with a look of disdain.

Remus ate his food as quickly as physically possible and kept stealing glances at the Slytherin table. He noticed that his sister was not eating anything and he frowned when he saw just how thin she was.

"What's the matter, Remus?" James Potter asked when he noticed his friends' frown.

"Shadow is not eating anything. She really needs to," Remus commented.

"Yeah…maybe she's not feeling well or something. Hey! Why do you call her Shadow?" James asked.

"Sombra is Spanish for Shadow," Remus answered simply. James nodded and smirked at Sirius who was also watching the girl.

"It's a shame she's in Slytherin. I wouldn't mind seeing her in the common room every night," he said.

"Hey, take it easy Sirius, she is my sister after all," Remus warned, but his tone was light and kind as usual.

"Sorry, mate," Sirius replied but didn't take his eyes off of her.

Shadow could hear the whispers going around her table and she didn't like anything that they were saying. She had just arrived at the school and they were already talking about her. It was something that she should be used to, but it hurt every time to know that she couldn't live a normal life or be a normal person. She was destined to be a freak of nature, she was sure.

"I wonder why the hat acted that way with her…," a blond by the name of Narcissa pondered aloud.

"I don't know, but it is strange. I mean what kind of power is the Sorting Hat referring to? Certainly nothing anywhere near the Dark Lords power," her sister, Bellatrix Black, commented.

"No, there is no way," Goyle stated confidently.

They turned to look at the girl again, but she was content to just ignore everyone there. She was scanning her schedule and then looked up when she felt someone tap her shoulder.

"Shadow…"

Shadow looked up at the tall, thin boy with sandy brown hair and soft blue eyes. She stared at him for a moment and wracked her brain, trying to figure out where she had seen those gentle eyes before. Then it dawned on her. She had seen them ten years ago at their father's funeral. They were the eyes of her half brother, Remus John Lupin.

"Remus?" she asked softly, speaking for the first time. Her heavy Spanish accent rolled off her tongue almost seductively, much to Snape's surprise.

"Yeah, it's me," he whispered and hugged her tightly. Shadow kissed his cheek and smiled up at him.

"I haven't seen you in so long…," she whispered. "I haven't been able to keep in touch."

"I know."

The Slytherins watched her interaction with Remus for a moment. They were caught off guard as she smiled for the first time and light reflected off her dainty, fanged canines. There were certainly discovering new and disconcerting things about the girl. Wondering if she was a vampire, they silently questioned the reason for the Sorting Hats' decision. Remus didn't seem the least bit fazed, but it definitely made Severus uneasy.

"Are you going to eat?" he asked curiously. She shook head and Remus raised a brow as he glanced over her body.

"Alright, well why don't you come with me and we'll catch up…," he suggested. Shadow smiled and nodded as she grabbed her schedule and headed out of the Great Hall with him. Remus reached out and held her delicate hand within his and felt a whirlwind of emotion, good and bad, at being able to touch his sister again. He didn't pay attention to the curious stares of the students or his friends as he walked with her. Sirius was about to get up when Lily grabbed his arm and held him back.

"Don't," she warned.

"What? I want to meet her and you know you do too," he replied childishly.

"I know, I am sure we all would, but Remus hasn't seen his sister in who knows how long and I think we should let them get acquainted. Plus, I don't think she should be bombarded with a bunch of people when she hasn't even been here for an hour," Lily told him sternly. James nodded his agreement.

"Yeah Sirius, leave them alone for a while. For some reason, I think there's a reason why Remus didn't mention her in all the time." Sirius huffed and gave up.

Remus walked with his sister down the corridor, showing her where everything was. He was so excited to have her in his life finally, and at the same time anxious to question why she never spoke to him. When he looked at her he could see the haunted look she carried in her eyes. It made him uneasy and concerned.

"You know, I sent you letters…," Remus said softly. Shadow nodded and looked at the ground.

"I know. I heard. I was never allowed to read them." Remus looked at her curiously, but when she met his gaze, she could see the flicker of anger.

"Why not?"

"My parents just wouldn't allow it. I am not permitted to socialize," she said sadly.

"That doesn't seem to be very fair. Surely, they know that you're going to socialize while you're here, right?" Remus replied. Shadow shook her head.

"Oh no! I shouldn't. I'm not even supposed to speak with you. I don't think my father realized that you attended this school," she said, her eyes wide.

"What else do they do?" Remus asked carefully, watching her reaction.

"Remus, I'm sorry, but I cannot talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I will get into trouble. Remus, I may not know you very well, but you are my brother and I don't want to lose you. I cannot tell you anything that goes on within the family," she said softly. Remus heard it as a cryptic message and wondered what the hell actually did go on within the family.

"Shadow, I've been wondering about you for ten years! I never received letters or anything!" he said desperately, feeling the pent up emotion coming to surface.

"I know. If I could have answered you, I would have. I swear it! I couldn't though. I'd do anything to get away from them, but you must understand that by not telling you anything, I am protected you. I've have thought of you since that day, hoping that one day I would see you again," she said with a tearful expression. "As much as I would love to be closer to you, I think that it is best you learn to forget me…"

"No!"

"Remus, you must!" she pleaded, almost in desperation.

"I will not! You're step-father can say whatever the hell he wants! That bastard is not separating me from you and that's finale!" he said firmly, his eyes betraying the wild expression of set determination.

The Slytherin table was full of gossip about the new girl. The fact the she was related to the Gryffindor boy was hardly any concern. The students were wondering if she was a vampire and what kind of powers she possessed. On top of that, her beauty had not gone unnoticed either.

"You know, she is quite the looker," Lucius Malfoy stated bluntly. Narcissa glared at him, but he just shrugged. "Don't worry my dear; no one replaces you or your beauty." Narcissa quirked an eyebrow, but let a smug grin cross her face.

Severus listened quietly, but didn't voice his input. He had to admit that the new girl was certainly exotic looking. There was probably no female within Hogwarts that could compare with Ms. Hill. Narcissa and Bellatrix were certainly beautiful, but they did not have that extra exotic spice to their looks. The new girl seemed unique in every way. He had yet to find a girl as beautiful as she was, but the fact that she was related to that bloody Gryffindor ruined it. Remus was not only a Gryffindor, but a werewolf and a part of the Marauders.

Remus had shown Shadow the different classrooms and was now standing outside overlooking the lake with her. He couldn't believe that his sister was actually here at Hogwarts with him. There were so many things that he wanted to know about her and tell her, but it was too soon. It was clear that she was scared of what he might discover and it made him all the more determined to find out what happened to her and what was still happening.

"Shadow, I guess I should warn you now that Gryffindor house, mine that is, and Slytherin house, do not get along well at all. You might get some ridicule from your housemates for being my sister and for that I am sorry," Remus told her, his voice soft.

"I can tell. They were already starting their gossip when I was at the table. It doesn't matter. I am used to it and they are the least of my concern. Besides, it isn't like I am looking for their friendship," she told him promptly. Remus gave a small smile and nodded.

"Come on, we should get back inside. Slytherin Common room is in the dungeons. I cannot go down there with you, but I know someone in Slytherin that can take you. He isn't so bad, but he does have a nasty temper at times and he is quite sarcastic," Remus said dryly. Shadow nodded and walked with him back into the warmth of the school and down the corridors where students were already headed out of the Great Hall to their dorms.

Remus looked around and then spotted the black-haired boy that he mentioned earlier. He had to admit that even though Severus was disliked by a lot of people, especially Sirius Black, he didn't mind him all that much. In fact, Severus was the ONLY Slytherin he felt he could trust with his sister.

"Hey, Severus!" Remus called. Shadow looked in the direction of the Slytherin that was sitting across from her at the dinner table and glaring at her. He had looked up in their direction and instantly held his wand ready as if they were going to hex him.

"Oh, great… Why did it have to be him?" she murmured quietly to herself, but Lupin's condition gave him excellent hearing and he heard her clearly. He spared a glance at her, but didn't comment.

"Remus…he doesn't seem very nice…," she whispered as Severus walked cautiously over to them.

"No, he isn't, but he is the only Slytherin I would trust," Remus stated, just as Severus came up to the two of them. Shadow noticed his menacing glare and the tight grip he still had on his wand, which caused her to step behind Remus slightly.

"Severus," Remus greeted politely.

"Lupin." Severus replied curtly.

"I want to ask a favor of you," Remus said calmly.

"Excuse me? Why the hell would I want to do you any favors?" Severus sneered.

"Because I am asking politely and I am not asking much. Please, Severus. It's really quite simple." The raven- haired Slytherin seemed to think about it for a moment then finally gave a sigh of acceptance.

"Alright, what is it?" he asked, his grip loosening on his wand just slightly.

"I wanted to ask if you would take Shadow to the Slytherin common room and show her to her classes tomorrow. I don't have class with her until Potions, but her schedule looked close to yours," Remus said, taking the parchment from Shadow and handing it to him. Severus looked it over and quirked an eyebrow.

"All her classes are the same as mine," he noted. Remus smiled.

"You will show her then?"

"Why me?" Severus asked with a glare, handing back the schedule.

"Because I can trust you," Remus said simply with a shrug. Severus seemed a little taken back by the statement, but quickly recovered and gave a slow nod.

"Fine. Let's go then, Ms. Hill," Severus stated and noticed Shadow cringe at the name. She stepped forward and came to Severus' side with a look of apprehension and fear.

"Alright baby girl, I'll see you tomorrow," Remus said softly and hugged her. She nodded and followed the Slytherin toward the dungeons.

"Enjoy your tour of the school with Lupin, Ms. Hill?" he sneered, not wanting to come off as a nice person. She glanced at him before looking back down at the floor.

"I guess so. It won't matter," she said softly.

"Why?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"I'm sure I will not be staying long if my step-father…never mind…" she drifted off and Severus wondered what she was going to say.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing…I shouldn't be talking about it. I'll get into trouble and please…call me Shadow. I don't like being called Ms. Hill. I am not my mother," she replied, but her tone was gentle and kind. Severus sighed and nodded.

"Alright…I normally don't address people by first name. It's too personal."

"Please?" Shadow asked softly.

"Fine. I will, but it doesn't mean that I like you or anything," he stated.

"Believe me, I am not expecting anyone to," she said dejectedly and Severus couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He noticed the sullen expression in her eyes and wondered what it could be that was bothering her.

When they came to the portrait hole, he told her the password and entered. Shadow followed him inside the unfamiliar surroundings and eyed the other students who were looking at her crossly. She could tell that she was going to have problems with them and felt a sigh of exhaustion leave her. She was so tired of dealing with criticism from people she didn't know.

"So, Remus Lupin is your brother? Why the hell weren't you sorted into Gryffindor?" Bellatrix Black asked coldly.

"Perhaps because the Sorting Hat saw fit to put me in this house rather than Gryffindor for whatever reason that, at the moment, I cannot understand, since I do not foresee this house being better than the other," Shadow replied with surprising coldness. Normally, she would be quite passive, but she thought it was unfair for these people to judge her because she was the sister of a Gryffindor. Severus' mouth had dropped and he stared at her in silence, unsure of what to say, but certain of the insult she had just given Slytherin house.

"Stupify!" Bella shouted and a red light shot in Shadow's direction, but it never hit her. The new girl had literally reached out her hand and caught the ball of red light within her fingers. Everyone froze not believing their eyes. They watched as the light swirled around her fingertips like a slithering snake.

"Do you want this back?" Shadow asked coldly, her becoming darker than their natural color. Severus couldn't stop himself from stepping away from her. Bella stared at her for a moment before shaking her head, her face pale with fear and disbelief. Shadow narrowed her eyes and looked at her for a moment before closing her fist and with a pop made the spell disappear from her palm.

"I saw your teeth earlier! Are you some sort of vampire?" Evan Rosier asked, a bit shakily.

"No, I assure you, my kind is considered worse," was the calm reply before she stalked across the common room and to the girl's dorm.

Severus stared after her and then looked at Lucius after she had gone upstairs. He could see the fear on most of their faces, but Lucius, as usual, was calm and collected, seemingly thinking about what had just occurred. He turned his pale gray eyes to Severus and studied him for a moment.

"Did she tell you anything about herself?" he asked casually. Severus shook his head and looked back in that direction.

"No, not really… She mentioned that she might not stay long because of her step-father, but other than that I didn't ask her anything personal. Besides Lucius, you know I don't like to get involved in peoples' personal matters. Not to mention that Lupin is her brother," he said with distaste and set his bag on one of the soft chairs. Lucius just looked toward the girl's dorm thoughtfully. He had heard of wizards and witches that could actually catch hexes and curses in their hands and hold it without it affecting them, but had never met one. Lucius looked down at Severus, who had pulled out his books and was now writing his potions essay, and smirked.

"There is a beautiful woman up there and you don't care do you?" he asked. Severus looked up at him with a quirked eyebrow.

"Why should I? Why should you for that matter? She is related to LUPIN. That alone is enough to discourage me."

"Are you sure that is the reason?" Lucius sneered.

"What do you mean? Of course I'm sure," Severus snapped, becoming irritated quickly.

"Perhaps you should get a little closer to her. After all it might prove to be a nice opportunity to loose your virginity," Lucius said casually, causing Severus' face to turn a deep shade of red. Rodolphus and Evan snickered behind him, earning them both a deadly glare from Severus.

"I DON'T have an interest in her!" he said venomously and returned to writing his essay. Lucius smirked down at him, knowing the thought was still running through Severus' head.

Bellatrix and the other girls had gone to the girls' dorm and found Shadow sitting on her bed reading her Potions book. The frail girl didn't bother looking up at any of them. Narcissa turned up her lip at the girl and went to her bed where she sat down with Bellatrix and engaged in a long obnoxious conversation. Shadow was silently becoming agitated. She finally looked up from her book and saw that everyone was gathered around the pretty blond, not paying attention to what Shadow was doing. Quietly, she slipped out of the room without being noticed by anyone.

Shadow walked down to the common room and was surprised to find only Severus there reading a book. Taking a deep breath she silently walked over to one of the chairs and saw him tense. Once she sat down, she met his dark gaze across the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked coldly.

"What do you mean? I am reading. Is that not permitted?" she asked in annoyance, wondering why he had to be so rude to someone he didn't even know.

"No, but why are you here? Wouldn't the girls' dorm be more suitable for you?" he sneered.

"No, because they are loud and obnoxious, so I left. If you don't want me here, I'll go to the library," she stated softly, suddenly hoping that he would let her stay there with him. She wasn't going to try and get to know him, but she wanted to understand this feeling that was flowing through her.

"Oh right. Go to the library at this hour and have Filch catch you. You'll get points taken away from our house," he said sarcastically.

"Ok, then I will stay here and out of trouble," she stated softly, but firmly. Severus glared at her for a moment and then went back to his book with saying a word. As Severus sat there reading, he couldn't help but think of what Lucius said.

He was well aware that he was the only sixth-year virgin left within Slytherin house, and it angered him to no end to be teased about it constantly. Carefully, he glanced up at Shadow, noticing that she had changed into a pair of red silk pajama pants and matching long sleeve shirt. He could see her erect nipples beneath the fabric and instantly felt a tightening sensation in his groin. Swallowing hard and damning Lucius, he looked quickly back at his book, placing it securely in his lap so that Shadow wouldn't see what she had unknowingly done to him. There was silence between them until Severus finally dared to look at her again.

"Are you a vampire? Be honest." Shadow looked sharply at him, but her expression was more of surprise than anger.

"No, I am not. I was born with these teeth," she stated, fully aware of why he would ask her that kind of question. It was a common mistake people made with her and it was one of the reasons many people did not associate with her. Severus just nodded and went back to his book. Shadow, on the other hand, turned to stare at the crackling fire to her left. She wanted so badly to make friends, but knew that it would not be a good idea. She had to remember that she was not supposed to get close to anyone. She had already let Remus in. He was her brother, which was all the more reason to push him away. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. She loved him and she wanted him so badly in her life, especially to make up for the wrong she had done to him. It was one of the dirtiest secrets she kept and it was the one that destroyed her the most.

Shadow then thought about the boy sitting across from her and almost wished that he was kinder so she could have a good reason to like him. Sadly, it was probably better that he was cruel. Her family would never let her be happy with friends, other family members, or anyone that she might someday fall in love with, if love was even possible. She wanted desperately to be free of her family. The torment and cruelty that she had to endure at the hand of her parents had nearly driven her to insanity on several occasions. Shadow constantly wished that she could use the killing curse and be rid of them, but knew that she could never purposely do it. She didn't think she would ever have the courage to do something like that by her own will. Shadow let a tear roll down her cheek as loneliness engulfed her once more.

Severus had looked up at the girl who seemed lost in thought as she stared into the fire, but when he saw the tear roll down her face, he wondered if he was the one that had offended her. There was something about Shadow's expression that caused his heart to ache just a bit. Years of bad treatment and abuse had caused him to build a barrier around his heart, but for the first time in a long time, he felt that barrier shake just a tiny bit.

"Are you alright?" Shadow jumped a little and quickly wiped the tear away.

"Yes, I am fine," she said, and resumed reading her book.

"Did I offend you?" he asked, watching her every move. She shook her head and looked up at him.

"It's not you. I was just thinking about my family…and my brother…," she said softly and looked back down at the book.

"Ah yes, Lupin, you know his friends are quite the trouble makers…," Severus said. Shadow shrugged and looked back at the fire.

"It's not his friends I am concerned about…it's him…," she whispered. Severus gave her a curious look and wondered if she knew about his werewolf problem. For that matter, he wondered if perhaps her teeth were due to having the disease as well. He had noticed that Lupin bore pointed canines as well.

"Why are you worried about him?" he asked.

"I don't want my step-father to…," she stopped and shook her head. "Nothing." Shadow cursed herself at almost opening up to this boy she had known for a few hours. Why was it so easy to slip up with him?

"You don't want your father to what? Hurt him?" Severus asked, but when Shadow looked up at him, he could see the fear in her eyes and knew that he had hit the mark. "Why would he hurt him?"

"I can't tell you…," she whispered. Severus frowned and stared into her bright green eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about how utterly depressed and unhealthy she was as well as beautiful.

"Does he hurt you?" Severus asked quietly. At that Shadow turned away, but he could see her hands shaking. An uncomfortable feeling crept up his spine as he watched her reaction. There was literally a raw fear in her eyes. He whispered Legilimens, but she blocked him entry into her mind.

"That doesn't work on me," she said without looking at him. Severus' frown deepened and he watched her as she flipped through the pages of the Potions book, no longer really read it and he could tell.

"Where are you from?" he asked, changing the subject. She then looked up at him and seemed to be debating whether or not to answer any more of his questions. Shadow held a look of suspicion that he was quite familiar with since it was usually his first reaction.

"I lived just outside Madrid, Spain," she finally replied.

"You have a pretty heavy accent…do you speak Spanish more than English?" he asked casually..

"Spanish was my first language, so yes. I learned to speak most English about three years ago, but sometimes it is hard to pronounce certain words correctly," she said and Severus understood what she meant just by listening to her. He was trying to tell himself not to talk to her, but for some reason his questions came out before he could stop himself. Lucius was normally the only one he talked to and it wasn't that often. In his analysis of her looked he begun taking in how thin she actually was now that she was not wearing the school robes. Her silk pajamas revealed her bony hips and sickly features even more. He was still aroused by the mere sight of her, but she could definitely improve her health.

"Why didn't you eat earlier? The food here is actually quite good," he said, seeing if he could gradually get more information out of her. Shadows' eyes darted around for a moment and he smirked. "Trying to think of a convincing lie? Are you trying to avoid the truth as to why you are as thin as you are?" His voice reverted back to the cold and indifferent tone he normally used. She stared into his obsidian eyes and actually felt her breath hitch for a moment. Something about the dark depths was pulling her in.

"I…I am not allowed…to eat certain foods. My step-father wishes me to be…this thin…," she said softly, but he could hear the shame and self-loathing in her voice.

"Why? I thought Spanish girls were known for their curves?" he asked, mentally slapping himself for not holding his tongue. He noticed the uneasy face she made and how she fiddled with her fingers.

"I…I cannot tell…you why…this is just the way he likes to keep me," she said quietly. Severus snorted.

"You make it sound like you're his fuck toy or something," he stated, but the look of horror on her face made him frown. He felt the blood leave his face and was about to question her further until she quickly stood up and grabbed her book.

"I'm going to bed now, goodnight, Severus," she said and raced up the stairs. The look on her face had his mind reeling as he sat there still staring at the stairs she had run up. Why the look of complete horror? It was as if he was a hair to close to finding out some secret she kept from the world. Was it because it was such an offensive thing to say or because it was true? Severus closed his book and stood up.

"I shouldn't care! Damn it! What the hell is wrong with me? I don't want anything to do with her," he hissed to himself as he went to the boys' dorm to go to bed.


	3. Birthday Surprises

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 2**

_Birthday Surprises_

To avoid confrontation the next morning, Shadow quickly showered, dressed, and left the girls' dorm before her roommates could awake. She passed through the Slytherin common room on her way to the Great Hall. Lucius and Severus were talking to each other, but paused to look at her. She blushed when she saw them and quickly stepped through the portrait hole.

"No morning greeting? How rude," Lucius stated in mocking hurt.

"I don't believe that you had the intention to greet her anyway, so what does it matter?" Severus drawled.

"It doesn't matter. She's your girl," Lucius stated, then smirked in satisfaction as Severus turned red.

"Let's go!" Severus growled. They both headed out of the portrait hole and toward the Great Hall.

"What's the matter Severus? Don't like her?" Lucius teased.

"No. I don't. She is a strange girl who is disgustingly thin. There is also the simple fact that she is related to Lupin! How many times do I have to tell you that?" he snapped.

"Now, Severus, I was merely asking. You are quite right however, she is extremely thin. Unhealthy looking actually," Lucius replied, thinking about the jutting hip bones and fragile wrists.

"Yes and I don't care. She isn't my concern," Severus spat.

Shadow had managed to find her way to the Great Hall and was grateful that she was the only student out at the early hour. Her thankfulness lasted until she turned the corner and was greeted by familiar face. The color left her face as she stared into the cold, callous eyes of the man she wished she didn't have to see for the rest of her life.

"My dear, Shadow. I have missed you," her step-father, Keadan, said evilly.

"Please father, leave me be…," she pleaded softly, but gasped when she felt his fingers wrap around her throat. His grip tightened as he stared at her unblinkingly.

"Leave you be?! How dare you talk to your father that way!" he spat, inches from her face.

Severus and Lucius had both rounded the corner, but stopped suddenly at the scene before them. Shock, anger, and deep concern filled them as they looked at the scene before them. Each instinctively gripped their wand, but waited to learn the identity of her attacker. They could see the terror in her eyes as she stared up at the man pinning her to the wall. It was obvious she could barely breathe and they were afraid that if they moved in, the man might actually hurt her severely if not kill her. Severus so badly wanted to curse the man, but Lucius motioned for him not to make a move and because of the older boy's experience, he listened, but didn't tear his off of Shadow and the unknown attacker.

"I know of your brother Shadow! If I had known that filthy half-blood attended this school, I would never have placed you here. Let me warn you right now…if you tell that boy anything I will not only punish you severely, but I will kill him," he hissed and the two Slytherins were both surprised and furious by the statement that held such malice and truth to it.

"I won't…say anything…" she gasped.

"Keep your brother out of our family affairs. The same goes for anyone else. If I see you with a boy from here you know what I'll do. I don't want anyone taking what's mine."

Severus' expression darkened and he felt his blood boil as he watched the man and remembered the look on Shadow's face when he had questioned her about her step-father. He knew he shouldn't care, but he did. His own father was a bastard and he knew full well what it felt like to be abused.

"Father please…I won't say anything…I won't tell anyone," she pleaded, tears filling her eyes as she gasped for air.

"Make sure of that! And take care of yourself, you're starting to gain weight! I told you to keep a strict diet. I won't have my daughter getting fat!" he snapped angrily.

"I haven't gained weight! I swear I haven't eaten in the past week!" she pleaded desperately. Lucius and Severus felt their jaws drop as they listened. The girl was no where near where her weight needed to be and she hadn't eaten in a week.

"Don't argue with me! Just do as I say!" he nearly yelled and suddenly slapped her across the face, sending her to the ground. Severus strode out with his wand drawn, but Lucius stopped him.

"You don't know what he'll do to her," Lucius told him softly, genuinely concerned for once. Severus cursed himself for showing emotion, but looked at the frail girl as she wiped the blood away from her lips. With one last menacing flare, the man walked down the hall without so much as a look back, leaving Shadow frightened and coughing on the floor. The two boys walked over to her, but she backed away when she saw them, clearly terrified.

"We're not going to hurt you Shadow," Severus told her and slowly reached out his hand to her. She was trembling all over and looked as though she would refuse his help, but after a moment she hesitantly reached out and grabbed his hand. He noticed that her grip was weak and he felt as though he could break her fingers. Her knees shook as she struggled to get to her feet and Severus quickly put his other arm around her waist to lift her up. She looked up at him in surprise and was even more shocked to find his face a mere inch from hers, their noses so closed they practically touched. She stared into his dark eyes and felt her stomach knot, but Severus didn't hold her much longer. He was quick to let go and back away. He quickly put his cold expression back on his face and sneered.

"Now that you are standing again, you should be fine to tend to yourself," he said coldly. Shadow looked hurt and glanced at the book bag that Lucius was holding out to her. She silently took it and looked toward the ground as she headed into the Great Hall before she collapsed. She knew the two boys were close behind her, but quickly took her seat at the end of the table and immediately put her head down, shielding her face from the tears that spilled uncontrollably down her face.

Severus watched her and felt guilty for having been cold to her, but she had been much to close for his comfort. She hadn't even been there a day and he was having unusual feelings about her. He hated it and he certainly didn't want it. He glanced at Lucius to see the blond haired boy giving him a dirty look.

"What?" he hissed.

"You know, I may be a right git, but the girl nearly got strangled by her step-father and you're cruel to her," Lucius sneered.

"She was a little to close to me. I'm not comfortable with people being that close! You know that!" he said in a harsh whisper so Shadow would not hear him.

"That's why you can't get laid, Severus. If you ever got a girlfriend, she'd probably leave because of the lack in physical contact," Lucius drawled, his eyes cold.

"Shut up," Severus huffed and looked away from him.

The two boys sat a few feet away from her and glanced at her every few seconds wondering if she was alright. Severus turned toward the entrance when he heard the familiar and unwanted voices of Black and Potter. Remus had immediately spotted Shadow and frowned, sensing something was not right with her. He whispered something to his friends and made his way to the Slytherin table.

"Shadow?" His voice was gently, but she tucked her head even tighter within her arms, not daring to look up or make a sound. Remus straddled the bench and scooted up so that his legs were on either side of her as he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned close to her ear. "Baby girl, it's ok. Tell me what's wrong," he said softly. Shadow shook her head and Remus rested his head on her shoulder so that his face was right by her ear.

"I can't…"

"Was it something the students did?" Remus asked, but Severus and Lucius knew he was referring to the Slytherins. Both boys narrowed their eyes and glared at the Gryffindor who had his back toward them.

"No…," Shadow whispered. Remus was silent for a moment, but his face darkened suddenly.

"Was it your step-father?" he asked, his voice tight and low. Shadow seemed frozen for a moment, but reluctantly nodded, not wanting to completely lie to her brother.

"What did he do?" Remus asked, feeling the anger building.

"He threatened me…he threatened me about you. I am not allowed to tell you anything that goes on in our family or he'll…he'll hurt you…or worse...," she choked softly. Remus' jaw tensed and he balled his fist, turning the knuckles white.

"Did he hurt you?" Remus questioned, somehow knowing the answer.

"Not really…," Shadow whispered. Remus gently pulled her arm away from her face and lifted her chin to meet his gaze. His jaw clenched when he saw the blood on the corner of her mouth and the faint bruise forming there as well as the fingerprints on her delicate throat. His blood boiled and Remus so badly wanted to catch Keadan while in werewolf form and tear him apart.

"He hit you!" Remus hissed angrily. Shadow looked down at the table ashamed, but Remus gently turned her face toward his. He wiped her tears away and Severus felt a stab of jealously in the pit of his stomach. He watched as Remus kissed her cheek and hugged her.

Severus hadn't even realized he had tried to stab his breakfast sausage with more force than needed and it had flown off his plate and landed in Lucius' lap. The blond boy raised a brow and saw the raven-haired boy giving Remus a death glare. Pursing his lips, he picked up the sausage as if it was diseased and flung it back onto Severus's plate, but the boy was unfazed. He watched as Remus raised his wand to point at Shadow's face and said a quick incantation and healed the injury.

"Shadow, you have to tell someone. You have to talk to Dumbledore or the Ministry," Remus told her, looking at her face.

"I can't. There's a good reason I can't."

"Your life is not worth that reason," Remus pressed.

"My life _is _that reason! I'll lose anyway. Keadan will kill me if I talk. Remus, you must understand that I have resigned myself to my fate. All of this fighting you wish me to do is pointless. You'll lose your life for someone who will be gone," Shadow told him sadly.

"What? What do you mean?" Remus asked, his heart skipping in fear.

"My seventeenth birthday is when I am supposed to die."

Time seemed to freeze with those words, and Remus didn't really know what to say. The two Slytherins looked at each other in disbelief, wondering what she could have possibly meant by that. Did she mean it literally? The calm way she spoke almost contradicted what she had just said. Severus and Lucius were both surprised by the statement and listened quietly to see if she would reveal the answer.

"Die? Shadow, what are you talking about? Don't forget that we are from the same blood-line and although you are more pure than I, I am still a part of the same line and I know the coming of age for our kind does end in death," he said in concern.

"It does when Keadan and the Ministry want a credible witness to their crimes out of the way. I have seen things I should never have seen. I have done things I will regret for the rest of my life even though I was left without choice in the matter. The Ministry will jump at the chance to send me to Azkaban if I let slip what I know. I told you not to get close to me," she said, her voice finally cracking as she looked into the eyes of her true father, on the face of her loving brother.

"Shadow…what have you done that the Ministry will actually send you to Azkaban for?" he asked in disbelief.

"It's not so much what I have done. It is more of what I have seen. Don't ever believe that no corruption occurs within the walls of the Ministry. There is so much you do not know," she said softly.

"Shadow, you're scaring me," he whispered. Shadow looked down at the table again and closed her eyes.

"Believe me, I scare myself. Don't hate me for this please…I don't want to lose you too," she said quietly. Remus' face softened and he leaned close to her.

"I love you, sis. Nothing you have done will change that," he replied. Shadow nodded, but her head remained down and Remus decided to change the subject. "Shadow, I know that Saturday is your birthday and I would like to take you to Hogsmeade with the guys so we can celebrate." Shadow looked at him in confusion.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you're my sister and it's your birthday," he replied lightly.

"But…what is there to celebrate? That is just another day," she said, not understanding exactly why it would matter. Remus frowned again.

"You have never celebrated your birthday?" he asked incredulously. She shook her head in reply. "You are supposed to go with friends and family. You eat cake, open presents, and have a good time…"

"I've heard of people doing that on their birthdays but I have never partaken in it. I'm not allowed any of those things. I cannot eat cake. Keadan says I am gaining weight. I am also not allowed to receive gifts because he says I am not worthy of anything, and he does not allow me to have a good time because I am not allowed to get spoiled," she said in a tone that would imply this was a completely normal conversation which left her brother horrified. Remus' mouth fell and he stared at his sister. Severus and Lucius looked at each other for a moment, but looked back at their plates and pretended not to be paying attention.

"Shadow, you have never celebrated your birthday…well, have you ever celebrated _any_ holiday?" he asked.

"No. Christmas is not a privilege that was ever given to me or Jan….," she immediately went silent and looked away.

"Who? Jan? Who is that?"

"No one." Her response was immediate and it was obvious that she had let that little piece of information slip without meaning to.

"Shadow! Tell me who that is!" Remus demanded softly, but his voice was serious. Shadow looked almost frightened as she looked wide-eyed at her brother.

"I didn't mean to say that…"

"That doesn't matter now. Who is it?" Remus replied.

"Janet. She was my sister. She belonged to my mother and Keadan," she whispered. Remus frowned again and was becoming unsettled with the things he was learning.

"Where is Janet?" he asked. Shadows' eyes glazed over and she looked at his face.

"I don't know. I heard that she had told a friend too much about our life and then…she just disappeared. Her friend did too. I haven't seen her since…that was three years ago," Shadow said softly. Remus didn't know what to say for a moment and just looked at his sister. He was learning a lot of unsettling things all at once and he wasn't sure how to take them.

"Shadow…"

"Remus, please. I don't want to talk about Janet. It was an accident that I said anything at all. I am honestly not sure what happened to her and truthfully, I am not sure I want to know. I don't like lying to you so I ask that please do not question what happens to me. My path for life is chosen," she cut in softly. Remus sighed and nodded, although he didn't agree with her. Remus knew that he couldn't keep pushing it with her. He barely knew her still.

"Alright, but one day I am going to get impatient and want some answers," he said firmly. Shadow merely looked at him, but made no move to respond. Remus wanted to ask her again why she would be sent to Azkaban. He didn't understand why she had resigned to die on her seventeenth birthday. It was like she had completely given up. Remus felt himself getting anxious for answers and wondered if maybe he should research them on his own. In the end he decided to do as she asked, and let everything slide…for now.

"Well…let's just drop that subject _for _now and talk about what we are doing for your birthday. I will take you to Hogsmeade and you will have a party and you will EAT cake." He stressed the word 'eat' to make his point. Shadows' lips tightened and she gave Remus a wary look. Remus smirked at her.

"I could get into trouble," she argued.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him, not to mention that you gaining weight is a figment of his imagination, but I can honestly say right now that you need to gain a good eighty pounds," Remus said.

"Shut up," she said softly, shaking her head at her brother's determination.

"How are you adjusting here?" he asked.

"I'm not."

Remus frowned. "You don't like it here?"

"I didn't say that. It's just not easy for me," she said softly. Remus nodded.

"It'll get better," he told her reassuringly. However, after everything he just discovered, he wasn't so sure himself.

"Well, I better go eat before class. I'll see you later on, ok? Eat something will you?" Remus said kindly. Shadow gave him a small smile and let her brother kiss her forehead before heading back to the Gryffindor table. Severus and Lucius looked at her, but she didn't return their gaze nor did she touch her food. Severus could see the slight tremble in her hands and he knew that it was more from malnutrition than nerves.

Lucius had to admit that he was amused at Severus' behavior. The boy claimed to not want anything to do with Shadow, but his reactions told otherwise. He knew that Severus would not admit it, nor would he deliberately show his feelings if he was indeed feeling anything for the girl. He let out a quiet sigh, knowing that Severus would not take a chance with a female. Not only was the boy afraid, even if he'd never admit it, but he had been so badly treated throughout his youth that his emotional barrier was constantly in place. Lucius didn't mind being cold and cruel, but he somehow believed that it was different for Severus. Lucius was this way because he wanted to be. He believed Severus was this way because he was afraid. The blond Slytherin let his gaze slide over Shadow again. She was another person he was concerned about. He sensed that she would be perfect for his emotionally challenged friend, but the girl obviously had a whole whirlwind of problems of her own. She was unhealthy as well and certainly too thin, but still pleasing to the eye. In his opinion, she would match Severus pretty well.

Shadow looked at the time and sighed, grabbing her things and leaving the Great Hall. She didn't really know where she was going, but after the conversation last night with Severus and the uncomfortable closeness this morning, she was afraid to ask him for his help. She wandered the halls and looked around for any sign of her charms class, but she had the feeling that she was in the wrong area. She sighed heavily and dug in her bag for her map, but she couldn't find it.

"Just my luck! Why does everything go wrong for me?" she growled.

"Because you don't have the patience to wait," a silky voice answered, and she whirled around to see Severus walking up her. Shadow felt her face grow hot and her cheeks turned a light red, causing Severus to smirk. The smirk on his face was a stark contradiction to the cold and empty look in his eyes.

"Alright…well…then where is the classroom?" she asked uncomfortably.

"It's on the third floor on the other side of the castle," Severus sneered. Shadow merely nodded and started to walk in the direction he was going.

"Hey, Snivellus!"

Severus and Shadow turned to see Sirius Black and his friends walking toward them, but before Severus could react Sirius sent a curse at him that sent Snape flying into the wall. Shadow screamed and fell backwards in fright.

"Don't worry honey, I am not going for you," Sirius told her and sent another hex at Severus who went flying into another wall. Shadow watched in horror as her fellow Slytherin crashed into the stone wall and then slid to the floor. Blood trickled out his nose and down his chin. Shadow crawled back against the wall and turned to see Remus running up to Sirius and grabbing his wand.

"Sirius, please! Stop!"

"You actually trust him with your sister?" he asked.

"Yes! Please stop. You're hurting him and you're scaring her!" Remus told him. James and Peter looked down at the girl cowering on the floor and instantly felt bad. Sirius looked down at her as well, forgetting about Severus; who angrily wiped the blood from his chin and watched the scene.

He glared coldly at them and let his eyes move to Shadow who was looking up at Sirius in terror. Remus turned to Severus and tried to help him up, but Severus angrily pushed his hand away and got to his feet. Frowning, he left Severus alone and went over to Shadow; lifting her up with ease…too much ease he noticed.

"Shadow, it's ok. Sirius won't hurt you," he told her, but Shadow moved behind Remus. Sirius instantly looked hurt and felt guilty about attacking Severus in front of her.

"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean…" Sirius didn't get to finish his sentence, because he was hit with a hex and sent flying into the wall opposite of Severus. Everyone turned to the Slytherin in surprise and noticed the raw look of rage in his eyes. Remus hadn't seen it before, even when Severus had pushed his hand away. James pulled his wand and Shadow gasped, but Remus was quick to get in front of James.

"Please, don't. Call it even. I don't want Shadow to be involved in your fights with Severus," Remus told him. James took a moment, but finally nodded and lowered his wand, glaring angrily at Severus. Sirius had gotten up and walked back over to them. He was ready to attack Severus, but Remus sent him a glare that stopped him in his place.

"Severus, I'm sorry. Please, will you take Shadow to class with you?" Remus asked, looking at Severus' cold expression. It was clear by the look in Shadow's eyes that Sirius had scared her with his act and Severus scared her with his glare.

"Remus…" Sirius started, but James stopped him from continuing. He knew that his friend wanted to escort Shadow himself, but after her reaction to him, it was best left to someone she had had more time with.

"Please," Remus said softly. Severus narrowed his eyes, but reluctantly picked up his bag and grabbed Shadows' arm, proceeding to drag her away, but Sirius quickly reached out and grabbed Severus's throat; pinning him to the wall.

"Be a little more careful with the lady, Snivellus! You'd better not hurt her!" he hissed dangerously, letting go of the boy who was now coughing. Shadow was a little surprised by the statement the boy made, but was still afraid. It was obvious that the two boys hated each other, but she didn't agree with the way Sirius was treating Severus. The Slytherin was at least doing what Remus asked of him and getting abused in the processed.

Shadow hadn't even met Remus' friends formally yet and this boy was trying to stick up for her. She just wished it hadn't been in such a violent manner. Snape looked up at him with a look of pure hatred before leading Shadow off again. Once they rounded the corner, he snatched his hand away as if touching her was the most disgusting thing he had ever done.

"Who was that boy?" she asked softly. He sent her a deadly glare that caused her to step away from him.

"Lupin didn't tell you?" he sneered.

"We haven't talked about his friends," Shadow admitted.

"His name is Sirius Black! He's a stupid prat that takes enjoyment in picking on me every fucking day!" Severus spat, surprising Shadow with his foul language.

"Why does he pick on you?"

"How the fuck should I know? Black and Potter have never liked me since the first day I got on the fucking train! They have done shit like this ever since," he seethed.

"Why does he call you Snivellus? What does that mean?" Shadow asked in her innocence, but Severus quickly pinned her to the wall and brought his face so close to hers that their noses touched. She looked fearfully into his blazing eyes, not being able to let this morning's incident out of mind, not to mention the similarity of the situation between what Severus was doing now and what her step-father had done earlier. Fear gripped her and she felt the color leave her face.

"Don't you ever call me that!" he hissed icily.

"Please, Severus…I was not calling you this name. I was asking why that boy did," she pleaded softly, her breath touching his lips. Severus felt his stomach flutter and suddenly realized how close he was to her face. He hated being close to people, but this was different. He tried to reason with himself, but he couldn't. This was her second day at the school and he found himself wondering what it would be like to kiss her right then and there. Severus moved a fraction closer to her and she felt her face pale.

"Severus, what are you doing?" she gasped. He didn't answer as his lips brushed hers in the barest of kisses, sending electricity through his entire body. She felt the sudden jolt of pleasure as well, but it was unfamiliar, thus making her uncomfortable no matter how good it felt. Before he was able to press his mouth solidly to hers, she turned away. Severus jerked back at the insult and glared at her, shaking with rage and embarrassment.

"What's the matter? Don't want the greasy git, Snivellus, to touch you?" he asked in a vicious whisper. Shadow looked back at him and shook her head.

"It's not that….I can't…I can't get close to anyone…not like that….it scares me…" she struggled to tell him, but he held his cold gaze.

"Why?" he hissed angrily. Shadow looked down at the stone floor and shook her head, before looking back up at him.

"I…I can't tell you…," she replied. Severus narrowed his eyes and regarded her coldly.

"Of course not. I must have forgotten. You can't say a bloody word about anything!" he replied with disgust and saw her face fall and her eyes fill with hurt.

"Severus I'm sorry…it's not you…," she whispered pleadingly.

"Sure. Of course it isn't," he sneered and headed back down the hall. Severus wanted nothing more than to run away from her and hide himself from the world at that moment. He was so embarrassed by his emotional display that he was on the verge of tears. He turned to see her looking down at the ground as they walked and the hint of tears was obvious. Scowling at her, he went into the classroom, which of course was empty as the rest of the students were just now leaving the Great Hall for classes. Severus pointed to a seat next to his and she sat down quickly. He could see the tears running down her cheeks now and felt the familiar twinge of guilt but pushed it aside.

"Don't cry! It isn't a big deal," he sneered.

"Maybe not to you," she replied shakily.

"You have no idea how I feel! You know, not being my friend is actually going to benefit you in the long run so consider this a favor!" he snapped and looked away from her.

Shadow didn't know what she should feel at that moment. She had never felt this way before, but no one had ever tried to kiss her either. She had only been there for a day and everything was going wrong! Shadow pulled out her charms book and slammed it down on the desk, startling Severus out of his thoughts. He eyed her warily, but she was staring straight ahead at the empty teachers' desk. Shadow was tired of everyone running her over and hating her for no reason. All that she wanted was to be cared about and loved. Maybe she should have let Severus kiss her, but it wasn't truly him that she was afraid of. She was afraid that her father would find out and hurt him. She didn't want that. She had to distance herself no matter how much it hurt her.


	4. Halloween

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 3**

_Halloween_

Saturday had come and Severus avoided Shadow completely. This bothered her more than she wanted to acknowledge. She had to admit that she actually liked Severus' company and yet she couldn't explain why. Shadow glanced up to see the raven-haired boy as he strode past her, glancing at her for a moment with a cold expression and continuing out onto the grounds. She watched him and felt her heart ache with despair at not being able to be friends with him. Shadow felt so empty inside and wished that her life had gone a different route. If she had no fears and none of the problems that she had, maybe she'd be happier with her brother and maybe with Severus. He had tried to kiss her after all and they had barely met.

Shadow heaved a heavy sigh and looked around for Remus. She soon spotted him standing with his friends. She was nervous about being near his friend Sirius Black, but she knew that her brother would protect her should anything go wrong so she cautiously made her way over to them.

"Hey, baby girl!" Remus said cheerfully. He came over and embraced her, before leading her toward his friends.

"Alright, you guys have not formally met. So, Shadow, this is James Potter, this is his girlfriend Lily Evans, Peter Pettigrew, and I am sure you remember Sirius Black." Remus said looking at Sirius with a warning expression for him to behave.

"Hi Shadow!" Lily exclaimed excitedly.

"Hey, were sorry about the other day…we didn't mean to scare you. We just don't get along with Snape," James stated. Sirius nodded and came up along side Shadow.

"Yeah, sorry about scaring you. I never meant to do that to you. Please forgive me, milady?" Sirius asked, batting his puppy brown eyes. Shadow couldn't help but smile at the humor of it and nodded.

"Ok…," she said softly and looked at Remus.

"Come on Shadow. Let's get to Hogsmeade," he added and offered his arm, which she gratefully took. They walked together to Hogsmeade, talking about school and Quidditch.

Shadow looked at the different stores in Hogsmeade and watched some of the other students having a good time in a store called Zonko's. However, never having been in a situation that permitted her to enjoy such things, she merely turned her head the other way and continued on toward a place called the Three Broomsticks with Remus' arm link with hers as they walked. When they entered the little building, Remus directed them to a table in the corner that was nicely decorated with silver ribbons and balloons. It was the first time Shadow had ever seen a nice little set up done for her and she gave a small smile at the kind gesture. Remus pulled out a chair for her and she sat down, slightly relieved when he sat next to her, but her defenses automatically went up when Sirius sat on the other side of her. James ordered a round of butterbeer and when they arrived, he passed them around. Shadow eyed hers wearily.

"What's the matter?" Remus asked.

"Um…I don't know what it is," Shadow said softly.

"It's butterbeer, it's really good. Just give it a try," Remus told her softly. Shadow hesitantly reached out and picked up the bottle carefully, and then sipped it slowly. She was taken aback by the sweet taste and found that it was actually quite good. However, she knew that she'd have to drink it slow because the beverage was far sweeter than what she was used to. She certainly didn't want to make herself sick.

"See, it's good," Remus told her kindly. Shadow gave another small smile and nodded, setting the bottle back down. James had gone back up to the counter and brought back a plate full of sandwiches for everyone. Shadow eyed the food warily, knowing that Remus was going to insist that she eat something and it would be rude if she didn't.

"So Shadow, Remus told us you like to draw," Lily stated. Shadow nodded.

"Yeah a little."

"What kinds of things do you draw?" she asked eagerly.

"Well…I like to do portraits more than anything. It's actually how I make money to get my school supplies."

"Really?! Wait…you have to pay for your own supplies? I thought your parents had money," Lily said softly.

"They do…I…I'm just not…allowed any of it…," she replied almost in a whisper. Remus narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

"Oh…I'm sorry…," Lily said shamefully. She hadn't meant to get so personal with Shadow.

"It's alright. My parents don't know about me making money on my own and I don't want them to know. I keep my money in a secret account at Gringotts," Shadow replied and sipped her butterbeer.

"Wouldn't your parents be able to get into it should they find out?" Remus asked. Shadow shook her head.

"Unless they know the name it's under, they can't. Even so, you need more than just the key to get into it. It's also coded with my magical signature."

"Really? Nice. I'm glad they don't know," Remus said approvingly. Shadow nodded and then looked seriously at him.

"I'll want to talk to you about that later as a matter of fact," Shadow whispered, getting a surprised look from her brother. Remus nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Alright. Well, let's eat and then we get to the cake," he said cheerfully. Shadow picked up a sandwich and bit into it timidly. She wasn't used to eating such rich food and the assault on her taste buds was strong, but not unpleasant.

Severus sat in the dark corner with Lucius, Rodolphus, Narcissa, and Bellatrix, but was watching Shadow with cold black eyes. He watched Sirius scoot closer to her and try to lean his face close to her shoulder. Lucius noticed Severus's glare and turned to see what had Severus so angry. What he saw made him curl his lip in a snarl.

"Ah, Black and his disgusting attempts to display his lust for Lupin's sister," Lucius stated snidely. The rest of the Slytherins turned to look at the table of Gryffindors and the one Slytherin.

"My cousin is such an idiot," Bella stated with disdain. Narcissa laughed softly.

"Isn't he though. He thinks he can have whatever girl comes along," Narcissa agreed. Lucius smirked and rested his hand on hers.

"As much as it pains me to say this, Black is usually successful in getting the females he wants. Which just goes to show how utterly stupid some of these students are," Lucius stated. Rodolphus laughed and sipped his drink. Severus, however, was still staring icily at the group feeling his anger building.

"Hey Severus, don't worry about it," Bella told him. It was then that he turned his bitter black eyes to glare at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't think we don't see the way you look at her," Bella stated bluntly. The rest of the Slytherins looked at him and saw the red tinge of color in his pale cheeks.

"I don't like Black sniffing around a Slytherin. That is it. I feel nothing for her," he said firmly.

"Oh please. There is no way you can deny that you don't feel _something _for her. The way you look at…" Bella was cut off by Severus waspish tone.

"Shut the hell up, Bella!" Lucius smirked but Bella narrowed her eyes and glared at Severus.

"Well if it eases your mind at all, I don't think she is interested in Black! It's you she looks at when you're not looking," Bella snapped and sat back, watching for a reaction from Severus. For a moment there was the look of surprise and satisfaction in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by the usual cold glare he wore. He turned his gaze back to the group and watched them.

Remus set the cake down on the table and smiled at his sister. The cake was decorated with a beautifully colored phoenix bird on it and Shadow couldn't help but smile at him. He bent down and whispered in her ear.

"I told you I knew," he said softly. She smiled at him, grateful that Remus was in her life. "Before we eat this cake, we are going to open presents." Remus looked at Lily who quickly pulled hers from her lap and handed it to Shadow. Shadow felt her cheeks burn and looked at Remus.

"What-"

"It's alright Shadow," he told her.

"Yeah, you're supposed to get gifts on your birthday," James told her reassuringly.

"But…you guys don't even know me…," she replied softly, feeling slightly emotional at being given gifts by people she hardly knew when her own parents made it a point to not even get her things that she actually needed.

"You're Remus's sister and I am sure we are going to get to know you pretty well. You're our friend and this is what friends do. I know you may not be used to it, but things are different now. You have friends, Shadow," Lily told her softly. Shadow could feel her eyes burning and she looked up at them, her eyes glazed over.

"You better get used to getting spoiled," James told her with a smirk. Shadow couldn't help but smile at that.

"Go on, open your present," Lily urged her. Shadow looked down at the neatly wrapped gift which was thick and somewhat heavy. She slowly picked off the wrapping to reveal a thick drawing book with red and silver material lining the cover. Shadow smiled and opened it to look at the rich parchment pages. Every other page in the book was lined for writing and such.

"Wow, this is beautiful…," she said in awe.

"I'm glad you like it. Remus told me that you just draw on loose parchment. I figure that you must sell most of your drawings, so I thought this would be a nice way of keeping all of your artwork that is personal somewhere safe. It's kind of like a diary," Lily explained. Shadow looked up into her green eyes and smiled.

"Thank you Lily. I love it," she said sincerely.

"You're very welcome."

"Here's one from me," James said and pulled his out and handed it to her. Again it was a large and heavy gift. Shadow picked at the paper and pulled out a very thick book and gasped at the title.

" Magical Creatures of Land and Water. This is an expensive book!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah I know. I had my mother pick it up though because they wouldn't let me get it. I guess it has some dangerous animals in there that contain dark magic because only adults can purchase it. Remus mentioned you liked animals and stuff so I figured having that book would be nice reading material," James said casually.

"I will definitely be reading it. Thanks James."

Peter passed a smaller gift to her that was flat and rectangular shaped and Shadow opened it to reveal a mahogany box with a latch on the front. A little confused, she opened the box to find drawing pencils, ink pens, colored pencils, a magic eraser, a bottle of magic dust, and a few more items that she wasn't quite sure of.

"Oh my…I have never had a drawing set like this. I only have two or three pencils…," she said softly.

"I thought it would go nice with your drawing book from Lily," Peter said shyly. Shadow looked at him and smiled.

"It does. Thank you, Peter," she stifled a giggle when she saw Peters' face turn bright red and he looked down shyly with a smile on his face. Remus laughed lightly and sipped his drink before looking at Sirius who pulled his gift out from under the table.

"Before you give that to my sister, please tell me that is not the gift you were planning on giving her originally," Remus said sternly. Sirius shook his head sheepishly. Shadow looked at Remus, confused.

"Why? What was it originally?" she questioned softly. Sirius turned bright red and took a huge gulp of his drink.

"Sirius wanted to get you a gift I thought was too personal. Coming from Lily I would not have minded so much."

"What was it?" her curiosity getting the best of her.

"It was a pair of red lace knickers with the matching bra," Remus said, giving Sirius a look. It was Shadows' turn to become red and she looked down at the table.

"Oh…," she said uncertainly. To her, things of such nature were supposed to be given by someone intimately close to her, not by someone she barely knew.

"Don't worry, I didn't get you that, I swear," Sirius said quickly, noticing her discomfort. Lily shook her head at the boy. "What? They looked nice."

"That's not the point. You don't know her well enough to try and get her something so personal," Lily said sternly.

"Sorry…I did get her a nice gift though," Sirius said softly. He handed it to her and watched her tear at the wrapping. She pulled it off to reveal another large and heavy book, but it was titled, _Advanced Potions for Potion Masters._ She smiled widely much to Sirius' relief.

"Wow…I don't think students are supposed to have this book," she said excitedly.

"No, their not, because there are actually quite a few dark potions in there, but Remus said it was one of your best subjects and that you liked it a lot, so I thought it would be a good book for you," Sirius said honestly, getting approving looks from his friends.

"I love it. Thank you all."

"I still haven't given you my present," Remus said kindly and pulled a long flat box from his pocket. "I thought you might like this." He handed the neatly wrapped gift to her.

Shadow opened it and felt her mouth drop and her eyes water. Inside the box was a beautiful sparkling white gold bracelet with rubies and diamonds. She looked up at Remus and knew that this was expensive and was surprised that he would buy her such a gift. Remus smiled at her, knowing what she was thinking.

"Don't worry Shadow. I am not poor. I just dress like it and in time I will tell you why. My sister however, deserves something as beautiful as she is," Remus told her and hugged her as a tear ran down her cheek. He then lifted the bracelet out and clasped it around her wrist before kissing her cheek.

"Thank you, Remus…thank you all. I've never gotten gifts before, nor do I have anything as nice as what you guys have given me. I really appreciate it," she said softly.

"Oh, you're welcome," Lily said sincerely.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. Just wait till Christmas comes," James told her.

"Christmas? You do this on Christmas too?" she asked.

"Haven't you ever celebrated Christmas?" Sirius asked her curiously.

"No. I think my parents do, but I have no part in it. I am not allowed," Shadow answered seriously.

"Well, for Christmas we do a gift exchange. You choose who you want to buy gifts for, like family and friends, and then you also get gifts in return," Lily told her. Shadow nodded her understanding. "There is also a Christmas tree and decorations and all that."

"Oh, well then…I have most certainly never celebrated it then," Shadow confirmed sadly.

"Don't worry, this year you will," Remus told her.

"Alright, cake time!" James exclaimed.

Later that night, Shadow was sitting on the small couch in the common room reading her Magical Creatures book. The other Slytherins were sitting around the common room as well, talking and doing homework.

Severus had walked in a little late and found that the only place available to sit was next to Shadow. He narrowed his eyes, obviously not happy with the arrangement and looked at Lucius who was watching him in amusement.

_So this is Lucius' doing…that son of a bitch…_

Severus walked over to the couch and sat down stiffly, but kept himself away from her. He noticed however, that she seemed thoroughly engrossed in her book and didn't bother to look up at him. He pulled out his Charms essay and started on that, but occasionally looked over at Shadow. Snape noticed she was reading the book that James bought her and wearing the bracelet that Remus gave her. He narrowed his eyes and looked back at his essay, not paying attention to the evil grin Rodolphus was giving Bellatrix.

"Hey Bella, how do you look under those clothes?" he asked coyly. Bella smirked up at him.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she asked sweetly, but before she realized what he was doing, she was sitting there in her knickers and bra.

"RODOLPHUS!" she screamed, catching everyone's attention. Bella threw the hex back at him, but the red haired boy quickly pulled Narcissa in front of him and then she was standing in her knickers as well. Crabb and Goyle burst out laughing only to infuriate the blond girl even more to the point where she finally grabbed her wand and hexed their clothes off as well. Rodolphus tried to hold in his laugh and momentarily dropped his guard only to have Bella hex his clothes off too. Unfortunately for him, he never wore anything underneath so he stood in the middle of the common room completely naked with a look of horror on his face.

Rodolphus then threw the hex to Evan who actually shrieked in a high pitch voice. Lucius, who was almost never caught off guard, dropped his book and his jaw went slack.

"What in the name of…" Before he could finish, Narcissa had rid him of his clothes and the blond Slytherin was then glaring at his girlfriend. Practically everyone was without clothes except for Shadow and Severus who were now looking terrified.

"You may as well join us, Severus," Lucius told him as the raven-haired Slytherin found himself sitting in his green boxers scowling. Lucius just shrugged.

"At least you had the decency to wear boxers, unlike this idiot," Lucius said and motioned to Rodolphus, who just shrugged not even bothering to cover himself. Shadow had never seen a man naked in the light before and she was incredibly uncomfortable. Bellatrix had noticed Shadow and smirked. She remembered how Shadow had caught the hex she had thrown on the first day she met her, and wondered if the girl could catch this one as well.

"Hey, Shadow! Divesto!" Bella yelled and threw the hex at her, but Shadow had jumped behind the couch and backed away. Bella tried again, but Shadow used her magical energy to block it.

Unfortunately, the shield she used was not able to withstand much since she was severely undernourished. Shadow knew that by using her energy she would also use up her stores of magic. Her injuries would reopen without the magic she was using to heal herself. She didn't let the shield down though as Bella kept up with the hexes. She didn't want them to see her without clothes.

"Oh, come on, Shadow! Be a little more fun!" Bella laughed and threw another hex. Lucius and Severus could see Shadow becoming paler with each hex and they looked at each other in concern for a moment before looking back at her.

"Bella, maybe you should stop…," Narcissa said suddenly, noticing that Shadow's strength was waning. The girl's eyes were becoming unfocused and she was beginning to tremble severely.

"Why should I stop, Narcissa? Just because she doesn't want to join the rest of us?" Bella laughed and threw another hex.

"Yeah, come on Shadow," Crabb said evilly and also threw a hex at her. This time blocking the hex hurt and Shadow felt herself getting dizzy. She felt the searing sting of wounds reopening under her clothes and she fought back the tears of pain.

"Leave me alone!" Shadow screamed. This time Narcissa did yell at her sister.

"Bella! Stop it! I think it's hurting her!" Severus and Lucius turned to Bella who glared at her sister.

"I don't think so!" she snapped and sent another hex. This time Shadow screamed and crumbled to the floor. All heads turned to her and the horror of what Bella had done set in. Bellatrix dropped her wand and covered her mouth.

"No…I didn't send hexes like that at her…it…it was the same one we all used," she stammered. Severus felt his face drain of color as he looked down at Shadow's body. She was lying on her side with her back facing everyone, but that was enough.

"Oh my…I…what happened to her?" Rodolphus asked uncertainly.

"I don't know, but those injuries don't look new," Evan stated. The Slytherins approached her carefully and Narcissa was the first to walk around her and kneel down by Shadow's face.

"Shadow?" she said softly and moved the girl's black hair out of her face. Severus stared down at the cuts and bruises that covered her body. Blood was seeping from a few of them and he noticed one particularly nasty gash on her hip that ran down her thigh.

"These marks on her back…they look like lashings…," Rodolphus said softly.

"Gods…you can practically see every bone in her body," Evan said sadly.

"She used her natural energy to shield against those hexes. She didn't want any of us to see this. She's so weak and thin that her body couldn't handle so much energy loss for her shields," Lucius said. Narcissa moved the girl's arm so she could look at her face. Shadow was unconscious and extremely pale.

"I am going to take her up to the room," Narcissa said softly and waved her wand to levitate the girl upstairs.

"Do you want any help up there?" Bellatrix asked uncertainly.

"No, I think you have done enough," Narcissa said acidly and disappeared with Shadow to the girl's dorm.

There was silence as everyone stood there thinking about what they had just seen. It was obvious that there was something wrong with Shadow, but no one knew it was that severe.

Severus was in a state of shock as the images of her bruised and battered body remained burned in his memory. That was why the girl tried to hide and shield herself from everyone. He was almost sure that all of those injuries came from her father.

"How could she block the spells without a wand?" Crabb suddenly asked. Lucius looked at him thoughtfully.

"Good question. The Sorting Hat did mention that she had incredible power," he replied.

"I'm going to get dressed," Rodolphus stated, remembering that he was the only one completely naked.

"Yeah good idea," Goyle said, and they all headed to their rooms.

The boys had dressed quickly and then froze when they heard screams coming from the girl's room. They instantly recognized the voice of Bella and the familiar accent of Shadow. Apparently, Bellatrix had gone up after her sister and Shadow.

"Don't touch me! Did you think that was funny!?" Shadow screamed.

"No! I didn't mean to! I didn't know it would do that. It was not meant to be a harmful spell," Bella told her.

"No one is supposed to know about this!" Shadow screamed again, tears running down her face.

"Shadow, did your father do this? Lucius mentioned that he hit you in the Great Hall the second day you were here. Is he the one responsible?" Narcissa asked.

"It's none of your business!"

"You need to go to the Headmaster or the Ministry," Narcissa told her.

"I can't! If I could, don't you think I would have already?!"

"Then tell Lupin!" Bella exclaimed even though she hated the Gryffindor.

"No! He especially cannot know of this! I will not lose my brother for my own benefit! You may not give a damn about my Gryffindor brother but I do!" Shadow screamed, her eyes changing color as she became increasingly angry.

"You can't just sit by and let this happen!" Narcissa told her.

"Yes I can. I do what I can to get by! I know you won't keep this secret!" she snapped.

"We can't let this happen, Shadow."

"I am sorry you ever saw any of this. Obliviate!" Shadow's voice echoed through the dorm and into the boy's dorm where they heard her clearly.

"She doesn't have the strength to be casting spells. She's going to weaken herself even more," Rodolphus stated and headed to the common room with the rest of the boys behind him. They had intended on going up to the girl's dorm to talk to Shadow, but stopped when they saw her coming down the stairs.

"Shadow, we need to talk…," Rodolphus stated, but everyone fell silent when they looked at her face. Her eyes were no longer the bright green, but bright red with a yellow ring glowing around her pupil.

"Shadow…," Evan started, but couldn't bring himself to finish. Severus backed away into a dark corner and blocked his mind from all intrusion, including a memory charm.

"There is nothing to talk about. OBLIVIATE!" Shadow yelled and Severus could see around the corner as a wave of red light shot from her hands. He knew that wandless magic was commonly used among experienced wizards and witches, but not to this degree. He watched as his house mates blinked and looked at each other in confusion. No one would remember what they saw except him. He looked at Shadow from his corner and noticed that she was looking around the room for something. Her eyes landed on the Slytherin that had been missing and she could see the coldness in his black eyes as he glared at her. She narrowed her eyes as he approached her slowly.

"Shadow, I want to talk to you upstairs," Severus said icily. The tone of his voice sent chills down her spine and her prior defiance was quickly fading. Severus led her up to the boys' dorm and closed the door, watching her the entire time. He cast a quick silencing spell on the room and pinned her with a glare. "Why did you do that?" Shadow felt slightly uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze.

"Why didn't it work on you?" she asked.

"Because I was behind the corner and I am also skilled enough to block my mind from memory spells so don't think that you can try this again," he spat.

"Look Severus, I had to do it. No one is supposed to know about this."

"Why not?" he snapped. He couldn't help but care about what he had seen, but he still kept an emotional distance from her.

"Because I have lost too much already," Shadow yelled, but she felt weak from her use of magic earlier and swayed slightly. Severus instinctively reached out and steadied her by wrapping his arms around her waist.

"What have you lost? Your dignity maybe? Your pride?" he mocked.

"My sister! My father! Everything!" she retorted, but regretted it. Severus eyed her for a moment.

"I heard you say something about a sister that went missing three years ago when you were talking to Lupin after your father came here for a visit," he told her. It was her turn to eye him.

"You shouldn't have been listening to my conversation with my brother and that man is my step-father," she mumbled.

"I take it you won't tell me why you would get sent to Azkaban if you talk to someone from the Ministry or what you meant about dying," he stated more than asked.

"I can't tell you. You know too much already."

"I think I don't know nearly enough," he growled.

"It doesn't matter. You have not been a friend to me anyway so this shouldn't be a concern to you," Shadow stated, earning a glare from the boy.

"It is not exactly easy to be friends with you."

"It seems that it is not easy for you to be friends with anyone," she snapped. Severus walked right up to her and looked down into her bright green fear-filled eyes. He was so close. Shadow felt her self trembling as she looked up at his face that was mere inches from her face.

"You need to tell the Headmaster," he told her sternly.

"I will not. Let me erase the memory, Severus, please," she begged softly, her stomach churning at the closeness they shared and she wondered if he would try to kiss her again.

"No. No one gets into my mind," he hissed. She looked down for a moment, but when she looked back up he saw the blazing red color in her eyes and immediately pushed her away onto his bed.

"Severus!"

"You will not do this to me!" Severus yelled and pinned her arms down above her head making her unable to wave her fingers to cast the spell. She moved to kick him, but he pushed his leg between hers and forced his weight on top of her to hold her down. He was surprised at how cold her skin was and knew that he was hurting her since because of those reopened injuries.

"Please Severus…don't tell anyone…," she pleaded, her eyes returning to normal color and tears running down her cheeks.

"Shadow, I have to. I have to tell Professor Dumbledore," he told her coldly.

"I can't lose anyone else. My step father will come after Remus and you for knowing. I had to take the others memories of what they saw away, not only because they might tell, but because my parents will do anything to protect their secrets. He'll kill them and he'll kill you."

"I doubt your step-father would kill students and risk himself," Severus told her skeptically.

"He and my mother have done it before!" she hissed. Severus looked right into her eyes and saw the truth in that statement.

"You're serious?"

"My parents are both powerful, my mother holds more magic than my step-father, but he is the cruelest out of the two. He's done things I wish I had never seen. I don't want anyone else to die… I don't want to lose my brother and I don't want to go through anymore punishment than I would normally have to endure," she said softly through her tears. Severus stared at her and felt guilt creep into his soul.

"Shadow, something has to be done…," he told her, but she shook her head.

"Letting it go would be my protection."

"Not in my eyes," Severus replied evenly. Shadow closed her eyes and took a deep breath knowing that she was about to hurt Severus and possibly ruin any friendship for the future with him. She opened her eyes and looked into those black pools that stared back down at her.

"Severus, I don't want to cause you any problems at this school, but if you do not let it go…I will tell Sirius Black that you are threatening me…I'll lie to him to protect myself and Remus," she told him and saw the raw rage burning in his eyes.

"You would ask that mangy mutt for help?! You would lie to him to get him to silence me?!" he hissed dangerously.

"I'd have to. The torment Sirius would put you through will be nothing compared to what my father would do to you. It would be your protection," she reasoned.

"You little bitch…," he whispered angrily. Shadow seemed hurt and searched his eyes, but he revealed nothing but hatred.

"I'm sorry Severus," she choked out.

"Fine, keep your little secrets and I hope your father beats you to no end," he said shaking with rage, although in his heart he hadn't meant what he had just said. His face was so close to hers that she could feel his breath against her lips.

"Do you mean that?" she asked softly. Severus narrowed his eyes, but remained silent.

"Severus?"

"Don't! If you want Black to protect you then so be it. You and your little werewolf brother can go about life as you will. Just stay the hell away from me!" he hissed looking right into her eyes.

"Severus…I am sorry…I didn't want it to come to this." She choked back a sob and tried pleading with him, but it was to no avail.

"Fuck you, Shadow, you and your whole damn family," he spat. Shadow didn't know what to say to him. She looked into his eyes sadly.

"I just want to keep you safe," she whispered. Before he could respond, she moved closer and gently kissed his mouth. He froze for a moment, unable to move with shock. The kiss was soft and innocent; their first real kiss. He finally responded to her gentle touch with a light and tender kiss of his own, but after only a mere few seconds it was over. Shadow pushed him softly to step away, but he held his ground and stared into her eyes with a look she couldn't read.

Severus was shocked that she had willingly kissed him and couldn't deny that he could still feel the tingling sensation in his lips. He found himself wanting more than just the feather kiss no matter how much he battled with himself. He let go of her arms and moved his hands down to her face and gently ran a finger along her cheek. He bent down to kiss her again, but this time Shadow turned away. Anger filled him again and he finally leapt away from her.

"Just go," Severus snapped. Shadow stood up and looked at him sadly.

"I am sorry," she whispered.

"I don't care! Get out of my sight!" he yelled, clearly angry and embarrassed. Shadow backed away in fear and finally fled the room. Her housemates snickered at her as she entered the common room. She tried to ignore them as they made vulgar remarks about the length of time she had spent with Snape in the boys' dorm, and quickly made her way out of the portrait hole and towards Gryffindor tower.

Tears burned her eyes as she ran, wanting desperately to talk to her brother. Severus had hit a nerve with her and she couldn't seem to get her thoughts straight. On one hand she wanted so badly to tell Severus everything he wanted to know, but on the other hand, she wanted to keep her shameful secrets so that he wouldn't think any less of her. She hated feeling this way. She detested the fact that she wanted Severus' approval. She could give a damn about anyone else, save for Remus.

Shadow quickly went to the portrait of the Fat Lady and gently woke her up. The portrait stared down at her for a moment and noticed the tears on her face.

"My dear, what is a Slytherin doing here?" she asked not unkindly.

"I need to speak to my brother Remus, please," she sobbed softly. The portrait took pity on her and nodded.

"One moment," she said and then left her portrait to visit another inside the Gryffindor common room. It was only a minute before the Fat Lady returned and opened the entrance to reveal a concerned looking Remus.

"Shadow, what's the matter, baby girl?" He came out and drew her into his arms.

"Everything…," she sobbed and held onto her brother.

Lily, James, and Sirius had come to the see what had happened and noticed Shadow crying in Remus' arms.

"Severus is angry with me and everyone in Slytherin hates me…," she sobbed again. Sirius' face turned ashen and he narrowed his eyes at the thought of Snape.

"I'll get that boy…," he hissed.

"Sirius, you leave it alone. If she wants our help, she'll ask," Lily said sternly, but she was almost certain it would do no good.

"Come on, let's go talk somewhere," Remus told her and then turned to look at James.

"Can I borrow your cloak?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll be right back," James said, and went to his room to get it. When he returned, he handed it to Remus and went back inside.

"I'll see you guys a bit later," he told them. They nodded and watched as Remus put the invisibility cloak over him and Shadow.

His sister held onto him as he walked her down the stairs to the main hall and then out onto the grounds. They walked in silence toward the lake, where Remus finally took the cloak off and sat himself on a nearby rock, motioning for Shadow to join him.

"Shadow? What's the matter? What happened?" he asked gently. Shadow wiped her eyes and looked out at the lake. She was afraid to tell him, but she knew that she was the one that sought him out and that he deserved some answers.

"Everything…nothing is right in my life. I can't take it for much longer. Severus is so mean to me and the others are not much better. Especially, Bellatrix."

"Yes, she is Sirius's cousin along with Narcissa and none of them are friendly. What did Severus say to you?" he asked. She looked into her brothers' face and swore that he looked like their father, even though it was she who had his vibrant green eyes. Thinking about the man made her wonder how much Remus knew about their fathers' death.

"Remus, anything I tell you, you can't mention to anyone. Don't tell Dumbledore please. I will not tell you everything right now either," she said softly, looking into his eyes for a reaction. He was looking at her with curiosity and concern, but finally nodded his agreement.

"Ok…"

"I was sitting down on the couch in the common room reading and everyone else was there too. They starting playing around, throwing a disrobing hex at each other. I…I didn't want them to see me…I have a lot of scars…" She turned away and looked at the lake, tears threatening her again.

"Scars from what?" he asked carefully.

"Mum and Keadan," she whispered. Remus' face darkened and his eyes were shining with hatred. It was rare that he got angry enough to want to hurt someone, but this was one of those times. "Well… tried to block the spell using my magical energy. You know how witches like me can do that…" He nodded stiffly.

"Some of my injuries are not fully healed, so using the shield weakened me. I am obviously…not the healthiest person…in the world, so I cannot hold my shield for very long and…when mine finally gave out, some of my cuts and scars had reopened. I kind of passed out and of course their hex had been affective. I was almost…almost naked in front of them….they could see my scars and how thin I am under these clothes…I was so embarrassed when I came around. I yelled at Bellatrix for what she did. She actually tried to apologize, but I didn't care. Narcissa told me to go to Dumbledore, but I cannot. So I obviated them all…," Shadow said and looked at Remus to see the stunned expression on his face.

"Shadow, you shouldn't use such spells…," he told her, and she looked down, ashamed.

"I know, but they couldn't say anything. I couldn't let them. If my father got wind that anyone knew anything or saw anything, there would be hell to pay and I wouldn't be the only one paying it. There is only one of them that my spell didn't work on…," she said softly and somehow Remus knew who it was.

"Severus," he whispered.

"Yes. He can protect his mind from such spells. He got angry with me and brought me to his room. He…he pinned me down and told me that HE was going to go to Dumbledore if I did not. I argued with him, but he didn't listen…so I threatened him…with Sirius Black…," she trailed off and looked once again to her brother who looked disapproving.

"Shadow…Sirius and Severus hate each other more than you know. It is dangerous when the two are in the same room. You should not have threatened him with Sirius. Severus is an aggressive and dangerous person. I want to believe that Severus would never hurt you, but I am not going to say that I am certain of it," Remus told her.

"Remus, do you hate Severus?"

"No…I don't…I just…we're not exactly friends. I don't know him well enough to hate him, but I wouldn't exactly say that I like his company either," Remus admitted. "Why do you ask?"

"Because…I…I…I think about him sometimes…I don't know why. That one time that Sirius had hexed him in front of me for the first time, you had told him to take me to class and when he did I made him angry and he pinned me to the wall…he…he tried to kiss me…and I turned away, but tonight when he had me pinned on his bed…I kissed him and I think…I think I liked it…" She could feel the tears of shame run down her face and she couldn't bring herself to look at her brother. Remus was gritting his teeth at the thought of Severus pinning his sister down. It made him angry that he would do that to Shadow, but the last part she told him was not lost on him.

"You think you like him?" he asked uncomfortably.

"I don't know. I have never liked anyone before so I am not sure what is wrong with me. I just know that I kissed him and I liked it…and now I am ashamed of it. I am not supposed to like things like that…not after everything…" She trailed off and remained silent.

"Not after everything what?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about that part. Not yet. I just feel bad. He tried to kiss me again after that, but I turned away and he got angry. He told me to get out and leave him alone. I feel so horrible. He had said some mean things to me and it bothers me so much…," she said softly, wiping her face again.

Remus sighed and looked out at the lake. It was obvious that Shadow had some sort of crush on Severus and for her sake he hoped that it would end just as soon as it came. He was almost certain that Severus would hurt her.

"Shadow, I cannot tell you how to feel about someone, but I will warn you; Severus is not exactly a nice person. I cannot say that I am happy about any of this, but I am worried that Severus will hurt you. He's never shown that he cared about anyone. It is rumored that he is still a virgin, which don't get me wrong, is not a bad thing. I am worried that he might just drop you after he's gotten what he wants," Remus was not comfortable with the subject, but he wanted to make sure that his sister understood.

Shadow hadn't thought about that and gave an uncertain look. She honestly hadn't thought about it going that far. She couldn't bring herself to think of that. There was no way. Now, she was also confused on what Severus might possibly want her for if anything at all.

"I don't think it will come to that. I am not a willing participant in sexual activities," she stated and meaning it more than Remus realized.

Let's hope not. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Remus, I have to ask you…Severus said…he said you were a werewolf…," she said uncertainly, and looked at his face to see the anger flashing in his eyes.

"He told you that?" he hissed lividly.

Shadow felt her heart jump at the sight of Remus so angry. So it was true? Her brother was a werewolf. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt about that. Shadow had never dealt with a werewolf before.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Shadow asked softly. Remus looked at her and felt the agony of truth pain his heart.

"Shadow, I am an animal…I didn't want you to know because I was afraid you would hate me because of it. I didn't want to lose you…," he told her, feeling his eyes water, causing him to blink rapidly to stop the tears from falling.

"I don't hate you…I could never. You won't lose me unless you chose it," she said quietly.

"Why would I ever want to?" Remus asked. Shadow's eyes darted around the lake and she seemed to be at war with herself about something. Remus watched her expression turn to one of fear and tears fall down her face.

"Remus, I didn't want to tell you this, but…but I have to. You have been too kind to me and you say you love me without really knowing me or what I have done in my life," she said shakily.

"Shadow, I have no reason to hate you and whatever you have done will not matter…"

"It will, Remus, and I have to tell you because I cannot stand the guilt of it. I have never told anyone…," Shadow cut in and took a deep breath, knowing that she was about to reveal something to him that might take him away from her forever, but that he had a right to know.

"Remus, do you remember the funeral for our father?" she whispered, and saw a raw emotion in his eyes.

"Yes…I do," he said uncertainly.

"Do you remember that they would not let anyone see him at the funeral or any time before that? The Ministry had forbid it," she continued, and this time she got to her feet and stepped off the rock to stand in the moonlight and face him.

"I remember. Why?"

"Everyone told you and your mother that his death was accidental, but I believe you suspected that they were lying. You were right…," she paused, trembling.

"Darius had…had come for me. He wanted to take me away to live with you and your mother, but when he came…he…he walked in on Keadan…and me…he saw things he shouldn't have. He got into a fight with Keadan when my mother came in. They took him out of the room and tortured him…" She saw Remus trembling and felt her heart break when tears streamed down his face.

"Then what?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I looked for him at the house when they had left…I found him…he was alive, but barely…he would not have made it…I didn't have the strength to heal him. I was only a child then…I didn't know what to do. He barely recognized anything…because of the pain he was in. He was calling your name… when he started to go into spasms…because of the poison that was given to him. I couldn't bear to see it. I didn't want him to suffer anymore…it was my fault…" She was crying and Remus' expression was one of hurt, anger, and shock.

"What do you mean it was your fault?"

"I ended it…," she whispered so softly that Remus barely heard it. His eyes widened and he looked at her in disbelief.

"What? You what?" he asked, hoping that she had not just said what he thought she said.

"I am so sorry Remus… I killed him in the end. I had to. If you would have seen him…"

"You killed my father?" he asked in disbelief before the anger and hurt took over.

"I had to…"

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" he now yelled, getting to his feet, causing her to back away.

"I couldn't. I…I was afraid. No one was supposed to know. I didn't want to hurt you," she reasoned, but his face was contorted into one of rage.

"You lied to me! I should have been told this at the funeral!"

"We were kids!"

"I don't care! I lost my father! Now I come to find out that you are the one that killed him! How dare you! I can't believe that you would do this to me!" Angry tears ran down his face and Shadow broke down and shook her head.

"Don't you understand that I couldn't?! I didn't mean to hurt you! How do you think I felt? I didn't want to do it! I HAD to do it! He was dying a slow and horrible death! You weren't there. You didn't see what I saw. I didn't want to kill the man who tried to save me, but I had to and I have never forgiven myself for it. I left you without a father and that is a regret that I'll have till the day I die. I'm sorry Remus…," she yelled in anguish. Remus stood there shaking with and staring at her angrily.

"I don't know what you want me to say," he said coldly.

"I told you…I knew you wouldn't want to love me if you knew…," she sobbed and took off toward the castle without looking back.

"Shadow! I am not done talking to you!" he yelled and grabbed the cloak before going after her.

Shadow was faster than Remus had given her credit for. She was able to get away from him before he could catch up. Unfortunately, the person she ran into was the person she wanted to see least of all.

"What are you doing, Shadow?" a chilling voice asked. Shadow found herself staring into her step fathers glaring eyes.

"Father…why…why are you here?" she asked, knowing full well the reason for it.

"Why are you crying? Did you and that bastard brother of yours get into a fight?" he said mockingly.

"He's not a bastard!" she snapped before she could help it. The hard slap that her step-father landed on her face was a reminder that she should not have snapped at him.

"Come with me. I've already informed the school that you will be gone for a few days. I think we need to reacquaint ourselves," he said huskily and pushed her against the wall, letting a hand slip into her cotton pajama pants.

"No!" she gasped. He laughed lightly and grabbed her arm, dragging her back outside the castle. She knew what she was in for and a part of her wanted so badly to call for her brother, but for his safety she wouldn't. Shadow knew that she had hurt Remus deeply with the truth of their father's death and deep down she realized that now was the best time to become detached.

She was hurt and ashamed by the time her step-father had gotten her to their hidden cabin in the mountains of Scotland. She knew of the pain that would be going through her body in a matter of minutes. Shadow knew that it would be the same as before. Her step-father would defile her in the most painful and shameful way. He would not touch her virginity until her seventeenth birthday when her powers would be at their peak and ready to be shared. So instead of taking her innocence, he would satisfy his needs where it would not affect the transitioning of her power. No one heard her screams or felt her pain as her step-father sodomized and beat her until she bled. No one would know the pain she would endure with him over the next few days or how much she would scream for death to take her.


	5. Confusion and Pain

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 4**

_Confusion and Pain…_

Remus had been quiet for two days and had not seen Shadow once, not even in class. James and Sirius tried to get him to tell them what was wrong, but he was shutting everyone out. Shadow had confessed to killing his father and he couldn't stop thinking about it. He had cried when he got back to his rooms that night and wouldn't give anyone an explanation. How could Shadow have murdered their father? Why would she? She had mentioned that he was suffering, but was he really suffering enough to the point where she had to kill him? Remus had run things over in his head and had realized that Shadow was six years old when their father had tried to get custody of her.

Remus remembered the night his father had told his mother about Shadow. It had happened when his parents had gone through a separation. Darius had gotten too drunk and became involved with a woman who would later have his daughter. However, he had not known of her pregnancy and had returned home. Darius and Emily, his mother, had reconciled when he had discovered that Emily was 5 months pregnant with him. It wasn't until a few years later that Darius received word that he had a daughter not much younger than his son. He had gone to see her, but when he came back he seemed like a broken man.

Remus had listened to his parents talk about Darius's unknown daughter. Remus remembered that his father had cried softly as he spoke of how much pain the child was going through and how he wanted to get custody of her. Emily had listened to Darius's words with a look of horror on her face. Something had been terribly wrong. When Darius had gone to retrieve Remus's sister, he had never returned.

Remus walked down the hall, lost in thought and alone. He thought about the funeral when some of the Ministry officials denied them their request to see Darius's body. He remembered when his mother had led him to the burial site and talked to several people, received condolences and such. Remus remembered looking into those bright green eyes and knowing without being told that _she _was the sister he'd been missing. He had tugged on his mother's shirt and pointed to the little girl sitting next to a tall thin man with sandy colored hair and piercing blue eyes. His mother knew without a doubt that the child was Darius's daughter because she had her father's eyes.

His mother had wanted to talk to the little girl, but she didn't dare. She had seen the man sitting next to her and knew who he was. When she had looked into the child's eyes, Emily Lupin had seen they held a deep sorrow and guilt. Remus had seen it too but he had just never realized it until now. Shadow had known who he was without being told. Remus knew he looked like his father, but he had his mothers' eyes. He thought about the guilty look on her face. It was a guilt that a six year old should never have had. The man that had married her mother would not allow Shadow out of his sight. He remembered the possessive behavior from Keadan and the look of fear in Shadow's eyes. She had been terrified.

Now he stood in one of the many vast courtyards of Hogwarts, contemplating everything he knew and had just been told. He wondered how many things he still didn't know. He thought about the funeral, though it was a thought he often tried to keep at bay. The memory was just too painful to dwell on. It had hurt to find out about his father's death when he was a child, but it was devastating to learn of the circumstances. He was in turmoil over the fact that Darius Lupin had died at the hand of his own six-year-old daughter. Remus was startled from his thoughts when he saw Severus Snape walking across the yard.

"Snape!"

Severus whirled around to see Remus walking toward him, obviously angry. It had actually surprised the boy that Remus had called him by his last name instead of his given, like he normally would.

"What do you want, Lupin?" he sneered distastefully.

"The other night when you and Shadow had a row, you told her what I am!" Remus snapped.

"I was angry! I had also assumed that she knew since she is your sister! That is something I wouldn't have expected you to lie to her about," Severus said coldly, looking into his blazing eyes. Remus couldn't help but think on Snape's last sentence for a moment. He was thinking the same thing about the secrets Shadow had kept from him.

"The time for her to know was not right. I would have told her eventually and I certainly didn't want her to find out through the likes of you!" Remus growled.

"Really? Aren't you the one who entrusted me with her safety? Aren't you the one that said you trusted me with her?" Severus mocked, but realized it was a mistake when the normally calm and gentle Remus grabbed the Slytherin by the collar and shoved him up against the stone wall of the courtyard.

"Speaking of which, you are right. I did trust you with her, so why had you pinned my sister down not only once, but twice?" he asked with a menacing tone.

"She told you that?" Severus asked, surprised for a moment.

"Answer me! Why did you kiss her?" Remus snapped angrily, and saw Snape's face color deeply.

"I don't have to answer to you! I can do anything I damn well please and so long as I do not hurt her or force her, I don't see the problem with it. Shadow knew what she was doing when she kissed me the other night. I am not the one that initiated it," Severus was becoming increasingly angry at being roughed up by Remus, of all people, and being asked personal questions that he wasn't even sure he could answer. Remus finally jerked his hands away from him and looked at the boy.

"What was it you two fought about, Snape? Why did she use a memory charm on the others?" Remus knew part of the answer, but he wanted to hear it from Severus, who was straightening out his shirt and tie while glaring coldly at him.

"I am sure she told you. She was getting hit with a disrobing hex that Bellatrix was casting and using a magical shield to block it. When it gave way, the hex hit her and she was in nothing but her knickers and bra. There were cuts all over her and Bella began panicking and repeating that it wasn't a harmful hex. Looking at the scars and injuries she has, I'd say they were pretty old…well some of them," he told the Gryffindor.

"Some of them? How bad were these scars?" Remus asked, trying to calm down, but there was a cold edge to his voice.

"Yes, some of them. She had some pretty new ones that looked as though they had tried to heal, but using her magic the way she did reopened them. As for how bad they are…I would have to say some of them were particularly nasty. She is also severely undernourished. Have you ever seen your sister in a state of undress?" Severus asked curiously. Remus gave him a deadly look.

"Of course I haven't! What the hell am I supposed to do? Go up to her and ask 'hey Shadow, I know I am your brother, but can you take off all your clothes so I can get an eyeful please?' Are you mental?" Remus snapped. Severus leveled his glare and ground his teeth.

"Well forgive me for asking! We could see practically every bone in your sisters' body! The reason she cast the memory charm was because she didn't want anyone to help or get help. Narcissa told her she would go to Dumbledore and Shadow would not allow it. She cast the spell on everyone, but obviously I didn't get hit with it. I only pinned her down because she attempted to cast the spell at me again when I called her to my room. Pinning her hands seems to work," Severus said snidely. Remus eyed the boy and for the most part believed him, but he was still angry.

"Why hasn't she come out of her room?" Remus suddenly asked. Snape gave him an odd look before replying.

"What are you talking about? She hasn't been at school since that night. Professor Slughorn mentioned that she was pulled out of school for a few days by her parents for reasons he did not disclose, if even he knows," Severus replied evenly. Remus could feel the color drain from his face, and his concerns for his sister returned to him.

"I know what you are thinking," Severus stated flatly. "There's nothing you can do about it. She's been gone and she won't let anyone help her."

"Severus, when you're around her do you ever get any strange feelings?" he asked, but the deadly glare from Snape told him that the Slytherin had misunderstood him.

"I didn't mean it in a personal way! I am asking you if she ever gives you a feeling that she is unstable… I mean, her magic, do you ever feel like it's unstable?" Remus asked in agitation. At this, Severus quirked a brow and looked at him strangely. Surely he didn't think Shadow was losing her mind or something, did he?

"I cannot say that I have ever had that feeling around her, no. I would almost have to say she is the opposite, but I do not spend enough time around her to truly know that. She seems to control her magic pretty well, I guess. Why do you ask?" Severus questioned.

"It's nothing…"

"It doesn't have to do with what she told you in the Great Hall when her step-father came to visit does it? About her being sent to Azkaban for things she had done or was forced to do?" Severus kept a mask of indifference, but he couldn't help his curiosity. Remus was acting strangely and his question about her being unstable had certainly not been something he expected to be asked from her brother.

"You were listening to that?" he asked incredulously.

"I am a Slytherin and you were at the Slytherin table," Severus growled in annoyance. Remus gave him a look and sighed.

"That is part of why I asked you. She confessed something to me that has made me question her stability. If she loses control of her magic it most likely means she could lose control of her mind. It does happen to witches and wizards like her. I just don't know how stable she is. After what she told me… I almost want to disown her," Remus admitted. The statement shocked Severus to the point where he was unable to hide his expression.

"What the hell did she confess that would make you want to disown her?" Severus asked, wishing that he didn't care so much. Remus looked down at the ground and then back at the Slytherin boy, who then realized at that moment that Remus had been crying. His eyes were red and swollen and they were glazed over now. Severus had never dealt with emotional people, so he wasn't sure how to handle it or what to say.

"I don't know why I am telling you this, but you had better keep this information to yourself…," Remus warned, but Severus remained quiet. He hated to admit that he was anxious to know why Remus would consider disowning his own sister. That certainly was not what she needed at the moment. "She told me the other night that she could no longer keep this secret from me because of how much it is hurting her to lie to me. She wanted me to know and then make a decision as to whether I still wanted to call her my sister…she told me that she killed my father…our father…," Remus blinked back the tears, not wanting to break in front of the Slytherin. He was looking at the stone wall that Severus was standing in front of rather than the black eyes of the boy himself.

Severus stood there for what seemed like an eternity, not knowing what to say. He couldn't picture Shadow killing anyone. Maybe Lupin had taken it the wrong way and was misinterpreting what she said.

"Lupin, are you sure that she meant it that way?" Severus asked evenly.

"Yes, she did. She told me that he was suffering at the hands of her step-father and mother. She mentioned a poison that they had given him, but she didn't tell me what kind. She said that she had to end his suffering. She couldn't prolong the evitable, so she ended it. I didn't ask her how. I almost don't want to know," Remus admitted, this time wiping a stray tear from his face. Severus let out a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair.

"If that was the case, then whatever the poison was, had to be extremely dangerous and deadly. A lot of poisons these days have antidotes to them. I don't know your sister very well but somehow I think that she would have to feel like she had no other choice," Severus told him.

"This wasn't recently. It was ten years ago."

"Ten years ago? How old is Shadow?" Severus asked.

"She turned sixteen on Saturday," Remus replied softly. Severus' eyes widened.

"She was six!? She murdered your father when she was only six?!" Severus exclaimed, not being able to help it.

"Announce it to the school, why don't you!" Remus snapped. Severus glared at him, but the shock was still evident on his face.

"Look, I don't like getting in the middle of things and I made it clear to Shadow that I wanted her to stay away from me for my own reasons that I will not share with you…but if she was six years old at the time she did this, then you have to consider that she had the thoughts of a child. Had she been the age she is now, her decision might have been different," Severus reasoned. Remus looked at him. It was his turn to be surprised.

"Did you just stand up for Shadow? You defended someone other than yourself?" Remus asked.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Snape asked evenly.

"I…I'm just surprised. You have never defended anyone…or cared…," Remus stammered. Severus felt his face flush red.

"I do not care! I am tired of everyone trying to tell me that I care about Shadow or that I have feelings for her!" he yelled in frustration.

"So this isn't the first time you've heard that then?" Remus asked. Severus sent him a daggered glare.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER AND I DON'T FANCY HER!" Severus raged angrily. Apparently, discussing his feelings or lack thereof was an extremely touchy subject for him.

"Then why did you try to kiss her on the second day of school?" Remus asked calmly. He watched Severus turn red and his eyes darken even more, but the Slytherin didn't have an answer for him. Remus waved his hand to dismiss it. "Never mind, Severus. I don't want to fight about it anyway. I am too caught up in my personal problems to care why you wanted to kiss her anyway." There was silence for a few minutes before Severus decided to speak.

"What kind of witch is your sister?" he asked coldly. Remus raised a brow.

"Why do you ask?"

"The first day she arrived, Bellatrix threw a curse at her to taunt her and your sister caught it in her _hand _and then twirled it in her fingers before she made it disappear. She doesn't use a wand. In fact I hardly ever see her with one unless she is in class and even then I have caught her not using it. How can she do complex spells without a wand?" he asked evenly. Remus frowned for a moment and thought about it. He knew what kind of witch his sister was, but wasn't aware that she almost never used her wand. That was not good. Not yet.

"I cannot tell you what kind of witch she is in case it leaked out into the school, but I can say that because of her heritage she should not be using her wandless magic before she reaches maturity, which will be on her seventeenth birthday. That could be dangerous."

"What? Why?" Severus asked.

"Shadow has more magic than can be controlled, and if she is constantly using wandless magic she is causing it to build up without really knowing how to control it. If something were to happen to her that would force her into a defensive position, she might automatically use her magic without realizing the power of it. Or that magic might simply take control over her. She might seem like a young girl who cries and who is weak to everyone around her, but her blood is filled with rage. One day everything that has happened to her is going to hit her hard and the cold realization of it all will come out in anger. That's why I asked if you noticed anything unstable about her magic. I sense it sometimes, but I didn't know if I was just being paranoid," Remus replied and for the first time, Severus actually felt the cold chill of fear creep into him. What kind of witch would have that kind of power?

"So, I take it she is not a vampire?" Severus remarked.

"Oh no, she is not…well…," he trailed off.

"Well what? Is she or not?!" Severus snapped.

"No she is not a vampire! But she can, if ever need be, use those teeth to bite a person to show them memories or to see the memories of that person. The teeth are just to break skin easily."

"How the hell is that possible?!"

"She has to taste their blood to do it. Blood holds memories that cannot be modified. Severus, don't tell anyone what I have told you. I may be angry and confused where she is concerned, but I do not want anyone to know these things about her. I don't want her to get physically hurt," Remus warned.

"Somehow, I do not think it is the students she has to worry about. At least now I know why I cannot get into her mind," Severus replied icily. Remus took a deep breath and looked away.

"Yeah…you would have to look at her memories through blood. I know it's not the students that she needs to worry about…," he whispered.

"I have to go. I need to return these books to the library," Severus stated and picked up his bag to head off.

"Severus?" The Slytherin turned to look at Remus.

"Thanks…for talking to me," Remus told him softly. Severus stood for a moment then gave a small nod of acknowledgement before walking off. Remus took another deep breath and decided that he needed to talk to his friends. It surprised him that he had told Severus Snape, who was not only a Slytherin, but a hated enemy among his friends, before he had confided in his best friends. Remus headed off toward Gryffindor tower, where he knew his friends would be waiting.

Severus thought about everything Lupin had told him and wondered if Shadow really had murdered her own father at the age of six. Part of him still couldn't believe it, but then again there were a lot of things about Shadow that he didn't understand. He walked into the library and put his books back where they belonged and then went in search of a potions book for reference. He noticed that Madam Pince was not in the library for whatever reason, but he also noticed a familiar book bag sitting on one of the tables. He looked around, but didn't see anyone.

Then he heard some shuffling of books in the Restricted Section and went in to look, surprised that the gate was unlocked. There stood Shadow, wearing a pair of loose fitting muggle pants similar to pajamas and a worn out gray t-shirt. She certainly looked like she was poorer than Lupin was. He watched as a restricted book flew into her hands.

"You need permission for those books." His sudden appearance had startled her. She looked up at him through a veil of black hair that covered a lot of her face. Now that Severus was really looking at her, he was surprised at how un-kept she was. Her hair was stringy and her face was even gaunter than before. She looked almost dead. "You look like shit, Shadow," he stated rather bluntly. He saw her eyes narrow and when she spoke her voice was raspy and strangled.

"Didn't you tell me…to stay away from you? You said you wanted nothing to…do with me, so why are you here…talking to me?" She struggled to speak and Severus was surprised at how she sounded. It was almost like it hurt her to talk.

"I did tell you that, didn't I? However, I was returning books and I saw you in here where you don't belong. I don't want you losing points from Slytherin because you're breaking the rules," he remarked snidely. She gave him a look of exasperation and it was obvious that she didn't have the strength to argue. She opened her book and flipped through a few pages before settling on one and reading its contents. Severus couldn't see the name of the book and his curiosity was starting to get the better of him again.

"What book is that?"

"It's titled, '_none of your concern'_," she replied, earning a nasty glare from the boy. When she finished reading whatever it was she was reading, she closed the book and waved her hand, causing the book to go back to its place. Severus then remembered what Lupin had told him.

"You shouldn't be using wandless magic yet. You should be using a wand," he stated, this time earning a look from her.

"What the hell do you know of it?" she asked, but didn't have the strength to put any real bite into the question.

"Your brother told me. Your magic can get out of control if you keep doing that before you are ready to," he told her. Shadow remained silent and stood there until deciding to leave before she did get caught in the Restricted Section. When she walked toward the gate, she had a severe limp that wouldn't go unnoticed to anyone, especially Severus. "What happened to you?"

"You got your damn wish that's what happened!" she snapped, this time putting some venom into it as she passed him and used the shelves to help her walk. Severus stood there for a moment and thought about it, when he remembered that he had told her that he hoped her father would beat her to no end. Guilt swept through him and he closed his eyes for a moment, cursing himself for saying something so cruel. Snape walked out of the Restricted Section and saw Shadow limping out with her book bag in tow. He quickly grabbed his and followed her.

"Shadow, wait!" He ran and caught up with her. "Why are you headed away from the Hospital Wing?" he asked tonelessly. She noticed that although some of his questions seemed to be ones of concern, he always kept a cold and indifferent voice and masked his emotions. It annoyed her.

"I don't need to go there," she replied and headed in the direction of the dungeons.

"Are you kidding?" he asked, dumbstruck. Shadow stopped and turned to face him, her eyes brimmed with tears. Severus noticed the purplish marks on her neck and saw that they ran up to her jaw line. Her wrists were bruised and burned it seemed, as well as her arms, and he could only imagine how much else of her was beaten and broken. Her rasping for air when she breathed led him to believe that she had at least one broken rib.

"Look Severus, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want anything to do with you. I don't want anything to do with anyone, including Remus. I just want to be left alone from now on. I just want to go to this stupid school and do what I have to do until next year when it will all be over. So just leave me alone," she rasped. It was obvious that what she had said hurt her physically and emotionally. Severus didn't know why, but her words hurt him.

"What do you mean next year it will all be over? You'll be a seventh year. I don't see how it would be any different," he said quietly.

"I won't be here past Halloween," she replied and started to walk off again. Then he remembered. She had told Remus that she was going to die on her seventeenth birthday, but why? It had to do with her father, but why was he waiting?

"Shadow?" he called softly, but Shadow had stopped and seen Remus and his friends coming their way. It was then that Remus locked eyes with his sister. His mouth dropped at the sight of her and he noticed Severus standing nearby with a somber expression.

"Shadow?" Remus choked out, still not sure if he should ever really talk to her again. James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily looked up at her and noticed the state that she was in, but didn't say anything. Remus had told them what Shadow had done and no one knew what to say or what to think of her.

Shadow sucked in a raspy breath and turned away from the group, quickly turning the corner and hurrying down to the dungeon. She had come to a difficult decision that she wasn't even sure she could own up to. She had decided to stay away from everyone, including her brother and Severus. She didn't want anything to do with anyone.

Remus and his friends had noticed how badly she was limping and how sick she actually looked. Concern swept through all of them, but no one said anything. Lily felt her eyes burn with tears for a moment and she shook her head. She felt terrible for Remus when he had told them about what Shadow had done, but there had to be a reason for it. Shadow had been six years old at the time and had been the only one who witnessed what Darius Lupin had gone through. It had been her call to make and Lily didn't want to abandon the girl in her time of need. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Sirius yell at Severus and tackle him to the ground. Sirius hadn't bothered pulling his wand, instead he wanted to attack the Slytherin physically.

"You shouldn't have told Shadow about Remus, you son of a bitch!" he yelled and punched Severus in the jaw. Sirius was relentless with his punches and Severus was barely able to block them. He threw a few himself, but Sirius was too angry to care.

"Sirius, stop it!" Remus yelled and quickly ran over to pull his friend off of Snape.

"I already talked to him…"

"I don't care! Snape is nothing but a bastard that tries to hurt anyone he can! He deserves a good beating," Sirius snapped, kicking Severus in the groin before James came and helped restrain the angry boy. Lily ran over to Severus and knelt down to help him, but he pushed her away.

"Get away from me, you Mudblood!" he spat, his face red and contorted with rage. He stood shakily, holding his groin, but James pushed him against the wall.

"Don't call my girlfriend that again," he hissed angrily, but Lily gently grabbed his arm and forced him to let go. Severus bent down to get his bag, still shaking with rage and pain.

"Why don't you fucking Gryffindors leave me alone where Ms. Hill is concerned?! I don't want anything to do with her!" Despite his words he knew it was a lie. "It is not my fault that she told Lupin about what she did to his father! It was something he was bound to find out anyway so why don't you leave me the hell alone about it!" Severus added angrily.

"You're the one that started this!" Sirius accused.

"No, I am not! She is the one that started this! Ask Lupin!" Severus retorted and stalked off toward the dungeons. Sirius looked at Remus, who had a look of guilt on his face.

"Come on, let's go back to our rooms," James said and walked with his friends toward Gryffindor tower.

Severus muttered obscenities all the way down the hall and nearly knocked Lucius over, who had come around the corner.

"Really Severus, do you have to let those boys bully you? You're a Slytherin you know," Lucius said in disgust at Severus' bloody face.

"As if I chose for this to happen! I didn't see it coming! It's because of that damn new girl! She is causing me so much grief! I don't want anything to do with her, yet Black and his Marauders seem to think I am the cause of her problems!" Severus ranted. Lucius raised a brow and walked with Severus to the Common Room, listening to the boys' constant cursing. When they entered the room, they saw Shadow curled up on the couch staring into the fire. It was something she did often.

Despite his anger, Severus couldn't help but look at the black chiffon night gown she wore that came to just above her knees. Lucius elbowed Severus in the ribs, having noticed what he was staring at and watched the boys' face turn red. Severus glared at Lucius and made his way over to his favorite chair to do his homework. Lucius just chuckled, getting a deadly glare from Severus who finally used his wand to heal the cut on his lip and clean the blood from his face, before starting his homework. The blond Slytherin decided to leave Severus in peace _alone_ with Shadow.

Silence lingered in the room and the only sound that could be heard was the crackling of the fire and the scratching of his quill. He had finished his Advanced Transfiguration homework and was now working on Charms. It had been almost an hour since he had come into the room and when he finally looked up, Shadow had fallen asleep. He looked back down at his work, trying to ignore the girl, but when he heard a soft whimper he found himself looking at her again. She had rolled over so her back was facing him and he could hear the soft cries she emitted, even though they were muffled by the sofa cushions.

He suspected that she must be having a nightmare of sorts and after everything that she had gone through he could see why. He sat there and stared at her. Why? He had no idea, but curiosity got the better of him and he stood, silently creeping over to her. Severus knelt down next to the couch and very carefully moved her hair out of the way reveal the scars he remembered seeing on her back. To his surprise, however, there were fresh lashings and bruises that ran down beyond where he could see. Severus sucked in a sharp breath and stared disbelievingly at the sight.

He ran his hand through his hair nervously and wondered if he should just ignore it or if he should tell Madam Pomfrey. Severus let his eyes run along her body, wondering just how injured she was; then remembering her raspy breathing; he reached out again and moved some of the fabric of her nightgown out of his way. He couldn't push it very far, but it was enough to see the severe bruising that ran from her back, under her arm across her torso, and toward the front where he could not see. He could tell that two of her ribs were broken. Severus let his eyes slide to her neck and saw rope burns around it. Her cheek was bruised, her wrists looked like they had been tied with the same kind of rope as her neck, and as he moved his eyes down her body he could see a large purplish bruise peeking out from beneath her nightgown on her thigh. He moved his hand down and gently lifted the material up until it was on her upper thigh and sucked in a deep breath.

"Oh Merlin…," he whispered as he stared at the bruise that surrounded a large bloody gash that ran vertically up her leg. Severus looked down the rest of her legs and stopped at her feet where he could see bruising there too. He moved toward the end of the couch and looked at the soles of her feet to see that she had been cut several times across the soles. The girl was a mess.

_No wonder she's bloody limping so bad!_

Severus was angry with Shadow and hurt because of what she had said to him, but he hated to see her like this. He had never met anyone that was beaten worse than he had been. Now that he had, he felt as though his punishments from his own father were child's play. He heard her whimper loudly this time and got up to stand over her. Sweat beaded on her forehead and she was shaking in her sleep. He reached down and shook her gently, but she did not move.

"Ms. Hill?" he called, but still nothing. After a few minutes of her whimpering, Severus reached down again and shook her harder, this time causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. She gave a small scream and huddled into the corner of the couch, quickly drawing her knees up to her chest defensively. Severus couldn't help but notice the bruises between and under thighs when her night gown hiked up. He brought his eyes up to meet hers and her face turned bright red when she realized who he was and what he had seen. She quickly put her legs down and looked away from him. He didn't know what to do about the situation anymore. If he didn't tell someone, her injuries would not heal quickly or maybe not at all. If he did say something about it to Dumbledore or even the nurse, he would be risking the possibility that Shadow's step-father would beat her again, if not kill her.

Severus became angry that she wouldn't do anything to defend herself. If she was such a powerful witch who could catch hexes in her hands then why couldn't she defend herself against the abuse from her step-father? It was like she wanted to just let it happen and die because of it.

"You know, at some point, someone is going to find out what is happening to you and you're going to have to tell the truth then," he stated harshly.

"No one will find out. I won't let anyone else see what you have. Besides, you are the one that wished this, so why do you care?" she asked tiredly.

"Look! I know what I said was wrong, I didn't mean it! Do you honestly think I would mean for something like this to happen to you?" he asked in frustration. The look on Shadow's face made his cold glare darken.

"You do, don't you?" She didn't answer, just simply sat there. Severus was furious and he wasn't going to listen to his conscience tell him that it was _his _fault for making her believe that.

"I didn't intend for this!" he hissed, but Shadow looked back to the fire. "Why do you let him do this to you? Can't you tell Lupin or someone else you trust?"

"I don't trust anyone."

"What about your brother?" Severus sneered.

"My brother is not talking to me anymore," Shadow replied.

"Yeah, he told me he was having issues with what you told him," Severus admitted casually, trying to keep his face clear of emotion.

"What are you talking about? You guys don't talk," she said.

"We did today. He told me about your father and what happened to him."

"WHAT?! He was not supposed to tell anyone that!" she yelled angrily, but regretted it when her chest began to ache painfully. Severus noticed her discomfort and sighed. He pulled out his wand and was about to point it at her, but she stopped him.

"I will heal overnight. I don't need your help," she snapped, blinking the tears of anger away.

"How?" he asked coldly.

"I just heal."

"No, you don't! With as unhealthy as you are, you're lucky you're even alive," he snapped. "Now, stay still!" Before she could argue with him, he cast a healing charm on her ribs and fixed the broken bones causing her to flinch from the pain before it was gone as if nothing ever happened.

"Um…"

"Now what the hell happened to you and what the hell is Remus talking about?" he sneered, tucking his wand in his pocket.

"That's none of your damn business! So you know about my father then? He told you everything?!" she asked angrily.

"I don't know if it was everything, but it was enough. Why the hell would you be forced to kill your own father?" he asked frigidly. Tears formed in her eyes and she looked away.

"Damn you Severus! I don't want to talk about it! I didn't want to tell Remus either, but he was adamant about telling me he would never abandon me and that he would always love me! I couldn't let him do that without knowing what I had done," she hissed angrily, wiping the tears off her face. Severus felt guilty at having made her cry especially with a sensitive subject as that.

"Ms. Hill, I am sorry. I didn't mean to say it…"

"Yeah right! You're not meaning to say a lot of things lately," she said coldly.

"Hey! I apologized alright! Lupin was just telling me what you told him and it made me wonder," Severus replied icily.

"What did he say about me? Did he say whether or not he was going to trust me or disown me?" she asked, looking into the fire. Severus hesitated for a moment, but it was long enough for Shadow to know before he even told her.

"I don't know. He still wasn't sure," Severus said almost regretfully. Shadow shut her eyes and shook her head.

"You have to do something about these injuries you keep getting. You can't just sit back and take it," Severus told her.

"Yes, I can. It will all be over in one year. I will deal with it until then," she growled and stood up to go to her room. Severus watched her head toward the stairs before calling her.

"Ms. Hill? What were you looking for in that book earlier?" he asked. She looked over her shoulder at him and then sighed.

"A way out. I wanted to see if there was another option to the one that has been placed before me. I at least wanted to have a choice," she admitted tiredly.

"Did you find one?" his voice was quiet and he was looking at her intently, his eyes filled with curiosity rather than hatred.

"Perhaps. Time will tell," she replied and went up to her room leaving Severus alone with his thoughts.


	6. Truth or Dare

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 5**

_Truth or Dare…_

Time passed at Hogwarts. Weeks had come and gone, but Shadow hadn't spoken to Remus or Severus. She hadn't said a word since she told them about what she had done to Darius. It had been hard, but Shadow tried her best, despite the emotional pain that she felt every time she looked at them. She wanted friends, but she couldn't have them. She wanted her brother, but she couldn't have him.

Shadow sat alone by the lake, staring out at the frozen water. The snow was falling and although it was cold, she didn't bother to warm herself or go inside. She wanted to be alone; just like she always had been.

_No one could ever love someone like me… I've done too many horrible things in my life that can never be overlooked. I know I am not pretty… I know I am damaged… I am not worthy of love from another or love from my brother. Why can't it all just end? I don't want this anymore. I just want it to be over…forever…_

The things her father did to her were unspeakable and beyond painful. Ironically, she often inflicted pain on herself. She found that it was a release from the emotional pain that she felt in her every day life. She often ran a razor blade across her flesh when her emotions became overwhelming. The self-inflicted sting was something that she could control, and she found herself doing it more often than she ever had before.

"Why did I have to come to this stupid school?" she whispered to herself. Sometimes death seemed very inviting, but part of her was afraid to go through with it until she absolutely had to. Nearly ending her life more than once, she held back because Remus needed looking after. She didn't want anything to happen to him, no matter how much he might hate her. He didn't deserve to be hurt anymore.

Lily walked through the halls, about to head back to Gryffindor tower when she looked outside and saw a figure sitting in the snow by the lake. She slowed down for a moment and squinted her eyes to see better and was surprised when she realized it was Shadow. Biting her lip for a moment in thought, she decided to talk to her. The girl had made it a point to avoid them all, even at mealtimes.

When she had been in class with them, she sat far from them and was usually the first to leave, not giving anyone the chance to talk to her. Lily quickly made her way out to the lake, keeping silent as she went. She got closer to Shadow and slowed down for a moment, watching the girl look at her wrists. Lily felt her chest tighten as she realized there were red slashes across them, obviously fresh.

"Shadow?" Lily said softly. Despite her gentle tone she startled Shadow, causing the Slytherin to jump up and away from her in surprise.

"L…Lily…," she breathed.

"Yeah…I wanted to talk to you," Lily said gently. Shadow had done her best to avoid all of Remus' friends for over a month, but she was confronted by one of his closest friends.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," Shadow said and turned to leave, but Lily quickly put a hand on her arm.

"Please Shadow…talk to me for a bit," Lily insisted kindly. Shadow sighed in defeat and turned to face the redhead. She knew that she could only run for so long.

"Fine…"

"Shadow, Remus told us about what you told him…,"

"I figured that…he told Severus too," Shadow sighed.

"I know. Look, I cannot say exactly how Remus feels about the death of his father. I know it hurts him, but I also know he still loves you. He has said that he misses you," Lily told her. Shadow sucked in a ragged breath and tried to hold a straight face, but the hurt was there and the tears could not be stopped.

"Why would you even want to talk to me, Lily? I am a murderer," she whispered. Lily gave her a sympathetic look.

"Did you want to kill him?"

"No! Of course not," Shadow replied.

"Shadow, no one was in your position, not even Remus, so they cannot pass judgment on you for doing what you did. You were a child then and you were left without a choice. Remus has come to understand that and although he is hurting because of how his father died, that doesn't mean he hates you."

"Lily, I will tell you so you understand me a little better. My father was not the only one I have ever killed," Shadow told her firmly, but the pain was shining so clearly in her eyes that Lily felt herself choking up.

"Who else did you kill?" she asked softly.

"I am not even sure who they were. Others that were in pain…some people that have tried to hurt me. I have had a reason for all of the murders I committed, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I have a guilt that I have carried since I was six and that will not so easily go away. I only told Remus about his father because I figured that was enough for him to know. He needn't know the rest, at least…he didn't need to know at the time. The truth is…I am no better than my mother and step-father."

"That is not true!" Lily snapped.

"It is true! I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish _I_ had not happened! If I had not been born, Darius would be alive. Remus would still have his father! I took that away from him and it wasn't fair!" Shadow practically yelled, letting out the anguish she was feeling.

"Shadow, you lost a parent as well. Don't make it seem that this is all about Remus, because it is not. You can't act like Remus is the only one hurting from this! I know the decision to do what you did was not an easy one and I know it kills you inside, especially when you look at your brother, but you **had** to do it or else he would have died from the poison he was given. You can't blame yourself forever!" Lily told her sternly. Shadow looked away and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"It's so easy to say that, but it is so hard to do. I have blamed myself for ten years and that is not going to change any time soon, if ever. The other murders I have committed have not helped my guilt either. I have had to kill children, Lily; children that were brought into our home and tortured by my step-father. You don't understand what it is like to live with that man," Shadow choked. Lily was stunned and stood in silence for a moment.

"How could your step-father do these things?" Lily asked softly.

"I don't know… He is a sick man. Death, blood, rape, torture…all these things excite him. I have had to watch it. I have had to hear it. I have had to partake in it. Then I would have to clean up after it all. I told Remus the truth about his father partly to push him away. I didn't want him to know these things about me. I am not the innocent little sister he seemed to think I was," Shadow told her.

"Your step-father has done cruel things to you and that is not your fault. Why don't you ask for help? Why don't you go to the Ministry of Magic?" she asked, truly concerned now for Shadow's safety.

"Don't put so much faith into the Ministry, Lily. They will turn their backs on you when you need them most. Believe me, I know."

"You've told them?" she asked.

"I never had to. Two of the men I killed when I was attacked were Ministry officials. My step-father works for them and he has quite the influence. As long as I do not confess to my step-father's doings, I am permitted to live. If I say anything of it and make public what I know about the Ministry, then I will immediately be sent to Azkaban for the murders I have committed. Regardless of the fact that they were either out of mercy or self defense. I am alone, Lily. That is the way it has always been and that is the way it will stay." Lily had her own tears streaming down her face that was lost in an expression of disbelief and sorrow.

"There has to be someone you could trust from the Ministry…I mean they cannot be all bad…," she whispered.

"Perhaps not, but how do I know which ones are and which ones aren't?" Shadow asked in defeat.

"I don't know…maybe Professor Dumbledore can help you. You have to do something, Shadow! You shouldn't have to go through this," Lily said desperately.

"I've got no choice. I will not go to Professor Dumbledore either. I care too much for Remus. His life is more important than my own," she replied. Lily ran her hand through her hair and shook her head.

"This is so wrong…"

"I've been saying that all my life," Shadow admitted. They were silent for a few minutes; thinking about everything that they had talked about.

"Shadow, why don't you come and talk to Remus?" Lily asked.

"No, I cannot. Remus is much safer away from me. I am sorry Lily," Shadow said.

"I am sure that Remus could handle himself if he was ever in a life threatening situation," Lily pointed out.

"His father couldn't. Darius Lupin was no ordinary wizard, he was a Phoenix. He was what people call a Black Phoenix," Shadow told her. Lily gasped and stared at her in disbelief.

"That can't be… Phoenix witches and wizards were said to have died out centuries ago."

"That is because they no longer reveal themselves to the public. They keep their identity hidden from the world to protect themselves. I am sure you have heard about their history and know that it is not favorable among most people," Shadow told her softly. Lily nodded, but she was obviously deep in thought.

"That means…that Remus is a one too, right?" she finally asked. Shadow shook her head.

"No not exactly. You see, Remus's mother is a muggle so he did not inherit the full Phoenix traits. I suppose he could be called a half-Phoenix. The Star Phoenix is right around what he is. He has quite a bit of power, but Star Phoenixes are not as powerful as the rest. He would not be able to defeat a full blood Phoenix wizard or witch without a miracle. Being a werewolf helps him in some sense as far as his enhanced since of smell, sight, and hearing, but other than that, it doesn't serve much purpose until a full moon," Shadow explained. Lily looked at the girl with a new sense of respect as Shadow told her things with an adult attitude. It was obvious that this was difficult for Shadow, but the girl was doing her best to come clean with Lily and that meant a lot to the red-head.

"You said Remus would be no match against another Phoenix…so does that mean your step-father is one?"

"No. He is not. He is powerful enough though. He's a Raven wizard; who are of course more common, but he is so corrupted by his own sadistic needs that his powers are used for dark purposes. My mother is the Phoenix," Shadow admitted, wondering if it was wise that she tell Lily these secrets.

"A Star Phoenix?"

"No…she's…she's a more powerful Phoenix witch than that. I cannot say what kind she is…because it would tell what kind I am and it should not be known to anyone. Remus knows I believe. I think he can sense it, but I am not sure. He knows for certain that I am a Phoenix witch, but he might not know what kind. Please do not let word get out about this."

"I won't, Shadow. I appreciate you telling me, though," Lily replied kindly. Shadow nodded and looked back out at the frozen water. There was something about Lily that Shadow liked. It was a quality that radiated from her and it was on that alone that Shadow believed her to be trustworthy.

"It's getting late…I guess I should go inside," Lily said.

"Yeah, I should too," Shadow replied softly and the two girls walked back to the castle together. Shadow felt a little better now that she had told someone things that she had been holding in for much too long. It surprised her at how readily she had been willing to tell Lily these things when she wouldn't even give her own brother an explanation. There were a few times that she had wanted to confide in Severus, but she couldn't bring herself to do it for another reason. It wasn't a trust issue, because she could see that in his heart he was a good person; just one with a harsh exterior and an emotional barrier that was constantly in place, it was something else about him that she couldn't explain.

"You know…there are times that I see you looking at Severus Snape," Lily stated out of the blue. Shadow looked sharply at her, her mouth agape. Lily giggled when she saw the horrified expression on Shadow's face.

"How? What?" Shadow stammered, unsure how Lily might have known that she had been thinking about her fellow Slytherin.

"I have to ask…do you like him?" Shadow felt her face flush with embarrassment and she looked away. "You do, don't you?" Lily asked, surprised. She had only been suspecting, but to have Shadow react that way to her question only confirmed her suspicion; however, it didn't make it any less shocking.

"I…I don't know…," Shadow stammered. Lily stopped in her tracks and looked at Shadow squarely.

"How do you feel about him?" Lily asked softly.

"I…I don't know. He makes me nervous to be honest."

"Does it feel like you have butterflies in your stomach when you see him?" Lily smirked.

"Yeah…why?"

"That's what the nervousness is. What do you think about his appearance?" she asked, knowing that just about everyone thought that Severus was not on the better end of good looks.

"I like it. I mean, he…I think he's…you know…cute," Shadow stuttered. Lily burst out laughing at that moment and covered her mouth to keep it from echoing in the halls.

"Sweet Merlin! You do like him!" she exclaimed. Shadow felt her face turn a deeper shade of red and looked down at her feet. Lily had to take a moment to get herself under control before speaking again. "Don't worry Shadow; it is not a bad thing. I have suspected it for a little while, but I had to know for sure. Why don't you talk to him?"

"He doesn't like me."

"Nonsense! I've caught him looking in your direction on more than one occasion," Lily told her.

"He has done nothing to make me think that he does like me…well except…," Shadow trailed off and thought for a moment.

"Except what?" Lily asked in amusement.

"Well the night that I told Remus…all those things…Severus and I had a fight. We were in the boys dorm arguing and I tried to cast a memory charm on him for things he should not have seen…well he had pinned me down on his bed and after we argued…I kind of…um…I…I kissed him." Lily's mouth nearly hit the floor and her eyes were so wide, Shadow was sure they were going to pop out of head any minute.

"You…you kissed him? Are you serious? He **never **let's anyone that close to him! I don't think he had ever been kissed before! So how was it?" Lily was excited now.

"I…it was…nice…I mean, it was an innocent kiss, nothing extreme."

"But he didn't pull away?" Lily asked.

"No…actually he kind of kissed me back…then he tried to kiss me again, but I wouldn't let him. That's when he told me to stay away from him and leave him alone. He had tried to kiss me on my second day of school too. It was right after Sirius Black had gotten into that fight with him before class. I never really thought about it until now," Shadow said quietly.

"He has to like you. I think the reason he acts like an ass is because it's too new for him. It's common knowledge among the school that he is the only virgin in Slytherin," Lily told her.

"He's not the only one anymore," Shadow admitted. Lily looked at her and frowned for a moment.

"I thought you said your father was into rape though…"

"He is."

"Then…does he not rape you? I mean that would be a good thing, don't get me wrong," Lily said quickly. Shadow looked down at the floor.

"He does, Lily. It's just that he will not take my virginity…not till I reach my seventeenth year when my Phoenix powers are ready to be shared."

"Then how..." Lily felt her face pale and she stared at Shadow in shock, which quickly turned to sorrow.

"Oh my…Shadow I am so sorry…I wish you would tell Professor Dumbledore," Lily said sadly.

"I wish I could," Shadow admitted and sighed loudly. "I'm tired." Shadow sounded tired and worn as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Lily nodded her understanding, knowing that Shadow no longer wanted to talk about it.

"Alright, I'll see you later Shadow. Just please…think about talking to Remus," Lily told her before giving her a hug and heading toward Gryffindor tower. Shadow watched the redhead retreat from sight before she headed to the Slytherin common room. There were many things that she told Lily tonight that she probably shouldn't have, but she needed a friend and the girl was trustworthy. Years and years had passed and Shadow kept all her secrets, having to suffer in silence and remember a torment that she couldn't speak about. For some reason, after coming to Hogwarts, she couldn't do it anymore. She could feel her walls crumbling and the urge to take that chance and confess to what she knew was there. Fear stopped her, but for how much longer, she wasn't sure.

Shadow had never in her life told anyone about her heritage or what happened to her when she was away with her father. Now that she was getting older, she wanted to have some sort of normality in her life; whatever life she had left.

The Slytherins were all sitting in the common room playing a game in the middle of the floor. They looked up when Shadow into the room, but the girl paid them no mind.

"Hey Shadow?" It was Narcissa. The raven-haired girl stopped and looked at her. "Do you want to play with us?" she asked. Surprisingly, there didn't seem to be any malice or sarcasm behind the question, but Shadow shook her head anyway.

"I do not play games," she stated and went up to her room. She grabbed her art supplies and the book Lily had bought her for her birthday and then went back down to the common room, taking her favorite seat on the couch. She didn't look up at the group or at Severus, who she could feel looking at her.

"Come on, Shadow. The game is simple really. It's basically a truth or dare," Rodolphus told her. Shadow shook her head without looking up from her art book as she lightly brushed the pencil tip against the paper in a long fluent stroke.

"Shadow, we are not going to leave you alone until you agree to play," Bellatrix sneered. Shadow narrowed her eyes and glared angrily at the girl that was taunting her.

"Just play the game Shadow. You are a Slytherin aren't you? You haven't bothered to partake in anything we do," Evan said snidely.

"Fine, I will play your stupid game!" she snapped.

"This game is played with magic. The question has to be answered or the dare completed or else the player will go through short bouts of pain until the task is completed," Narcissa explained. Shadow didn't like the sound of that at all.

"Maybe I shouldn't play this game," she admitted softly.

"They made me play this bloody game, so it's only fair that you participate in it as well," Severus finally spoke; his tone cold and laced with disdain. Shadow looked into his cold black eyes, but didn't see anything but hatred. Perhaps, Lily was wrong.

"If you play, Shadow, we will not discuss _certain_ issues concerning your brother," Severus sneered and he saw the look of panic on Shadow's face.

"What issues?" Lucius asked.

"Are you going to play Shadow?" Severus asked, ignoring Lucius.

"Fine…I'll play," she said in defeat, knowing that questions were going to come up that she did not really want to answer. The secrecy of Remus' condition was more important than her own secrets in a way. Shadow didn't have much longer, so she wouldn't have to endure the consequences, but Remus had his whole life. She didn't want to see him shunned because of _what_ he was rather than _who _he was. Severus smirked in satisfaction.

"What are you two talking about?" Lucius asked Severus.

"Nothing. She has agreed to play, so questions regarding Lupin do not have to be answered," Severus stated simply, keeping his word thus far. Shadow sighed and looked back at her drawing, quickly sketching her outline to what she wanted. She listened to the game being played and dreaded her turn. She was angry with Severus and couldn't believe that she actually liked the boy who was deliberately trying to make things more complicated for her. She had looked up one time, only to find that Evan had been dared to dance naked in the middle of the group. She quickly looked back down and decided that taking a dare from them might not be a good idea.

"Alright, Severus, truth or dare?" Bellatrix asked. Severus glared at the girl for a moment, knowing that Bella was going to make this difficult no matter what choice he made.

"I'll take truth," he stated. Bella smirked.

"Severus, have you ever come close to having sex?" she asked. Severus narrowed his eyes dangerously. Everyone knew it was a sensitive subject for him, which was exactly why Bella asked him that question. She was trying to embarrass him and was doing a good job thus far.

"No…I have not," Severus ground out angrily. Snickers erupted from the rest of the Slytherins, with the exception of Lucius and Shadow, causing Severus' face to turn a nice shade of red. The problem with the game was that everyone in the group had to dare him or ask a question before it would be his turn to do it back.

"Truth or dare, Severus?" Evan asked as he put his clothes back on.

"Truth," he spat, knowing that Evan wasn't much better than Bella. Secretly he was afraid to be dared by either one of them.

"Ok, Severus have you ever kissed anyone, and if so who did you kiss?" he asked. Bella tried to hold in her laughter at Severus' red face.

"You got to answer it, or else it's gonna hurt," Rodolphus told him. Severus glared angrily at them before feeling the spasm of pain rip through him. He nearly cried out and knew that not answering the question would only make it worse.

"Yes I have kissed someone before…" he said through clenched teeth.

"You have to answer the other part of the question. Who did you kiss?" Evan told him.

"Ms. Hill," he seethed. All eyes fell on her and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

"Holy shit! This is going to be interesting," Bella exclaimed. Shadow glared at her and then looked at Severus.

"Don't call me Ms. Hill. My name is Shadow," she growled, clearly angry and embarrassed. Severus shot her a cold glare.

"Alright! Severus, truth or dare?" Crabbe asked.

"I'll take the bloody truth!" he snapped, and Crabbe smiled from ear to ear.

"Severus, have you ever wanked off while thinking about Shadow?" he asked. The question caused all of the color to drain from Severus' face.

"Fuck you!" he snapped.

"You have to answer the question, but your refusal is already making a statement," Crabbe said gleefully. Severus felt the color come back to his face in a hot rush and knew that he was red. Shadow had stopped drawing and was staring at him with her eyes wide in bewilderment. She found it hard to believe that Severus would do such a thing while thinking of her, but then again she had never thought about any male relieving themselves of sexual tension.

"Answer it, Severus!" Bella laughed when Severus went through a fit of pain. It felt much like the Cruciatus Curse.

"Damn you!" he hissed, clenching his teeth as the pain seared through his whole body.

"Answer it! Have you ever jerked it while thinking about Shadow?" Crabbe repeated.

"YES!" Severus yelled angrily, feeling the pain go away almost instantly. Shadow felt her mouth drop and she stared at him in disbelief. Severus wouldn't even look at her now. She could see his eyes glazed over from the anger and embarrassment he felt. Shadow actually felt sorry for him, despite how cold he had been toward her. Bella, Crabbe, and Evan were the only ones that were laughing about the matter. Everyone else seemed to either feel bad or was in a state of shock.

"Severus, do you take truth or dare?" Rodolphus asked. Severus was silent for a moment before finally answering with pure venom.

"Dare." There were gasps from a few in the group, but Rodolphus wasn't going to dare the boy to do something too drastic.

"Ok, Severus, I dare you to kiss Shadow for a full minute…and you have to use your tongue," he told him.

"WHAT?!" Shadow and Severus said in unison.

"Hey, I could have made it worse. I could have told you two that you have to fuck each other right in front of us," Rodolphus reasoned. Shadow felt her face pale and her hands begin to tremble. She couldn't deny that she wanted to kiss him again after Lily had brought it up, but she was deathly afraid of being touched so intimately and kissing like that was no exception.

"You know the rules, Severus," Bella told him. Severus looked at Shadow who was staring at her book, shaking visibly. He frowned and looked back at Rodolphus.

"I don't think this is a good idea," he told him, despite the fact that he was feeling a bout of pain beginning. They looked at her and saw that she looked frightened out of her mind.

"Don't worry, Shadow. He isn't going to hurt you." Narcissa told her.

"Complete your dare, Severus," Rodolphus warned. The raven-haired boy growled angrily and got up, walking over to the couch and sitting next to her. Shadow kept her head down, but looked at him from the corner of her eye.

"Let's get this over with," he told her coldly and raised his hand to her face, turning her towards him. She locked eyes with him and felt her breath catch as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was gentle at first, but after a few seconds he grazed his tongue against her lips and she instinctively parted for him, allowing him entrance.

Severus slid his tongue into her mouth and felt a shockwave course through his entire body. The taste of her was actually sweet like butterbeer and her lips against his were so erotic that he was instantly aroused. Luckily, he had kept his cloak on and was covered enough that the others couldn't see his state of arousal.

Shadow had never felt anything so good in her life and she could feel her stomach flipping in every direction. She felt an unusual rush of heat run down her chest to her abdomen before creeping lower where she had never experienced it before. His lips were surprisingly soft and his tongue was a warm welcome feeling against hers. She felt his hand tighten on the back of her neck forcing her closer and deepening the kiss. He kissed her hungrily and for the first time she was not frightened of the close contact. Her train of thought was broken when she heard the rest of the Slytherins cheering.

"Alright! You actually did it!" Rodolphus cheered. Severus broke the kiss and looked into Shadows' eyes. She could see the fire burning in his black eyes and to his surprise, her eyes revealed her desire as well. He quickly pulled away and took his seat again, pretending that he was merely performing the task given to him when in truth his whole body was on fire.

"Nice job, Severus," Lucius whispered to him. The rest of the questions asked of Severus were easy for him to answer without being embarrassed, and then the time came for Shadow to participate in the game.

"Alright, Shadow, now you have to ask Severus whether or not he will take truth or dare," Narcissa told her. Shadow swallowed hard and didn't look up at him.

"Do you take truth or dare, Severus?" she asked softly.

"Truth," Severus replied, not wanting to find out what kind of dare Shadow would have him do. She looked up at him to see his mask of indifference shielding his face of any emotion he felt.

"Did you enjoy kissing me, Severus?" she asked boldly, noticing the color drain from his face. He hadn't been expecting that kind of question.

"Ooooh! Good question!" Bella said approvingly, looking to Severus for the answer. He clenched his jaw and glared at Shadow for a moment.

"Yes I did," he said acidly. Shadow nodded and looked back down at her drawing without another word.

"Alright, now we get to truth or dare Shadow," Goyle said happily. She didn't bother looking up, especially since she could feel Severus' eyes still on her.

"Severus, you can question her first," Lucius said.

"Truth or dare, _Shadow_?" he sneered.

"Truth," she said softly.

"Where does your step-father take you when he checks you out of school all the time?" he asked. Shadows' head snapped up and she stared at him in disbelief.

"Why are you asking questions like that?!"

"Because I can! Answer it!" he snapped. Shadow ran her hand through her hair and felt the pain beginning to build up from not answering quickly.

"He…he takes me to his cabin…in the mountains north of here," she replied, feeling the pain vanish. She refused to look up at anyone and felt her stomach clench with unwanted anticipation.

"Truth or dare, Shadow?" Goyle asked. She would not even think of picking dare with any of them.

"Truth."

"Why are you so afraid of your step-father?" he asked. The room fell silent and they could see Shadow was trembling, her eyes closed.

"Because…because he hurts me…," she whispered. Silence continued for a moment, before Narcissa spoke up.

"Alright…um…truth or dare, Shadow?" she asked softly. This time Shadow did hesitate before stating 'truth'.

"Does your step-father only…beat you or does it go beyond that?" she asked uncertainly. Shadow sucked in ragged breath and refused to lift her eyes to anyone. Severus felt his chest tighten as he looked at her frightened state.

"Why do you keep asking me about my step-father? Can't you leave it alone?! It's none of your business anyway!" she hissed, clenching her teeth from the pain.

"You have to answer it, Shadow. I think you need to open about it anyway," Evan said.

"Fine. It…it goes beyond that," Shadow admitted angrily. There were gasps from the group and they looked uncertainly at each other before looking back at her.

"Shadow, are you going to take a dare at all?" Bellatrix asked her.

"No. I will not," she replied quietly, but the hint of acid was evident in her tone.

"Alright, then I will just ask you since you still have to complete your turn before you can back out of the game. Has your step-father ever raped you?" she asked, surprising everyone with such a blunt question.

Shadow seemed to freeze and she stared down at her drawing now, her mind racing. She didn't want to answer the question, but she knew that she couldn't go through the pain when her body was still in such a frail state. Anger built and she lifted her eyes to look right at Bella.

"Yes, he has and he still does! Is that what you want to know? Are you satisfied now?" she asked sourly.

"Oh my…," Narcissa whispered and covered her mouth. Lucius looked at Severus, who wore a look of complete disbelief. It was obvious that Severus felt something for the girl. Hearing what she had just admitted was surely disturbing to him, as well as everyone else.

"So you're not a virgin then, Shadow?" Crabbe asked her.

"I _am_ a virgin, still," she replied.

"But how can you…," Crabbe stopped and everyone seemed to know the answer to that.

"I can't believe your father does that to you," Narcissa exclaimed.

"Let's just finish this so I can go to bed," Shadow hissed.

"Alright, why don't you go to the Ministry of Magic about this, Shadow?" Evan asked.

"Because the Ministry already knows and some of them are participants along side my step-father. Before you ask, no, I am not the only one they do this to," she replied tensely.

"Why don't you kill them, Shadow?" Rodolphus asked. Severus glanced at him and then back at Shadow knowing that she had killed once before.

"I have killed some of them. I will not tell how many or who else has died at my hand either," she said, her voice becoming more quite.

"Shadow, why do you try so hard not to become friends with anyone, and that is including, as much as it pains me to ask, your brother Lupin?" Lucius asked casually.

"I am not permitted to have friends. My step-father will make it a point to protect his secrets and has killed to do so. I stay away from people to protect them. As for Remus, the reasons are the same with the exception of the fact that I have hurt him more than I care to admit. I do not want to do it again."

"Do you really think your father could hurt us?" Bellatrix asked, despite the fact that the games magic was already lifted from her.

"Yes, he could. He is a dark Raven wizard," she replied. Shocked silence followed that statement until Rodolphus cleared his throat.

"That means you are too?" he asked. Shadow looked up for the first time and it was obvious that she was on the verge of crying.

"No, I am not. I call him my step-father for a reason. Darius Lupin was my real father, but he was a more powerful wizard than Keadan. I inherited his magic along with my mothers," she stated.

"So what kind of witch are you?" Lucius asked.

"That, I will not answer," Shadow said firmly and grabbed her things before going up to her room.

Shadow dropped her things onto the bed as she felt her legs give out beneath her. Shadow collapsed to the floor and buried her face in her arms, drawing her knees up to her chest. She had never been willing to tell anyone her secrets and although tonight she had been apprehensive, she hadn't bothered fighting about it. She had willingly told them what they wanted to know for the most part. Why? She wasn't sure. Maybe she didn't want to go through the pain due to the rules of the game. Or maybe it was because she had already opened up to Lily and didn't care much anymore now that she was becoming desperate to get out of her situation. They wouldn't be able to help her. Unfortunately, her mind was not on the consequences that would come from telling her secrets, but rather on the kiss that Severus and her had shared; the kiss that shot an electric current through her entire body. Shadow couldn't help but think about his soft lips against hers and his hot tongue inside her mouth. That was a first time experience and it was one that she would not easily forget.

The remaining Slytherins surprisingly didn't feel like playing the rest of the game after hearing what Shadow said. Severus was staring into the fire like Shadow often did, thinking over everything he had just heard.

_Her father does rape her… I should have known from the beginning. Why the hell is the Ministry protecting him?! How could they do this? No wonder she was scared when I got dared to kiss her. _

"I always wondered why she looked so sick when she came back from those visits with _him_," Narcissa stated, bringing Severus out of his thoughts.

"Shouldn't we tell someone?" Evan asked uncertainly.

"She doesn't want us to. If the Ministry or some of them are on her step-father's side, then making it known that she told us would probably make it worse," Rodolphus said warily.

"Well then…what do we do?" Narcissa asked.

"Nothing, I guess," Bellatrix stated.

"Oh right! Let's do absolutely nothing, so when she goes home with him, she gets raped and beaten more. That's brilliant!" Narcissa snapped, earning a sinister glare from Bella.

"What about Lupin? Maybe he could help her," Crabbe asked.

"No he can't. He doesn't know. She made it a point not to tell him," Severus finally said.

"What about you? You like her. Maybe you should talk to her and find out everything you can. Or talk to Lupin?" Evan suggested. Severus glared coldly at him.

"I am not interested in talking to Lupin! She doesn't want him to know! Perhaps she should be left alone until _she_ is ready to tell him," he snapped, but inside he was aching to run to Dumbledore's office.

"Let's and see what happens," Lucius said and looked at Severus. "Evan does have a point though. If you can get close enough to her, she might tell you where exactly she lives. It will help, especially in the summer."

Severus didn't say anything, but instead stood up. He ignored all of them as he headed up to the girls rooms. He was surprised to find the door unwarded as he pushed it open to see Shadow sitting on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest and her face buried in her arms. He knew she was crying and part of him wanted to show her that he did care, but the other part of him was telling him not to get too close. He _knew_ he would end up hurt somehow.

"You really need to address the issues, Shadow," Severus said firmly. Shadow's head shot up and she stared at him.

"I have already told a great deal of things that I know I should not have. I told you all about the Ministry of Magic and why I cannot go to them or make public what is happening in my house. I still have some things to do in my life and I do not wish it to end at this very moment," she said hotly. Severus narrowed his eyes.

"How can you stand going home with him and living with what he does to you?" he snapped, but his words hit her in an entirely different way. He hadn't meant it to insult her, but she startled and believed now that he thought she was tainted and impure. Shadow turned away and felt fresh tears run down her face.

"I live with it because I have to. If you find me to be so disgusting then why don't you leave?" she said softly, her heart aching. Severus frowned.

"I didn't say you were disgusting."

"You implied it with the question you asked."

"I didn't mean it the way you took it, Shadow. It is not you that I find disgusting, it is him. What he is doing is vile and cruel. I can't understand how _you _can live with it," he said clearly, walking closer to her.

"I told you that I have to. I am embarrassed enough after what happened down there and I do not want company, so please leave," she said, but secretly wished she could ask him to stay. She wished she could continue the kiss they had shared and see where it would lead them, but she couldn't. Shadow couldn't even bring herself to face him.

"What is so embarrassing? What you told us or the fact that I kissed you?" he asked evenly. Shadow glanced at him, but did not look him in the eye.

"Both, but…I don't know. Telling everyone about me was the worst part of it, but as far as kissing you…it's nothing against you…I was just embarrassed because it was in front of everyone…and it was…only because of a dare." The last part came out in a whisper that Severus had barely caught. He had felt his chest tighten at the sound of her disappointment. Apparently, she had wanted to return his kiss.

"How do you think I felt?" he growled, remembering the embarrassing questions he had been forced to answer.

"I don't know…" she replied quietly and finally looked up at him, her green eyes full of pain. Severus slowly approached her until he was standing in front of her. She looked up at him with eyes wide like a frightened deer. Severus reached down and pried her arms apart and then carefully pulled her to her feet before he sat down on the bed in front of her.

Shadow's breathing grew shallow and she stared at him, unable to take her eyes away from the pale, raven-haired Slytherin that reminded her so much of a fallen angel. Severus had no idea why he was doing what he was doing, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He wanted to see what she would feel like against him. He reached out around Shadow's waist and before she could protest, he pulled her onto his lap, so that she was straddling him. Shadow began to shake and tried to pull away, but Severus held her still.

"I am not like your step-father. I am not going to hurt you," he told her sincerely. Shadow looked into his eyes and knew that he was telling the truth, but she was afraid of the close contact in general. This was so new for her. She had never been in this predicament and when her father _abused_ her, which is what made it different. It was different because she hated her father, but she cared for Severus Snape.

Severus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush with his body, bringing their faces closer together. Shadow was about to protest again, but Severus reached up with one hand and pulled her face to his and captured her lips in another kiss. Shadow gasped, and Severus quickly took advantage; pushing his tongue inside her mouth. He kissed her passionately, noticing that she had relaxed somewhat after a moment. He broke the passionate kiss only to kiss her along her jaw and down to her throat.

Shadow felt her breaths coming out in short rasps as Severus moved down to kiss the nape of her neck. She had never felt anything like this before and although it was terrifying to her, it felt so good. Her breath hitched when his lips touch her chest, kissing her between her breasts. She jerked away slightly, but he seemed to take the hint and stopped kissing her there. Instead, Severus moved back to her mouth and explored it again, savoring the sweet taste of her lips and tongue as he kissed her hungrily.

Severus's body had immediately responded to her closeness as soon as he had pulled her onto his lap, but he had ignored it; until now, when Shadow shifted slightly. He gave a small grunt and held Shadow tighter, forcing her to rub against his aching erection. This, however, was not a good idea. Shadow quickly broke away and pushed herself off of him. She backed up against the headboard and quickly drew her knees up again as if to protect herself.

"Shadow, I wasn't going to hurt you," Severus told her.

"That's exactly what happens to my step-father when he's around me," Shadow hissed, pointing to the bulge in his pants. Severus flushed red and he glared angrily at Shadow.

"That is a natural reaction! I am a male you know!" he snapped, making her flinch.

"_That_ is what hurts me, how do you expect me to act?" she asked, her lips quivering slightly.

"Shadow, you are never going to let anyone in if you keep comparing them to your step-father," he hissed.

"I have nothing else to compare to! I had never kissed anyone until I kissed you. I have never been touched unless I was being hurt. I have never had any experience with…with _that_!" she said, pointing to his erection again. Severus hissed angrily and stood up.

"Well, I am sorry that you mistook my actions towards you. _This_…," he said, pointing to himself, "was never going to touch you! I was not here to rape you or to fuck you in any way. I was only kissing you and I was _not_ dared this time to do it!" he said angrily. Shadow felt guilty and looked away from him.

"Why do you want to kiss me?" she asked softly.

"I would have thought that was obvious, but it doesn't matter anymore. All you want to do is keep your secrets and let your father fuck you brutally to the point where you won't let anyone near you!" he ground out angrily, taking his embarrassment out on her.

"I don't let him do those things!" she spat, jumping off the bed and facing him squarely, mere inches from him.

"Really? Then why don't you do something about it then?!" Shadow couldn't answer that, but the tears of pain and regret were coming to the surface.

"Don't worry Shadow, I'll stay away from you!" he snapped and turned on his heel, disappearing out the door. Shadow burst into tears and collapsed on the floor.

"But I don't want you to stay away…" she sobbed softly.


	7. Forgiveness

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 6**

_Forgiveness_

It was a week before the Christmas Ball and Shadow had no intention of going. She listened to the other students talk about how great it would be and who they were taking, but she didn't bother thinking on it herself. There wasn't much point anyhow. Shadow had also noticed that Severus was ignoring her and making a point to avoid her just as he had said he would. He would send her cold looks and sneer at her every time they locked eyes.

"Lovely…he's mad at me because _he_ was embarrassed," Shadow mumbled to herself. She rounded the corner to head to the library when she bumped into none other than Remus Lupin. For a moment, they stared at each other wide eyed; then Shadow tried to dart around him, but he quickly grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.

"Shadow, please let me talk to you," Remus told her softly. Shadow bit her lip, considering him and then after a few moments she reluctantly nodded.

"Ok…what do you want to talk about?" she asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Us. Look Shadow, I am not going to lie and say that I'm not still angry about what happened to my father, but I want to try and understand your decision. I also want us to start talking again. You are still my sister despite what you did," Remus told her. Shadow felt her eyes water, causing her to avoid looking at him, but he put a finger under her chin and lifted her face.

"Shadow, please, I don't want to fight anymore. Let's celebrate Christmas together."

"I can't. I am leaving the night after the Ball. Keadan has already made the arrangements to take me for the holidays," Shadow said quietly. Remus felt his face go dark, remembering what Severus had told him about the scars.

"Shadow, say no. You have the option of staying here," he told her.

"Are you crazy? I cannot disobey my step-father!" she said sharply.

"Why? Because he'll beat you again? Just like the night we fought and you were gone for days?" Remus asked harshly and saw Shadow's face pale.

"What do you know of that?" she asked.

"I saw you! Severus told me about the scars he saw. I know what he does to you Shadow," Remus told her firmly.

"You don't know the half of it," Shadow told him, her tone softening.

"Then tell me."

"I can't. Not right now. I don't want to talk about it," Shadow replied. Remus sighed loudly and looked at his sister for a moment.

"Why won't you tell me anything? Don't tell me it's because you're afraid that Keadan will come after me. I think there is more to it than that," Remus said. There was a moment of silence where Shadow just looked into Remus' eyes, seeing true concern.

"Remus, what happens to me is both embarrassing and painful. It is not easy to share. Unfortunately, the Slytherins know most of it."

"Why did you tell them and not me?" he asked, slightly hurt.

"I didn't want to. I was forced into a game of truth or dare. They charmed it magically to hurt if the person did not answer or lied," she admitted. Remus shook his head and looked at the floor.

"Great…"

"Remus, I never wanted to tell you anything. I was going to take it to my grave, but I couldn't let you go on believing that your father had died painlessly. I couldn't let you go on believing that I am an innocent victim in all this."

"But you are. I know you blame yourself for what happened, but you can't always take the blame for something your step-father has done," Remus told her, finally speaking the truth of what he felt. Severus had been right. Remus couldn't blame Shadow for what she'd had to do ten years ago. She had been faced with no other option. He had forgiven her, yet hadn't realized it until then.

"It doesn't change how I feel about it."

"Shadow, you're my sister and I love you. I am sorry that we haven't spoken for this last month, but I don't want it to continue this way. I know you had told yourself that you don't want anything to do with anyone, including me, but reconsider. Nobody wants to be lonely," Remus told her gently. Shadow felt her eyes brim with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Remus. I wish I could have done something else to save him. He…he was my father too and…doing what I did…hurt me so much…but if you had _seen_ him…" she trailed off, shutting her eyes and trying to push the memory out of her head. She felt the strong comforting embrace of her brother and instantly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She never realized how much she really needed the comforting embrace of someone she loved and trusted. A sense of ease overcame her.

"I will tell you Remus, but just not right at this moment," she decided. Her step-father would come after her and she knew it. He would probably come after Remus if he had the chance, but her brother wanted to know and she realized that she could no longer deny him that. She would tell him.

"Alright, Shadow I will wait, but I do want you to trust me. I know I've told you this before, but I mean it," he told her.

"I know. I promise I will," she told him, sealing her word. Remus gave a faint smile and pulled away slowly to look at her.

"Shadow, come with me to the Christmas Ball," he told her.

"Oh…I can't…I have nothing to wear," she said uncertainly.

"I was about to meet up with the guys and Lily to go to Hogsmeade. Come with us. You and Lily could go and shop together," he told her.

"I don't know…"

"We were going to go Christmas shopping. Come with us," Remus told her. Shadow couldn't deny that she had missed her brother dearly. She smiled at him and nodded.

"Ok, but I have to go to the common room and get my money and warmer clothes," she told him.

"I'll walk you there," he told her and they headed down toward the dungeons.

"Ok."

"Shadow, may I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Is there…is there anything between you and Severus?" he asked curiously. Shadow sucked in a sharp breath and Remus noticed it.

"Um…I …I don't know. I don't think so. I mean…"

"What is it, Shadow?" Remus asked, concerned. Shadow sighed.

"When we played that stupid game, he was dared to kiss me. Later on, once I got away to my room, he came up to talk to me. He…he kissed me again. He said that what he was trying to show me was obvious. I got scared…well because…because I caused…a _reaction_ from him," she stammered toward the end, obviously slightly embarrassed.

"What kind of _reaction_?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Um…you know…well…he said…he said it's a natural reaction 'cause he…he's a male," Shadow said, now clearly embarrassed and red faced. Remus took a moment to really let what she had said set in and then laughed out loud. Shadow was certainly not expecting that kind of reaction from her brother. "What's so funny?"

"Sorry…" he said, trying to stop himself from laughing harder.

"I don't think it's funny," she grumbled.

"It's just…it's just hard to imagine it from Severus Snape, that's all. He doesn't go anywhere near girls and has never cared to. People were starting to wonder about him. I just…I just would not have expected _that_ to happen," Remus told her, finally being able to calm himself. Shadow nodded her understanding, since she had not expected anything like that from Severus either. She certainly didn't want to bring up the _other_ things Severus had been forced to admit during the game.

"Baby girl, I think he has it for you," Remus told her.

"Has what for me?"

"He likes you."

"Don't be silly," Shadow replied, but secretly felt her heart skip a beat at the thought. "He hasn't told me such things."

"He wouldn't. Severus almost never lets anyone in on how he feels. The fact that he kissed you should be enough to prove that he likes you."

"Well he's mad at me again. I think he got embarrassed because of his _reaction_ and now he is avoiding me."

"Well, it is an embarrassing thing sometimes, especially when you are near someone you like and they happen to see _it._ Why did it scare you though?" Remus asked, looking down at her, but noticed that Shadow had looked away. Her reaction caused him to frown.

"That's one thing…that I will explain when it comes time to tell you about my step-father," Shadow said softly and Remus felt his stomach turn uneasily.

"Oh gods…" he whispered, suspecting why she might have reacted to Severus that way.

"Not now, Remus please," Shadow pleaded. Remus merely nodded, but the uneasy feeling he had was making his mind reel.

After about twenty minutes Shadow and Remus found themselves headed to Hogsmeade with Sirius, James, Lily, and Peter. Lily had been so happy to see that Remus and Shadow had made up that she hugged Shadow until she couldn't breathe.

"I am so glad that you are here because I needed a female for this kind of outing. No offense to the guys, but they really don't know how to help a girl shop for a Ball," Lily told her.

"Hey! I could have helped a _great deal_!" Sirius exclaimed, getting himself elbowed in the side by James.

"What?" Sirius asked, obviously clueless as to what he had insinuated. Shadow smiled at them and looked at Lily.

"I am afraid that I have never been to a Ball before so I am not sure exactly what to look for in a dress," she admitted.

"Oh don't worry. We'll help each other," Lily said happily.

Once in Hogsmeade, the group separated, leaving the two girls by themselves. Lily pointed to a small dress shop across from Zonko's and they made their way through the crowd. Shadow glanced around the crowd of people in paranoia, but didn't feel the presence of her step-father anywhere near there. She would hate to run into him and have to explain why she was buying herself a dress or how she managed to wear nice clothes on her little outing. Her parents had no idea that Shadow made money through her artwork and had stashed it away in her own little bank account at Gringotts. Thinking of Gringotts made her remember that she was supposed to talk to Remus about it for the future. She had meant to tell him about it the night of her birthday, but after the fight it had become the last thing on her mind.

"Look at these dresses!" Lily squealed, bringing Shadow out of her thoughts. The raven-haired girl looked at all the dresses to choose from and felt her jaw go slack for a moment.

"How am I supposed to choose _one_?" Shadow asked incredulously. Lily just laughed and began sifting through them. Shadow wandered around the store, looking at all the dresses in silence. How could she choose just one? Shadow wasn't aware of the shop keeper coming her way.

"Hello dear," the old woman said kindly. Shadow startled for a moment and looked at her.

"Um…hi."

"Looking for a dress are you? I believe I know one that is meant for you," she told her kindly. Shadow followed the woman to a small room behind the counter and watched as the old woman pulled a dress from a dark corner. Shadow inhaled sharply and stared at the dress without saying a word for a moment.

"Why?" she finally breathed, getting a smile from the old woman.

"Because child, you are a very _special_ witch. Those who are the _same_ can see what others can't," the woman said, locking eyes with Shadow, who watched in shock as the woman's eyes turned a bright red with a yellow ring around her pupil.

"You're…you're a…" Shadow stammered.

"Yes dear, I am, and so is my husband. However, we are a grade lower than you, but the same nonetheless," she told Shadow kindly. Shadow let herself feel the relief of knowing that she wasn't the only one…that she had something in common with someone.

"I thought…I thought I was alone," Shadow admitted.

"Oh no dear, but it is easy to think that. I have seen you before with your brother. I see it in him as well, even though his is not to our degree, it is there. My dear, do you know what it means to be the kind of witch you are?" she asked.

"I…I guess not. I am not sure."

"If you wish it, you may come here whenever you need advice. You will soon learn that being what you are does not come without a price. If you need a friendly ear, come here," she told her. Shadow could only nod and watched the woman bring dress to the counter where Lily was waiting with hers.

"Oh my! That is a lovely dress!" Lily exclaimed. The dress was a beautiful emerald green with a corset style top and the skirt was a loosely fitting silk that flared out at the bottom; but the most breathtaking thing about the dress was the silver Phoenix whose tail feathers started at the bottom of the dress and whirled around the dress so that it looked as though it was flying. The body of the silver Phoenix wrapped around the waist and the wings spread across the front of the corset with the head resting nicely over the right breast cup of the dress. The woman pulled a box of silver heals with a T-strap and set them with the dress.

"Wow! I love that dress," Lily exclaimed.

"What did you get?" Shadow asked. Lily happily held up a traditional ball gown dress. It had a strapless corset top and was a shimmering gold that faded into white towards the bottom. It was lovely and it matched Lily perfectly.

"I have the perfect shoes for those dear," the old woman told her and pulled a box of gold heels, also toeless, with straps that would crisscross over the top of her foot and connect to the ankle strap. Lily gasped as she stared down at the gemstone covered heels.

"Those _are_ perfect! How much is everything?" Lily asked excitedly. The woman looked around the shop to make sure no one else was there.

"You know, it is hard to come by people who are truly good at heart. I see in both of you qualities that many people do not have. Please take these as a gift from an old woman," she told them. Both girls gasped in surprise.

"Oh no, we couldn't," Lily told her.

"Surely, you want something for these," Shadow added.

"No, no. If I had children I would be doting on them with dresses for their dances, but since I do not, I would like to bestow these gifts to you. Please take them," she insisted. After some consideration, both girls nodded and the woman smiled happily, wrapping the dresses and shoes in a box so no one would be able to see them.

"Thank you so much…" Lily gasped.

"Oh, you're welcome. Now my dears, I believe the two of you will be the center of attention. Remember what I said _Shadow_." Shadow looked surprised when the woman called her by her name.

"I will."

"Come back and see me. You can learn a lot from my husband and me," she told her. Shadow nodded and they both thanked the woman and left with their items.

"I can't believe she let us have these dresses! They were expensive! I mean, mine was anyway and I am almost certain yours costs more than mine did," Lily said in disbelief.

"Lily, remember what I told you about my parents being Phoenixes?" she asked.

"Yes, why?"

"That woman knew. She looked at me and knew what I was. She is also a Phoenix as well as her husband."

"Really?! That's amazing! I would never have guessed," Lily told her.

"Neither would I. She wants to help me with the changes I will undergo. She says that being a Phoenix comes with its price," Shadow said softly.

"I wonder what that means," Lily said curiously.

"From what I understand about my own race, it's a painful experience. The more powerful the Phoenix; the more painful the transformation," Shadow said at a near whisper.

"You never did tell me what kind of Phoenix you and your mother were," Lily said thoughtfully.

"I know. I will tell you at some point. I am not ready to admit that yet," Shadow replied quietly. Lily nodded, not wanting to push the subject. They walked into a few shops and looked around for Christmas presents. Shadow wasn't exactly sure what she should get for any of them, but Lily had been a great help and helped her pick some things for the boys. Sirius was always complaining about how he had ruined his nicest silk shirt that he used to go out with so Shadow had selected a nice maroon one for him. Lily told her about how much James loved his broomstick so Shadow had gotten him a care kit for his broom. Peter was somewhat difficult since she didn't know the boy very well, but Lily had said that Peter had some strange love for Charms, so she bought him an advanced Charms book.

"What are you going to get for Remus?" Lily asked. Shadow looked deep in thought and remembered something very special that she had kept for ten years.

"I have something that belonged to our father. Everyone thought it to be destroyed, but I had saved it and I think it would make a nice gift for him. To have a part of his father back in a way," Shadow said quietly. Lily smiled sadly at her.

"I think that whatever it is, he would love it more than any gift you could buy for him," she told the Slytherin girl.

"I am not sure what to get you though," Shadow said, changing the subject before she became emotional again.

"Oh, well, I am easy to shop for. I like books, clothes, lingerie, and all that stuff," Lily said.

"What the hell is lingerie?" Shadow asked curiously.

"You know, sexy clothes? Night time clothes, basically," Lily told her and dragged the girl along side with her to another store and walked in. She walked over to the back and pointed to racks of skimpy clothing that Shadow paled from just looking at.

"I have pajamas, but they don't look like _that_," she exclaimed.

"We'll have to change that," Lily said thoughtfully. The two girls separated and looked around the store. It was obvious what their presents would be to each other, but they didn't let each other see what they were buying for one another. Shadow would also get Lily something else a little less enticing, but nice nonetheless when the girl wasn't around. Lily was thinking the same thing, but she would have to go to the book store. Once they finished purchasing their items, which were neatly wrapped and shrunk down to fit in their pockets, they left the shop; stepping back out into the bitter cold that whipped around them.

"Ok. Come on. Let's go find those idiot boys," Lily said cheerfully. They walked together through the snow looking around for their friends, but Shadow nearly froze when she spotted Severus, Lucius, Narcissa, and Evan standing together near the Three Broomsticks. Lily seemed to notice her suddenly frozen state and looked over to see what Shadow was looking at. Lily smiled widely, remembering what Shadow had told her about Severus trying to kiss her at the beginning of the year.

"So how is Severus these days?" she asked in amusement and saw Shadow's face turned scarlet. Lily couldn't help but burst into a fit of giggles.

"He kissed me," Shadow said suddenly looking at Lily, whose face froze and her mouth dropped.

"Again? When?"

"Last week…it was during a game of magical truth or dare. He was dared to kiss me…with his tongue," Shadow said quietly. Lily's eyes went from wide to bulging, and then suddenly she burst out laughing. Her face turned bright red and she felt the tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. Shadow tried to hide her amusement, but Lily looked as red as a tomato and she couldn't help but laugh at the girl.

"I'm sorry! It's just…it's just the way you said it!" Lily gasped.

"Yeah well that's not the only thing that happened that night, but the rest of it is not that funny. It's embarrassing actually," Shadow said.

"Tell me what happened. I have got to know now," Lily said enthusiastically. Shadow eyed her for a moment, before leaning over and whispering in her ear that night's events. Lily turned red and again and was trying desperately not to laugh out loud, but Shadow could see that she was failing.

"Lily, don't say a word. He is looking this way," Shadow hissed, trying to keep her focus on the red-faced girl. Lily side glanced in the direction and sure enough the small Slytherin group was looking their way. They were only about thirty or so feet away. Lily felt her face turning purple from trying to hold in her laughter and Shadow couldn't help it, but she burst out laughing at the girl. It was the first time that Shadow had actually been heard laughing and it was a wonderful sound. Lily also broke down laughing and was nearly doubled over holding her stomach. Shadow covered her mouth and laughed even harder at the girl.

"Lily stop! Please stop or else…I can't," Shadow gasped as she tried to stop laughing, but the girl's face was just too much. Lily finally calmed down enough to stand up straight, but her breathing was short because of all the laughing.

"Lily, can I tell you something?" Shadow asked, suddenly serious.

"Yeah, go ahead," Lily said breathlessly. Shadow leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"I have been thinking about Severus for a long time, and after that night…I think I know…I think that…that I am falling in love with him," Lily again felt her mouth drop, but this time there was no laughing. She looked Shadow in the face.

"Really?" Shadow nodded.

"I have never cared about anyone until I came here, but with Severus it's different. I want to…well you know…I am curious about him," Shadow said quietly.

"You want a more intimate relationship with him," Lily clarified, getting another nod from Shadow.

"Yes."

"You know, to accomplish that you have to overcome your fear of men. I know that is hard, but that's one of the major things of being in a relationship," Lily told her seriously.

"I know. That's what's hard for me to deal with. Besides, he doesn't want a relationship with me anyway, so I have no idea why I even think about it."

"That's because you are in denial. If he didn't want something to do with you, do you think he would kiss you?"

"Yes."

"He isn't like other boys. He _never _gets close to anyone, so for him to try and get close to you says a ton of things," Lily told her, making a point. Shadow shrugged.

"I guess…"

"Let's go to the Three Broomsticks," Lily said mischievously.

"You're mental!" Shadow hissed.

"Why not? I bet that's where the boys are," Lily said, trying to play innocent.

"But _HE_ is right by the door!" Shadow hissed again, feeling her heart beating faster as she felt Severus still watching them.

"So what? He isn't going to say anything," Lily told her, grabbing her hand and dragging her toward the little pub.

"I am going to faint," Shadow whispered. Lily giggled and shook her head.

"No, you won't. Besides, if we don't go in there and find James, he'll drink way too many butterbeers and I will have to put up with his stupidity all night," Lily told her, and as soon as she got up to the door where Severus stood only three feet away she looked at him.

"Hi, Severus," Lily said cheerfully, but before anyone could say anything, they heard the door open and shut quickly. Lily looked around and frowned. "Where the hell did Shadow go?"

"I believe that was her that just ran inside the pub. Although, I am not entirely sure since I have never seen anyone move that fast. I didn't get a good look," Lucius said in amusement. Lily thought she might burst out laughing right there on the spot so she quickly followed.

Severus had seen Shadow's red cheeks and knew that she was embarrassed about going near him, but wasn't sure if it was because of his reaction toward her or the kiss they shared. Apparently, Lily knew something and was trying to have fun playing with the both of them. Severus narrowed his eyes at the thought and glared out at the other students who were having fun. He most certainly was not.

"Come now, Severus. I believe I would like to sit and have a drink," Lucius said.

"Oh yeah, great! You want to have a share in the amusement as well!" Severus snapped.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Lucius countered mockingly and shoved Severus inside.

Shadow was sitting next to her brother when Lily had come inside and smiled widely at her. Shadow could see laughter written in Lily's eyes when she came and sat down on the other side of her, next to James. When Shadow looked back toward the door to see Lucius guide Severus inside, she felt her face pale. Lily started to giggle wildly getting a strange look from the boys.

"What's so funny?" James asked.

"Nothing. It's girl stuff," Lily replied, watching as Lucius and his friends sat only two tables away and in clear view of their table. Shadow seemed to notice too and looked down at the table, her face flushing red now. Lily leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"At least you'll get a good look at him." Shadow groaned and shook her head, making Lily giggle even harder.

"So, did you find a dress you liked, Shadow?" Remus asked.

"Yes I did. It's in Slytherin colors though," she replied. Remus chuckled and nodded.

"Of course," he said lightly, sipping his drink.

"Who are you going with Shadow?" Sirius asked.

"Remus."

"Oh, ok. I thought for a moment you were going to go with Snivellus," Sirius said, clearly disgusted by the idea. He wasn't aware that the Slytherins only a few tables over could hear him.

"What would be wrong if I did go with him?" Shadow asked.

"Look at him. He's no match for you," Sirius said. Remus saw the flash of anger cross Shadow's face and knew that this was a touchy subject.

"Sirius, maybe you shouldn't talk about Severus like that," Remus told him.

"Oh please! That boy is probably one of the worst looking ones at Hogwarts," Sirius said casually.

"He is not!" Shadow snapped.

"Don't tell me you like him," Sirius said, laughing lightly, but looking at Shadows' face he stopped. "Do you?"

"You told me not to tell," Shadow said flatly. It was enough of an answer to make Sirius' eyes nearly pop out of his head.

"You do! What in the name of Merlin would you possess you to like someone like Snivellus?!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Sirius, stop it! Leave my sister alone," Remus said sternly. Sirius looked at him and than back at Shadow.

"I'm sorry Shadow. I just don't understand it. He's dangerous and cold. I don't see how you can like anything about him." Shadow didn't reply to that, but her cheeks were red with anger and embarrassment. She knew that Severus could hear them. Lily glared at the Sirius.

"You're only angry because _you_ like her!" Lily told him. It was his turn to look embarrassed. Shadow felt her eyes go wide and she stared at Sirius in disbelief.

"Lily! You were supposed to keep that to yourself!" Sirius hissed angrily.

"I would have if you had not just upset her," Lily retorted. Remus looked at his friends and felt the tension at the table. James was looking at the wall as if there was something new and interesting on it and Peter was staring at Sirius in shock. Remus knew that Peter also had a slight crush on Shadow, so it was probably a little discouraging for him. There was little competition for Sirius Black and James Potter when looks came into play.

Severus narrowed his eyes and glared coldly at Black after overhearing everything he had said, but what had really made his blood boil was when he found out that Black liked Shadow. Severus hated the Gryffindor _mutt_, but he had to admit that the boy was good looking. He wondered if Shadow would start having affections for him now that she knew that he desired her. The thought made him clench his jaw and look coldly upon their table. Lucius raised a brow and then looked at Narcissa and Evan who were both smirking at the sight.

Shadow looked clearly uncomfortable sitting at the table now and Remus reached under and squeezed her knee gently.

"Don't worry about," he whispered to her. Lily looked at James and after a moment of talking to him, she kissed him gently on the lips and stood up.

"I think I am going to head up to the castle. Shadow, want to join me?" Lily asked. Shadow was grateful for the offer and stood up.

"I will see you later, Remus," Shadow whispered and kissed her brother on the cheek before following Lily out.

"Sorry about Sirius in there. He can be such an arrogant prat! He thinks he is the answer to every woman's dreams," Lily said angrily.

"It's alright…I guess my dreams are a little different," Shadow said softly. Lily softened and looked at her.

"Honestly, I think you're a better match for Severus than anyone else," Lily told her sincerely, getting a small yet grateful smile from the Slytherin.

"We'll see what he says about that," Shadow said.

"I can ask him if he likes you," Lily suggested, feeling the laughter welling up when she saw Shadow's horrified face.

"Are you completely mental?! No way! I think he overheard our conversation anyway. I'm sure after that little episode inside, he knows that I feel something for him," Shadow exclaimed.

"Yeah, but he doesn't know how deep those feelings go," Lily pointed out. There was silence for a moment before Lily spoke again.

"I hope not…"

"So have you seen him naked?" she asked bluntly, causing Shadow to nearly trip as they walked up the snow covered path.

"What?!" she exclaimed.

"Have you seen him naked?" she asked again. Shadow thought back to when his clothes were hexed off, but he had still been wearing his shorts.

"No, I haven't. I mean, not the way you are thinking. Why?"

"I don't know. I was just wondering if you have seen what kind of meat that boy is packing," Lily said casually, watching Shadow's face turn bright red again. The look of horror on Shadow's face broke Lily down again and she started laughing hard.

"Wha-"

"It's probably really big," Lily laughed. Shadow felt her mouth drop.

"Why do you say that?!"

"Because he has a big nose and big feet. It usually means he has something _big somewhere else_," Lily said. Shadow covered her face with her hands.

"Oh my gods…I am never going to look at him the same again," she whispered, causing Lily to laugh again.

"How did it feel when you were sitting on it?" Lily asked.

"Wh…what do you mean?"

"You know, did it _feel _big?" Lily pressed. Shadow remembered that in fact it had felt quite big and it nearly scared her to death.

"Well yeah…it seemed big enough," Shadow admitted. Truthfully, Shadow had been too terrified to notice how big it actually was.

"That's a plus," Lily laughed.

"Lily, doesn't sex hurt?" Shadow asked suddenly. Lily looked at her and sobered almost immediately.

"The first time, it sort of does, but it starts to feel better as you go on. Shadow, what happens to you is not sex, it is rape."

"What's the difference?" Shadow asked.

"Rape is something forced on you, sex or making love is something done willingly. Shadow, what your step-father does to you is painful, rough, and wrong. I am not saying that people do not have sex _that way_, but when he does it to you; he does it in a manner that hurts you. It isn't supposed to be like that."

"So, you're saying that people have sex…well…_that way_ and it doesn't hurt them? It sure kills the hell out of me. I don't know if I will ever like sex," Shadow said quietly.

"I think if you were with someone you truly had feelings for, you would. Like Severus," Lily suggested. Shadow blushed again, but shrugged.

"I don't know. He strikes me as a rough person."

"Was he rough when he kissed you?" Lily asked.

"No."

"Well then, that shows something. Severus may not be a nice person, but I don't think he would ever intentionally hurt you. Knowing what he knows, I am sure he would be gentle with you, especially for your first time." Shadow suddenly gave a small laugh. "What?" Lily asked, slightly confused.

"Here we are talking about me having sex with Severus and I am not even in a relationship with him. The thought is just so strange. I have made it a point to never think about anyone sexually after everything I have been through and somehow I let myself think about Severus Snape," Shadow said shaking her head. Lily smiled knowingly. Shadow surely was falling head over heels for the dark Slytherin.

"You know, there are some really nice things about sex," Lily said softly.

"Like what?"

"Like the places he could kiss you."

"What? Where else is he supposed to kiss me?" Shadow asked. Lily couldn't help but smile at Shadow's complete and utter innocence. The poor girl truly knew nothing about the art of love making.

"You know places like your neck, your chest, your breasts…even that special spot between your legs…" Lily said softly, watching Shadow's face turn crimson.

"Um…well…I…my step-father had bitten me on my chest…he left marks…I don't think I would want Severus to see me…naked…" Shadow stammered shamefully. Lily frowned.

"Your step-father is a real bastard! Making love doesn't hurt, it feels really good. Having an orgasm is the best part."

"What is an orgasm?" At that question, Lily stopped and stared at her. They hadn't noticed that the Slytherin group was not too far behind them and in hearing distance.

"You don't know what an orgasm is? You've never played with yourself?" she asked incredulously. Shadow felt her mouth drop.

"No! Of course not! And no, I do not know what the hell an orgasm is," Shadow said in frustration.

"Oh my goodness! You poor thing. It's the best thing to happen to anyone during sex or even when playing with themselves. Why haven't you ever tried playing with yourself? I mean, aren't you curious?" Lily asked bluntly.

"No, not really. I have never thought about it. Besides, I _can't_ play with myself."

"Why not? You just reach down and rub yourself until you climax," Lily said quite frankly.

"Well…I can't do that…my step-father made sure…well…he has made it so it can't be touched," Shadow said uncomfortably.

"How? Magic?"

"Um no…with a needle…and…," she trailed off and turned away, feeling the embarrassment mounting. Lily narrowed her eyes.

"That bastard! Why don't we go see Madam Pomfrey? She could fix that," Lily said, but Shadow shook her head.

"I am going home for the holidays. If he finds that anything has changed…well I'm sure you can get the idea of what will happen to me…" Shadow said, continuing her walk toward the castle.

"Shadow, I'm sorry. You've been deprived of everything," Lily said gently. Shadow gave a bitter laugh.

"I have gotten used to it over the years," she replied emptily, making Lily feel even sorrier for her.

"We need to find a way to get you out of this mess," Lily said softly.

Severus had a look of horror on his face, having just overheard why Shadow did not have access to herself. Lucius for his part seemed utterly surprised as well. Narcissa and Evan were both silent, but Severus knew they were thinking about what she had just said. Now that he knew what he knew, he wondered if he should truly be mad at her for the way she reacted last week.

"I can't believe I just heard Shadow say that," Narcissa said, obviously stunned.

"Neither can I," Lucius said, regaining the composure to his voice.

"Not only has that girl been closed off, but she has never had an orgasm. Since she seems to have taken a liking to Severus, I say he needs to fix that for her," Evan said. The other three Slytherins looked at him coldly. "What?"

Severus looked back toward the two girls in the distance. He wondered what other horrible things this girl had to endure. Her admissions suddenly didn't seem to give an accurate description. He was sure it was much worse than what she had described. Severus knew the girl had suffered greatly and was still doing so; and deep inside, he knew that he wanted to be the one that eased that suffering and gave her something pleasurable to remember. He wanted to have her and show her that a man could be kind and gentle. Severus had no idea what was coming over him, but it made him angry that he couldn't seem to keep his emotions in check. He didn't dare say what he thought it was that was making him think this way. It would only cement what he suspected in his head and that is not what he wanted.


	8. Christmas Ball

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 7**

_Christmas Ball_

The night of the Christmas Ball, Shadow was nothing but a bundle of nerves. Her parents had never let her go to any social events so she wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen there. Shadow had overheard that Severus was going, but apparently he was going without a date. At least he wasn't the only one. Crabb and Goyle were in the same boat as Severus.

Shadow had neatly wrapped her gifts to everyone and set them on her bed. She let her eyes stop on the gift that she had actually bought for Severus. She had decided to order it through owl post and was glad that she did so no one knew it came from her. It was obvious that Severus had a love for potion making, but his equipment was old and unfit. Shadow had taken the liberty to buy him a new kit, but it was for advanced Potion brewers. The cauldron was of the finest quality, there were different mixers of the same caliber with it, and it had also come with a more advanced potion book. She wasn't going to bother with a note telling him who it was from. She was almost certain that he would be able to guess at some point in time. Shadow then gazed upon a long slender box that was neatly wrapped in Gryffindor colors. It was the one gift for Remus that she was sure he would appreciate even if it did bring back painful memories.

It was around six o'clock before she made her way to Gryffindor tower with her dress and shoes in hand, intending on getting dressed up with Lily at her side. Nerves were killing her and she could see some of the other students already dressed and heading to the Great Hall. There were beautiful gowns everywhere and Shadow wondered if she would fit in with the rest of them, having never thought herself beautiful.

Lily had let her in and brought her up to her room away from some of the other students in the Common Room. Locking the door, she proceeded to the bathroom where she had already had her things laid out.

"Did you already take a shower?" Lily asked.

"Yes. You?"

"Yeah, so let's get started." Lily said excitedly and began undressing. She was down to her lacey white bra and knickers and looked at Shadow to see that she was still completely dressed.

"Um…"

"Don't worry Shadow, you can undress in front of me." Lily told her reassuringly. Shadow nodded solemnly and set her things down. She was hesitant about undressing in front of anyone, but she trusted Lily. Slowly, Shadow removed her clothes revealing how thin she really was. Lily looked her over and felt her chest tighten. The poor girl was thin beyond what she should be. Shadow struck her as someone that would look lovely with a real curvy body; it would just match her Spanish looks even more. Lily walked around Shadow and looked at her back, quickly noticing the scars that laced it.

"I'm so sorry Shadow that this has happened to you." Lily said softly. Shadow looked down at the floor and felt embarrassed at not having the clean perfect skin that Lily had.

"You know, I know a few spells that can get rid of some of these scars. I don't think it will get rid of all of them, but the rest will look faded enough." Lily said kindly, having taken an interest in becoming a healer; she had the books that told her how to heal old injuries. Shadow looked up in surprise.

"Really?" She asked softly, surprised.

"Yeah."

"I can never seem to get them to go away. I heal myself after every incident, but it seems that my magic is just not strong enough to fix everything." Shadow admitted.

"That's because you are not healthy enough to heal yourself. Your body is too deprived of nutrition which plays a key part in magical abilities. You need to eat more. I have noticed that you almost never eat much at all."

"My step-father doesn't want me to gain weight."

"Well, when we get you out of that bloody situation, you are certainly going to eat and I am going to make sure I supply you with best chocolate the wizarding world has to offer," Lily said sternly and began to wave her wand, saying a soft incantation as she did. Shadow felt herself warming and a tingling sensation ran through her as the scars began to fade and some disappeared.

"Oh!" Shadow gasped in shock.

"That's better," Lily said and smiled when Shadow stared wide eyed into the mirror. Her skin looked much healthier without the scars to blemish it. It made her eyes water to see herself this way.

"Thank you," Shadow said softly.

"You're welcome."

"At least I can go one day without worrying about these scars," she said.

"The spell is permanent," Lily told her.

"I know, but my father never goes without giving me new marks. I have a feeling I'll need that spell several times," Shadow said softly. Lily frowned and wished that there was something more she could do.

"We'll see what happens. Let's get dressed," Lily said changing the subject. Shadow nodded gratefully and removed her dress from its box. It was another hour before the girls were finished dressing.

The Marauders were standing in the Common Room waiting for Lily and Shadow to come down and when they finally did, it was needless to say that the boys were stunned. Remus stared wide eyed at his sister as she descended the steps looking thoroughly shy.

"Man, I wish I was going with your sister." Sirius commented.

"Right now, I almost wish she wasn't my sister," Remus stated rather bluntly. Sirius and James chuckled and looked back at the two girls. Shadow smiled shyly as Remus came over and looked her over more closely.

"I can see why," James said.

"You look lovely, baby girl," he said, equally as shy. Shadow felt herself blush, but turned her attention to James who had set a camera up in the middle of the room.

"Alright, let's get a picture!" he exclaimed and moved everyone into place. He wrapped his arm lovingly around Lily and smiled as the camera flashed. James proceeded to take pictures of everyone individually and then with their partners. Sirius stood in pictures with both Lily and Shadow.

"I think that's enough pictures," Lily said.

"Alright, let's go make an appearance," James said and hooked Lily's arm in his. Remus did the same with Shadow and they left the Gryffindor tower.

Lucius smirked at Narcissa who had worn an icy blue dress that graciously clung to her thin form. He knew he was lucky to have such a woman at his side. After staring at his lovely girlfriend for a few moments, his gaze shifted to Severus who had worn a nice black suit and washed his hair, but the black mane of his still hung loose since Severus hated to pull it back and reveal his features. The boy had a cold expression on his face as he looked at all the couples who had already started dancing. Lucius knew that Severus hated social events, but the fact that he didn't have a date made it even worse. Lucius was almost certain that Severus was angry about the fact that Shadow wasn't at his side. Truthfully, he wasn't even sure Shadow was coming to the dance. She hadn't been seen all day and she hadn't been getting dressed when Narcissa and Bellatrix had gotten dressed at 5 pm.

"Severus, do try to enjoy yourself. There are some Ravenclaw females without partners over there," Lucius pointed out making the boy scowl.

"I have no interest in dancing with those little chits!" he snapped.

"I bet you would love to be dancing with Shadow right now," Bellatrix quipped. Severus' expression went black and he gave her a deadly glare. She simply smirked and relaxed against her boyfriend Rodolphus.

"Speaking of which, where is Shadow? Was she even coming to the dance?" Rodulphus asked.

"I doubt it. She doesn't strike me as someone who would come to these kind of social events. Unless of course her brother forced her to go. Or maybe she decided to go with Sirius Black," Crabb suggested. Everyone at the Slytherin table looked at Severus to see his hands trembling with rage and his eyes were so cold and angry that it was almost scary to look at him.

"I don't think she is going to show. She's always very careful about how she covers herself. I barely ever see her where anything remotely revealing," Bella stated, but everyone snapped to attention when Evan dropped his drink, spilling it on the table.

"What the hell?" Goyle complained, waving his wand and cleaning the mess.

"Oh my gods! She's not being too careful now," Evan stated and they turned to see Shadow with her arm hooked in Remus'. Severus felt his jaw go slack as he stared at her. Even Lucius was caught up with her and looked her over appreciatively. Shadow was still thin, but she looked beautiful none the less.

"Wow!" Bella hissed.

"Someone should have dared me to kiss her," Evan said bluntly. Severus ignored his comment and continued to stare at this remarkable beauty that had just stepped into the Great Hall. She had seemed to catch the attention of many other couples and a lot of the girls could be seen envying her dress and Severus noticed that some of them looked considerably jealous. Lily was also dressed divinely. Severus couldn't help but think that the Marauders were very lucky to have those two women at their sides.

"Severus, if you don't ask her to dance, I'll hex you myself," Narcissa said suddenly, admiring the girl who was talking with Lily. Severus glanced her way, but made no comment. He wasn't exactly sure what to say. He couldn't deny that he was still embarrassed about what happened between him and Shadow, but a huge part of him wanted to dance with that beautiful Spanish creature that had spawned feelings in him he never thought possible. He watched in longing as Remus led her to the dance floor and put a hand on her waist.

"I have never seen a dress like that before. I don't think I have seen anyone wear a dress with a Phoenix on it, but it is lovely," Narcissa said. Lucius narrowed his eyes thoughtfully.

"I have seen a witch wear a dress with a Phoenix before, but only because she was privileged. Most people don't adorn a Phoenix bird unless there is a good reason for it," Lucius said. "I wonder why I haven't thought of it before…"

"What kind of reason?" Bella asked.

"I cannot say for certain, my dear," Lucius stated although he was partially lying. He had a pretty good idea why she wore a dress like that, but he wasn't about to breathe a word of it without knowing for sure. He glanced at Severus to see the boy staring unabashed at Shadow and Remus.

Shadow smiled as her brother twirled her around the floor and moved as gracefully as she did. Being with her brother was a comfort and put her mind at peace at least for the time being. She was glad they had made up. She had missed him dearly.

"You know, if you had come to the dance with Severus I believe you would have made him an extremely happy Slytherin," Remus said softly.

"He didn't ask and he wouldn't have. He doesn't like me," Shadow replied sadly.

"You don't truly believe that, do you?"

"A part of me does. There isn't much to like," Shadow looked at her brother's face.

"Shadow, you have no idea how wrong you are. You're beautiful, intelligent, powerful, and you dance extremely well," he said with a smirk. Shadow laughed out loud and shook her head at him. Her laugh was truly exotic.

"Do you really like him, Shadow?" Remus asked seriously. Shadow took a moment before she answered.

"Remus…I think…my affections for him…go beyond just liking him…" She was hesitant to say the least, but Remus didn't seem fazed when she admitted as much.

"Hmm…"

"Are you going to tell me to stay away from him like Sirius did?" Shadow asked quietly.

"No. You are old enough to make your own choices. I will warn you however, that he is not an easy person to get along with. I don't want to see you hurt, Shadow. I may agree with Sirius that Severus and most of his friends are darker wizards than I am comfortable with but given what kind of witch you are, I really don't think I need to worry too much," Remus told her. Shadow smiled at his approval and when the song switched to a new one, Sirius had come up and asked her for a dance. She accepted and found herself in the arms of Sirius Black. Shadow didn't notice the angry black eyes that were watching her.

Lucius had taken Narcissa's hand and led her to the dance floor keeping themselves close enough to Sirius and Shadow so that they may hear their conversation.

"Shadow, I am sorry I made you angry last week, but I just don't think you should waste your time thinking about Snivellus," Sirius told her.

"I appreciate your concern, Sirius, but not even Severus knows of my true feelings toward him. I have not made any indication that I am interested and our relationship or lack there of is not even what I would call friendship. He doesn't talk to me much."

"Well Snivellus is kind of a jerk," Sirius said casually.

"His name is _Severus_ and although I might be inclined to agree with you on some level, you really shouldn't talk. You have acted like a jerk on more than one occasion, especially where he is concerned," Shadow said rather bluntly, getting a surprised but amused expression from Sirius.

"You really like that boy, don't you?" he asked.

"I don't want to discuss this."

"You defend him like you care and he has not said one nice thing about you," Sirius pointed out, regretting it instantly when he saw a flicker of hurt cross Shadow's face.

"I'm sorry, Shadow." He quickly pulled her closer, wrapping his arms protectively around her.

Lucius and Narcissa sneered at the boy who was trying so hard to earn Shadow's affections when it was obvious that they lay somewhere else. Lucius glanced back at the table to see Severus with a cold, hard expression of pure hatred.

"I do believe Severus has worked himself up into a rage," Lucius smirked. Narcissa glanced at him and then shook her head.

"Well if the idiot would get off his ass and ask her to dance, then maybe he would calm him self enough to realize that he wants her company more than he cares to admit. I don't know why he bothers denying that he is smitten for her," she said with an air of arrogance.

"That's because if Severus did admit to it, it would break down the emotion wall he has surrounded himself with and inevitably force him to realize that his cold heart can be warmed by the affections of a woman," Lucius said.

"Well, my dear, I would not expect you to be such a romantic," Narcissa said sweetly.

"Ah, but you forget that I may be cruel most times, but I do have a heart that without a doubt belongs to you," Lucius replied with his normal arrogance. Narcissa smiled and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

Shadow was finally pulled away from Sirius when Lily invited her over to get some drinks. She gratefully accepted and walked with the girl away from the dancing couples.

"I thought I might rescue you because if I know Sirius, he won't leave the subject concerning you and Severus alone," Lily told her taking a sip of her pumpkin juice.

"You're right about that," Shadow admitted and sighed heavily, sipping her own drink.

"You know, I don't think Severus was very happy about you dancing with Sirius," Lily said, laughing lightly.

"Why do you say that?"

"Just look at him," Lily said and Shadow scanned the tables until she found the table where most of the Slytherins were sitting, staring at her. She felt her eyes go wide and her face turn red. Quickly, she turned away and looked at Lily who was once again trying not to burst out laughing.

"He looks murderous!" Shadow hissed.

"I know! I thought it was hilarious," Lily exclaimed finally giving into a fit of giggles.

"I don't! Especially when he is looking at _me_ like that!" Shadow said uncomfortably.

"It just goes to prove that he likes you," Lily replied. Shadow couldn't help the fluttering in her stomach at having heard that.

"You know you could always go over to the table and say hi. I mean, you are a Slytherin," Lily suggested.

"I have confirmed that you are mental," Shadow stated. Lily burst out laughing.

"I am not mental! Come on, you know you want to."

"Oh no the hell I don't."

"Alright, I'll go over there. I'll talk to him for you," Lily said and was about to call his name when Shadow clamped her hand over her mouth.

"No! I'll die!" she squeaked. Lily burst out laughing again and nearly fell over.

"You are going to dance with him!" Lily said with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"I'm leaving!" Shadow said fearfully and darted toward the door. Lily laughed and ran after her grabbing her around the waist and dragging her back. James and Remus were laughing at the two and Shadow's red face as Lily dragged the struggling girl back toward the drink table. Lily let go of Shadow who huffed; thoroughly flushed from the whole ordeal. Lily couldn't bring herself to stop laughing.

"It's not funny. That boy looks like he's ready to kill me and you want me to go and talk to him like nothing is wrong." Shadow tried to sound angry, but she let a giggle escape and then after locking eyes with Lily who went silent for only a moment, they both burst out laughing. "I can't even keep a straight face with you," Shadow rasped her eyes tearful from laughing so hard.

"I know. I have that affect on people," Lily said, completely flushed. Shadow smiled at her and was glad to have her as a friend.

"Shadow?" The girl turned to see Lucius Malfoy standing before her with his hand extended. "May I have this dance?" he asked in a gentlemanly manner. Lily smirked and nodded at Shadow who accepted after some hesitance and allowed Lucius to take her to the floor.

"Alright…"

"Nervous?" he asked.

"Um…no," Shadow lied. Lucius merely smirked.

"There is no need to be afraid me, Shadow. I am not here to hurt you. I am merely enjoying a dance with one of Slytherin's own beautiful ladies," he said smoothly, causing Shadow to blush. "Not used to compliments? Pity. You're one of the few females in this school that deserve them." His tone was casual as he twirled her gracefully.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"I am curious, my dear, do you plan to come over to visit with the rest of us Slytherins?" he asked. Shadow looked away trying to hide her nervousness.

"I don't know if I should."

"Ah yes, I remember, you have an affection for a _certain_ Slytherin. Our very own Severus Snape," Lucius drawled. Shadow looked at him sharply, but didn't say a word. "Honestly, it isn't that hard to guess. I see the way you look at him. Of course, it also helps when overhearing interesting conversations." Shadow knew he was referring to the argument she had with Sirius at Three Broomsticks.

"I had never made any attempt to show my feelings toward him," she stated softly.

"I know. It's a shame, because maybe by now, he would have opened up. Instead, it would seem that he is more frustrated than usual."

"Somehow, I don't think his frustration has anything to do with me not talking to him," she said sarcastically and then realizing how her statement had sounded, went wide eyed and looked at Lucius. Surprisingly, he burst out laughing. She seemed to have that effect on people tonight.

"My dear, I am sure that is only _part_ of the problem, but I do believe as does everyone else in Slytherin that he is smitten with you and is too stubborn to admit such things." Shadow didn't reply to that. "Come back to the table with me," he said suddenly and watched a terrified expression cross her face causing him to chuckle lightly.

"I can't…"

"My, my, you certainly do have it bad for the boy," he noted causing her to turn crimson.

"I don't want to go back to the table."

"If you do not, I will be forced to lock you and Severus in a room alone together until you break the spell by becoming…shall we say 'intimate'," Shadow's face immediately paled and she swallowed hard. She knew she wasn't ready for that.

"Alright…" She finally relented and took Lucius' arm as he led her toward the table.

Severus had seen Lucius dancing with Shadow and was surprised that he was heading back to the table with her at his side. He couldn't help the thundering in his chest, but he kept his face neutral.

"Alright, Severus, if you don't ask her to dance, I will tell the whole bloody school about what you do when you think about that girl," Bella said viciously, but it seemed to have its affect on Severus because his face went from pale and horror stricken to extremely pissed off. The rest of the Slytherins snickered at Severus, clearly remembering what he was forced to admit during the truth or dare game. His face felt hot and he knew his cheeks were red with rage, but he was too distracted to argue when Lucius came over and pulled out the chair next to Severus for Shadow to sit in. She did so silently and did not dare look his direction which only fueled his anger.

"I must say Shadow, you look lovely in that dress," Narcissa said sweetly.

"Um…thank you," Shadow said uncomfortably.

"Shadow, you seem to be more comfortable around the Gryffindors than your own house," Rodolphus stated. Shadow narrowed her eyes slightly.

"I wasn't shunned by _them_ when I came to this school," she said icily earning surprised looks from the rest of the table.

"Well for that, I apologize," Rodolphus said sincerely. It was Shadow's turn to look surprised and she quickly looked away and at the dance floor.

"Does your brother know about the game you played?" Narcissa asked.

"Yes. I told him, but I did not elaborate. I told him that I would tell him the truth soon, but I did not want to ruin his Christmas with it," Shadow replied softly, still not looking at them.

"Narcissa, Severus, and I will be staying for the holidays. Will you be staying as well?" Lucius asked casually.

"No. My step-father has requested that I return home." There were looks across the Slytherin table and they obviously had not liked the sound of that.

"Where is home?" Lucius asked curiously.

"His main house is in France. It's a muggle mansion," Shadow replied.

"Interesting. Is your mother going to be there?" Lucius continued.

"Not to my knowledge. I am sure she has plenty of parties she will be attending," Shadow said sourly.

"Does she…does she _really_ know what goes on when she is not there?" Narcissa asked cautiously. Shadow didn't face any of them.

"Yes she does and she is normally there when it does happen," the girl admitted. No one knew exactly what to say after that.

"That is…so wrong," Narcissa said uncertainly.

"Can we please change the subject? I was actually having a good time," Shadow said softly.

"Of course," Narcissa said kindly, clearly understanding that this was not a comfortable subject especially around so many people.

"Yes, so Shadow…" Lucius said handing her a goblet of pumpkin juice. "…what don't you like about Sirius Black? He is after all one of the most sought after boys in all of Hogwarts," Lucius continued.

"He is not sought after by me. He is arrogant, prideful, and a little _too _willing to get close and put his hands where they do not belong," Shadow replied calmly, lifting the goblet to her lips. The rest of the Slytherins snickered at her description of Black, obviously happy to know that a Slytherin wasn't going to be going after him.

"So is that why you like Severus?" Lucius continued, but Shadow nearly choking on her drink didn't go unnoticed. Bellatrix laughed out loud.

"So it is true? I thought the guys were trying to play with my head. What the devil made you like Snape anyway?" Bellatrix asked. Severus gave her a nasty glare, but secretly wondered if Shadow was going to admit anything to them. She did not.

"I do not want to talk about my affections and who they are directed to," Shadow replied stiffly. Severus could have taken that in a few different ways, but he realized that she was not denying any of it.

_Does Shadow really like me? She didn't admit it at Three Broomsticks but she didn't deny it either…_

Severus kept thinking about everything he had overheard her say and could not think of once hearing her actually denying that she liked him. Inside, he was jumping like a little kid, but outside he wore his usual scowl and cold expression. He didn't want anyone to know that Shadow's mere presence caused not only a sexual reaction in him, but an emotional uproar as well. The problem was that Severus did not want to get caught up in romantic entanglements despite what his feelings were. He wasn't sure he truly believed in love and was sure no one would willingly love him.

"Well everyone knows that Severus likes you. He wouldn't be thinking about you when he wanks off if he didn't," Bella said casually. Leave it to her to ruin any trace of happiness Severus might have been feeling. Shadow turned sharply to Bella in surprise, her jaw slightly slack from hearing Bellatrix remind all the Slytherins about that. Shadow side eyed Severus to see his face was red and he was absolutely outraged. Shadow felt sorry for him again, knowing that this was an extremely personal issue and was being thoroughly embarrassed for it especially with her right there. She hadn't even been really comfortable talking to Lily about her own sex life or lack there of.

"Bellatrix! You fucking wench!" Severus snapped angrily. Rodolphus glared daggers at the boy.

"That's my girlfriend you're talking to like that Snape!" he hissed.

"Well maybe you're girlfriend should learn when to shut her fucking mouth!" Severus growled, both boys standing up to face off. Shadow looked panicked and looked to Narcissa for some sort of help.

"The both of you need to stop this! Bellatrix is at fault for starting this mess," Narcissa hissed.

"Hey! Thanks a lot sis!" Bella snapped.

"Well, it's true. Not only are you threatening Severus with his own personal life, but you are doing in front of Shadow! This has got to be just as embarrassing for her as it is for him!" Narcissa snapped. Lucius couldn't help but smirk at his girlfriend who held a cold exterior toward people, but was all fire underneath.

Severus felt the tears of frustration and embarrassment fill his eyes and he hastily stomped away from the table and disappeared into the crowd. His dampened eyes hadn't gone unnoticed around the Slytherin table and Bellatrix didn't reply to her sister. She actually felt somewhat guilty now. No one had ever seen Severus emotional before so it was still quite a shock.

"I'm going to go talk to him," Shadow said softly and bid her fellow students goodbye as she made her way through the crowd in the direction that Severus had gone. She looked around and finally spotted him sitting in the corner of the Great Hall by himself submerged in the shadows.

Shadow walked quietly over to him without him noticing until she tapped on his shoulder. He turned sharply to see her and narrowed his eyes dangerously. Shadow could see the trails of tears down his cheeks and instantly felt bad for everything he was being subjected to.

"What do you want?! Come here to rub it in?!" he snapped viciously, his voice cold and calculating. Shadow winced slightly and shook her head.

"No, I came here to see if you were alright," she admitted. Severus however did not like to have anyone feel pity for him.

"I do not need your sympathies! Why don't you just leave me the fuck alone! I told you I would stay away from you, now why don't you do the same for me?!" He was completely clouded by rage that his eyes began to water again.

"I am sorry Severus. I did not come here to rub it in," Shadow told him quietly.

"Well I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me!" he said coldly.

"Alright, then I will not feel sorry for you. Actually…I've wanted to tell you that I was sorry for last week. I didn't mean to react the way that I did," she said quietly, earning a cold glare from the boy.

"Yeah well, I can't say I blame you! No one wants anything to do with 'The Greasy Bastard Snivellus'," he said icily. Shadow frowned at him.

"I never said I didn't want anything to do with you."

"Oh right, I suppose you would have backed away from any boy that had an erection and not just me because you can't stand to even think of having me inside you," he said with every intention of sounding vulgar. Needless to say Shadow was shocked and stood there staring at him.

"Of course I would have backed away from anyone else. It was nothing personal against you! Did you hear nothing I said during that ridiculous game we played?! My step-father rapes me and has been doing so since I was five years old! How did you expect me to react?! That part of the male anatomy has done nothing but terrify and hurt me all my life and you just expect me to forget that?!" It was his turn to be shocked and he saw the pain in her eyes as they glazed over with tears. He had gone too far and he shouldn't have. He knew that even if she hadn't liked him, it would not have been something personal against him when she backed away. Severus knew it was from fear after everything she had gone through. Severus ran his hands over his face and looked up at Shadow who had already started to walk away. Quickly, he jumped up and grabbed her hand, pulling her back to look at him, but causing her to trip into his arms instead.

"Sorry…" he mumbled and helped her stand straight. She looked up into his eyes and saw desire there despite the cold look they always held. She could feel the start of his arousal and saw his face turn red as he tried to back away, but this time Shadow didn't let him. She gripped his shoulders firmly and carefully lifted her face to his, placing a soft kiss on his mouth. She didn't let it go beyond that, but it was enough to send him into complete arousal. He groaned and looked away, ashamed.

"Now look what you did," he said coldly. Shadow frowned, hurt by his tone.

"Sorry…but I didn't do anything," she said uncertainly, not knowing exactly what she did to cause that kind of reaction from him.

"You don't have _to do_ anything," he said flatly, wanting badly to get the hell out of there.

"Severus, why are you so ashamed?" Shadow asked. He glared coldly at her.

"Because I never wanted to have any emotional entanglements with anyone. You come here and it just fucks everything up for me! Now I have to endure more jokes because of it," Severus snapped instantly seeing the pain on her face.

"Sorry…" she breathed and pulled away from him, quickly cutting across the crowd. Severus watched her for a moment and then growled at himself.

"Great! Bellatrix is going to make my life worse than it already is if I don't dance with this little tease," he mumbled to himself as he quickly went to catch up with her, but he slowed when he saw her talking to Remus and then heading out the door shortly after. Remus turned to look at Severus with a look of disappointment on his face that nearly caught Severus off his guard.

_Did he want Shadow and me to have a relationship? No! He's just mad that I upset her._

Severus passed the Gryffindors and nearly ran out of the Great Hall after Shadow. He could hear the tapping of her shoes as she made her way down the dimly lit corridor. He was practically running, but extremely silent as he caught up with her.

"Shadow!" he finally called, scaring her a little and causing her to jump away in fear until she focused her eyes through the tears and saw who it was.

"What do you want, Severus? Don't you think we have said enough to each other?" she snapped despite her pain. Severus glared at her and grabbed her arm, dragging her out of the corridor and into a darkened corner. He pushed her up against the wall and stood over her with his arms on either side of her head. She stared up at him like a frightened child.

"I am not going to hurt you. Tell me something, why did what I said bother you so much?"

"You pride yourself on being smart, why don't you fucking figure it out!?" she said icily, surprising Severus with her language.

"Do you like me?" he asked, his voice cold and indifferent. How could he ask such a question when he was so cruel about it? Shadow didn't answer.

"I should take that as a 'no'," Severus bit out, but the anger in his voice was evident.

"I didn't answer you because I do not believe that I have to," she said softly looking away from him.

"Do you have any idea what kind of person I am?" Severus asked.

"Not really. You have never given me the opportunity to find out," Shadow admitted quietly.

"That's because I don't want you to know. I meant what I said about me not wanting to get involved with anyone. I don't like anyone!" he snapped.

"Why do you think about me then? When you are alone, why am I the one you see?" she asked. Severus knew what she was referring to and felt his face go red again.

"That is my business. Just because I think about you when I wank off doesn't mean that I want anymore to do with you! You are a sight to see, but I never said I wanted a relationship with you!" his voice was cold and cut deeply at her, causing the tears to start again. He reasoned that he had to push her away. She was getting too damn close to him. Shadow tried to push past him, but he pressed his body against hers, pinning her to the wall. She could feel the length of his arousal against her stomach and it was enough to frighten her frozen.

"_This_ is what you do to me! Nothing more!" Severus was lying with all he had, because he was afraid of the fact that he had more than just a crush on this girl. He wanted her to hate him like everyone else did so that maybe he could just get over her and move on with his life, but seeing her frightened face was hurting him inside.

"Then let me go. I'll leave you alone. I won't talk to you again, I promise," she sobbed, not being able to face him. Severus felt his chest tighten uncomfortably as he gazed at her trembling body. He wasn't sure if he could go through with it now. He wasn't sure if he wanted her to leave him alone. His emotions were in an uproar and the wall that protected his heart was slowly breaking. This girl was getting to him.

"Severus let me go, please," Shadow pleaded, but he didn't. Instead, he bent down and kissed her neck causing her to gasp. He kissed her neck all the way up to her earlobe where he gently flicked it with his tongue.

Shadow felt a warmth spread through her like nothing she had every felt before, but the pain of his words still echoed in her mind. It felt like shockwaves going through her with every kiss he left on her. She was finding it hard to breath now and clutched desperately onto the front of his robes, not certain if it was out of fear or the desire to pull him closer.

_He doesn't want a relationship with me because I'm dirty. I am ruined for any man! My step-father was right! No one will ever love me! Severus doesn't want to love me, he only wants to have me and then hurt me!_

Shadow couldn't help the traitorous thoughts that clouded her mind. Severus was kissing his way along her cheek and then to her mouth. Shadow tried to turn the other way, but he was quick to press his lips to hers and prevent her from moving. She tried to keep her mouth tightly shut, but he intentionally pressed his arousal harder against her, causing her to gasp, giving him the opportunity to shove his tongue into the warmth of her mouth. She tried to fight him, but it was no use. Despite his painful words, she felt like she was on fire and kissing him felt so good. She let her own tongue slide against his causing him to deepen their kiss.

Severus wanted her so badly it hurt, but he knew that she would never consent. He felt so confused by his own actions. First he wanted her, then he hated her and said he didn't want anything to do with her, and now he was kissing her with a need he had never felt before. What the hell was wrong with him? Severus allowed his arms to snake around her waist and pull her up to him and he hungrily kissed her, not feeling satisfied that he had gotten enough of her. He let his hand slip down her side, but this move brought Shadow back to her senses and she quickly broke the kiss, pushing him away as she did.

"Don't," she warned softly, but the look in her eyes was heartbreaking.

"Why?" he nearly whispered gazing at her with a look of lust and longing.

"Because you made it very clear that you wanted me to stay away from you. You said you were not interested in anything but your own satisfaction and sexual need. I can't even begin to give that to someone who doesn't want _me_," she replied in a shaking and hurt voice, making Severus wish he could take back everything he had said.

"Shadow, I didn't mean it," he said lamely. Shadow shook her head and stepped away from him and back into the corridor.

"You expect me to believe that? I should have known better. I don't understand why I could even begin to think you would want someone who has been _ruined_ like I have. I was foolish enough to think that someone might not find me disgusting," she said and walked off down the hall. Severus was shocked by her words. He hadn't meant her to feel that way. The things he had said had to do with _him_ not her.

Shadow raced to the dorm and up to her room where she quickly began to remove her elegant dress and take her hair down. If she knew her step-father well, he would be coming for her tonight and she knew he would be furious if he knew that she went to the dance. She quickly pulled on a pair of muggle flannel pants and the old t-shirt she kept in her trunk. She removed her bracelet from Remus and hid it in the small box underneath the bed. She quickly wrote a note for Remus and then one for the house elf who would come in the morning to fix her bed so that the gifts would be taken to where they belonged. Tears streamed down her face as she thought about what she had told Severus. Suddenly, she felt a need to be punished for letting herself believe that her step-father was wrong about her when in fact he had been right.

"I am so stupid…" she whispered tearfully to herself and then made her way out of the dorm. She was once again walking down the corridor, but this time toward the gates where her father would be apparating to. The air was bitter cold, but Shadow knew Keadan was going to tear her clothes and ruin them and she didn't want her only cloak to be damaged. He would be locking her up, naked in the cold anyway once she got to the house.

"Shadow?" She whirled around to see Severus standing in the shadows with just the half moon bringing enough light to see him.

"Just leave me alone. Enough has been said and your point has been made," she choked and started to leave again, but he was quick enough to reach out and grab her.

"I didn't mean it! I never thought those things about you," he tried, but she pulled away and darted for the front gate.

"Shadow, please!" Severus called after her, but stopped following when he saw a man appear outside the gate. He narrowed his eyes and watched as Shadow ran towards him and allowed the man to grab her roughly by the hair and pull her next to him.

"No…" he whispered and pulled his wand, but in a moment, they were gone and he was alone regretting everything he had said to her. "I didn't mean it…." He felt his own heart start to ache knowing that she was going to have to endure her step-father's punishments and think about all the wrong things he had said to her. Silently, he fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands, not bothering to wipe away the hot tears that rolled down his cheeks.


	9. Punishment

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 8**

_Punishment_

Severus Snape had been sitting out in the snow for almost two hours after Shadow had been taken away by her step-father and it was only the touch of someone's hand on his shoulder that seemed to break him from his trance. His body felt numb from the cold and he was shaking badly from the chilling wind. He looked up with a cold expression, but the tear trails were still on his face and his eyes were red and slightly swollen. Embarrassment washed over him as he stared up into the eyes of none other than Remus Lupin. Severus pushed the boys hand away and jumped to his feet, turning to make a quick retreat.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Remus asked softly stopping Severus in his tracks. The Slytherin whirled around to look at him, his gaze cold and dangerous.

"I love no one!"

"Then why are you crying?"

"What I am doing is none of your business, Lupin!" Severus yelled angrily.

"That is your problem, Severus. When you are confronted with emotion or faced with embarrassment you lash out on everyone else around you," Remus told him, his voice becoming slightly harder. Severus glared at him menacingly.

"What do you know of it?" Severus hissed.

"I know why you got angry with Shadow to begin with. She told me what had happened when the two of you kissed and your _reaction_ to her," Remus admitted. Severus' face turned red with rage.

"WHAT?! SHE FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT?!" Severus roared, surprising Remus slightly and causing him to back up a bit.

"I am her brother and I asked her a question about the nature of your relationship with her. She was hurt that you were avoiding her and she told me why. Honestly, Severus it's not like you're the only boy in this school that has that kind of _reaction_. I've seen the way guys look at my sister and I'm sure half of the students walk around with boners. Sirius is practically a walking hard-on so don't feel so bad," Remus said impatiently, earning a dirty look from the raven haired Slytherin.

"Very funny. Just for your information, I really didn't need to know that about the _mutt_," he sneered.

"Look Severus, you really hurt her tonight and I know it was you!" Remus told him.

"So what?!" he snapped back.

"I know it bothers you because if it didn't matter, you would not be out here crying," Remus told him, his patience quickly fading. He wondered if Severus knew just how stubborn he was. It was well agreed upon that Severus was not one of the best looking boys in the school and he was notorious for being greasy haired and ill tempered, but now that he had the chance to start a relationship with a beautiful girl despite the fact that she was Remus's sister, he was completely denying her and trying to push her away. Remus was perplexed by the whole thing. He knew that if Shadow had been just some girl that had fallen for him, he would have certainly jumped at the chance despite his own insecurities.

"Fuck you!" Severus snapped again knowing that what Remus was saying was true.

"What did you tell her when you left the dance?" Remus asked and noticed the slight apprehension on the boy's face. Remus narrowed his eyes. "What did you say to her?" This time, his voice had some force to it.

"I told her I didn't want any emotional entanglements! I told her she fucked it up when she came here!" Severus spat angrily. He was angrier at himself than anyone else, but he always found it more relieving to lash out at others and Remus was the one here now.

"You told her that?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Yes I did! I also told her that my so called _reaction_ was due to the fact that I only wanted to fuck her!" Severus said angrily, but before he realized what was happening, he was knocked over and pinned to the ground by the werewolf.

"How dare you say such a thing to my sister!" Remus was angry now and Severus began to question himself as to why the hell he told Remus about that. Remus Lupin was normally a shy boy and very level headed, but since Shadow had come to the school his instincts to protect and defend his sister had kicked in. Obviously, Severus should have left that part of the conversation out.

"I wanted her to hate me! I want her to hate me so she stays away!" Severus shot back, trying to push Remus off of him. Remus faltered slightly and stared at him. His eyes were still narrowed, but some of the angry malice was gone.

"You're afraid, aren't you?"

"What?"

"You are afraid that you are falling in love with her and that she is going to break your heart," Remus said, his tone still on edge.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Severus said, but his throat was becoming constricted knowing that Remus had hit his mark. Was he really that easy to read? Severus had spent years hiding his true emotions and somehow people have been able to pick up on them lately. He didn't understand what had happened these last few months.

"I think you do. Severus, I told her tonight that I do not particularly get along with you, but I would not hold it against her should she choose to want you in her life. I practically gave her my blessing and you go fuck the whole thing up. How can you push someone like her away?" Remus asked, finally letting go of Severus and standing up. The Slytherin got to his feet and brushed the snow off his suit, not looking at Remus.

"I don't want this, Lupin. I don't want to worry about anyone, but myself. She's better off without me," Severus said quietly without any bite to his tone. Remus began to wonder why Severus was so cold and tried to push anything and everything good out of his life. Remus had always suspected that it had something to do with Severus' home life and childhood, but the boy never spoke about it so there was nothing to go on.

"I think she can decide for herself what she wants and who she wants. Why don't you want it? Is she not beautiful enough for you? Is she…" Remus was cut off by Severus' sharp tongue.

"Don't you dare ask me that! I never said anything about her not being beautiful!" his voice was full of rage and it caught Remus completely off guard.

"Ok, ok! Why the hell are you jumping down my throat over a simple question?"

"Because Shadow told me that I didn't want anything to do with her, because of that! She thinks that I do not believe her to be beautiful and that I think she is disgusting. I had never said that! I don't think that!" Severus snapped angrily.

"Why would she go that far? How could she possibly think that she is disgusting?" Remus asked with a frown. There was silence and the two boys stared at each other for several seconds, before Severus answered.

"He rapes her." Severus' voice was quiet and slightly shaken, but Remus was the one who paled and stood there with his eyes wide and staring. The Gryffindor had started to tremble and was looking at Severus in disbelief, hoping to the gods that he was lying to him. Severus seemed to read his expression and sighed.

"No…" Remus gasped in disbelief.

"I am not lying, Lupin. Shadow was forced to answer the questions she was asked during that stupid game. She also admitted to having murdered several people to protect herself or to ease their suffering. The Ministry knows about it, but some of the members had participated in it; that's why she doesn't bother to tell anyone or ask for help. She believes that nothing can be done. I was not supposed to tell you any of this. She was supposed to tell you when she was ready. I suppose after telling you what happened to your father she is a bit afraid to bring it up," Severus answered tiredly. Remus was frozen in place and staring at him with eyes so wide they could have popped out of his head. Severus was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable now.

"Why didn't she tell me? Something like that…I'm her brother. Why didn't she trust me enough to tell me?" Remus' voice was hoarse and full of emotion, making Severus even more uncomfortable.

"Probably because she thought you would react the same way she thought I did. She probably thought that you would think her to be disgusting," Severus suggested.

"I would never!" Remus snapped.

"She probably doesn't know that!" Severus snapped back.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you think she is disgusting?" Remus asked more clearly.

"Oh right! I think she's disgusting! That's why I think of her when I jerk off!" Severus spat, but paled when he realized what he had said and was looking at a thoroughly shocked Remus. This night was definitely not going as well as he had hoped

"Right…"

"Um…I didn't…mean…to…um…you know…" Severus stammered, but couldn't form a complete sentence. Remus took a deep breath and waved his hand.

"Honestly, Severus I do not need to know anymore than that. _ Please_," Remus said, effectively causing a blush to creep up the Slytherin's cheeks and him to turn his gaze away. He wasn't sure if embarrassment was the right word for how he was feeling, because now he was certain that it was much, much worse than that. He was downright humiliated! He had just confessed what he did on his personal time to Lupin, Shadows' _brother_. It was making Severus even angrier at himself.

"I need to go to Dumbledore," Remus said firmly. Severus turned sharply to face the boy again, his embarrassment temporarily forgotten.

"What about Shadow? She didn't want you to know. You don't know if her step-father is going to punish her worse because her secret is out. She did warn us about that," Severus told him.

"I have to do something!" Remus yelled.

"Go get her then," the Slytherin said icily.

"I can't. The full moon is tomorrow and I won't be able to do anything for at least two days after that, on top of the fact that I have no idea where her parents live. I know that they have a couple of houses and I don't know which one she would be at for the holidays," Remus told him. Severus sighed loudly and rubbed his eyes. He was thoroughly exhausted.

"She never told you anything? She never gave a hint where she lived?" he asked.

"No. I asked her once and she just told me that it was not important and we left it at that," Remus admitted guiltily.

"I don't know what to tell you. She mentioned a cabin in northern Scotland and a house in France, but I don't know anything beyond that," Severus sighed and a few more moments were spent in silence.

"Is Narcissa staying for the holidays?" Remus asked suddenly. Severus quirked a brow and eyed him.

"Yes, why?"

"Ask her to let you go through Shadow's things and see if she has an address written down or something. Maybe Shadow keeps some sort of documents that would help determine where she is at. I don't know if Professor Dumbledore would have the correct address if Keadan is doing such things to her…I imagine he would keep her at a different location."

"Why would I want to help a Gryffindor?" Severus asked coldly.

"You're not. You're helping a Slytherin. Besides, you can lie to me and yourself all you want, but you feel something for her and you know it," Remus replied softly, effectively getting the desired affect because Severus finally nodded and headed toward the Slytherin Common Room.

Shadow had endured hours of her father's torture and crude remarks, but as he stood to leave her naked on the stone floor, she bid him to stop. He turned and looked at her, his eyes narrowing.

"What do you want to say to me, girl?" he sneered. Shadow felt the fear soar through her and wondered if she was doing the right thing. Would him punishing her make her feelings for Severus change like they should? She wasn't sure, but she wanted to be punished for her ignorance, for thinking that Severus could truly feel anything for her. Perhaps she was losing her grasp on reality or simply giving up hope, or perhaps it was the simple fact that her life revolved around this torture she was forced to endure since she was a child and she couldn't picture it any other way.

"I…I did something I shouldn't have…" she stammered. Keadan now turned fully to face the cowering girl.

"What did you do, wench!" he hissed.

"I denied what you had told me…I thought you lied when you said no one could love me…so…I tried to…to be with someone...I kissed him…" she whispered and she could almost feel the rage radiating off of him.

"YOU WHAT?!" he roared and Shadow started to tremble uncontrollably, tearing spilling down her face as she thought about the things that Severus had said.

"I'm sorry…"

"He doesn't return the feelings does he?" Keadan asked coldly.

"No."

"I told you a long time ago that no one will love you! You are a disgrace and a disgusting witch! I told you not to get involved with anyone! You disobeyed me!" he began to yell again and Shadow braced herself as she watched Keadan pull a hooked whip from his belt. She knew it all too well. She would certainly pay for her disobedience. Without saying another he word, he swung hand at her back, catching flesh and ripping it from her body. Shadow gasped as he repeated the lashing several times, causing her to cry out in agony; her piercing scream echoing throughout the basement.

Blood was now pouring freely from her wounds as she sat there on her knees, bent slightly over taking every blow. There wasn't much meat on her so when the hooks hit and tore her flesh, they exposed bone. When Keadan stopped, she was rasping for air, tears covered her face and smeared the blood as they poured down her cheeks.

"You will learn to heed my warnings, Shadow!" he yelled, swiftly moving toward her and kicking her square in the ribs, breaking two of them. She fell to her side and felt a wave of panic as she tried to breathe and found it difficult. She wanted to die, right then and there.

"Kill me now…" she choked out, her voice raspy.

"Oh no, I don't think so. Not until I have your power. After that, I will be happy to be rid of you," he sneered and left the room, leaving Shadow bleeding on the floor.

The Slytherins were sitting in the Common Room when Severus entered and looked up to see the usually scowling boy with red eyes looking more worn than they had ever seen him before. Severus barely acknowledged them as he sat down in his favorite chair and stared into the fire.

"Severus?" Bellatrix called, getting a tired and wary look from the boy.

"What? Tell the whole bloody school for all I care!" he snapped, sounding more like the Slytherin they knew.

"I was going to tell you that I was sorry and that I am not going to tell," she replied quietly. Narcissa had had a long talk with her and finally made her feel guilty about the whole thing. Severus merely nodded and looked away. Lucius looked at him and frowned.

"What's the matter? I take it your conversation with Shadow did not go so well?" he asked.

"No it didn't."

"Where is she?" Narcissa asked curiously.

"Her step-father took her two hours ago," Severus answered coldly.

"Where have you been?" Rodolphus asked.

"Outside."

"Were you crying?" Crabb asked, this time Severus put a cold and indifferent expression on his face and glared at him.

"That is none of your fucking business," he hissed dangerously.

"You need to admit that you're in love with the girl if you're ever going to get anywhere with her," Evan said firmly. He was getting tired of people telling how he felt despite the fact that it was true.

"I don't love anyone! I just finished explaining that to Lupin and I don't need to explain it again," he snapped.

"You were talking to Lupin?" Lucius asked.

"Unfortunately."

"Does he know that Shadow had left?" Narcissa asked.

"I told him. I told him everything that I know," Severus replied.

"He knows then…what Mr. Hill does to her?" she asked. Narcissa was usually a cold and arrogant person who never bothered to trouble herself with the troubles of others, but lately that had changed. She had to admit that Shadow had somehow gotten to her and broke down that cold façade she always wore. It seemed that she had done the same with Severus and even Lucius. Perhaps it was the fact that they were all so young and had never really understood what cruelty was until they looked upon the marks that Shadow had to wear for the rest of her life. All she knew was that this mere girl had changed her in some way and now she was concerned for Shadow's life and innocence.

"Yes." There was silence and Severus was battling himself on what to do now. He didn't want to admit that he was falling in love with the girl, but the more he thought about it the more he knew it was the truth. How had this happened? It wasn't just her exotic looks either. It was more than that. Severus didn't always have sexual thoughts about her. What frightened him was that he had actually thought about her being at his side everyday, holding his hand; kissing him. He had imagined himself waking up to her every morning…almost as if they were married. Severus longed to be loved by someone and now that someone actually did feel attracted to him, he was scared and was trying to push her away before she got too close.

"Narcissa, Lupin has requested that I go through Shadow's belongings to see if she has an address written down anywhere. Will you let me into the room?" he asked quietly.

"You're going to help a Gryffindor?" Goyle asked incredulously.

"Shadow is not a Gryffindor," Severus said flatly and looked at the blond girl who nodded and stood up. Lucius stood as well and followed them up to the girl's dorm. Lucius had actually wanted find out if his suspicions about Shadow were true or not. He was almost certain that Shadow was a Dark Witch.

Once inside, Narcissa warded the door and pointed to Shadow's bed where an old trunk rested next to it. Severus walked over to it and began rummaging through the contents, finding only some clothes, some of her school supplies, and surprisingly her wand. He picked it up and looked it over closely. It was an ebony wand with intricate silver etchings all over it. It was probably the most beautiful wand he had ever seen. Narcissa gasped and took it gently from him, inspecting it closely.

"Wow! I would love to have a wand like this!" she whispered. Lucius walked over and looked at it.

"Indead," was all he said. Severus then began going through her dresser drawers, blushing furiously when he came across the drawer with all her knickers in it. He hesitantly pushed them aside to reveal a nice supply of healing salves and pain potions.

"I never knew she had these," Narcissa said as she peered into the drawer. "There is quite the supply in here."

"After what I have seen, I can understand why," Severus said flatly and closed the drawer. He looked at the bed and then decided to look under it. Bending down, he could see Shadow's books, drawing supplies, and a small box. He reached out and pulled the box out, lifting it onto the bed and sifting through it. He saw the bracelet her brother had given her for her birthday and then saw a small key. He held it up to look at it more closely. It was a Gringotts key. Setting it back into the box, he noticed a small parchment on the bottom and pulled it out, unfolding it carefully to read its contents. His mouth dropped.

"What is it, Severus?" Lucius asked casually walking over to stand next to him.

"It's her birth certificate," he replied.

"So what?" Narcissa asked.

"Look at it!" Severus said holding it out for the two of them.

**Certificate of Birth**

**Sombra Elaine Lupin**

**Born October 31, 1963**

**Barcelona, Spain**

**Birth Father: Darius John Lupin**

_**Classification: Black Phoenix Wizard**_

**Birth Mother: Isabella Denise Castello**

_**Classification: Moon Phoenix Witch**_

**Sombra Elaine Lupin**

_**Classification: Elemental Phoenix Witch**_

"Oh my…" Narcissa whispered. Lucius had to admit that he had his suspicions, but he hadn't thought that Shadow was an _Elemental _Phoenix.

"No wonder she didn't want to discuss her heritage," Lucius said calmly, but the shock was evident in his voice. Severus remained speechless. He had enough Dark Art books from his mother to know that most Phoenix witches and wizards were considered to be Dark. An Elemental Phoenix was second to the darkest as a witch or wizard could go. It would explain Shadows' power, wandless magic, and ability to heal herself within a day or two depending on the extent of damage. It was why the Sorting Hat had been shocked and put her into Slytherin. What shocked him more was that the Dark Lord that was coming into power was not even a Phoenix wizard. Shadow had the potential to be more powerful than even Voldemort himself.

"It explains her teeth now," Lucius drawled. Narcissa and Severus both looked at him like he had grown two heads. Lucius rolled his eyes.

"What?" they asked in union.

"Phoenix witches and wizards were persecuted centuries ago because they were mistaken for vampires. They do not use their teeth to suck blood, they use them to collect memories or see a person's thoughts if there is no other option. They bite like a vampire, but only because when the blood touches their fangs, the memories and thoughts of that person enter their mind. It was an extremely useful tool against skilled Occulmens. Their numbers are few nowadays though. There were so many that were killed off, it is hard to really find one and because of the ridicule they receive, they normally keep themselves out of the limelight. Of course, Shadow being an adolescent Elemental Phoenix is also a dangerous ordeal," Lucius said having effectively captured the attention of Narcissa and Severus who were staring at him with anxious expressions.

"Why is that?" Narcissa asked impatiently. She knew that Lucius was feeling pretty smug right now because he was the one who possessed the knowledge, but at the moment, Narcissa didn't care. She wanted to know

"Because Elementals…well all Phoenixes hold a power so great that it can actually cause them harm. You see, a Phoenix does not need a wand to do magic, however let's say Shadow was in a position where her magic was out of control which probably will happen in the next few months, she could accidentally kill someone. The use of a wand controls that power to some extent. It has to be a powerful wand meant solely for her. That's probably why hers looks like that. Wherever she got it from, that crafter took the time and cared about the look as well as the ability. It's not everyday you get to craft a wand for a Phoenix. Anyway, when she turns seventeen she will be a woman and that is when her power comes in full. If I remember right, Phoenixes go through pain the last few months leading into their transformation," Lucius said arrogantly, feeling just as smug as he looked.

"Does her power have anything to do with Mr. Hill doing what he does to her?" Narcissa asked narrowing her eyes. Lucius seemed thoughtful for a moment and then he frowned.

"Now that you mention it, my dear, I believe it does. When they come into full power, they are able to share that magic with another, preferably the person they are going to spend their life with, and when they give up their virtue or virginity basically, a part of that magic goes to the other person enhancing their magical abilities. In Shadows' case, they would not become as powerful as she is, but they would be damn close I imagine. I believe that is why Mr. Hill has saved her virtue. He intends to take it. It's another reason they keep themselves hidden. Many were raped to acquire power and then killed off later." Severus narrowed his eyes and felt his blood boil.

"That's why he sewed her shut. It keeps accidents from happening when he rapes her. That's why she had said once that after her seventeenth birthday she no longer had to worry about what happens to her. Mr. Hill intends to kill her after he has gotten what he wants because he has no more use for her." Severus was seething now. Lucius looked at Narcissa and then back at the boy.

"Perhaps…if maybe…you had her on that day…" It was one of the rare times that Lucius actually stammered and spoke with uncertainty, but Severus gave him a deadly glare, effectively shutting him up.

"Don't even suggest it! What makes you think that I will have any interest in her then?!" he snapped.

"Because 'love' is not so easily ignored," Narcissa answered softly. Severus felt like screaming at them both, but didn't. He quickly put everything back into the little box and pushed it back under the bed, but a familiar book caught his attention. It was the sketch book that Lily had given Shadow on her birthday. Curiosity getting the better of him, he pulled the book out and opened it. He knew he shouldn't be invading her privacy to this extreme, but he wanted to see what the girl had been drawing in it.

The first page was a beautiful rendering of a man that looked like an older version of Remus Lupin. He looked at the bottom to see that it was marked 'Darius John Lupin'. It was obvious that Shadow got her eyes from her biological father. Severus was impressed by her ability to draw so accurately, especially from memory. He continued through the pages, seeing portraits done of her brother and his friends, some of the Professors, and surprisingly some of the Slytherins. Turning the page, he found a portrait of himself, perfectly done right down to the cold expression and sneer he usually had on his face. He was impressed to say the least. He looked at his name written on the bottom, done in a loopy and very calligraphy style hand writing with her signature smaller at the bottom. There were a few others of him as well, causing his heart to ache.

"She really does like you," Lucius stated, causing Severus to snap out of his thoughts. The boy cleared his throat and closed the book, slipping it back underneath the bed.

"I don't think she has the address written down. I am going to go to bed," Severus said quickly and left the room without looking back.

A week had past without word of Shadow and although Remus had returned, he had not been able to do anything to find Shadow. He had gone to Dumbledore and told him what he knew and he was glad that Dumbledore had gathered Minevra and gone to the address that was listed for Shadow, but had turned up nothing. Albus had wanted to send an owl out to her, but realized that could put her into more danger if Mr. Hill were to find it and become suspicious.

Remus felt lost and helpless, not knowing what was happening to his sister. He had only gotten the chance to speak with Severus once to find out that the boy had found nothing in Shadows' room indicating where she was. Dumbledore had decided not to contact the Ministry just yet, because he wasn't sure who could be trusted and who couldn't.

Most of the students had gone home for the holidays except for the three Slytherins, the Marauders, two Ravenclaw boys, and one Hufflepuff girl. Severus had made sure to avoid everyone, especially the Marauders. He did not want to talk to Remus again because he knew that Shadow would be the focus of the conversation. It was another week until Christmas and Remus was feeling more and more depressed. He wanted Shadow to be at Hogwarts with him where she was safe.

Shadow felt almost as though the life was slipping out of her and she was beginning to welcome it. She lay on the cold floor, naked and broken like she had for the past week, enduring her fathers' punishments. He had raped her brutally, whipped her several times, but kept her barely alive. She knew he wasn't about to rid of her when he had the potential of becoming a Phoenix wizard when she came into power. She had heard her parents talk about leaving to a party and now that they were gone, she wondered if she should try to get out and find a way to end her life before her step-father returned to continue his torment.

Sitting up slowly, she looked around the basement and then toward the door that would lead out into the house. She knew it was warded, but she wondered if perhaps she could bring the wards down. It would mean using the little bit of strength she had left to do so and she wasn't even sure it would be enough. Pain seared through her entire body as she tried to move again, but something suddenly stopped her.

Shadow could have sworn she had heard a small cry. After a moment of silence, she struggled to get to her knees, but froze again when she heard the cry a little louder this time. Fear crept up her spine and her breathing became hitched as she scanned the dimly lit room she was in.

Shadow felt her face pale and she looked around the room trying to determine where the sound was coming from and only when she heard it again did she look to the wall to her left. Crawling over to it, she hesitantly put her ear up to the brick wall and listened. Fear gripped her when she heard the cry a little louder. Shadow was shaking all over, wondering who in the hell could be on the other side of that wall. Shadow looked at the wall, trying to find a flaw in it. The shadows of the dimly lit room made it difficult for her to see, but after a few minutes of searching she finally found a flaw. One of the bricks looked loose enough to pull out. Her heart began to pound in her chest as she started to pick at the brick, despite the pain that was burning through her entire body.

Albus Dumbledore paced his office, trying desperately to think of a way to get to Shadow. Remus had told him what he knew of her and it had unsettled him to no end. He wanted to help her, but he hadn't been expecting the Ministry of Magic to be in any way involved in these crimes. Deciding the he had no other alternative, but to try and send her an owl, he quickly picked up his quill and wrote a simple note. Minevra had walked in and seen the worry on his face.

"I am not sure that _she_ is the one who will be receiving this, Minevra," Albus said softly. The woman looked at him knowingly.

"I feel just as helpless as you do. I cannot believe that she has been going through this for so long and has only now told the truth."

"She is not even the one that told young Remus. It was Severus Snape that told him. The Slytherins knew about it, but kept it secret at her request."

"I do not believe that something like this should have been kept a secret," Minevra said sternly.

"Well, our dear boy Severus did not keep the secret apparently. I believe he harbors feelings for the girl," Albus replied. Minevra nodded.

"Yes, I have noticed. He has been distracted in class on more than one occasion," she said tiredly. Albus nodded.

"Severus has always been a reclusive boy, somewhat of a loner I dare say…I am glad that he stepped forth this time. I know of his _dislike_ for the Gryffindors, but if he hadn't said anything to Mr. Lupin, I fear that we might not have known until it was too late."

"Albus, it might still be _too late,_" Minevra reminded him. The look of worry crossed his face again and he began pacing the room.

"I am going to send her this letter and ask where she is," Albus said coming to his final decision and sealed the note with the Hogwarts seal. He summoned an owl and tied the letter to its leg.

"No one and I mean no one is to take this letter, but Sombra _Lupin_." Dumbledore told the owl knowing that they were smart enough to realize who the person truly was. The owl hooted its understanding and took flight.

"I hope he finds her alive…" Minevra whispered, but Dumbledore had heard and secretly hoped the same.

Severus knew that it was close to dinner time, but all he wanted to do was be alone at the moment. Lucius and Narcissa were not in the Common Room and for that he was grateful as he headed up to his room. He flopped ungracefully onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He couldn't get Shadow away from his thoughts. He kept thinking about her in that emerald dress pressed against the wall, her hot tongue sliding along his.

Severus groaned softly when he felt himself become immediately hard from the thought. He tried to ignore his aching erection, but when the memory of Shadow being straddled across his lap came to mind, he couldn't help but let his hand slip down into his pants.

Severus felt his body immediately tense at the contact and he let all his thoughts of her consume him for the moment. He pictured her on top of him, grinding against him with a look of passion in her eyes, kissing him hard and with demand. He remembered what Lily had told her about letting a man kiss _other_ places and wondered what it would be like to taste her. He had no clue what a woman would taste like, but just the thought alone was enough to hitch his breathing.

Severus finally unzipped his pants and pulled his throbbing erection free and began stroking himself harder. His speed increased as he visualized his tongue inside Shadows' warmth, licking her juices as she shuddered against his mouth. The thought was too much and he groaned loudly as his hot seed spilled onto his hands and stomach. Severus swallowed hard as he took a moment for his body to come down off of its high.

"Scourgify…" he mumbled, waving his wand and cleaning the mess he had made. After he had fixed his clothes and zipped his pants, he laid back against the pillows, closing his eyes while still thinking of Shadow in his arms.

Shadow had spent nearly two hours picking at the bricks until finally they gave way making a hole large enough for her body to fit through, but she didn't dare enter into the room. It wasn't lit at all and she could hear shuffling and another sound she couldn't identify. It was almost like a squishing sound that made her stomach turn. Then she heard a hiss, uncomfortably close to where she was. Shadow backed away slightly and stared into the darkness, her body trembling and the pain in her chest intensifying as her breathing became irregular.

"Who…whose there?" Shadow rasped just as a movement caught her eye only two feet from her and at the opening of the hole she had made. For a moment, Shadow froze, but when the figure emerged and began crawling toward her, she screamed in a piercing voice, despite her broken ribs and scurried away from the hideous creature.

Shadow felt her back slam into the wall and she cowered in the corner, drawing her knees up, hearing her ribs pop in protest. She screamed again and began to cry with fear. Terror gripped her as she tried to think desperately of what to do.

"Get away from me!" she screamed, her voice near hysterical. Looking upon this creature as it crawled toward her, seemingly hissing along the way. Shadow noticed that its legs were cut off at the thigh and blood covered it almost completely. There were pieces of flesh hanging from its body and the face was badly disfigured. It reeked of blood and rotten flesh, scaring Shadow even more. When its hand landed on Shadow's ankle, she screamed again trying to push herself into the wall. It brought its face right up to her and Shadow stared at it with a wide eyed terrified expression. _It_ only had one eye it could see from. The other was an empty socket oozing pus and blood. Shadow thought that because of the smell combined with the sight, she would throw up but did her best to hold it back the bile that threatened to rise.

"Shhhhaaddooww…" It didn't sound a hiss anymore, but more like a whisper causing Shadow to stop breathing for a moment and stare almost curiously into the one eye. It was a light blue, but it held no joy, no life, nothing. There was silence with the exception of both their raspy breathing as they stared at each other. Shadow tried desperately to think of how this _thing_ knew her name. The blue eyes were so familiar. Then the recognition set in and Shadow felt a whirlwind of emotions come crashing down on her. Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks as she found it harder and harder to breath; not from the stench surrounding her, but from the knowledge she now had. Guilt flowed through her every fiber as she stared at this hideous, deformed, and tortured soul.

"Janet…" __


	10. Escape to Hogwarts

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 9**

_Escape to Hogwarts_

Shadow had whispered her little sister's name and the girl had merely nodded her head. How could this have happened? Shadow knew that her sister was born a squib, but three years when the girl had disappeared, she had surely thought that Keadan had killed her and her suffering was over. Now, looking at the hideous sight that sat before her, she now knew how wrong she had been. She had been so sure that Janet had died that she hadn't even bothered to look for her and all this time, the girl had been hidden away.

"Janet…I'm so sorry…" Shadow sobbed softly covering her face with her hands.

"Not…your…fault…" her sister replied hoarsely. Shadow shook her head in denial.

"It is my fault! I should have looked for you! I was sure he killed you! I should have looked!" Shadow cried out. She felt Janet lay her deformed hand on her leg as if to reassure her, but Shadow couldn't shake the guilt.

"Shadow…I know…what you…are…look…at my…thoughts…" Janet whispered brokenly. Shadow shook her head violently.

"I can't…I…I'd have…to bite you….I can't do it," she choked out.

"You have to!" There was some strength in that statement and Shadow watched as her sister turned her head to expose her neck. It was one of the few spots on her that wasn't damaged so much and Shadow felt herself tremble with fear. Janet knew she was afraid.

"Do it…you need to know…to save yourself. He'll do…this to you…" Janet choked. It was obvious that speaking was difficult and Shadow knew it was the only way. Fresh blood is what held the memories and in order to get it, she would have to bite her sister. Shadow didn't want to do it. It was something she was always leery about when it came to her race, but at that moment she was left without a choice. Slowly, Shadow leaned forward and within a mere inch of Janet's neck opened her mouth and let her dainty fangs descend before sinking them into her sister's flesh. Janet didn't even make a sound. This was nothing compared to what she had gone through and that fact only tore at Shadow even more.

Shadow's eyes widened in horror as she saw flashes of what Janet had gone through over the last three years. The torture, the rape the beating, everything…it was all there. Janet was Isabella's and Keadan's full blood daughter and the two of them had turned her into what she was now. Shadow's eyes went blood red as Janet's memories were now a part of her own. With a gasp, Shadow released her and slammed herself against the wall behind her; her breathing was ragged and uncontrolled.

"Oh god…" Shadow cried out in anguish.

"Don't let him…take you too…there are others…they are dead…" Janet choked out again. Shadow knew that there had been other children, but didn't fully grasp what could be happening to them if Keadan was so willing to do this to his own daughter.

"This is so hard…"

"Shadow…save me…" Janet said softly. Shadow looked at her through her tears, her eyes still bright red.

"I can…try to get you out of here…" she started, but Janet shook her head.

"No…not like that…I don't…want to be this…" Janet told her and after a moment of silence Shadow understood the meaning.

"No…I can't do that! I just can't!" Shadow cried out.

"Please…do this for me…I…I need this…" Janet whispered. Shadow couldn't believe her little sister was asking this of her, but after seeing everything that she had seen, how could she deny Janet this one way out? "Look at what…he has done to me. I'm hurt…I'm a monster…please, Shadow…"

"I…I am not strong enough to cast a curse…" Shadow whispered.

"My room…another…door…go…and you will see…" Janet told her and crawled back slightly. Shadow looked at the opening and then at Janet who was watching her with a sorrowful expression. Slowly, Shadow pulled herself to her feet, wincing from the pain that swept through her body. She limped her way to the opening in the wall and despite her body's protest; she lowered herself down to crawl through it.

The room was dark and damp, but Shadow felt her way along the wall till she came to the door Janet had mentioned. Her body was feeling weaker and weaker by the minute, but she knew that she had to do this for Janet and then escape. After seeing what Keadan was willing to do to his own daughter, she was afraid to think of what he would do to Remus or even…Severus. With that thought in mind, she pushed the door open and felt along the wall and came across a light switch. Flicking it on, she wasn't prepared for what she saw.

Severus had finally dragged himself out of bed and headed down to the Great Hall where the other students and teachers were sitting at the Head Table. Severus and Sirius seemed to be having a silent battle as they glared coldly at each other. Lily seemed to notice and elbowed Sirius in the ribs.

"Leave him alone."

"Why are you defending him?" Sirius asked sourly.

"I am not defending anyone. I know that you are angry about Shadow liking him, but that is not his fault."

"I am not talking about that! I am talking about what Remus told us! What Snape had said to her! You can't possibly believe that Snivellus is any good for Shadow!" Sirius hissed, but Lily didn't back down. She narrowed her eyes at the boy. James knew that look and immediately became very interested in his potatoes.

"Look here Sirius Black! Shadow is old enough to make her own decisions and if Severus Snape is what she wants then so be it! You are just angry that you got bested by a Slytherin and _that_ particular Slytherin is the one who did it!" she hissed angrily.

"I don't know what she sees in him anyway. He's a skinny little, greasy haired, cold hearted git," Sirius said; it was loud enough that Severus had heard it and shot him an icy glare.

"Sirius Black that is enough," Professor McGonagall said sternly. The boy simply went back to his meal, but glanced up at Snape a few times to give him an icy glare. Dumbledore seemed too preoccupied with his own thoughts to really acknowledge what was going on. Remus however, brought him back from his thoughts.

"Professor Dumbledore, have you decided on anything, yet?" he asked anxiously.

"Yes, Remus. I sent a letter to Shadow earlier. She should be getting it soon and the owl is under orders that no one is to receive it, but her. Hopefully, she will reply and tell me where she is," he said softly, but the Slytherins had heard it and looked at each other uncertainly before going back to their meal.

Shadow now wanted to get out of that house so badly, she was becoming desperate. She no longer wanted to die there. She wanted to live and protect her brother. She had to. There were body parts scattered across this secret room, blood splattered across the walls, and chains that hung from the ceiling with hooks at the end. It was the worst torture room she had seen and it suddenly made her room look comfortable.

Shadow didn't want to be there longer than necessary. She looked uncertainly around the room until her eyes landed on the bloody axe resting against the wall. The crying just wouldn't stop as she stared at it, horrified. That was the only weapon there that would do what she needed to do and she hated that fact.

"It's not supposed to be this way…" she sobbed softly, walking slowly toward the axe. Shadow stared at it for a moment, before letting her eyes scan across the room. There was so much death in her life, so much hatred, and yet she could never get used to it no matter what she said. She knew that she was a Dark Witch by nature, but it didn't seem to suit her. No matter how many times she had to kill, no matter how many times she had to witness the torture of others, the Dark side of her is not what took over. Shadow knew that even when her power came in full, she would not kill the innocent, but she would kill those that do. She reached out and grabbed the axe, bringing it back to her room where her deformed and dying sister lay, bleeding and tormented. Pain seared through her body with every movement she made, but she was determined now.

Shadow knew that Janet was a broken soul and that even if there was a way to save her physically, nothing would change. Janet would lead a life of torment and fear and that was not something she wanted. Shadow felt that she would have the same kind of life, but the difference was that she had to power to do something about the ones that had wronged her. She also had a brother she loved very much and would do anything to protect. She would die _for_ him if she had to. Shadow looked at Janet who was watching her intently.

"Please, Shadow…" she whispered. Shadow nodded silently and approached her, axe in hand. Tears were running down her face as she looked at her little sister. She lifted the axe with some effort, but couldn't stop the trembling.

"I'm so sorry Janet…" she whispered.

"Don't…let him get you…I love you…" Janet choked out and lowered head, preparing herself and relishing in the fact that soon she would be free. Shadow aimed and sobbed softly.

"I love you too…" she whispered and Janet closed her eye, letting a tear fall before her world went black. Shadow had swung once and hit her mark, effectively putting Janet out of her misery. She had never in her life had to decapitate anyone as a means of ending their suffering and this totally new raw emotion of rage, horror, guilt, and shame consumed her in an instant when she saw the large pool of blood forming around her sister's body. She let out an agonizing scream, throwing the axe across the room and dropping to her knees. She buried her face in her hands and screamed, causing a shrilling echo in the small basement.

"WHY ME!!! I HATE YOU KEADAN FOR MAKING ME DO THIS!!!" her screams were full of rage, but the hurt behind them would not have gone unnoticed. Shadow looked down at her sister and stared at her with a blurry vision.

"One of these days…I'll kill Keadan….and I'll kill Mom for this," she whispered to her dead sister. She felt so lost and broken as she lay down on the cold stone floor not caring that she was lying in her sister's blood. She closed her eyes and cried silently.

However, it didn't last long when she heard a loud hoot coming from outside. Shadow sat up shakily and looked around. How could she hear outside? Then, the thought crossed her mind that there must be an opening somewhere near her, a means of escape. She got up and crawled back through the hole to her sister's room. There was only light coming from the other room and it wasn't much to light up her sister's, but when she heard the hooting again, she limped over to the far wall opposite of the room she found the axe in and felt along the bricks.

Reaching up above her head, she felt a loose brick and pulled it out, gasping when she saw the moonlight shining through. Quickly, she began pulling the other bricks free.

She was surprised to see that it had been a small window and even more surprised when she saw a small brown owl with a letter tied to its leg and looking at her expectantly. Shadow reached out with shaky hands to take the letter to find that it was from Hogwarts. She felt her body aching and screaming all over, but she forced herself to ignore the bitter cold outside as she opened the letter and read it.

_Miss Shadow Lupin,_

_Some newly discovered issues have raised concerns about you. Where is the address you are staying at? I wish for your immediate retrieval and for you to be returned to Hogwarts immediately. This letter is meant for you and you only. Please reply immediately. We are deeply concerned._

_Sincerely _

_Headmaster of Hogwarts_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Shadow looked up to see the owl still waiting for her to reply, but she had nothing to write with.

"He knows…" she whispered tearfully. A part of her was concerned knowing that someone had told him, but she wasn't exactly sure who. The other part of her was beyond relieved that he knew and that he was demanding her return. She wondered if he could truly protect her. Finding that she had no other choice, she used the blood on her hands to reply.

_I'm coming back_

_Need help…hurt_

_Shadow_

She quickly tied the letter to the owls' leg and looked at him tearfully.

"Please hurry…let them know I'm coming…" she whispered to it. The owl gave a sad and understanding hoot before taking flight. Shadow didn't have any clothes or any blankets to cover herself and debated on trying to break into the house when she heard the voice that froze her in place.

"Shadow! You better be ready, I'm coming down," her father yelled and she could hear the foot steps on the creaking stairs. She didn't know where she found the strength, but she quickly jumped to the window and pulled herself up, crawling out into the freezing cold snow.

Unfortunately, her hips caught in the small opening and with much effort she pushed herself outside, but heard a sickening crack from her pelvic bone when she did. She was quite a ways from Hogwarts, being that she was in Dreux, France and Hogwarts was in Scotland. Blood stained the snow as she crawled out and a few feet away from the house. Fear gripped her as she heard her father's enraged voice echo through the basement.

"SHADOW! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!"

Shadow looked at the logs on the side of the house that her parents used for the fireplace and the rage from what had happened inside that basement returned. If she could just focus her anger, it might help to summon what little magic she could from her weak body. She knew that her parents would seek revenge on her for what she had done and what she was about to do, but it couldn't be any worse than what they had been doing to her, at least not until she was of age and her magic was taken. Shadow then heard the voice of her mother for the first time in months.

"What has that little brat done?! Where is she?!" Isabella screeched. Shadow felt her anger boiling and pushed the pain aside as she stood shakily to her feet and raised her hand to point at the wooden logs.

"INCENDIO!" she forced out and watched as the orange and yellow light shot out from her fingertips to engulf the wooden logs in flames. She then turned and with everything she had, ran away from the house deep into the trees that surrounded it. Her feet had been lashed and running in the snow was only making them hurt even more. Her breathing was becoming labored from her excursion and her broken ribs were only making it worse. She could feel the metallic taste of blood in her mouth as she continued to run through the trees away from her parents burning house.

It was well after 9 pm when dinner ended, but the teachers and students were content to just sit in the Great Hall and talk. Dessert was being served, although Severus was the first one to push his away; not having much of a taste for sweets. He just sat back and eyed the Gryffindors with distaste; however his expression softened a bit when he saw Remus' face. The boy looked absolutely lost and his face was pale; he had dark circles under his eyes and he looked a mess. Severus knew it was not because of the full moon that had past. He was also concerned and he couldn't shake the guilt he felt from saying those cruel things to her.

Dumbledore was engrossed in a conversation with Minerva when he was stopped by a loud and frantic hooting as the little brown owl, flew into the Great Hall flapping its wings frantically. It was obvious the poor thing had flown as fast as it could to Hogwarts. The entire hall fell silent as the owl landed in front of Dumbledore. Minevra gasped when she saw the blood stained letter.

"Albus! Is that blood?" She couldn't help it. The other students looked concerned and stared at the Headmaster as he quickly opened the letter. Remus had stood up and looked over at it as well.

"Oh gods! It's written in blood!" he hissed and Remus began panicking. James got up and grabbed Remus by the shoulders.

"Calm down, Remus," but the boy couldn't think straight.

"Remus, she is on her way here. Please calm down," Dumbledore told him and turned to look at the nurse. "Prepare a bed for her and be ready with plenty of healing potions." His tone was quiet so Remus couldn't hear him and he got a quick nod before she rushed out of the Great Hall.

"I think it is time to return to your common rooms," Minevra said, a little shaken.

"I can't! I have to wait for her! I have to look for her!" Remus cried out as James tried desperately to hold the struggling boy. Minevra looked as though she was going to disapprove, but Albus held up his hand.

"Actually, I believe I will need the assistance of Mr. Lupin in covering the grounds to look for her. I do not know how she is getting here or when she will be here, but I believe that we should have people searching the grounds," Dumbledore said. Minevra didn't bother arguing.

"We'll help too," the two Ravenclaws stated and the Hufflepuff girl agreed.

"So will we," Lily said quickly with James and Sirius nodding in agreement. Dumbledore looked toward the three Slytherins who all stood up and nodded their agreement as well.

"Very well, grab your cloaks and let us start patrolling," Albus said seriously and walked with Minevra out of the hall. Severus quickly left behind them and raced to the common room to grab his cloak. Remus had noticed the quick departure and was not that far behind.

Shadow had to stop after nearly twenty minutes of running. This was one of the rare times she wished she had her wand since it held some of her magic and her physical magic was almost completely depleted from trying to hold her body together. Her injuries were serious and she couldn't stop the bleeding in most of them. She doubled over and coughed violently, spitting up blood and causing her chest to constrict painfully. She found that she couldn't breathe very well anymore and knew that she wouldn't be able to go much further at the moment. Shaking from the pain and the cold, she crawled over to a nearby try and cuddled up to it, trying desperately to find heat.

An hour had passed and Shadow found herself in the same position when she opened her eyes. She could tell that her body was on the verge of shutting down, but she had to get to Hogwarts. She sniffed and looked around warily. Blood stained the crisp white snow that surrounded her and she looked down at herself to see that open wounds and ripped skin, exposing her bones in some areas and muscle tissue in others. She was ashamed that Remus was going to see her like this, but she didn't have a choice now. Hogwarts was the safest place that she could go and truth be told, it was the only place she wanted to go. Shadow struggled to her feet and stopped suddenly, listening to the sounds around her. She could hear the shuffling of feet not far from her. She scanned the dark woods frightfully and then her eyes landed on three figures coming her way.

"Shadow! Don't try to run!" It was the voice of her step father. She froze, her face paled, and an overwhelming sense of dread swept through her. Before she could think straight, she darted away from them. The pain for anyone else would have been unbearable unless faced with a life or death situation and right then, Shadow wanted life. She heard the spells cast at her, but she was able to barely avoid them as she darted through the trees, running anywhere she could to get away from them. Her chest flared with pain and she nearly fell to the ground from the pain, but pushing herself to the limits she regained composure and ran as fast as she could.

Shadow came to a small clearing and felt that she couldn't go any further. She had to try something she had never tried before. She needed to apparate to Hogwarts. Trying to regain control of her breathing, she closed her eyes and concentrated hard on her destination. She could hear them getting closer.

"Hogwarts…" she whispered and just before Keadan could reach out and grab her, she disappeared.

The remaining students patrolled the halls and the grounds, looking for any sign of Shadow, but couldn't find a thing. Remus was starting to become frantic again and James was trying his best to calm him down.

"She said she is coming, so she will. She's stronger than you think, mate," he told him.

"She's hurt…what if he catches her? What if she's dead? What if she can't get back here and I never see her again? It's been over an hour since we got the letter!" Remus cried out and James pulled his friend against him, hugging him tightly.

"Remus, calm down. We'll get her," he said firmly, but inside he wasn't so sure.

Severus couldn't help the sick feeling he had in his stomach as he searched for Shadow. Lucius and Narcissa were staying close to him, but he ignored them when they tried to tell him to relax. As much as he denied liking the girl, his friends could see that it was quite the opposite. Severus didn't realize just how worried he looked.

"It's been so long…" Narcissa whispered.

"Yes, but we do not know where she is coming from. She might live quite far from here my dear," Lucius said. The blond woman nodded and walked away from the two boys toward the Forbidden Forest. She wasn't even half way there when she heard the small pop of apparation.

She scanned the open grounds until her eyes landed on a dark figure lying in the snow about a hundred yards away from the forest. Narcissa felt her heart skip a beat as she started toward the figure, hoping that it was Shadow. Halfway there, she could see the pale skin of a woman covered in blood and the long black hair splayed out across the snow. Her stomach lurched.

"Oh my gods…" she whispered, trying to absorb the sight. Blood was everywhere and she could see the torn flesh on the frail figure of her fellow Slytherin. Tears filled her eyes and she finally let out a piercing scream. "SHADOW!"

The scream hadn't gone unnoticed and as soon as Remus had heard it, he dashed through the snow with his friends close behind. Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall were also rushing from the other side of the castle.

Narcissa raced out to the girl and the closer she got, the sicker she felt. She couldn't tell if the girl was alive or not. She barely heard the sounds of Lucius and Severus racing up toward her as she knelt down and moved the hair from Shadows' face. Severus felt his blood run cold as he skidded to a stop and stared down at the girl who just a week before had stunned most of the school with her beauty in that emerald dress she had worn to the ball. Now he stared at her naked, torn body lying in the snow, covered in blood.

"Oh my gods…I can't…I can't believe he would do this to her…" Narcissa sobbed as Lucius wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up just as Remus and the other Gryffindors ran over.

"Shadow! Oh god, Shadow!" Remus cried and dropped to his knees next to her, carefully turning her head so that he could see her face. Blood was pouring from her mouth and he quickly lifted her and turned her over slightly so that she would not choke on it.

"What the bloody hell happened to her?!" Sirius yelled angrily.

"I never knew he did _this_ to her!" Remus wept softly and turned her again to face him.

"I can't believe he would hurt her like this!" James was angry and wishing that he could get his hands around Keadan's neck now. Lily was silently crying, but performing small healing spells to stop the bleeding.

"You can see her bones through some of these injuries…" she gasped. It was a sight that would haunt them all for life. Severus felt as though he was going to be sick as he stared down at her. He had never witnessed this kind of abuse and if she had been someone else, he might have been able to handle it _a little_ better, but this was Shadow. _His _ Shadow. Severus quickly took off his cloak and laid it onto the snow covered ground. Lily took the hint and motioned for Remus to grab her upper body and help move her onto it. As gently as they could, they moved her onto the cloak as Lily continued her spells to stop the bleeding.

"She's hurt so badly. I can't heal these kinds of injuries. I just need her to be healed enough to get moved to the hospital," Lily said firmly as she healed Shadow's face of all its cuts and cast the blood away. Shadow's breathing was strangled and shallow, which was starting to really concern everyone. Lily lifted her arm gently and looked at her side where one of her ribs was protruding through the skin. One of the broken pieces was turned in toward her lung and Lily knew instantly that she wasn't going to survive much longer without Madam Pompfry.

"Oh my God…" Remus whispered.

"Her lung is punctured," Lily said. Remus didn't care who saw him with tears streaming down his face as he gently cradled Shadow's head in his arms. Sirius looked up when he saw Dumbledore and McGonagall running toward them.

They moved in next to Remus and Minevra covered her mouth, turning away from the sight. Albus was frozen for a moment, staring at the damage done to this frail girl before he snapped out of it and went into action.

"Albus! How could he get away with this?!" Minevra screeched.

"I don't know. Now is not the time to dwell on it," he said and pulled his wand.

"She's so cold," Lily said worriedly.

"Mobilicorpus," he cast the spell and had Shadow on a stretcher at his side. Remus quickly wrapped Severus' cloak around her and ran along side the Headmaster toward the Hospital wing. The Ravenclaw boys had been told by Dumbledore to go and tell Poppy to be ready for Shadow when they brought her in. The Hufflepuff girl watched the Headmaster race by with Shadow on a stretcher and broke into tears from the sight. Minevra was quick to tell her to go to the common room and go to bed now.

Madam Pompfry had a tray of potions ready and her wand drawn as Albus came in with Shadow on a stretcher. She didn't have time to tell the others that had followed to leave because as soon as Shadow was on the bed and Albus removed the cloak, she was fast at work.

"Dear Merlin! I have never seen anyone in a condition like this before!" she gasped as she hurried through some healing spells.

"She is in terrible shape," Albus said seriously.

"When did the bleeding stop?" she asked.

"She was still bleeding when Narcissa found her, but I used some basic spells to stop it in some areas," Lily told her. Poppy nodded her approval and motioned for Lily to grab some of the healing potions.

"She needs a blood replenishing potion, a potion for the pain, and the blue vial has a potion to boost her body's healing," Poppy said and Lily went quickly to work, getting the potions together.

"Alright."

"I can't believe she is alive, Albus," the mediwitch stated as she began to close some of the cuts.

"I believe that her magic begins to heal her body as it is injured, thus keeping her alive for the most part, but you are right. Injuries like this would have surely killed a normal witch," he said gravely.

"What kind of witch is she?" Poppy asked. Remus didn't care who heard or knew at the moment as he stepped forward.

"She is an Elemental Phoenix witch." The statement caused Poppy to freeze for a moment, before going back to work.

"Albus, Elementals are dark…are you sure that she is safe to have around?" she asked. Remus felt himself becoming angry and glared at the witch.

"Yes, she is. Shadow has in no way brought harm to any of our students and staff and I do not believe that she will start," Albus told her firmly. Madam Pompfry nodded briskly and lifted Shadow's head slightly and motioned for Lily to administer the potions. She did slowly, rubbing Shadow's throat and forcing her to swallow them.

"No, I do not believe the girl would intentionally hurt anyone, but remember that Elementals go through a pain faze and they can become extremely dangerous if put under pressure or become enraged."

"I know, but she has remained in control while at school and apparently at home," he replied. Remus eyed the witch warily but remained silent.

"With all her power, she should have killed the man who did this to her," Poppy said, shaking her head. "If she ever does, I'll say he got off easy."

"I agree," was the Headmaster's only reply.

"Lily, hold her arms above her head. I need to fix her ribs now. Hold her. The pain potion will not be enough to keep her from feeling this," Poppy told her and Lily did as she was told. Taking a deep breath, she started an incantation with her wand pointed toward the broken ribs and slowly they began moving into place.

Shadow let out a piercing scream and pulled against the weight holding her arms. She wasn't aware of where she was or what was going on, but the pain was so immense and it shocked her.

"It's ok Shadow…it's almost done," Lily told her softly, the tears filling her eyes. With a sickening pop, the ribs went back into their proper place and Poppy quickly cast a spell over Shadows' chest to heal the punctured lung when she had seen the blood pouring from her lips.

James was holding Remus tightly to him while Sirius stood next to them and watched in horror as Shadow was being literally put back together. Sirius glanced over at the Slytherins who looked just as horrified, but his gaze landed on Snape. To his surprise, Severus looked as distraught as Remus did and a tear had rolled down his cheek as he watched Shadow being treated. Sirius couldn't help the surge of jealousy as he realized that Snape really did have feelings for Shadow. Since Shadow had mutual feelings he could only assume that eventually they would end up together and despite the situation, that angered him.

"Minevra, send an owl to the Minister of Magic. I demand that Shadow be released into the custody of the Lupin family, immediately!" Albus told her and she made a quick retreat.

"Her hip is cracked badly and needs to be repaired," Poppy said firmly.

Lily watched the rest of the blood being removed from Shadow and then let her eyes wander down the girls' body and past her navel. She remembered what Shadow had told her the day they got their dresses for the dance and she couldn't help but be curious. Moving toward her hips, Lily leaned over and saw the cross stitching that began where her slit began and disappeared between her legs.

Severus saw what she was looking at and couldn't help but do the same, noticing the black stitching that closed her off. He felt a rush of fury as he let his eyes linger there for a moment. She was completely shaven, probably something that Mr. Hill liked, so it was easy to notice the stitches. He watched Lily lean over and whisper to Madam Pompfry who also looked and gasped.

"Alright, I need everyone to leave. Lily will stay and help me," Poppy said sternly.

"I want to stay," Remus said with determination and after a moment of considering him, Poppy nodded.

"Alright, Remus you can stay, but I will be putting the curtain up. I need to do some examinations on her that you do not need to see," she told him and he nodded his understanding, moving quickly to sit on one of the beds. Albus turned to the rest of the students.

"I want to thank you all for helping look for her. I will be awarding the appropriate house points and I bid you all goodnight. Go back to your dorms and get some rest," he told them.

With reluctance they left the room, Severus a little slower than the others, looked back at Shadow for a moment, before Poppy pulled the curtain around and blocked the view. He caught Remus's intent gaze before he walked out of the room and toward the dungeons.

Albus walked into his office and was surprised to see the Minister himself standing before him arguing with Minevra. The Head of Gryffindor house was flushed and looking at him stubbornly.

"Sombre Hill needs to be released into the custody of her father, Professor McGonagall," he ground out.

"I should say not!" Albus told him calmly, but there was no twinkling in his eyes.

"Excuse me? He is her father and is therefore responsible for her," the Minister argued.

"Sombre Hill is not the biological daughter of Keadan Hill. She is daughter to Darius John Lupin who…"

"Who is dead!"

"By means yet to be determined," Albus said firmly.

"I beg your pardon? Darius Lupin died as a result of the Killing Curse."

"No, I do not believe he did. I have been told otherwise and Sombra was a witness to his demise and her story is amazingly different from yours," Albus said firmly, although he wasn't exactly sure of the nature to which Darius died, but Remus had told him enough for him to make a believable bluff. The Minister paled and stared at him.

"What else has this girl told you? It is obvious that she has some vendetta against her parents. She set their home on fire."

"Yes, well when she returned she was covered in multiple lashings, her ribs were broken, her lung was punctured, she had been sodomized, she is severely bruised and beaten, and your concern is about THEIR BLOODY HOUSE?!" Minevra had cut in and screamed the last part at the Minister, startling him. Albus couldn't help but smile.

"I was not…aware of the girl's condition," he said uncertainly.

"The hell you weren't! It is our understanding that the Ministry cannot be trusted in this matter because some of the members have participated in this girl's abuse and have therefore concealed their activities by threatening her with imprisonment in Azkaban for acts forced upon her!" Minerva ranted and the Minister felt his face flush red.

"Are you accusing _me_ of doing something inappropriate with that girl?!" he snapped.

"Do have such a guilty conscious that you have to ask that kind of question? Honestly, these people work for you and even _if _you played no direct part in her abuse, you are still responsible for it." Minerva's tone was cold and icy and Albus wondered if perhaps she had belonged in Slytherin House. The Minister seemed to be thinking this over and then turned a hard gaze on Dumbledore.

"You wish the girl to be in the custody of the Lupin family? Remus John Lupin is a werewolf is he not?"

"Where are you going with this?" Minerva cut in.

"I am saying that we wouldn't want him to have any _unwanted_ publicity due to this little problem," the Minister said smugly, but the smug look disappeared when he saw the look on both teachers faces.

"How dare you make such a threat! Perhaps if the facts were to be made public about what happens to that girl, what the Minister _doesn't_ do about it, and the blackmail that the Minister is trying to do now would bring an awful lot of _unwanted _attention to you," Minerva seethed.

"I agree. I can only imagine what kind of uproar it would cause to know that the Ministry has ignored the cries of a young girl for years and has been responsible for her abuse and is under the suspicion of being responsible for the abuse and possible deaths of others like Sombra," Albus said grimly. The Minister looked flustered.

"Shadow is a lying little brat! Just look at what house she is in! She's a Slytherin for crying out loud and that should prove right then and there that she is not to be trusted," he snapped.

"First of all, being a Slytherin does not make you a liar or a bad person. Do not assume that because some Slytherins have come out as Dark wizards and witches that they are all bad! That is prejudiced and wrong of you to say! And secondly, since when have you called her, Shadow?" Minerva's tone was deadly quiet and Albus was just content to stand on the sidelines and intervene when he thought it to be necessary, but he knew better then to get in Minerva McGonagall's way. At hearing her question to the Minister, his attention went to him as he waited for an answer. The Minister had lost all color again and was looking at the both of them, trying to decide what his answer was going to be.

"I…Keadan is a friend of mine…and that is how I know her English name…um…look…I will grant your wish, however, because of Mr. Lupin's condition, I do not believe it to be a good idea that she stays with him," he told them.

"Oh right! You were willing to send her back to Mr. Hill to be raped and beaten, but you're not willing to let her live with her brother because he is a werewolf once a month!" Minevra snapped again.

"I am the Minister of Magic and I make the decisions! Be grateful I am doing this much!" he retorted, but stepped back slightly because he knew that Minerva was close to hexing him into oblivion.

"Then I will find someone else that can take her for the summer. It is only for this summer seeing as how she will be of age come Halloween," Albus said firmly. The Minister eyed him for a moment.

"Who exactly do you have in mind for this? It will have to be someone that can handle the girl. She is after all a Dark Witch," he sneered.

"I will find someone that can _handle_ her as you say, however, she will be permitted to visit her brother during the summer as much as she wants," Albus was not in the mood for nonsense and the Minister could tell.

"Alright, you have until the end of this week to find someone else that will take custody for this girl! If she is going home with another student, then I want both parents consent!" The Minister snapped and then immediately left without letting them speak another word.

"I can't believe him! How could he even suggest that she go back to that house with Mr. Hill and not even let her stay with her own brother?!" Minerva ranted angrily.

"I believe that the Minister knows more than he is letting on. The look on his face when I mentioned Mr. Lupin Sr. was most disturbing. He seemed to be almost afraid. I believe that the Minister is not so innocent where Shadow is concerned," he said gravely. Minerva looked at him sharply.

"So, you do believe, as I do, that the Minister may have had some part in these unspeakable acts?"

"Yes I do," Albus admitted. Minerva sighed tiredly and sat down in one of the chairs.

"Albus, who are we going to find to take the girl?" Minerva asked.

"I am not entirely sure. I had considered the Potters, but they have already taken custody of Sirius Black. Miss Evans would be more than ideal, however, I do not believe it wise to expose Shadow to a world completely filled with muggles especially since this will be during the summer and her magical powers will be unbalanced during that time. Narcissa Black does only have one parent and the Minister will not allow Shadow to be placed in a home with one parent. Not to mention the fact that Bellatrix Black and Shadow don't seem to get along very well," Albus said and ran a hand through his beard.

"Yes, well there is always the Malfoy family," Minerva suggested. Albus shook his head.

"No, Lucius Malfoy's mother passed away just before school started. He is also living with only one parent."

"Oh dear…I wasn't aware. That is very sad to hear."

"Indeed. He hasn't made it common knowledge to many people," Albus said softly. They sat there in silence and thought it over for a moment.

"I don't know, Albus."

"She needs to be with someone that knows her," Albus said.

"Yes, but those are the only people that she truly talks to," Minerva said.

"No, there is one more."

"Who?"

"Severus Snape…and he has both his parents," Albus told her.


	11. Getting Well

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 10**

_Getting Well_

The days had gone by slow for Remus who watched over his sister every night and finally after three nightS of being unconscious, she had awoken to find her brother passed out with his head resting on her bed. It had been comforting to wake up to a friendly face and she was greeted by the other Gryffindors once she was fully awake and strong enough to do so. She hadn't seen Severus Snape since she woke up nor had she heard any news of her father. However, the memories had quickly come back to her and she remembered what she had been forced to do the night she escaped and it had broken her down at night when no one was around.

Shadow was surprised to see that Narcissa and Lucius had come by to see her, but she was secretly disappointed that Severus hadn't come. The nights had passed with unavoidable nightmares and she found it difficult to sleep. She had been surprised to see a cloak sitting on the chair next to her bed and when she picked it up she had realized that it wasn't hers. Remus had told her that Severus had offered it the night he found her and she couldn't help the flutter in her stomach at hearing his name, but after remembering their fight, she had to wonder if he had offered to the cloak to her as a means of being nice or simply because he _did_ find her to be disgusting. She was so ashamed when she found out that all of them had seen her broken, nude body. She had hoped that maybe only one or two of them would find her and help her. She had always been a very private person so after finding out about that, she had not been able to look anyone in the eye.

Madam Pompfry had done the best she could to heal the injuries and Shadow was actually surprised to find that she had done an excellent job of it. There were still scars, but they were faded against her skin and most of the injuries had been able to be healed without leaving scars. For that, Shadow was grateful. She was also quite surprised and embarrassed when she discovered that the mediwitch had removed her stitching and healed _other_ areas of hers. It was strange to be without the stitching that she had been living with for so long, but now that it was gone it wasn't as uncomfortable to sit or use the restroom. She almost felt like a normal person again, at least on the outside.

Although, she had conflicting issues as to why Severus left his cloak with her, she still snuggled up to it at night and slept with it close to her face for comfort. Her blood had been cleaned from it, but it still had his scent in it. It was a combination of Sandalwood and herbs and she found it quite relaxing. Remus had asked her once why she slept with it and when she had blushed furiously, he just nodded his head and laughed.

Now it was Christmas Eve and Shadow was sitting alone in the Hospital Wing since Remus was forced to go back to Gryffindor Tower to rest this morning. She had her knees drawn up to her chest and her faced tucked in her arms as the memories of her sister came back to haunt her again. She could still see her sister's memories in her mind and it took a lot for Shadow to push them away. Guilt was a heavy burden on her and she didn't want to face it anymore, but the images plagued her mind day in and day out. The only time she ever really got any release from them was when she had someone there to talk to her and right now there was no one.

Shadow lifted her head to look out the window. She kept replaying that night in her head; seeing Janet pleading with her with a mere look to have her misery taken away. She remembered her father yelling at her and chasing her. Shadow remembered when her father had lied and said that Janet was no longer a concern to any of them and that he didn't have to worry about her running off to tell anyone about their family secrets. Shadow had always assumed that meant that Janet had been killed, but there had been no real proof. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became.

Shadow was now staring out the window, but not seeing anything at all. She was so distracted by her thoughts she had no idea that Madam Pompfry had come in and froze with a look of horror on her face, before darting out of the Hospital a moment later. She didn't hear the shuffling of feet coming in and stopping at the entrance.

Severus had come up to the Hospital Wing to get his cloak, but had seen the nurse rushing out and calling for Remus who was further down the hall. Dumbledore was along side him as they raced to the Hospital Wing.

"What the…" Remus started and stared at Shadow sitting with her arms resting on her knees and she seemed to be staring out the window, but she looked like she was in another world. The Hospital beds were raised a good two feet from the floor and spinning around while the lights kept flickering on and off. Normally, it wouldn't be so disturbing if Shadow actually had her wand and was deliberately casting the spell, but she seemed to be oblivious to the whole thing. The most frightening part of the whole scene was Shadow herself. Her skin looked darker around her eyes and it seemed like little black veins had trailed from them down to her cheeks; her eyes were completely solid black. She looked positively evil and Remus wasn't exactly sure what to do for a moment.

"You see Albus?! Her power is not under control!" Poppy said fearfully.

"I understand that, but like any witch or wizard that is under stress, magic does tend to lose control," Albus argued.

"Not like that! Look at her eyes!" Severus had seen them and inside he felt cold and almost afraid of the girl. He had never seen anything like it before and the truth of the matter was that she looked every bit like the Dark Witch that she was.

Remus decided that he would step in and not allow it to continue. He certainly didn't want Shadow to hurt anyone nor did he want her to give them a reason to rid her from the school. He felt Madam Pompfry try to grab his arm to stop him, but he quickly pushed past them and walked over to Shadow, standing in front of her.

"Shadow?" he said softly, but no reply came. He moved closer to the bed and looked at her face. She was in fact quite frightening when she was like this, but Remus remembered when it had happened to his father. Phoenixes just looked this way when they are angry. Remus surmised that Shadow was thinking of something that happened and it had made her quite angry. She wasn't aware of the havoc being caused in the Hospital Wing. With determination, he reached out and touched her arm.

"Shadow!" he said harder and this time she blinked and her eyes immediately turned green and she looked normal again, but she had a confused expression. She startled when she heard the beds slam down into their places again and looked around in fright. "It's alright Shadow. You didn't know you were doing it."

"Doing what?" she asked.

"You were off thinking about something…the beds were floating above the floor and spinning around, the lights were flickering, and…and your eyes…they were solid black…you couldn't even see the whites of your eyes," he nearly whispered, but her face drained of color and she looked frightened.

"I didn't mean to…" she choked out.

"I know, I know. Don't worry about it. No one is hurt or anything," Remus told her and watched as Dumbledore and Madam Pompfry approached her.

"Well, my dear Shadow that was an interesting display of magic," Dumbledore said cheerfully, getting a disapproving look from the nurse.

"Sorry…I didn't mean to do it," she said quietly, looking down at the mattress.

"Of course not. Don't worry about it," he said happily. Shadow glanced up and saw that Severus Snape was standing at the door staring at her strangely. She seemed taken aback for a moment until Albus motioned to the boy.

"Ah! Severus, come in my boy."

"No thank you. I only came to retrieve my cloak, but I'll get it later, sir," he said flatly and before anyone could reply, he stalked away. Shadow felt the tears brim her eyes and she quickly set her chin down on her knees. Remus noticed and went to sit next to her.

"Don't worry, Shadow. Mr. Snape will come around," Albus said kindly.

"No, he won't. Who would want someone like me? I'm a Dark Witch by nature not by choice and I have been ruined for anyone. He can do much better than someone…whose been raped…"

"Shadow, don't put yourself down about that. It is true that you were not given a choice as far as being a Dark Witch is concerned, but the fact that you have been raped is neither your fault nor your choice and I am sure Severus knows that," Albus said a little more firmly. Poppy seemed to be putting the puzzle together in her head and when she understood Shadow seemed to have affections for the boy she immediately softened.

"Severus thinks I am disgusting and he should! I have been damaged and nothing that happened can be fixed! I'll never love anyone because of it nor will anyone do the same for me!" Shadow yelled, but it was more from the emotional pain she felt rather than anger. Albus shook his head and looked at her closely.

"Shadow, I doubt very much that Severus thinks that of you and you are wrong to think that he would even consider thinking so low of you when he knows the circumstances of what happened. It was he that went to Remus and told him what he knew in hopes that something would be done to help you. Severus Snape is and always has been an emotionally closed off and difficult student. He is by far not the kindest student in the school, but he would not be so cold as to think that what your step-father did to you was your fault," the Headmaster told her firmly. Shadow didn't say anything more. She let her brother cradle her in his arms and when Poppy walked out with Albus, she burst into tears.

"It's alright, Shadow…" Remus cooed softly, but Shadow shook her head.

"When I was there…in the basement…the first night…I was…hurt because of what Severus…had said to me… I told step father that I disobeyed him because I believed…I needed to be punished for believing that someone…could love me…even like this… I didn't fight when he whipped me…" she sobbed and Remus held her tighter, his eyes wide with a pure look of horror. Shadow actually thought that low of herself. He couldn't believe that she actually thought she was disgusting and deserved to be beaten for letting herself fall in love. How could she not see how beautiful she was?

"Shadow, you have no idea how wrong you really are. Severus was outside after you had been taken by Keadan. He had been crying…"

"Severus doesn't cry…well except when Bellatrix embarrassed him…" she sniffed.

"No, he was crying because of what he said to you. I confronted him and he told me what you said he thought of you and he said you were wrong. He also told me _why_ you were wrong…" Remus trailed off.

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"Well…you know…he accidentally admitted what…he does…when he thinks about you…" Remus was turning red and Shadow's eyes widened.

"He actually told you that?"

"Not intentionally," Remus admitted. Shadow relaxed a little, but didn't look up at her brother.

"Remus, he saw me…he saw everything…there is no way he could ever like me after that…" she whispered. Remus gave his sister a sympathetic look.

"Shadow, I don't know what Severus was thinking when he saw you that night, but I don't think any negative thoughts were directed to you. He was probably disgusted with what Keadan had done _to_ you. You really have fallen in love with him, haven't you?" Remus asked softly. Shadow looked up at him, her bright green eyes filled with tears and he thought his heart would break from just that look on her face when she nodded her head. He embraced her and kissed her forehead.

"It's alright, Shadow. Give it time."

"I don't have time." Her voice was so quiet he almost missed what she had said, but when he did grasp it, he was concerned. She was right. Keadan and anyone else who had something to lose from her secrets would be after her and the chance of her getting killed was just as great if not greater.

Poppy had declared Shadow fit to leave the Hospital and she walked along side Remus to the Slytherin common room. Narcissa had just come out and saw the two approaching and for a moment forgot how much she despised Gryffindors. She greeted Shadow and even hugged her warmly, surprising the girl to say the least.

"Lucius and Severus are inside. Did you want to talk to them?" she asked, but Shadow quickly shook her head, looking away.

"I just need to shower and change. Remus is going to take me to the Great Hall for dinner," Shadow replied softly.

"Ok. Let me help you up to the room. I know you're still sore," Narcissa told her and offered her arm. Remus nodded to his sister and kissed her cheek gently.

"I'll come get you before dinner," he said before walking away.

"Is that Severus' cloak?" Narcissa asked with a smile.

"Yeah…he said he wanted it back." Narcissa just snorted.

"I think he was just trying to find an excuse to come and see you."

"I doubt that," Shadow said softly, but Narcissa could tell that she was depressed. She could only imagine what the girl was thinking. She had to be clearly embarrassed about the whole situation, knowing that they had all seen her that night. Narcissa was careful as she helped Shadow into the portrait hole, knowing the girl's hip was still not completely functional. Madam Pompfry had said she was surprised that Shadow had been able to run at all with her hip being cracked the way it had been, but apparently the girl hadn't cared about the pain when her life was at stake. Shadow stumbled a little and Narcissa wrapped an arm around her waist and walked slowly with her into the common room where Severus and Lucius were so engrossed in a conversation they hadn't heard them come in.

When they finally had turned to see the two girls, their conversation stopped and Shadow was looking at the floor, her face slightly red. She heard the boys get to their feet and walk over to her, but she unconsciously stepped closer to Narcissa.

"Don't worry Shadow, we are not going to hurt you," Lucius told her calmly, but she still wouldn't look up at them. She had seen Severus come up on her left side and felt her stomach clench uncomfortably. She could feel the butterflies all through out her and wanted to lean against him so bad.

Severus couldn't help but stand close to Shadow, looking her over more closely. She was still very pale and weak looking. Her scars were healed up decently enough and most of the bruising was gone. He noticed that she would not make eye contact with any of them though. He looked down at see his cloak neatly folded in her arms and he let a faint smile grace his lips for a brief second.

"I need to get her up stairs so she can shower and change before dinner," Narcissa said softly and gently urged her toward the steps. Severus frowned when he noticed how difficult it was for Shadow to walk. He wanted to offer to help, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was still uncertain about how he should act around her after the fight they had and after seeing her in the state she had been in, it only made her seem all the more fragile. Severus watched the two disappear up the stairs before turning to see Lucius smirking at him.

"What?"

"I noticed you didn't ask for your cloak back," he said casually. Severus narrowed his eyes at him, but didn't say anything. "Could it be that you want her to keep it so you have an excuse to see her later?"

"No," Severus said flatly, masking his face to one of indifference. Narcissa came back down stairs and sat down on the couch. Lucius sat next to her, but continued to smirk at Severus who was trying hard to ignore him. Inside, Severus was a ball of nerves and his stomach was fluttering uncomfortably.

"Shadow's in the shower right now, but when she is finished, I probably have to help her out," Narcissa said.

"How long will it be before her hip is healed?" Lucius asked.

"I'm not sure. Her hip was cracked pretty badly and although Madam Pompfry did heal it, it is still really stiff and sore. She's going to be hurting for a little while. It should be ok before school starts again though," she replied, flipping her hair back over her shoulder. Severus tried to concentrate on reading his school Potions book, but he couldn't. Thirty minutes passed and he was still on the same paragraph.

"I bet Severus is planning how he is going to get Shadow alone to retrieve his cloak," Lucius said suddenly. Severus looked up and narrowed his eyes.

"I am not planning anything! I'll go get it right now!" he snapped icily.

"Really? Then why don't you? You don't need to be such a coward when it comes to something so simple," Lucius sneered.

"I AM NOT A COWARD!" Severus yelled, throwing down his book.

"Prove it."

"Fine, I'll go get the fucking thing right now!" he growled and stomped off up the stairs.

"Lucius, why did you do that? You know he can't stand to be called a coward," Narcissa asked coldly.

"I know that. That is why I said. I wanted him to go up stairs and talk to her. It's obvious that he has been dying to do it," Lucius said casually, leaning back and wrapping an arm around his girlfriend.

"Always the Slytherin." She smirked, leaning into his embrace.

Severus was fuming when he got into Shadows' room and looked at her bed where his cloak was sitting. He went to retrieve it, but was stopped in his tracks when he saw Shadow open the bathroom door with nothing more than a towel on. Her black hair was dripping and hanging limply down her back.

"I…uh…I just…thought…I…needed my…um cloak…" he stuttered, his face red with embarrassment. She nodded solemnly and looked away and it was the look in her eyes that made him assume that she was in fact ashamed of herself. The hesitation he felt was slowly going away as he took a few steps toward her. "Shadow…..do…do you need any help?"

She quickly shook her head and struggled to walk over to the dresser. His chest tightened at the sight of her painful limp and he couldn't help himself when he strode over to her. He reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist as Narcissa had and helped her over to the bed instead. She had immediately stiffened when she felt his touch, but did not object to him helping. Once she was sitting, Severus couldn't help but look down at her thighs that were now quite exposed due to the towel being small to begin with and then riding up when she sat down. He saw some of the faded scars that laced them, but other than that, she was milky white. He thought about what he had said to her and how much it had hurt her when he said it.

"Shadow, the night of the Christmas Ball…I didn't mean what I said. I was angry…at myself and Bellatrix. I didn't mean to take it out on you and make you think…well that I thought you were…you know…disgusting," he said uncertainly, but Shadow made no move to respond. He frowned and then after some hesitation, he got down on his knees in front of her, looking up at her face. "Look at me, Shadow." She avoided eye contact with him.

"No…" she whispered.

"Look. At. Me," he said firmly. Shadow finally lifted her eyes to meet his and she instantly felt her stomach clench again. His eyes had always captured her attention; being so dark and reminding her of onyx gems. They were usually cold and empty, but that had changed a lot lately. At the moment, they were searching hers.

"I didn't mean for you to think what you did. I didn't mean to hurt you. When I said I only…that the only reason I had…a _reaction_ to you…was because I only wanted one thing…I lied…I just wanted…I wanted you to hate me," Severus told her and was beginning to feel uncomfortable under her gaze. Her green eyes were unblinking and intently set on him. There was a long moment of silence before he heard the barest whisper.

"Why?" Severus wasn't exactly sure how to answer that. He didn't want to admit that he was scared of being in a relationship or that he was falling in love with her, but the more he looked into her eyes, the deeper he fell.

"I…I don't think I would be…good enough…" he admitted lamely and was surprised to hear Shadow snort.

"Right! I'm the one who's been beaten, raped, and scarred for life and _you_ are the one that doesn't feel good enough." Her voice was actually cold and angry, making Severus unsure of whether or not that was the right thing to say.

"I never said there was anything wrong with you," he stated.

"You don't have to."

"That's not fair" he snapped.

"I've learned the hard way that nothing is fair," she hissed. Severus narrowed his eyes at her and wondered what he was going to say next. The problem was he was afraid of having her, but he wanted her badly. Severus looked away for a moment, trying to think of what he wanted to do.

"Shadow, I do not apologize often, but I am sorry I said what I said. You can accept it if you want to, but I really didn't mean to hurt you. I think you're beautiful, Shadow," he said softly and stood up. Before he left, he bent down and kissed her lips gently and then with haste was out the door, his cloak in hand.

Shadow sat there, stunned. She hadn't expected Severus to kiss her, yet was grateful that he did. She was feeling giddy after hearing Severus tell her that she was beautiful, but she still didn't know where they stood. She wanted to know what it was like to be in a relationship like Lily and James, and Narcissa and Lucius. She wanted to feel what being loved like that really felt like. Silently, she got up and limped to her dresser where she retrieved her clothes; not bothering to wait for Narcissa who had offered her help.

Remus had helped Shadow to the Great Hall after she left the common room, and she had been slightly disappointed to find that Severus wasn't in the common room. She wondered if he was going to resort to being cold again for letting himself get too close to her. She held on tightly to Remus who had decided that carrying her was the best way to go rather than walk slowly up the stairs. She was a little embarrassed when he carried her into the Great Hall and she found Severus watching them closely.

When he set her down in a chair next to him, Sirius came over and gave her a huge hug.

"I'm glad you're ok," he whispered in her ear and while Severus was watching, kissed the side of her mouth gently. Shadow started a little and blushed red, but he merely went back to his meal as if nothing was wrong.

Narcissa felt her mouth drop when she saw the kiss and looked uneasily at Severus who could've blown up the Great Hall if he had Shadow's powers by the look on his face. He was absolutely furious.

Lily glared at Sirius and knew exactly what he was trying to do. She didn't like it one bit that he was using Shadow as a means to get back at Severus. It was true that Sirius had feelings for her, but Lily knew him well enough to know that his feelings were more sexual than anything else. He was far too immature for Shadow and she knew that Severus's feelings were true. He didn't even have to admit that for her to know it. She had seen the cold fury in his eyes when Sirius had kissed Shadow and instantly wished Sirius hadn't done it for Shadow's sake at least. She was sure that Severus was going to revert back to his cold self and ignore Shadow because of something that Sirius did.

Shadow glanced at Severus to see his anger and her heart plummeted. She knew he was watching and had she anticipated what Sirius was going to do, she would have turned away like she had in the beginning with Severus. Unfortunately, he had seen it and now he was angry and she didn't know if she would get blamed or Sirius. Somehow, she figured it would be both. Remus glared at Sirius and sat down next to Shadow while Sirius had sat himself next to her on the right. When the food appeared, everyone began to eat except Shadow.

"What's the matter?"

"I can't eat this food," she said looking at her plate with steak, sliced fried potatoes, and sweet peas.

"Why not?"

"I am not allowed to eat it," she whispered to Remus.

"Shadow, you are allowed to eat whatever you want now," Albus cut in, over hearing her debate.

"But…"

"No 'but'. You are no longer in your step-fathers' custody. We are trying to find you a replacement guardian until you come of age, but you do not have to worry about the Hill's retrieving you from school or taking you for the summer," he told her.

"Why can't I go stay with Remus?" she asked uncertainly.

"Unfortunately, I have tried to have that arranged and the Minister wouldn't allow it." She visibly paled when the Minister was mentioned and it did not go unnoticed. "I therefore have to find you another place with both parents available. At least of them must be a witch or wizard," Albus said kindly.

"So she couldn't stay with me?" Lily asked hopefully.

"No, I am afraid not. Given her…heritage…an older witch or wizard needs to be present as guardian," Albus said. They nodded and Shadow looked back down at her food.

"What are these?" she asked.

"Fried potatoes…you have never eaten them have you?" Remus asked.

"No. I was not allowed to have anything except rice, fish, corn sometimes…or whatever they felt like giving me," she whispered the end softly and Remus gave her a sympathetic look.

"Don't worry, it's good. You need to eat," Remus said softly. Shadow nodded, picked up her fork and began slowly eating. Remus smiled, glad that she was at least trying to eat now. He had watched her for months push her food away because her father did not want her to eat and gain weight and it had bothered him to no end. He was going to make sure she got healthy now.

Severus ate his food quietly, looking up at Shadow every so often. She seemed hesitant to try the different kinds of food, but after some coaxing from Remus, she finally did. He was careful not to let her catch him looking at her, but unfortunately, Sirius did and to make him angrier, he leaned closer to Shadow and talked softly with her. Severus felt his blood boiling and Lucius eyed him carefully, remembering in the beginning of the year when a sausage had flown at him from the impact of Severus' fork. He wanted to be certain that it didn't happen again with him wearing his nicer robes.

"You know, Shadow, now that you are here and you are safe, maybe your step-father will actually be punished for everything he has done and you will find your sister," Sirius said as he stuffed a slice of potato in his mouth. Shadow froze. The teachers looked to her as well as the Slytherins.

"Shadow, you have a sister?" Minerva asked. Shadow swallowed hard and nodded her head quietly.

"My dear, where is she?" Albus asked urgently, concerned that her sister was still in the hands of her step-father.

"Um…she…she was at the house…with me…" Shadow stammered.

"Shadow, why didn't you tell us? We need to get her out of there," Minerva said worriedly.

"It wouldn't matter. She died the night I escaped. Most of the house burned down as well," Shadow said softly. Remus looked at her and frowned.

"How did she die?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Oh, that's just bloody nice! Ask her something like that, you great prat!" Lily snapped and Sirius instantly turned red.

"Sorry, I was just curious…"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Shadow hissed and for a brief moment, her eyes flashed black. Remus wrapped his arm protectively around her and glared at Sirius.

"Don't ask," he said flatly. Albus and Minerva looked at each other with concern. It was obviously a sensitive subject for her to react that way, but they wanted to know what happened to her sister. A sister they hadn't known she had. Shadow ate in silence and barely acknowledged when Albus was talking to her.

"I'm sorry sir, what did you say?"

"I was wondering if you could come to my office after dinner. Remus may come with you as well if you wish," he said kindly. Shadow nodded and looked away. She wasn't feeling very hungry anymore.

Later that night, Shadow and Remus found themselves in Dumbledore's office sitting in front of the large oak desk. He was sipping his tea and smiling kindly at them.

"Well, let me begin by telling you why I asked you to come here. For one thing, I wanted to ask you some questions regarding a student and how comfortable you are with that person because you might have a guardian after all, but first I would like to know about this sister of yours," Albus said gently. Shadow looked scared and eyed Remus for a moment, before looking back at the floor.

"Her name was Janet Ann Hill. She was my younger half sister; my mother was also her mother, but Keadan Hill was her biological father. She…she disappeared three years or so ago when she had told a friend…about what my father does to us. That friend went missing a few days before my sister did. Keadan made it sound like…like she was dead so I believed her to be. That night I broke out of the house…it…was because of her. I found her… She was in the room next to mine in the basement and I was able to pry the bricks away…" Shadow wiped the tears from her eyes that were beginning to fall and Remus instantly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"It's alright," he said gently.

"She…she was…she didn't look…human anymore…she was disfigured…I…I can't do this…" Shadow shook her head and felt the tears flowing now. Remus hugged her and looked at Dumbledore for advice. The old man got up and walked over to her, handing her a handkerchief.

"Shadow, perhaps if we use a pensieve we can view the memories and you wouldn't have to tell it," he suggested.

"You would have to take blood," she said softly.

"Yes, I know. I will make this as painless as possible." Albus used his wand to withdraw blood from the girl's arm and once he had enough, he held it up and whispered an ancient incantation. Everyone watched as the blood turned from red to a silvery white. Carefully, the old man put the memories into the pensieve and looked in.

There was silence as Remus and Shadow sat and waited for Dumbledore to finish viewing the memories. Unease filled the young Slytherin and she couldn't help but wonder what he would think of her when he came back from the memories. Time ticked by and finally Albus emerged and looked at her with a paled expression and haunted eyes.

"Shadow, you have been forced to do unspeakable things and I want to make sure you know that there was no other choice. Had you used magic to try and save her, you would have surely died. Do not blame yourself for what happened," he told her. Shadow was shaking and now staring at the floor.

"What happened? What was it you saw?" Remus asked the Headmaster who resumed his seat.

"I killed her…" It was barely about a whisper, but Remus heard it and felt his heart pounding loudly in his chest.

"I had to…if you had seen her…she asked me to do it…" Shadow sobbed desperately.

"Shadow, you don't have to explain it to me. I understand. I am not going to condemn you for something you had no choice in. I still love you," Remus assured her. She gave him a sad smile of gratefulness, before looking back at Dumbledore.

"Shadow, as hard as it will be, you must try to put the past behind you, my dear," he told her seriously.

"That will be hard," she whispered.

"I know. I want you to try and have a normal life at Hogwarts despite what has happened to you or what kind of witch you are," he said softly. Shadow nodded slowly and wiped the tears from her face.

"I'll try," she said.

"Now, enough of that. I would like to speak with you about who you might be going with during the summer. I have found a couple that is willing to take you in. I have already gotten their signature on the forms. The wife, Eileen Prince is a witch who actually attended here many years ago. She was a Ravenclaw." Shadow nodded her head.

"What about the father?" Remus asked.

"The father is a muggle, but that is no matter. The mother is a witch and their son is a wizard. The mother will be coming here tomorrow evening and I will have the two of you meet privately," Dumbledore said happily.

"Who is the son?"

"I would prefer you met the mother first to make sure that you are comfortable with her before you meet the son," Albus answered. Shadow and Remus reluctantly agreed and then got up to leave.

"Alright," they said in union.

"Relax tonight! Tomorrow is Christmas and I have arranged that everyone left will open presents in the Great Hall. They have already been moved under the Christmas tree. So, see you at breakfast," he said cheerfully as they left.

Shadow was concerned that Severus would recognize that his gift was from her and she wasn't sure how Remus was going to react to her gift to him; the whole thing was unsettling. Shadow walked along side her brother out of the office and down toward the Slytherin common room.

"Remus, your present tomorrow…it's kind of…it has a lot of memories attached to it…" she said uncertainly.

"Don't worry, Shadow, I'm sure it will be ok," he said, but secretly he was extremely curious now. He would just have to wait and see what it was that Shadow had given him.


	12. Christmas Surprises

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 11**

_Christmas Surprises_

Shadow felt someone shaking her gently as she lay in the soft dorm bed and she cracked one eye open to see a blurred image of Narcissa standing in front of her.

"Hey, it's Christmas morning and Professor Dumbledore is having us open presents in the Great Hall," she told her. Shadow nodded and then after a few minutes of listening to Narcissa shuffling around the room to get dressed, Shadow finally decided to get up. Stiffly, she went to her dresser and pulled out a pair of black velvet pajama pants and a tight stretchy white tank top to match it. She grabbed her matching black velvet jacket and slipped into it, hoping to hide her malnourished figure. She was hoping that in a few weeks she might actually gain a little bit of weight and fill out more.

Shadow looked at her trunk for a moment before deciding to rummage through it and pull out the beautifully designed wand. She looked it over for a few seconds and then pocketed it. She knew that she was supposed to carry it all the time now or else her magic could lose control if she tried to use it. After pulling her long black hair into a ponytail, deciding that she wanted to try a different hairstyle; she walked out of the room with Narcissa in front of her.

They made their way to the Great Hall, noticing that the Gryffindors were already there sitting at the table next to the tree. The teachers were there as well, chatting about the improvements that needed to be made to certain classes. Shadow saw that Severus and Lucius were sitting by themselves at the table opposite of the Gryffindors, talking quietly amongst each other.

"Shadow, you look like you didn't want to get out of bed," James stated. Severus looked over at her and felt his stomach knot. He had never seen her with her hair out of her face.

The shape of her face was perfect and she had little ears that fit it just as nice. Severus couldn't help but admire how beautiful she really was, which made him all the more nervous about the Christmas present he had bought her. He had gone crazy trying to figure out what to buy for her, having never bought for a woman before. He didn't care if she bought him anything so long as she got a gift from him and liked it. He never cared much for Christmas since he never got anything he really liked anyway. His mother was normally the only one that got him a book he liked or new clothes, but his father wasn't very fond of him and rarely got him anything.

"I didn't want to get out of bed," she said sleepily, plopping down next to Remus who smiled at her. Lily scooted over to her and whispered something in her ear.

"Don't open the presents from me next to the guys. We'll sit away from them for that," she said and smiled mischievously. Shadow's eyes widened and she looked at Lily uncertainly.

"Don't worry, you'll like it," she said, her eyes bright with anticipation.

"Alright, now that everyone is here, by all means open your presents," Albus said cheerfully. Sirius and James immediately snatched their up and began tearing apart the wrapping. Shadow did not move, instead she watched as Lily picked up two boxes and brought them over.

"Come on, sit over here," she said sitting a little ways away from the guys. Shadow did so and looked over at Narcissa who smiled as she pulled a lovely dress from one of her boxes. Severus had picked up one of his presents which he knew was a book from his mother. Shadow felt her stomach tie in knots as she waited anxiously to see what he was going to think about his _anonymous _present. She had told Lily while still in the hospital that she had bought him a Master Potions kit and hoped that he liked it. Lily was certain that he was going to love it.

"Here. This one is from James," Lily told her and handed her the present. Shadow was surprised, still not being used to accepting gifts from anyone and slowly unwrapped it to find a beautifully tailored beige corset with a beige and black bustle skirt to match it.

"Wow…" she said softly.

"Yeah, he prides himself on having a lot of money so his gifts are very extravagant," Lily said happily and opened her present from Remus.

Remus thanked James for the new school robes and Sirius for the new cloak. He normally wore really old and worn clothes, especially close to the full moon and was thankful to have something nice. He looked down at the long slender box from Shadow and picked up the card from her.

_Dear Remus,_

_There are a hundred things I could have bought, but this is something I wanted you to have back. It was stolen by my step-father and I remember your mother asking an official about it at our father's funeral. I am sorry for the memories it brings back, but I thought it rightfully belonged to you._

_Love,_

_Shadow_

Remus looked at Shadow for a moment and then back at the gift. His heart was pounding in his chest. He knew what his mother had asked for and he had wished every night that _it_ would be found and he would have it back. He would have back a part of his father. He quickly removed the wrapping and looked at the box, hoping that the gift inside was what he thought it was. Slowly, he removed the slid and lifted the shimmering material. Remus felt his eyes well up with tears as he stared down at the chestnut colored wand with gold etchings throughout the length of it. He swallowed hard and then looked at Shadow who was watching him now with a look of remorse.

"How?" Remus choked out softly. The rest of the Gryffindors looked at him and then down at the decorative wand. Lily looked down at Shadow's wand that was sticking out of her pant pocket. Slowly, she removed it and looked at it and then at the one Remus had.

"I stole it from Keadan when I was little…I kept it hidden in the cabin he has for years. It's only after I started school here, did I retrieve it and keep it in my trunk," Shadow replied.

"Why do these wands look like this?" Lily asked. Severus, Lucius, and Narcissa looked up to see what they were talking about.

"They were specifically designed for Phoenix witches and wizards," Shadow said. Remus pulled the wand from the box and gently ran his fingers over it.

"I thought you had a wand," Sirius said, pulling Remus's from the boy's back pocket. It was also chestnut colored and had some gold etchings in the handle, but was not as extravagant as the other two.

"I do…this one was my fathers," Remus replied and there was silence. Even the teachers had gone silent and looked over with sad expressions on their face. They knew Remus had lost his father when he was only a child and when he had found out, he went into a rage, leaving the house to be alone. It was then that he had been attacked and bitten by a werewolf.

"Oh."

"My mum searched everywhere for it. The Ministry said they never found it and that he probably didn't have it on him, but she knew better. He never left without it…" Remus said softly and put it back in the box. He scooted over to Shadow and wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you, baby girl. I don't think you could have gotten me a better gift." She smiled; her eyes glazed over and hugged him back.

"You're welcome."

"I love you, sis."

"I love you too," she whispered. Lily smiled and summed the rest of their presents to the table. Shadow let go of her brother and looked at Lily.

"Alright, Remus if you are not offended by what I got for Shadow, then you can stay there," Lily said softly and Remus raised a brow.

"I think I can handle it," he said happily, feeling for the first time truly happy since his father's death. Lily smirked and began picking at her gift from Shadow. Shadow smiled and looked over at Severus who was frowning at the large present that Narcissa pushed his way. He looked at the box suspiciously and slowly took the card from it.

_To Severus Snape_

_Hope you have a Happy Christmas_

"Who is this from?" he whispered to Lucius who took the card and looked it over.

"I am not sure…but…look at the way your name is written," he said, handing back the card. Severus looked at his name and knew he had seen the loopy handwriting before.

"I've seen the handwriting before," he whispered.

"So have I," Lucius said with a smirk and then proceeded to talk to Narcissa. Severus gave Lucius a level look for not telling him where he had seen the handwriting, but forgot about it for the moment. He slowly began to pick apart the wrapping.

Sirius and James were both talking happily about what they had gotten for Christmas while Lily and Shadow were opening the last of theirs. Lily gasped when she saw the sexy red and beige teddy Shadow had gotten her.

"I am so going to wear this tonight!" she exclaimed.

"Wear what, babe?" James asked curiously. Lily gave him a seductive smile.

"You'll just have to wait to see what Shadow bought me," she said. James felt his cheeks burn a little and then looked at Shadow who was trying so hard not to burst out laughing. Remus was red faced and stifling his laughter as well. Shadow turned her attention to Severus who was now opening the box.

Severus felt his jaw go slack as he stared at the contents. He almost wanted to cry. He had never been given a gift so nice, yet so useful. He knew that it was expensive as well. Lucius peeked over at the contents and then smiled at Severus.

"Someone really likes you," he whispered. Severus couldn't bring himself to scowl, instead he gave a genuine smile as he stared into the box. He reached in and pulled out the Master Potion book and immediately began flipping through it.

Shadow gave a small smile, hiding her joy as much as she could. Lily had been right, Severus would like his gift and she felt a huge wave of relief. Remus caught what she was looking at and then looked at her, knowingly. He smiled broadly at her.

"That was very nice of you," he whispered to her. Shadow blushed and smiled. Lily opened her other present from Shadow to find a romance novel that she had been talking about since it came out. Lily was ecstatic that she finally had it and couldn't wait to start reading it.

"Here Shadow, open this one first," Lily said pushing a large box toward her.

"Ok."

"This is one of the gifts from me," Lily added, her eyes sparkling. Shadow opened the box and peaked inside, looking at a black book with a plain cover. She quirked a brow and looked uncertainly at Lily.

"Wha-"

"Open it," she whispered. Shadow did so slowly, looking at the first few pages with small pictures of people kissing. She furrowed her brows in confusion and then skipped to the middle of the book and felt her face turn red. Lily burst out laughing and Remus could no longer contain it. The look on Shadow's face was priceless.

Severus looked up from his Potions book to see a red faced Shadow staring at the page in a book that was hidden by the wrapping it came in. Remus and Lily were laughing hard, getting strange looks from Sirius and James.

"People do that?" Shadow asked. Lily laughed even harder and tears began streaming down her face.

"Oh goodness! You…you should have seen…the look on your face…" Lily choked out through her laughter. Shadow closed the book and hid it back inside the box; her face still flushed bright red. Severus was now curious as to what the book contained. Then, as he gazed at her, it hit him. He picked up the card from his gift and looked at the handwriting again. It was the same as the handwriting in Shadow's portrait book. The gift was from her! Severus felt his chest tighten as he looked back up at her. He couldn't believe that she would get him such a nice gift after how horrible he was to her.

"Open this one now…" Lily said and pushed the present to her. Shadow eyed Lily who was smiling from ear to ear.

"Lily," Shadow warned softly, wondering what else the girl had gotten her.

"Don't take this one out of the box, though," she whispered. Shadow nodded and picked off the wrapping and then opened the box. Remus' face turned bright red again and he covered his eyes for a moment, shaking his head and trying again not to laugh. Shadow's mouth dropped and she stared at the black lace bra and matching knickers with shimmering green satin that was sewn in underneath the lace. It was a gorgeous set, but Shadow was still slightly embarrassed at having opened it right next to her brother.

"Look what's underneath it…" Lily said and started to giggle hysterically. Remus couldn't help but look now and watched as Shadow pushed the underwear set to the side. Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped.

"OH!" Shadow heard Lily lose it completely and laugh tell she started crying again. Remus burst out laughing at his sister and laid his head down on the table, covering his face with his arms.

"What did she get you?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Nothing!" Shadow exclaimed and quickly closed the box and pulled it under the table to sit on the bench next to her. Underneath the erotic clothing had been a close up moving photograph of Severus Snape. He had turned to the camera, hair blowing slightly in the wind and his expression had gone from surprised to a scowl in the picture.

"It all goes well together!" Lily said, laughing and holding her chest as she tried to breath. Shadow looked like she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words and instead just stared at Lily with wide eyes and a slack jaw. Remus sat back up and laughed even harder.

"That was great!" he exclaimed. Lily nodded and tried to calm herself.

Severus frowned for a moment and wondered what could possibly be in the box that was so funny, yet caused Shadow so much embarrassment. It was obviously something that she wasn't willing to show the others.

Remus finally got himself under control and wiped the tears from his eyes. He hadn't laughed that hard in so long. Shadow was still bright faced and staring at Lily.

"How…did…you…um get that?" she asked, not daring to look in Severus' direction. Lily shrugged.

"I'm just slick," she said proudly. Remus leaned over and whispered to his sister.

"I couldn't afford to buy anything really nice so…well my mother and I made something for you. It's on your bed," Shadow looked at him and smiled.

"Don't worry about it. I don't need expensive things to prove that you love me," she said softly. Remus smiled and kissed her cheek. Albus stood up and smiled at everyone.

"Now, I think a nice Christmas breakfast is in order," he said and their tables instantly filled with food.

Shadow had returned to her common room after breakfast to put her presents away and was delighted to find Remus's present. On her bed was a beautiful black comforter with a brightly colored Phoenix on it. Remus and his mother had made it for her and it was more than she could hope for. She had never been given a blanket when she lived with her parents and the only thing she had to keep her somewhat warm was a linen sack that had once been used for carrying vegetables. Now that she was alone in her room and had some time to spare before she would go out and meet her friends outside, she decided to look at the picture of Severus more closely. She pulled it free of the intimate clothing and looked at it, admiring every aspect of his face. She loved his large nose and black eyes as well as his soft looking mouth and pale skin. She wanted so much to run her fingers through his hair and caress his face. Suddenly, there was a knock on her door and she hid the picture under her pillow and turned.

"Come in."

Shadow felt her heart jump into her throat when she saw Severus Snape walk into the room, looking nervous and a little embarrassed. Shadow felt her stomach doing flip flops as he walked slowly over to her and stood before her. Severus had noticed that her black jacket had been removed and that the white tank top she wore was very thin. He could see her hard nipples sticking up against the fabric and a tiny hint of dark color beneath the material. It made his groin tighten painfully and he mentally cursed the little vixen.

"Shadow…I…um…I wanted to give you this…" he said uncertainly and pulled a long thin box from inside his robes. Shadow felt her heart skip a beat. Severus had bought her a present after all! She slowly took the box from him and was caught a little of guard when he planted a swift feathery kiss on her cheek and disappeared out of the dorm. She stared at the door for a moment and then looked back down at the box. It was neatly wrapped in Slytherin colors. Shadow carefully picked off the paper and then pulled the box free from it. Slowly, she opened the slid and gave a small gasp.

Inside was a beautiful white gold necklace with a diamond studded heart. In the middle of the heart was a larger diamond that sparkled magnificently at the slightest movement. Shadow smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. She didn't want to put it on just yet. She wanted Severus to put it on her, but he hadn't stayed long enough for her to even ask.

Shadow closed the box and tucked it into her leg pocket and then grabbed her jacket. She pulled her robe over her clothes and quickly left the room. Severus was no where to be found when she walked into the common room and she frowned.

"Lucius, where is Severus?" she asked. Lucius smirked as he caressed Narcissa's cheek.

"He practically ran out of here after he went up to the room to see you," he said casually, finding it amusing.

"Oh…ok thanks," Shadow said and left the room. She trotted through the halls, but didn't see him anywhere. Frowning, she stopped and thought about where he could be and decided that perhaps the lake was a good place to start looking. Shadow darted out onto the grounds and headed to the Black Lake, scanning the landscape for any sign of Severus. Then she spotted him. Silently, she made her way out to him to see him standing with his arms crossed and staring out at the frozen lake.

"Severus?" he whirled around to see Shadow looked a little startled by his sudden movement. His eyes immediately went to her chest and he saw that she was not wearing the necklace. He narrowed his eyes and turned away from her, feeling hurt for a moment until she came around to stand in front of him. She pulled out the box and held it out for him. Hurt and confusion crossed his face and he glared darkly at her.

"Didn't like it?" he sneered. Shadow must have realized how it looked to him when she tried to hand him back the box. She instantly felt bad.

"Oh no, it's not that! I love it! It's just that since you gave it to me…I thought maybe…you should put it on me…" she said shyly, looking down at the snow covered ground. It was clear that she was not comfortable telling him that, for fear that she was going to be rejected. Severus felt his heart jump up into his throat and his stomach flip flop. He had given the girl he had feelings for a necklace for Christmas and now he was being asked to put it around her neck. It made him anxious and giddy at the same time. He slowly took the box and opened it, withdrawing the necklace from it. He tucked the box away and walked around her.

"Lift up your hair," he said softly causing a shiver to run down her spine. She lifted her hair up off of her neck and felt him reach around and place the necklace on her and slowly clasp it on. His touch was feather light, but it sent shock waves through her entire body. She felt him take a step back and she let down her hair before she looked down at her necklace. It glittered in the afternoon sun light against her chest. Severus was watching her carefully wondering what she thought about it.

"Shadow? Do you…do you really like it?" he asked hesitantly. She looked up at him and smiled brilliantly, showing him how beautiful she was when she was happy.

"Yes I do. I didn't expect anything from you. I thought…I thought you hated me…" she said uncertainly. Severus shook his head slowly.

"I don't hate you. I never meant to say what I said the night of the Christmas Ball. I was angry."

"You get embarrassed easily, don't you?" she asked quietly. Severus narrowed his eyes, but willed himself to keep his temper under control.

"I don't like to be embarrassed. People treat me like shit here and it isn't much better at home. Potter and Black make sure my life is a living hell when I am here and my father makes sure it's hell when I return home. I am constantly defensive and angry because of it," he said bitterly, telling her a little more than what he really wanted. He turned away, unable to face her and stared out at the lake.

"I have embarrassed you too…and I am sorry for that," she said softly, stepping closer to him. Severus shrugged and sighed loudly, his breath turning to a white mist in the cold winter air.

"I think I embarrassed myself with you. Some of my _reactions_ couldn't be helped and were not your fault," he said, his cheeks flushing a little.

"I am sorry I reacted the way I did when…when we played that game. It's just with everything Keadan did…" she trailed off and memory made her shudder. Severus looked at her and noticed how pale she looked at just the thought.

"I understand, Shadow," he said softly and pulled her close to him. She snuggled up against him as he pulled his cloak around her as well.

"I was afraid that it would have…gone further than what it did," she whispered, her head resting in the crook of his neck.

"Hmpf! Nobody would have let it go as far as you did with me," he said sourly.

"I am not saying that I _wouldn't_ have, had I not been so afraid of it. It's just…I'm sure you know…or you saw what Keadan did…with…the stitches and all…" she said and was glad that he couldn't see her red face and teary eyes. Severus lowered his head so that his cheek was resting on her head.

"Yeah, I know about it. I knew before I saw them. I heard you talking to Lily the day you got your dress from Hogsmead," he said gently, surprised with himself. He couldn't believe that he was standing there with this beautiful woman in his arms wrapped in his cloak. He knew as he held her close that although he would sometimes be cold and cruel to her because that was just the way he was; he wanted to share his life with her and her only. He was deeply in love with her. How had something like this happened in such a short time?

"Oh…"

"You know…you may think I think you as disgusting for what Mr. Hill did to you, but you're wrong. I never thought of you that way," he whispered. Shadow thought his voice may sound somewhat calm, but his heart was hammering rapidly in his chest. He was a nervous wreck.

"I think I am…"

"No! You're not!" he snapped, causing her to jump slightly. "Mr. Hill is the one who is disgusting." He spat out the last part angrily, thinking of the different ways he could hurt that man.

Shadow remained quiet and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth that Severus's body gave off in the bitter cold. Severus thought suddenly of what he saw in the Hospital Wing and bit his bottom lip for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he should ask about it. Of course, his curiosity got the better of him.

"Shadow, what happened in the Hospital Wing? What were you thinking about to make those things happen?" he asked uncertainly and felt even worse when she tensed up. She had opened her eyes and stood up straight to face him.

"Why?"

"Well…because…I don't know. It was just odd to see those things happening at the same time from only one person. I mean…your eyes were…they were solid black and you looked almost like…the undead," he stammered uncomfortably. Shadow looked away at the lake for a moment, considering her words. She wanted Severus to trust her and to do that, she couldn't lie to him.

"I was thinking about my sister, Janet," she said carefully.

"Your sister? I thought she died," he said skeptically.

"I thought she had too, but I was wrong. I met her again that night. Look, I do not want to ruin this Christmas by talking about it, but I promise you that if you want to see the memory, I will let you…just not tonight," she said softly, not looking at him. Severus was surprised that she would be willing to show him what happened that night and although he was sure he was going to see things that he probably didn't want to see, he was going to view them so he would know. He wanted to know what it was she actually went through.

"You would let me?"

"Yes, but after I let you see it, you might think less of me," she whispered catching him a little off guard.

"No I won't. I am not going to blame you for things that are not your fault," he said firmly.

"You might change your mind after you see it," she mumbled miserably. Severus ignored the comment and pulled her close to him again.

"I know I'm an asshole most of the time, but I do want to be your _friend_," he said quietly. Shadow felt her stomach flip and then sink at the same time. She wanted to be his friend and see where it led, but at the same time she wanted to be with him like Lily was with James. The necklace with the _heart_ on it had to mean something more than friendship, but if Severus wanted to take things slow; she knew it would be good for her, because she had no idea how to deal with a male in her life.

"Shadow, I…I wanted to thank you for your Christmas gift you got for me," he said softly. She looked up at him in surprise.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"You're handwriting. It's…fancy. No one has ever gotten me anything so nice before…thank you…" he said shyly. Shadow gave him a warm smile.

"You're welcome," she whispered and leaned back into his embrace, not wanting to let go of him.

Later that night after Shadow had left Severus to spend almost the entire day with Remus and her friends, she was called to the Headmasters' office. She was tired and wanted to go and have a shower, but she knew that she was supposed to meet the parents that would be taking her in for the summer holiday. Once she reached the large stone gargoyle, she felt her stomach churn and her resolve fall apart. She was downright terrified of meeting these people and staying with someone that she didn't know. It would be better than staying with her step-father, that much was for certain, but she still wasn't very comforted by the fact that she couldn't stay with Lily or Remus.

Shadow walked into Dumbledore's office when he called for her to enter and saw a couple sitting in front of the Headmasters' desk waiting. They looked up at her and she suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Avoiding their gaze, she walked over to an empty chair across from them and sat down.

"Shadow, I would like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Snape." Dumbledore said happily. Her head shot up and she looked at the two people. Mrs. Snape had a kind face, pale with long straight black hair and deep green eyes while Mr. Snape had an angular face with shoulder length black hair, black eyes, and a sour expression. She now knew why they looked so familiar.

"Snape? As in Severus Snape?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes my dear. These are his parents," Albus said kindly.

"But…I can't stay with Severus…he'll be angry…" she stammered uncomfortably.

"Oh don't worry dear; I'm sure my son will be fine with it," Mrs. Snape said gently, but Shadow was skeptical about that. She had known Severus long enough to know that he did not like his privacy invaded and this was a definite invasion. He was going to be livid.

"Now, I have already explained the situation to Mr. and Mrs. Snape and they are willing to take you in for the summer. Eileen is a witch who graduated from here quite some years ago from Ravenclaw house," Albus said happily, but Shadow noticed that Mr. Snape was glaring at his wife and then at Dumbledore. He certainly didn't look like a friendly man.

"Perhaps we should bring Severus in and tell him the news," Albus suggested.

"Um…I think I would rather be in the common room when you do that," Shadow said softly. Eileen looked a little concerned and Mr. Snape quirked an eyebrow; a trait that Severus had obviously inherited. It was apparent that Severus took more after his father than his mother, right down to the scowl and sour attitude.

"Well first off, when is your birthday, Shadow?" Eileen asked kindly.

"October 31st."

"Now, Albus explained to us that you are an Elemental Phoenix witch and still intact," she continued. Shadow blushed crimson and nodded.

"Um…yes."

"When your birthday comes around, have you planned to _share _power or reserve it?" she asked, ignoring her husband.

"I…I haven't really thought about it," Shadow answered softly, which was partially the truth. The few times that it had crossed her mind, she had thought about giving her virtue to Severus if he would allow it. Eileen nodded and looked the girl over.

"She's very underweight," she stated to Albus who nodded gravely.

"Yes, she was not permitted to eat most times and it was rare that she ate in the Great Hall at all during meal times. I am hoping that now that will change," he said. Eileen looked back at Shadow and smiled.

"Well, I know that this is all very strange for you and I am sorry you weren't permitted to stay with your brother, but I would be very happy to have you at the house. It will be nice with another female around," she said happily and Shadow was almost shocked that this woman was Severus's mother. Shadow let her eyes fall on Mr. Snape who was glaring at her coldly. The look made her blood run cold. It was the same cold look that Severus often had, but from this man it seemed much worse. She wondered if Severus would look like his father when he was older. From the looks of it; probably.

"Shadow, we will make sure you are safe and you will be allowed to visit your brother during the summer holiday. I will have a room next to Severus's prepared for you by the time you are to stay with us," Eileen told her. Shadow nodded and gave a faint smile.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Why would an attractive girl like you want to be friends with Severus anyway?" Mr. Snape asked suddenly. Shadow and Albus were both surprised by the statement and noticed how cold the man's tone was. It was unsettling.

"Um…I don't think there is anything wrong with Severus. I like him," Shadow said uncertainly. Mr. Snape snorted.

"You'd be one of the few," he replied.

"Tobias please!" Eileen growled earning a cold look from her husband. Albus cleared his throat and smiled at Shadow who looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"Alright, Shadow go ahead and go back to the dormitory. I had already sent for Severus before you arrived so he should be here any minute."

"Ok." Shadow stood up and looked at the Snapes. "It was nice meeting you and thank you for allowing me to stay with you," she said politely. Eileen smiled at her and Tobias nodded curtly, before she hurried out of the office.

Shadow let out a sigh of relief when she left the office and stood outside in the corridor, but the sound of footsteps caused her to startle. She quickly darted around the corner to hide from who ever it was. She was sure it was Severus and when she peeked around the corner she found that she was right. He had a somewhat confused and worried expression as he went into Dumbledore's office, obviously not knowing why he was summoned. Shadow leaned back against the wall, staring at the floor for several minutes before jumping up at the sound of Severus' voice coming from the office.

"_You've got to be joking!" _he yelled. Shadow knew that he had just been told the news and wasn't about to stick around for the rest of it. She quickly made her way down the corridor toward the common room. She wanted to be safely hidden in her room when Severus came back.


	13. Confrontation

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 12**

_Confrontation_

Shadow hadn't seen Severus for a few days since her meeting with his parents and was beginning to wonder if he really was avoiding her. It would certainly seem so. She and Remus spent a lot of time together, taking advantage of the Christmas break with less students and no classes. Lily managed to get her away from Remus for a while and dragged her to the library, telling her to bring the book she had bought for her. Shadow had blushed the entire time as she sat next to Lily, looked around first, and then pulled the book from her bag. Lily began showing Shadow different things that she could try out, but Shadow was slightly distracted.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, noticing the girl's expression. Shadow sighed and rested her arms on the table.

"Dumbledore found me a place to stay for the summer," she said softly.

"Well that's good news right?" Lily asked uncertainly.

"Not really," Shadow replied.

"Why not?"

"Because…because I found out that I am staying with Severus for the summer," she answered.

"What's wrong with that?" Lily asked. "I mean, you like him, right?"

"I think my feelings for Severus go beyond liking, but the problem is I know he isn't happy about it. He wasn't even told before I met them. Actually, I wasn't even told! Now I know why Professor Dumbledore didn't want to tell me and had even signed off on my guardianship papers. I haven't seen him since he found out the other night. He's probably furious!" Shadow said regretfully. Lily gave her a sympathetic look.

"I know Severus likes you so I would think he would be ecstatic," Lily said frankly.

"I am invading on his personal life. I can't blame him if he is upset."

"Maybe you should talk to him," the red-head suggested, but Shadow shook her head. It was then that Lily noticed the necklace. Shadow had told only her brother about it.

"Where did you get that necklace?" she asked curiously.

"Severus," Shadow whispered. Lily broke into a huge smile.

"That's so sweet!" she exclaimed.

"Don't say that to him, he might hex you," Shadow said flatly, but smirked at Lily who burst out laughing.

"You are so smitten for that boy you know. At least the feeling is mutual."

"I'll believe that when he tells me so," Shadow said softly and pulled the picture of him out of the book. She looked it over and felt a desire for him that she had never felt for anyone. It was strange how this one boy was able to change her view on men and sex. She had always said that she would never fall in love, but here she was falling deeper and deeper every time she saw him and the picture she looked at every night only made it worse.

Severus stood in silent anger behind one of the book shelves listening to Lily and Shadow talking about him. He ignored what she had said about her feelings for him and focused more on the fact that she knew she was going to be staying with him during the summer. He hadn't wanted his privacy invaded no matter who it was, but he was angrier with the fact that she hadn't mentioned that she knew she was staying with him since she found out. He waited until the two were gone before he came out of his hiding spot and headed off out of the library and down the corridor.

Shadow had finally gotten some peace from everyone and now stood where she and Severus had stood, holding each other. She stared out at the frozen lake and thought about his arms around her, holding her lovingly. Would he ever come around to asking her to be his or was she reading too far into things? Shadow sucked in a ragged breath and felt a tear run down her face. She couldn't help but wonder if she was just wasting her time or if Severus would one day be hers. Time wasn't something she had a lot of.

Shadow knew that she was going to die young, but how young she wasn't sure. Shadow thought about the things she had seen throughout her life; the horrors that plagued her nightmares. She remembered the way her sister looked as she crawled toward her like a decrepit rotting corpse. Shadow shook the thought and tried to think of more important things than the horrors that she now knew.

Deciding that it was starting to get dark out, she turned and headed for the castle not noticing the cloaked figure standing near the entrance. When Shadow looked up and saw him, she panicked briefly, thinking that the man was her step-father until she got a glimpse of pale skin and dark cold eyes. It was Severus. Shadow let out the breath she had been holding and approached him a little slower.

"What are you doing out here, Severus?" she asked cautiously, noticing the angry gleam in his eyes. Severus looked at her coldly for a minute before answering.

"I want to speak with you about how you knew about my parents being here. You didn't tell me that they took guardianship over you. You told Lily before you told me," he said with angry malice. Shadow knew this was coming, but it didn't make it easier for her to deal with.

"Professor Dumbledore told me I would be staying with a family he selected, but he didn't tell me who they were. I only found out when I was summoned to his office and Dumbledore introduced me to them. I told them that you would not be happy if I stayed with you, but your parents signed the guardianship parchment so Dumbledore will not change it," she told him, but Severus still looked angry.

"What did my parents say to you?" he asked through gritted teeth. Shadow looked uncomfortable now and Severus instantly picked up on it. "What did they say?" Now, his tone was more forceful and he stepped toward her in an intimidating manner.

"Nothing really…I mean your mother said she would be pleased to have me there and you wouldn't be angry, but we didn't say much else," Shadow said, backing up a little.

"What did my father say?" Severus ground out.

"Um…he...he didn't say much…"

"But he said something! What did he tell you?!" Severus yelled now causing Shadow to jump back.

"Why does it matter?" she asked. Severus came and stood over her, glaring into her frightened green eyes.

"Because I want to know what that bastard said!" he snapped, surprising Shadow. She didn't know what kind of relationship Tobias had with his son, but it was obviously not a good one.

"He said he didn't understand why someone like me would hang around someone like you!" Shadow snapped back, finally giving in.

"Someone like you? He meant someone as beautiful as you are shouldn't be around the likes of me," Severus said dangerously low, anger and hurt filling his voice. Shadow looked him in the eyes.

"What does it matter? It's not like I agree. There is nothing wrong with you and I like being around you," Shadow said softly. Severus looked away and shook his head.

"My father is right! You shouldn't be near me!" Severus snapped. Shadow shook her head.

"I am the one that endangers others. I wish you would just accept that I _want_ to be around you no matter what anyone else thinks," Shadow told him and Severus found himself staring into her eyes searching for her sincerity.

"Perhaps, but you haven't shown that you truly trust me despite your desire to be around me." Severus pointed out silkily.

"What do you want me to do to show that I do trust you?" Shadow asked suspiciously.

"Show me the memories I want," he said flatly. Shadow sucked in a sharp breath and looked outside for a moment, noticing the wind picking up and the moon shining brightly in the darkening sky. After a moment of thinking about it, she looked at Severus a look of determination on her face.

"Alright, I will show you tonight if you wish, but we need to be somewhere alone. I do not want anyone else around," she said firmly, but softly. Severus nodded.

"I know just the place. We'll go after dinner," he said and walked away leaving Shadow to stand there looking after him.

At dinner, Shadow didn't say a word to anyone. She sat in silence and avoided eye contact with Severus who was watching her through most of dinner. He noticed her discomfort and wondered if he was being too pushy with her, but he wanted to know what it was she had gone through. He didn't know why he wanted to see it; he just did. Remus seemed to notice that Shadow was a little distant as well; he eyed Severus who kept glancing at Shadow every now and then.

"Shadow, what's the matter?" Remus asked softly in her ear. Shadow turned to look at the kind and concerned face of her brother; he resembled their father so much it almost hurt too much to look at him sometimes.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking. There are a lot of things on my mind right now. Things I know I need to tell you…and show you," she said softly. Remus swallowed hard and wrapped an arm around his sister.

"Don't worry about it right now, Shadow. Please eat something," he whispered to her and Shadow gave a little nod before picking at her food, not eating much. Severus had watched the interaction and couldn't help the tinge of jealousy that went through him. He wanted to be the one that Shadow confided in. He waited until Shadow stood to leave the Great Hall before he finished his dinner.

Sirius narrowed his eyes as he watched Severus walk out of the Great Hall right after Shadow left and looked to Remus who just raised a brow and went back to his meal. He couldn't believe that Remus was actually letting Severus go near his sister when the boy was nothing but trouble and ugly in his opinion. He had to think of some way to get Shadow to look at him instead of that Slytherin boy. He wanted to make Shadow hate Severus, but he wasn't sure that was entirely possible.

Severus caught up to Shadow who was about to head to the common room when he stopped her. She gave him a curious look when he led her away toward the staircase instead. She followed in silence, wondering where the hell he was taking her. She was frightened, but at the same time she wanted to be close to Severus.

Looking through the book that Lily had given her for Christmas only made her curiosity worse and if showing him her memories was going to enable her to be close to him, she was willing to try it.

"This is the Room of Requirement," he finally told her, but she saw no door.

"Where?" she asked.

"You have to think of what you want in the room in order for it to appear," he explained and thought hard about what he wanted. Shadow gave a look of surprise when a door appeared and Severus opened it to reveal a comfortable sitting room with a large sofa in the middle. She stepped inside and looked around, wondering if the room could change into anything they thought of. Severus closed the door and looked at Shadow. She was looking at the room with curiosity and intrigue.

"No one else would be able to enter once we shut them out. This room is ours for the time being," Severus told her and threw his cloak on the sofa. There was silence between the two and Severus came around her so he could see her face, but stepped back when he saw her bright green eyes turn as black as night.

He couldn't help but be afraid of her when she was like that. Phoenixes were powerful creatures and if done wrongly in life, were usually filled with rage. Shadow had been done the worst kinds of wrongs in her life and was also one of the most powerful of Phoenixes that were in existence except for maybe one; Severus hated to admit that he was afraid of being near the enraged Elemental. The room began to shift and Severus felt a chill go through him when it suddenly became very dark and cold.

"What are you doing?" he asked uncertainly, but received no reply. When the room lit up again, it was dim and damp and there was nothing but stone walls around them. Severus frowned when he looked around and saw a dingy old bed with a torn mattress sitting in the corner. There was an old wooden table with shackles attached to it next to the bed, smeared with blood. Severus felt his blood run cold as he looked at the large smear of blood on the floor that led up to a corner where a bloodied mangled body lay.

"For the love of Merlin! What the fuck is this place?!" Severus snapped, coming to stand in front of her. Her eyes were solid black but he could see that her expression was one of fear. She was reliving the memory and not realizing that she was doing it. Panic ran through Severus for a moment as he remembered what he was told about Phoenix witches and wizards who still retained their virtue; their powers were sometimes _uncontrollable._

"Shadow, stop it!" he said firmly and when the room didn't change back, he grabbed her shoulders and shook her, snapping her out of her trance. He watched as her eyes changed back to green and met up with his. The room began to transform again and Severus only hoped that she was setting up something much nicer than what he had just seen. He was pretty unnerved now. He saw the room change back to the way he had hit, surprisingly and breathed out a sigh of relief.

"What was that? What was the room you changed this into?" he asked angrily.

"My room," was her soft reply as she looked up at him with frightened eyes.

"What do you mean your room?" He was almost dumbstruck by what she had just said. Shadow looked into his eyes and he could see the shame within their depths.

"It was my room. It was the basement of my parent's house," she replied. Severus felt his heart go out to her; he couldn't believe that her parents would keep her in such a room. Sighing heavily, he walked over to the couch and plopped down rather ungracefully and ran his hands over his face. Shadow remained standing, looking at him. Severus quirked a brow and eyed her.

"Are you going to sit with me or not?" he snarled at her. Shadow walked slowly over to him and sat next to him. Severus knew that she was nervous, but he wasn't sure if it was because of what he was about to see or because she was alone in a room with him.

"You wanted to see it so I showed you my room," she said quietly.

"Shadow, I didn't mean to pressure you, but I do want to see what happened. That room was just a little unnerving and unexpected," Severus told her uncomfortably. Now that she had consented to him seeing her memories, he was suddenly very unsure of himself. Shadow nodded and turned to face him.

"How do you want to view them?" she asked softly.

"What do you?"

"Do you want me to show you through a bite or should I cut myself and turn the blood into memories? You'll need a pensive for that," she said.

"Blood? Oh, right…I forgot that your memories are stored in blood…" he murmured.

"The easiest way if to use my teeth, but if you are not comfortable with that...." she said uncertainly.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. Not that I know of. How about this? I'll just draw blood and turn it into memories. That's how Dumbledore viewed what happened the night I came back," she replied.

"Ok…" he said uncomfortably. Shadow nodded and looked into his face, wondering when he was going to start or if he was going to go through with it, but when he turned to face her fully, she knew that he had not backed out. Quickly, Shadow bit into her wrist and watched as blood began to trickle out into the small vial she had conjured.

Severus watched in fascination as the injuries she inflicted on herself sealed closed, but it was then that he noticed the thin scars that ran across her wrists, some of them overlapping. He made sure not to say anything about it, but he could tell those were self inflicted. Keeping his mouth shut, he watched as Shadow cast the same ancient incantation that she had seen the Headmaster use. The red blood once again became silver and Shadow mentally asked for a pensive and the room gave what she had requested. Carefully, she poured the contents into the pensive and then looked up at Severus with an apprehensive expression.

"Are you ready?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," he whispered and the two of them put their faces in the pensive.

He saw what happened the night of the Ball and then for the days after. Shame coursed through him when he saw her telling her father to punish her for making the mistake of falling in love. Severus saw the bloody lashing and nearly backed out of her memory right then, but after a brief falter, continued on. He could see when her deformed and dying sister came into her room begging for death and how Shadow granted it. Severus saw the rapes, the secret room where her father kept the bloodied and dismembered bodies, and then he began to see memories that he was sure were older; memories of her childhood.

_A very young Shadow was crying hard as her step-father Keadan held her over the kitchen table and slammed into her. She could not have been more than five or six years old and she screamed out in pain as Keadan repeatedly took her innocence from her. Without realizing what was happening and why Shadow was screaming, a man had come into the house and ran into the kitchen, only to be shocked by the sight._

"_Get away from my daughter!" he screamed, but before he could go for his wand, Keadan stunned him and sent him to the floor. _

Severus realized that what he had just seen was Lupin Sr. the day he had witnessed his daughter's abuse and not lived to tell about it. Severus watched the memory shift and waited to see what was going to happen.

_Little Shadow limped down the stairs of an eerie house into what looked like a basement. She slowly approached a figure being hung from the ceiling by a large hook that pierced his skin and hooked into his spine. Blood was trailing down his body and he was jerking violently. Tears streaked her face as she approached the man that was her true father and had wanted to help her. _

"_I'm sorry daddy…" she sobbed. The man was barely alive, but managed to look at her. _

"_Shaaadddooow…" he groaned in pain. The little girl grabbed a stool and put it in front of him, climbing it so she could stand face to face with him. There was blood spilling from his lips, ears, and nose and his skin was literally burning from the inside out; pus and blood seeped through the burns._

"_He gave you the bad potion…" Shadow sobbed. The man looked at her with an expression of regret, pain, and sadness. _

"_It hurts…" he whispered. Shadow got down from the stool and walked over to the table where several knives lay. She picked one up and got back onto the stool, crying hard and trembling. _

"_I don't want you to hurt anymore, daddy," she cried. The man had the look of understanding in his eyes despite his pain. _

"_My son…" he choked, spitting up blood. Shadow looked up at him and understood that she had a brother._

"_I will keep him safe for all times…" she sobbed, her voice small and innocent, but her soul aged beyond its years._

"_Yes…"_

"_Forgive me, Daddy," she whispered and raised the knife above her head._

"_Remus…" It was the last word that ever came out of Darius Lupin's mouth, before Shadow plunged the knife into his heart and after a moment of shocking pain, blackness was all the man had seen. Shadow stood before her father, tears streaming down her face mixed with his blood that splattered across her face and chest. _

_Shadow's eyes turned black as she stared at the broken body before her and knew that she was the one who had caused his final moments. It was the first time they had ever became that color. She had taken a life and would over time pay for it. She finally got down from the stool and ran from the room, crying. Her eyes had regained their bright green color, but she was broken inside. The little girl stopped at her parent's bedroom and peaked inside. Her mother and step father were not there. She stood in the doorway and lifted her hand in front of her, her eyes turning bright red and yellow. Something shuffled in the room and then a wand came flying into her little hand. It was Darius Lupin's wand._

Severus retreated from the memory and saw that she was crying and covered in sweat. He hadn't realized that he had sweat as well from just seeing such horrible things. Swallowing hard, he looked at Shadow's face, but she had her face buried in her hands; her body trembling terribly. He knew that she had lived a horrible life, but he had no idea it was that appalling. It was one of the worst things he had ever seen. He had seen her even at that young age take a life and show the Phoenix side of her. He knew why it happened. Phoenixes were very powerful, but that power came with a price. A Phoenix full of hatred and rage would eventually deteriorate with ever life they took. The only thing that could truly save one was love. Shadow had killed many people at the command of her step-father and even out of pity; because of that she was losing her own soul. If Shadow held true love in her heart, then she could be saved from becoming a Death Phoenix.

"Shadow…I'm sorry. I had…no idea…it was that horrible…" He found it very difficult to speak after everything he had seen. He knew it wasn't everything. He knew that she had killed others and been raped by several people, but she had kept those memories from him. Shadow got up and made a move toward the door, but Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him a little more roughly than he intended causing her to trip into his lap.

Shadow struggled to get away from him, but he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. Finally, Shadow gave in and ducked her head in to the crook of his neck, sobbing softly. His embrace tightened, his eyes closed, and they sat there on the couch, her body straddling him.

"Shadow…I never meant for you to feel guilty about your feelings toward me. I never meant…for you to blame yourself…and let him…punish you for it…" Severus choked out, trying to keep himself from breaking down as he remembered her screaming with every lashing. Shadow continued to cry without speaking, while Severus continued to hold her tightly to him.

It was some time before her crying stopped and another thirty or so minutes after that before Shadow sat up on his lap and looked at his face. He seemed to have all his defenses down and was looking into her green eyes that were filled with sorrow, regret, and fear. She wondered how he would judge her after everything he had just seen. Severus gazed up at her and knew what she was thinking, but didn't say anything. He studied her face, letting his eyes travel down to her soft lush lips where they lingered before looking back up into her eyes.

Shadow felt a stirring in her gut that she had only felt before when she was around Severus. She didn't want to think about the memories he had just seen or the wrongs that had been done to her. She wanted to think of something that made her happy. That something was Severus Snape and as she sat there on his lap, she knew he was the one that she should _share_ power with when the time came.

Shadow looked at him with hooded eyes filled now with desire and lust, despite her fears. She would not deny that she wanted Severus Snape as her own. She watched as his eyes lingered on her lips for a moment; wanting to kiss them. Shadow decided to take the initiative and lowered her mouth to his, kissing him gently. Severus felt his stomach flip as the electricity of her kiss seared through his entire body and into his soul. He wanted this girl and he knew it. His response was instant; he began to move his lips against hers, holding her tighter to him.

Severus licked her lips and was rewarded by her giving him entrance to her mouth; he didn't hesitate as he slipped his tongue inside her mouth and kissed her with a passion. Severus slowly let his hands run down her back and rest on her hips, pulling her closer to him so there was no space between their bodies. Shadow's hands were trembling as she brought them up his shoulders, one resting on his neck and the other slipping back behind him and settling on his shoulder blade. Severus kissed her hungrily as his arousal became evident and brushed against the sensitive spot between her legs. He faltered slightly when he realized what happened and expected her to back away from him, but she did not.

Daring to push it a little further, he slowly brought his hands around her hips and gripped her ass tightly. This time, she did gasp and broke the kiss to look at him uncertainly.

"I won't hurt you," he said hoarsely, looking at her swollen lips and wanting more. Shadow's breathing was ragged as she tried to adjust to him having his hands where they were. Severus kissed her throat, letting his tongue run up under her chin. "I promise…I won't hurt you."

"I can't…go all the way…" she said fearfully, thinking that he was going to get angry. Severus looked into her eyes.

"I'm not asking you to. I know why you can't," he whispered, knowing that she couldn't have sex until she came into full power on her seventeenth birthday. Severus brought his lips up to hers and kissed her passionately before sitting back against the sofa.

He ran his hands down her thighs and then back up again to her hips. Her breath hitched when his hands slid further up onto her waist and then further still. Severus could see that she was frightened at being touched in such a manner, but he wanted to reassure her that he wasn't what her step-father was and he would not hurt her the way Keadan had.

"Shadow, tell me to stop and I will," he said softly, but she didn't reply. She wasn't sure what she should do. It frightened her, but at the same time it was causing a physical reaction in her that she had never felt before and was beginning to enjoy. His hands slowly came around to her stomach and slowly moved up her body.

He was watching her face to see any signs of complete discomfort, but her eyes were half closed and although her breathing was uneven, she was nibbling her bottom lip in wonder and thought. Severus moved his hands slowly up until he was touching her breasts. Her breath caught and her eyes widened slightly, but she did not object to him.

Severus kept his touch gentle as he ran his fingers over her budding nipples, sending shock waves through her. He was using all his self control to keep himself from pinning her to the couch and ravaging her, but no matter how badly he wanted this and needed relief he did not dare push her. Severus sat up again so that he was able to kiss her neck and collar bone. He began to trail kisses down her neck to her chest, but Shadow seemed to freeze and he looked up at her face.

"Shadow, it's alright," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her body against his. He was aching so badly it was beginning to hurt and with her body on top of his rubbing against him; it really wasn't helping. Shadow had tears of fear in her eyes, but wouldn't look at him.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered. Severus turned her face toward him and kissed her mouth gently; trying to reassure her that she had done nothing wrong. He had seen in her memories, the way her step-father abused her, bit her, and scarred her. He wasn't about to put her through any more stress just because he needed release.

"I'm not mad at you," he said softly, kissing the corner of her mouth. "I was only going to kiss you there, I wasn't going to bite you." His tone was gentle as he looked up into her bright green eyes.

Shadow was trembling; trying to will herself to be strong and allow Severus to do what he was doing, but the memories kept flooding her. Severus saw her eyes become darker and immediately came up and kissed her lips again, trying to get her thoughts back. With only a seconds hesitation, Shadow responded to his kiss; running her tongue along his.

Severus reached up again and ran his hands over her breasts, using the pads of his thumbs to tease her nipples which were hard and demanding attention. Severus kept kissing her as he slid her shirt strap of her shoulder, before moving to kiss her neck. Slowly, he pulled her shirt down, exposing her breasts as he sucked the sensitive skin on her neck. His heart was pounding in his chest as he glanced down to see the beautiful brown nipples brushing against his shirt.

Shadow felt the panic rise in her, but was afraid to tell him 'no'. Severus came back up and kissed her mouth; it seemed to relax her a little more, but she gasped when she felt his hands touch her bare breasts. His fingers moved over her nipples and she involuntarily bucked her hips as the shockwave went through her. Severus gasped and adjusted his sitting better so that more of her weight was on his painful erection. She could feel the length of it and began to wonder what it looked like, but was too embarrassed and afraid to ask. She felt her heart nearly stop when he began to kiss her neck again and trail downward slowly.

"Shadow…" he whispered against her chest, but she had frozen on top of him. "Let me show you that I won't hurt you." She did not reply to him.

Severus slowly kissed her chest until he was between her breasts and then he looked up at her to see she had a fearful, but almost curious expression. Carefully, as to not startle her, his kissed her breast and slowly moved toward her nipple. His heart was hammering in his chest; his body aching for release because being able to touch this beautiful girl like this for the first time in his life was such an incredible turn on that he was using everything in his power to keep himself in control. Severus gently flicked her nipple with his tongue causing her to shudder against his lap.

He groaned loudly and began to swirl his tongue around her nipple now. She gasped at first, but it turned into a groan of pleasure as his tongue swirled around the sensitive flesh. Severus knew he would need release soon if she kept moaning like that. He took her nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, savoring the moment of intimacy. Shadow closed her eyes and moaned again as Severus began to kiss the other one.

She was shocked. There was no painful biting or rough fondling when Severus touched her and she was quite surprised that the feeling was actually enjoyable. Unconsciously, she rocked her hips against his groin causing him to moan loudly. Shadow discovered that he actually liked what she was doing and continued, sitting more of her weight on his lap as she did. His arms snaked around her waist and he held her close as she moved against him while he kissed her breasts. She looked down at him to see his eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily while resting his forehead in-between her breasts.

Shadow had no experience with boys, sex, or any kind of foreplay so she wasn't exactly sure what she was doing to him, but apparently he liked it. She listened to his breathing which had started to become more labored as she continued to rock her hips against him. Severus held her tighter; moaning softly before kissing her chest again.

He startled a little when he looked up and saw her gazing at him with a curious expression. A red blush crept into his sallow cheeks and he found that he was becoming embarrassed under her gaze. He wondered if he should just go to the restroom and finish himself off or sit there and let her rock against him till he lost control. Severus knew he was extremely close to losing control. Shadow seemed to sense his discomfort and brought her lips down on his in another passionate kiss. Severus again went to her neck and back to her breasts, unable to get enough of her. He loved the feel of her nipples against his tongue and fondling her seemed to make her grind against him harder.

He was panting now as he lay back against the sofa, not caring anymore if she was looking at him; at least not for the moment. Shadow watched his face, his eyes were closed and his breathing was uneven. She felt the huge bulge underneath her and determined that rubbing against him was arousing him deeply. She felt a strange warmth within herself, but did not know what it was from or what to do about it so she continued to please him. She gasped a little when Severus gripped her ass hard and pulled her down harder against him, forcing her to rock her hips more forcefully. He gave a strangled cry as he released in his pants; he could feel the warm sticky liquid run down between his thighs.

Shadow looked down at his lap to see his pants had a wet stain on the front and now knew a little of how to please him. When she looked back up, he was looking at her with an expressionless gaze, but she knew he was beginning to feel embarrassed so she decided to talk to him.

"Can girls do that?" she asked. Severus was a little startled at the question, but nodded his head.

"I think so, but I am not sure if it is exactly the same. I would have to touch you though," he replied quietly.

"You did touch me," she said in confusion.

"No…I mean…touch you…here," Severus said uncertainly, lightly touching the spot between her legs, causing her to jump a little.

"Oh," she said, her face flushing red as she looked away. Severus pulled out his wand and cast a cleansing charm on himself and then wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't do that unless you let me," he told her and kissed along her jaw line to her mouth. He still found it hard to believe that he was actually kissing the very girl he was falling for. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her. Shadow leaned into his kiss and when they broke apart, she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. It was several minutes before Severus nudged her.

"We should get back to the common room," he said softly. The two of them slowly got up and when they left the room, Severus felt a rush of pride and happiness rush through him when she slipped her hand in his; their fingers entangled. Unfortunately, for both of them; Sirius Black stood, hidden in a darkened corner and watched the two walk down the corridor together. He wasn't about to let _Snivellus_ get the girl that he desired. He knew the boy's weakness and he planned to exploit it and take Shadow from him.


	14. A Phoenix of Death

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 13**

_A Phoenix of Death_

Sirius Black hadn't bothered to tell Remus what he had seen that night as Shadow and Severus walked hand in hand from the Room of Requirement. He knew that Remus wouldn't do anything about it because Remus believed that if his sister was truly happy with Severus then he had no right to object, but Sirius didn't agree. He didn't think that Severus Snape was good enough for the powerful witch and he wasn't about to stand by while Severus got away with claiming the Spanish beauty.

During meal times, Sirius would watch the two of them, glaring at the genuine smile _Snivellus_ had on his face. Remus had been watching Sirius lately and was concerned by the looks his friend kept giving his sister and Severus.

"Sirius, leave it alone," Remus warned quietly, but James and Lily heard it and looked up at him. Peter remained silent, but listened intently.

"What's the matter?" Lily asked.

"Nothing," Sirius snapped, stabbing his food violently with his fork. Lily's brows shot up into her hairline and she looked to Remus for an explanation.

"He's upset about the relationship between _my_ sister and Severus," Remus explained, not taking his eyes off the boy he called 'friend' for years.

"Well, you have to admit Remus that it isn't the greatest match. I mean look at him and then look at her. I don't think Shadow needs someone like Snivellus in her life," James said, trying to defend his friend, but got hard slap from Lily across the arm.

"What Shadow does is her own damn business and the two of you need to stop judging her choices. She loves Severus and it's obvious that he feels the same. She has had a lot of grief and injustice in her life and I think she deserves some happiness," Lily said firmly.

"I agree," Remus replied, sipping his pumpkin juice. Sirius shook his head and then got up from the table and left without looking back.

Severus and Shadow walked hand in hand down the near empty corridor when suddenly a red light shot toward them and hit Severus square in the chest. He fell backwards and gasped loudly, looking down the corridor to see who hexed him. Not much to his surprise did he see Sirius Black heading toward them, holding his wand ready. Shadow was kneeling down next to Severus looking him over in concern, but he quickly got to his feet and unsheathed his own wand.

"Severus please, let's just go," Shadow pleaded, but Severus moved her out of the way and stood ready for Sirius. Some of the students had gathered around to watch the fight and were surprised when Sirius tucked his wand away once he got close to Snape. Severus frowned, but didn't have time to react as Sirius slammed his fist into his jaw, sending him to the ground.

Shadow yelped and had to jump out of the way as the two boys tumbled around the ground throwing punches at each other. Shadow wasn't exactly sure what to do. She certainly wasn't going to hex Severus, but she didn't know if she should do it to Sirius Black either since he was friend's with her brother. Horrified, she stood against the wall and watched as Sirius began to punch Severus repeatedly in the stomach.

"Sirius, stop it!" Shadow yelled angrily, but he didn't. Instead, he jumped to his feet and pulled his wand again. Severus immediately jumped up despite the pain he was in and went for his wand that was lying a few feet from him, but Sirius threw a hex at him and Severus stared horrified at the boy, before his expression turned to one of angry malice.

"You see Shadow, do you really want _that_?" Sirius asked in disgust. The other students were laughing as Severus stood there now completely naked with his face flushed red with embarrassment. Shadow was silent for a moment as she stared at Severus who was watching Sirius with cold angry eyes before they landed on her. She immediately looked back at Sirius and glared.

"You did this because of me?" she hissed.

"I needed to show you exactly what you would be sleeping with if you stayed with him," Sirius said with a shrug getting several snickers from the other students. Severus felt the tears of embarrassment fill his eyes and he quickly grabbed his bag and walked briskly down one of the empty corridors toward the Slytherin common room.

Shadow clenched her teeth and not caring that Sirius was a friend to Remus, she approached him and slapped him hard across the face. The other students were shocked into silence as they stared at this frail looking girl who was giving Sirius a look that would frighten even the Dark Lord.

"My personal life is none of your business! You have no right to attack Severus and to embarrass him like that," she snapped.

"_Snivellus_ deserves what he gets! That boy is only being nice to you until he gets in your knickers and then he's gonna ditch you," he replied as he rubbed his cheek.

"You know nothing about him! You are just angry because I love him and not you!" she screamed before picking up the ebony wand that Severus had left on the ground and heading toward the common room.

Shadow ran down the corridors trying to catch up with Severus who was just going into the common room. She darted in after him, panting as she caught up to him, but he gave her a nasty glare.

"What the fuck do you want?" he snapped angrily, still naked in front of her. She gave him a hurt expression and searched his eyes for a moment.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok…" she said carefully.

"I'M NOT BLOODY OK! DO I SEEM OK TO YOU?!" he roared causing her to recoil.

"Don't yell at me! I didn't do this to you!" she said shakily. Severus threw his bag down and snatched hers away, sending it to the floor. She couldn't help but look at his naked body, but when he pinned her to the wall, she stared wide eyed into his cold black eyes.

"You didn't do much to defend me either! Why didn't you hex him?!"

"I couldn't! He's Remus's friend," Shadow whimpered softly. Severus narrowed his eyes and glared at her.

"So because of Lupin, you won't do anything to help me?" he snarled angrily.

"That is not what I was saying," she said softly.

"Maybe Black is right. You don't belong with me," he hissed, but just saying it hurt him inside. His anger was blinding him as he tried to scare her by forcing himself between her legs and grabbing her ass to lift her more forcefully against him.

"Stop it!" she screeched in horror.

"Is this what you really want Shadow?! Someone like me between your legs?!" he said coldly, pushing himself against her. The color drained from her face and she forcefully pushed him backwards and tried to get away from him, but he grabbed her by the waist and forced her against the wall again.

Shadow felt her blood run cold as she felt him press against her backside with his hands firmly gripping her waist. She couldn't think or move. She stood there wide eyed and shaking uncontrollably, not knowing that Severus hadn't meant it to remind her of what happened between her and her step father. She was paralyzed with fear and it took a moment for Severus to understand why she was so rigid against him until he realized the position he had her in. Horrified, he quickly let go of her and backed away, but she collapsed to the floor and huddled up against the wall like a frightened child.

"Shadow, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry!" he told her quickly, kneeling down next to her, forgetting about his nakedness. She recoiled from him, her eyes wide with shock and fear. Surprisingly, they weren't black, but still their brilliant green and filled with tears. Severus reached out to touch her again, but she backed away.

"Don't touch me anymore," she whispered and Severus felt his world shatter.

"I'm sorry, Shadow. I really didn't mean it. I wasn't trying to rape you or anything," he pleaded, suddenly panicked that he had lost the one thing he wanted more than anything else.

"I don't want to hear your apologies anymore. You don't want me near you, then I won't be," she whispered and got up to leave.

"No Shadow! I didn't mean it!" Severus jumped up and went to embrace her, but she stepped away from him and went toward the portrait hole. Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her back against him, quickly claiming her mouth with his.

"Stop…" she breathed against his mouth.

"Don't leave me… Please don't leave me…" he whispered against her lips.

"You shouldn't have made me," she replied and felt her own heart break as she pulled away from him and slipped through the portrait hole. Severus stood there staring at the closed door with wide eyes, reality quickly setting in. Tears fell down his cheeks as he truly realized what he had done. Sirius Black knew Severus's weakness. He knew that Severus would be so blinded by anger and embarrassment that he would do something stupid and regret it later. He looked down to see his ebony wand lying on the floor and bent to pick it up, quickly transfiguring himself some clothes, rather than going to get a new set from his room.

Severus felt his body trembling as he leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, his breathing was uneven and labored as his chest tightened painfully and his stomach lurched uncomfortably. Uncontrollable tears spilled down his cheeks and he sobbed softly, cradling his head in his arms.

"Shadow I'm sorry…I love you…" he whispered, but it didn't matter cause she wasn't there to hear him say it.

Shadow was crying as she ran out of the school onto the grounds. She slowed down when she got to the lake and collapsed next to a nearby tree, burying her face in her arms. She kept telling herself that she shouldn't have told him that she wasn't going to be with him. She should have forgiven him, but she had been scared out of her mind when he had put her in that position. Shadow was inwardly angry that Severus let his anger get the better of him and he took out his frustrations and embarrassment out on her, but mostly she was upset with Sirius Black. He deliberately ruined what she had.

Severus avoided just about everyone for the next few months. He didn't celebrate his birthday when it passed nor did he mention the day to anyone. Valentine's Day past and he had stayed in his dorm all night without acknowledging anyone. Lucius and Narcissa had tried to talk to him, but he was colder than before and even more standoffish. He became more of a loner and more of bastard as time went by. His remarks to people were laced with cruelty and malice, but whenever he saw Shadow he held an indifferent expression, but inside his world was crumbling.

He loved her and he knew it, but he was afraid to approach her. To his surprise, she had even tried to approach him a few times, but he had snapped at her and hurt her feelings as a way to protect himself and his pride. He did not want to come off as weak, but at the same time he wanted her back. Unfortunately, as time past he became colder and colder toward the world and the people who cared about him. His weight had dropped and he barely tried to keep up his own personal hygiene. His hair was as greasy as it had ever been, his skin was a sickly pale, his eyes had dark circles under them, and his clothes hung loosely to his body. Severus Snape had never realized how weak he actually was until he became self destructive.

Shadow barely ate or associated with anyone now that she and Severus were not talking. She couldn't help but think that she made a big mistake in not forgiving him, because now when she tried to talk to him, he shut her out. She wasn't sure if he was doing it because he was afraid or because he truly did not want anything to do with her anymore. The end of the year was fast approaching and she hadn't been able to speak to him at all. Lucius and Narcissa had asked about what happened and she explained it to them and they were sympathetic; they tried to talk to Severus as well, but it was no use. When ever her name came up, he got pissed off and walked away or completely ignored them.

Remus had noticed the change in both Severus and Shadow and was angry with Sirius Black for what he started, but there was nothing he could do. For Shadow's sake, he had tried to talk to Severus and the result wasn't good. He had been there several times to comfort Shadow when she cried, but that was all he could do for her.

He walked along side his sister down the corridor on a Saturday afternoon, trying to talk to her and comfort her. Lily had made it a point to tell Sirius exactly what she thought of him and even then, Sirius didn't care. He kept saying that it was for Shadow's own good although Shadow's welfare was not his concern.

The only comfort Shadow had was when she was with Remus, Lily, or the old Phoenix woman who owned the dress shop in Hogsmead. The woman whose name was Audrey Melbourne had taken the time every Saturday morning to teach Shadow how to control and use her magic. Audrey would lecture her about the nature of a Phoenix and what was to be expected in the next few months so Shadow knew what she needed to know to live as one. Shadow had met Audrey's husband, Nathan, and he had begun teaching her how to fight with and without her magic. Shadow had told them what had been done to her by her family and some of the members of the Ministry of Magic and they believed it was necessary for her to learn how to defend herself. Shadow had gained some weight, but she still looked frail and with her emotions concerning Severus in an uproar, she couldn't seem to focus on taking care of herself; as a result she was depressed and unable to gain much more weight.

Both Shadow and her brother were lost in their own thoughts until voices could be heard down the corridors. There were a few students roaming the halls and they had stopped and watched as three men headed down the halls searching for someone. They didn't like how it looked. Remus peered around the corner and gasped when he saw none other than Keadan Hill himself. The three men saw him and one of them sent a hex his way, but not before Remus cried out to his sister.

"SHADOW RUN!!!" He then fell to the ground in a crumpled heap of robes. Shadow's face drained of color and she barely had time to register what he had said when she saw her step-father running towards her with two men at his side. She screamed and darted down the hall in the opposite direction, running as fast as she could. Other students moved out of the way and watched as these three men chased the new girl down the hall. Panicked, some of them quickly headed for Dumbledore's office.

Lucius, Rodolphus, Evan, and Severus were walking together out in the garden when they heard faint sound of someone screaming inside the school. Lucius raised a brow and looked at Severus who shrugged as if he didn't care. His expression was cold and callous, almost shocking the blond Slytherin. Then they all froze when they heard the loud thunderous voice of Albus Dumbledore.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Severus felt his chest tighten painfully and wondered if it had anything to do with Shadow. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind did he hear a painful scream closer to them now. All four Slytherins drew their wands and stood ready, but what came was unexpected.

Shadow darted down another corridor that overlooked the gardens, but didn't have time to react as one of the men cast a hex her way, hitting the stone wall that stood only four feet from the floor before it opened to become an outlook onto the gardens, and then he slammed into her with so much force that they crashed into the stone barrier that had already been damaged. Shadow screamed as both of them fell three stories down.

"SHADOW!" Severus cried out as she crashed to the ground with a sickening thud. He raced to her side and touched her gently, but she didn't move for a moment. Lucius hexed the man as he tried to stand back up and glared at him.

"How dare you attack this girl!" Lucius hissed angrily. The other two Slytherins had their wands drawn and were pointing them at the man who was now on his knees in pain.

Shadow stirred slightly and then opened her eyes. Her body hurt badly, but she was surprised that she hadn't broken anything this time, but she was badly bruised. Severus wasn't sure if he should help her or not, but as he reached out to touch her again to help her up, he heard the angry voice of Sirius Black.

"Get your greasy hands off of her Snivellus!" he snapped, pulling his wand on Severus who stood up and brandished his own. Severus backed away and fought the urge to hex Sirius into oblivion as he helped Shadow to her feet. Severus watched as she clung to him to support her weight and his expression darkened considerably. Lucius had a better view of Shadow's face and he could see that she was disoriented as she blinked several times to focus her eyes. Lucius came and stood by Severus' side, holding his own wand toward Sirius.

"She's disoriented, Severus. She doesn't know whose helping her," Lucius whispered to him, but the raven haired boy did not respond to him. He just watched as Sirius scooped her up into his arms and carried her inside the castle.

Minevra and Slughorn were running out into the gardens and immediately took control of the man that the Slytherins had kept still. She motioned for them to go back into the castle and to their dorms, but Severus wasn't about to go to his dorm. He wanted to see what Sirius was doing with the girl he loved. He stalked inside with his three friends by his side, looking down each corridor he passed until he heard Black's voice on the next level up. Lucius and the other two Slytherins did not protest as they followed Severus toward the voices.

"Mr. Hill, I suggest you leave Shadow alone!" Sirius growled angrily as he set Shadow down.

"I think you better stand down little boy! This is way over your head," came the angry voice of the man that had tortured Shadow all her life. Severus came to the top of the stairs and saw Shadow standing a few feet from Sirius who was pointing his wand at Keadan and the second man. Dumbledore had come up behind Sirius and also had his wand drawn, but none of them could make a move because Remus Lupin was lying at Keadan's feet.

"Mr. Hill, I want you to leave my school now!" Dumbledore growled angrily, the usually sparkling eyes now looked cold and steely.

"I won't leave until I have Shadow," Keadan hissed.

"You won't have her," Lucius cut in with a deadly voice. The four Slytherins had again raised their wands to stand up for the girl who stood back, shocked. Her eyes immediately went to Severus who was glaring at her step-father with a look a malice she was sure she had never seen before. When she looked back at her stepfather she noticed the look of realization on his face. Keadan looked directly at Snape and narrowed his eyes before looking back at Dumbledore.

"Give me Shadow and you can have her brother back," he said pointing the wand at the unconscious boy. Shadow felt her heart nearly stop as she watched in horror. The tip of her step-father's wand began to glow green as he silently began to cast the killing curse. Before Dumbledore could say anything a burst of red light shot past him and hit Keadan in the chest, sending him backward. Everyone turned to Shadow in surprise, but froze when they saw her.

Her eyes were once again black and they could see the veins under her eyes were black as well, spread out in somewhat of a spider web look on her cheeks. There was a black mist swirling around her as she held her wand in one hand and a ball of black mist in the other. Dumbledore pushed Sirius aside, away from her and looked at the other man.

"Leave her brother alone," he warned him, hoping that the man would, but when he pointed his wand at Remus, Dumbledore knew that there was nothing he could do to save the man from Shadow in a Phoenix rage. They watched in horror as Shadow cast a spell in Spanish, her voice cold and with a slight echo to it as if she were possessed by evil.

Severus stared in disbelief as a black Phoenix made of smoke emerged from her hand and soared angrily toward the man who was about to hurt her brother. Severus watched as this smoky looking Phoenix screeched and attacked the man who screamed out in agony. No one moved as the Phoenix went through the man's body several times until he collapsed, dead on the ground. The smoke Phoenix returned to Shadow and it was then that Dumbledore made his move and quickly grabbed Shadow as she collapsed.

The students watched as her body shook and her eyes rolled back into her head. She let out a piercing scream, her canine teeth descending and showing their true viciousness. Severus felt his heart ache as she thrashed in Dumbledore's arms from the pain she was feeling. Remus, who had regained consciousness, stumbled over to her.

"What happened, Professor?" he asked, quickly grabbing her arms to pin her down.

"She cast a Death Phoenix on that man when he threatened to hurt you," Albus answered gravely. Remus's face paled considerably and he quickly pulled Shadow from the Headmaster and straddled her, cupped her face, and began chanting an incantation that none of them except Albus had ever heard before. There was still black mist around her, but it was beginning to swirl madly as Remus kept chanting. Albus was on his knees behind her head and put his own hands under her head and began casting the same incantation.

Minerva showed up with Slughorn and one of the captured men in time to see what was going on. She gasped in horror and watched helplessly. Everyone was so caught up in what was happening to Shadow that no one saw Keadan slip away from the castle. Severus knew that he loved her, but watching the scene in front of him, made him fear her. He had never seen the power of a Phoenix witch or wizard and now that he had witnessed only a part of it; he was frightened of it.

Narcissa held Lucius close to her as they watched both Dumbledore and Remus casting the same spell; their hands beginning to glow. Strangely, Remus's hands glowed blue while Dumbledore's were glowing red, but it was doing something because the black mist was disappearing and Shadow's shaking was slowing down.

"What are they doing?" Slughorn asked Minerva as they stood by and watched.

"They are casting an incantation to stop the Death Phoenix she must have cast from consuming her soul. They are calming her. This can only be done by Phoenix witches and wizards who in this case, both of them are. Shadow is a very powerful witch that will come into full power at the end of October. Casting a Death Phoenix while her powers are still uncontrollable could have killed her or consumed her," Minerva replied.

"I thought that if Phoenixes cast the Death Phoenix even after they gain full power and share it, they could still become consumed by it…" Slughorn said uncertainly as he watched one of his best Potion's students lay on the ground; fighting for her soul.

"They can, but it takes longer. Love is the only thing that can save them. If there is nothing but hate and rage, then there is no hope for them," Minerva said quietly, looking down at the man that lay on the floor, dead and staring up at nothing with an expression of horror forever instilled on his face.

Remus and Albus stopped the incantation when Shadow calmed down and now lay unconscious on the stone floor. Albus wiped the sweat from his brow and looked at Remus who was trying to catch his breath.

"Are you alright, my boy?" he asked in concern. Remus nodded his head wearily and looked down at his sister.

"She almost gave her soul for me. I wish she hadn't," he said softly. Albus lay a comforting hand on Remus's shoulder.

"I understand that it upsets you that she would risk herself for you, but you must accept it and not hold this against her. She loves you very much…enough to die for you. That is not a love that is so easily found," Albus told him seriously. Remus blinked back the tears and nodded.

"I'm going to take her to the Hospital Wing," Remus said, sniffing slightly and lifted her up into his arms. He wanted to carry her and keep her close to him no matter how sore his body was.

Severus couldn't help the scourging jealousy that surged through him. He had witnessed first hand, Shadow willing to give her life for her brother, but selfishly wondered if she would do the same for him like he would for her. Anger, hurt, and confusion filled him and he quickly left the scene and headed for his spot on the lake where most of the students couldn't see him unless they were actually looking for it. He wanted to be alone to sort out his thoughts and to ease his emotion pain with physical.

Albus and Minerva quickly removed the dead body and brought the other man to the Headmaster's office to be questioned. Sirius had started off toward the entrance of the castle where James and Lily were supposed to be coming soon so he could let them know what had happened while Lucius and the rest of the remaining Slytherins headed to the Common Room.

"Where did Severus go?" Rodolphus asked, his voice still shaking with fear from what he had just witnessed.

"I don't know. I think he needs to be alone right now," Evan said. Little did they know that being alone was the last thing that Severus Snape needed.

Severus sat against one of the many large flat rocks by the lake and felt the tears burn his eyes. It hurt him to see Shadow in such a state, but it angered him that she had allowed Sirius to help her and almost gave her life to protect Remus. Perhaps he didn't understand her reasoning since he was an only child and didn't have the family bond that those two had, but it didn't diffuse his anger.

He began thinking about all the things gone wrong in his life. All the times that his parents fought, that his father beat him and his mother, he thought about all the times that Sirius Black and James Potter had embarrassed him, hurt, and abused him until cold fury and pure hatred blinded him from caring about what he was doing to himself. Pulling a knife from his cloak, he rolled up his left sleeve and sliced the soft flesh of his wrist and forearm, adding to the many bloodied welted marks.

Shadow opened her eyes warily, groaning when she realized where she was. Remus came quickly to her side and looked at her; concern written all over her face.

"Why am I always in the damn hospital?" she grumbled, causing Remus to smile despite the events from earlier.

"How do you feel?" he asked softly.

"Like shit," she replied grumpily, her Spanish accent making the statement amusing. Remus helped her sit up as Madam Pompfry came over with some potions for the headache and pain. It was obvious the nurse was slightly uncomfortable being around the young witch after what she had heard happen, but she didn't mention it to anyone and quickly backed away.

"You should be fit to leave the hospital after you take your potions Miss Lupin," she said softly and went back to her office. Shadow frowned and looked at Remus.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Don't you remember?" he looked at her curiously.

"Sort of…I remember…Keadan…" Shadow was suddenly gripped with fear and she looked around the hospital wing frantically as if expecting him to show his face.

"Shhh, Shadow he's gone. He got away. You're safe," Remus told her, sitting on the bed next to her.

"I killed that man didn't I?" she asked suddenly, but there were no tears in her eyes. No regrets. Remus took a moment of observing her before nodding his head. Shadow wondered for a moment if perhaps Remus was ashamed of it, but he seemed to know what she was thinking.

"Shadow, I am grateful that you saved my life, but you cast a very powerful curse. It could have killed you."

"What curse?" she seemed confused now.

"A Death Phoenix curse. It's like the killing curse, but much more painful. The only reason that it isn't an Unforgivable is because only Phoenix witches and wizards can cast it and it isn't widely known. You weren't ready for that. Professor Dumbledore and I had to use our magic to get you back. Promise me that you'll be more careful. I don't want you to lose yourself," Remus told her. Shadow took a few seconds to absorb all the information before nodding.

"I'm sorry Remus. I didn't mean to cast it. It just happened…" she said softly.

"I know and it's ok. I don't hold anything against you, but I do want you to be careful about using that curse. I just don't want you to use it," Remus told her. Shadow nodded her understanding and slowly crawled out of the bed with Remus there to help support her. They walked together out onto the grounds, not wanting to be confronted by anyone who might have found out about the incident.

Shadow and Remus walked together down by the lake, trying to put the events of the day behind them no matter how hard it was. They talked about summer, but it seemed to bring the painful reality back to Shadow since she was staying with Severus and his family.

"Remus…was Severus the one helping me up when I fell from the castle?" she asked. Remus shook his head.

"No…Sirius said it was him that helped you, but I think Severus might have tried from what I understand. I guess Dumbledore questioned the Slytherins that were there and that's what they told him. I haven't heard the entire story yet," Remus told her.

"I thought it was Severus that helped me up…I thought it was his arms around me…I wished it was," she said softly. Remus reached up and rubbed the spot between her shoulder blades.

"He'll come around. Maybe this summer will be good for you two," he said softly. Shadow sighed and shrugged, not knowing if that was entirely true.

"Shadow, on your birthday, are you planning to share power with Severus?" Remus asked uncomfortably. Shadow looked at him, startled, and couldn't help but blush.

"Um…I'm not sure. I_ want_ it to be with him, but I am not sure he feels the same way," She replied. Remus nodded and gave a small smile.

"I was making sure that you were not going to share power with just anyone…like Sirius for example," he told her.

"No. I do not like Sirius like that. Severus is the only one that I think I might be comfortable with at least after last time, I think I'll…" she trailed off and looked at her brother with wide eyes, but he just smirked.

"Last time, huh? What did you guys do last time?" Remus asked, raising a brow. Shadow's face went scarlet and she quickly looked away from her brother's amused gaze.

"We kissed…and…well…we did…some things…" she stammered. Remus laughed lightly and shook his head.

"It's alright, I don't need details. But I do want to ask you Shadow, are you comfortable with him touching you?" Remus was asking her seriously now.

"Well…I don't know. I mean…he promised he would not hurt me…so after a little while I let him touch me up here, but…" She motioned to her chest and Remus nodded his understanding, but noticed her hesitation.

"Did he touch you down there?" he asked softly. Shadow shook her head.

"No…well…I asked him if girls can do what guys do…you know the orgasm or whatever and he said he would have to touch me there and he did…just for a second, but I got scared. Keadan has done cruel things to me in those places and I am afraid to…let anyone touch me there, but I think…maybe in time…I can be comfortable with Severus…if he lets me," she answered uncertainly. Remus nodded again and looked out at the lake.

"Shadow, Severus is a good person and I know you told me about what happened in the Common Room when Sirius pulled that nasty prank, but I don't think he meant it to harm you or scare you. Unfortunately, when Severus gets angry, he doesn't think before he acts. I would rather you be with him and give yourself to him than to Sirius even though Sirius is my friend. I know who would be better for you out of the two and Sirius is not it," Remus told her gently. Shadow gave a small smile of gratitude and looked back out at the lake, but frowned when she noticed a figure sitting in the mass of rocks.

As they came closer to the figure, she recognized Severus's raven black hair and sallow skin. She was noticing more and more that he was looking as unhealthy as she had although not as thin, but thin enough. He seemed to realize that someone was approaching because he quickly slipped something into his cloak and covered his arm. When he looked up at who was approaching, there was a look of surprise and horror on his face.

"Severus," Remus called striding over to him. Shadow slowed down, not wanting to come to close to him.

"What do you want Werewolf?" Severus asked menacingly. Remus and his sister were startled by his attitude and the title he used to refer to Remus, but Lupin wasn't about to walk away because of it.

"Severus, I only want to talk to you. You don't have to be defensive about it," Remus told him, frowning. Severus held a cold hateful glare as he stared at Remus.

"I don't want to talk to you or your fucking sister. Leave me the hell alone!" he snapped and started to head up to the castle, but Shadow surprising stepped in front of him.

"Please let me talk to you," she pleaded softly, grabbing his arm before he could walk away. He hissed and wretched his arm away, backing up a few feet from her.

"Shadow, I don't want to talk to you! The last thing I need is you getting pissed and sending that cursed Phoenix after me!" Severus yelled and instantly saw the anguish in her tear filled eyes. Without another word, she turned away and walked past Remus back in the direction the two had come from. Remus looked up at Severus in shock and anger.

"How could you say that to her? Have you no heart at all?" he growled. Severus felt his heart breaking as he watched her go knowing full well that he had broken her down, but he kept his expression cold as he looked from her to Remus.

"No I don't have a heart! Does that make you happy? Tell Black that he can have your sister since he so badly wants her!" Severus snapped, but the next thing Severus realized is that he was on the ground with a bleeding lip. He glared at Remus who still had his fist balled and was looking angrily down at him.

"You're a complete fucking moron Snape! Shadow is in love with you! Do you understand that? IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU! You scared the life out of her when you pinned her to the wall months ago so you can't be too surprised that she backed away from you! She wouldn't hurt you and you know it! She would do for you exactly what she did for me and you damn well know it!" Remus snapped, before stalking away after his sister.

Severus felt his whole body trembling, but it wasn't from fear or anger, it was from him trying to hold back the tears as he watched Shadow disappear from his sight with Remus close behind her.

Shadow felt Remus gently grab her arm to stop her and turned her so that she could face him. Bursting into tears, she leaned into his embrace and cried.

"I would never…hurt him…" she sobbed softly.

"I know you wouldn't Shadow. I know. Severus is just acting stupid," Remus said helplessly, not knowing what else to tell her. Remus placed her hands in his and was going to say something to her, but stopped. Looking down at her hands, he saw one of them had blood on it.

"Shadow, did you hurt yourself?" he asked in concern. Shadow frowned and looked down at her hands, gasping softly.

"No…it's not my blood…" she trailed off, remembering that she had grabbed Severus's arm.

"It's…Severus's…" she said softly.

"I didn't know he was hurt," Remus said grimly.

"I think he doesn't want anyone to know. I saw him put something in his cloak when we were coming and then he covered his arm…I think he hurt himself," she said softly and felt fresh tears run down her face again, knowing that he wouldn't have been doing that if it weren't for her.


	15. Going home with the Snapes

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 14**

_Going home with the Snapes_

Shadow looked out the window of the Hogwarts Express as the students headed back to the train station in London. She was not as excited as she thought she would be since her and Severus hadn't spoken since that day she cast the Death Phoenix curse. She wasn't very comfortable having to leave Remus behind and stay somewhere that she couldn't protect him, but at the same time she also wanted to be close to Severus in hopes that the damage can be repaired between them.

Sirius Black prowled through the aisle of the train, searching the compartments until he found what he was looking for. He glared at the raven haired boy that was sitting in a compartment by himself, staring out the window. Sirius opened the sliding door and closed it, startling Severus who quickly drew his wand, but wasn't fast enough. Sirius punched him square in the jaw and sent him backwards against the seats. Severus looked up at him angrily, tears threatening to fall, but he defiantly blinked them back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Black?!" Severus snapped.

"I came here to warn you! If you hurt Shadow at all, I will find out and I will come after you Snape!" Sirius growled.

"Shadow isn't your fucking problem! I wouldn't hurt her either so fuck off!" Severus spat angrily, but that apparently was the wrong thing to do because Sirius grabbed Severus by the throat and held him against the back of the seat.

"Don't talk to me like that, Snivellus! You have hurt Shadow and you've scared her! Make sure you keep that filthy little friend of yours in your pants when you're around her," Sirius said angrily. Severus tried to pry Black's hands off of his neck, but the grip only got tighter.

"Fuck you!"

"Shadow isn't meant for you," Sirius hissed softly, before letting Severus go and leaving the compartment as Snape coughed and gasped for air. Tears fell down his cheeks as he glared at the sliding door. Severus wasn't sure if he and Shadow would be together again, but he wasn't about to let Sirius Black take a claim on her.

When the train came to a halt, Shadow stood on the platform for a few minutes talking to her friends. James and Sirius hugged her before Lily pulled Shadow away from them.

"If you need to talk about anything, just owl me, ok?" she said softly. Shadow nodded her head and gave her a sad smile.

"I'll probably have to take you up on that," she said sadly.

"Don't worry about Severus, he'll come around I'm sure. Maybe you guys just need to be away from the school and all the prying eyes. Especially, from Sirius. If you guys work things out, check out page 97 of that book I got you for Christmas…hehe…it works wonders on men," Lily said wickedly. Shadow gave her a suspicious look, but smiled all the same. Shadow knew Lily well enough to know that she and James had probably already done half the things in that book.

"I will write to you," Shadow told her and hugged her before saying goodbye. She then hugged her brother close to her.

"Try to get along with Severus."

"Be careful Remus. Don't trust anyone from the Ministry," she whispered in his ear. Remus tightened his embrace and nodded against her shoulder.

"Not after what they've done I won't. You be careful too, baby girl. If anything happens let me know. Severus will protect you. I love you Shadow," he said softly.

"I love you too. I'll come and visit," she replied, her voice a little shaky as she tried to hold back the tears. They withdrew from each other in time to look up and see Severus rolling his trunk in their direction with a menacing look on his face.

"Shadow, go over there with Narcissa and Lucius," Remus said softly and she did so. Remus turned to see Severus about to walk by, but he held a hand in front of the Slytherin to stop him. Severus didn't say a word, but the look on his face was pure hatred. Remus frowned when he noticed the fresh bruises on Severus' jaw and neck.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"Ask your bloody _mongrel _friend!" he spat back. Remus thinned his lips and understood the meaning of the statement as well as who was behind the attack.

"I will talk to him Severus," Remus told him, but Severus gave him a disbelieving look.

"Yeah right!"

"Look, I'm just asking you to please watch over my sister," Remus said softly. Severus kept his expression cold.

"That job is for my parents not me," he snapped.

"Dammit Severus! You love her just as much as I do and don't bother denying it you stubborn prat! If anything happens to her, please let me know." Severus took a deep breath but didn't reply so Remus continued. "Severus, I don't know if you really are afraid of Shadow because of what she is or if you were just trying to hurt her when you said those things to her the day she was attacked, but I promise you that she won't hurt you. She cares too much for you to hurt you. Protect her please," Remus pleaded softly, looking searchingly into Severus's intense black eyes. After a moment, the boy's eyes softened for only a second and he gave a curt nod, before walking away toward Shadow who was talking to Narcissa.

"I hope everything goes alright for you at Severus's house," Narcissa told her sincerely. Shadow gave a small smile of thanks and looked at Severus who stopped and now stood two feet from her. He spoke with Lucius for a few minutes before looking at Shadow.

"Let's go," he said coldly and started to walk away from her. Bellatrix turned her lip up at Severus and shook her head.

"I swear that boy is dense sometimes," she stated. Shadow looked uncertainly at Narcissa and Lucius for a moment.

"Don't worry Shadow. I've known Severus for a long time, he does love you," Lucius told her truthfully. Shadow nodded and looked at Remus who was standing a few feet away. She went up and hugged him one more time before saying goodbye and following Severus with her truck in tow.

Eileen Snape smiled at the two of them, but it turned into a frown when she saw her son who eyed her with the same cold expression he did with everyone else.

"Son, what happened to you?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said flatly.

"Is that boy still picking on you?" she asked suspiciously. Severus felt his face flush when he saw Shadow look at him out of the corner of his eye. She too frowned when she saw the bruises.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can we go now?!" he spat and pushed past his mother. Eileen looked at Shadow in surprise, but she seemed just as shocked that he would talk to his own mother like that.

"What's the matter with him?" Eileen asked.

"Um…he's been like this for months. We got into a fight…and he scared me…even though he didn't mean to. He just…he did something that reminded me of my step-father…and I didn't talk to him for a while. When I tried, he pushed me away…he hasn't talked to me since," she said uncomfortably. Eileen gave her a sympathetic look and motioned for her to follow.

"Severus acts a lot like his father. It's my fault. I should have been a better mother," Eileen said softly as she walked next to the young witch. Shadow didn't comment, but instead looked straight ahead at Severus walking away from them.

Much to Shadow's surprise, Eileen had driven a muggle vehicle to pick them up. Shadow swallowed hard as she watched Severus load both his and her trunks into the back of this old truck. The truck only had one cab so she would be sitting between Eileen and Severus; she wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

Severus jumped into the old truck and slammed the door shut, but there was no way to avoid his thigh rubbing against Shadow's. The contact caused them both to stiffen and while he stared unashamed at her, she locked her eyes straight ahead to avoid the penetrating gaze. Eileen started the truck and drove away from the train station. It would be at least a two hour drive.

After about an hour of driving, Shadow began to feel tired and drained. She hadn't been able to sleep well lately because of the nightmares from casting that curse and it was beginning to strain her. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes now that she was finally relaxed being in a muggle vehicle and sitting next to Severus. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep.

Severus had been gazing out the window for some time, but startled slightly when he felt something leaning on his shoulder and was surprised to see it was Shadow. He was torn between wrapping his arms around her and pushing her the hell off of him. Severus craned his head around to look at her face and sure enough she was asleep.

"Severus?" He looked over at his mother, but didn't respond. "What is going on with you? Shadow told me part of it," she said softly, but the nasty glare she got from her son was uncomfortable.

"If I wanted to talk about it I would have. Leave me alone mother. I just want to get to the house so I can go to my room," he spat viciously. Eileen frowned and continued driving in silence.

When they got to the house, Eileen gently shook Shadow who groggily opened her eyes. She felt something bony against her cheek and looked up to see it was Severus' shoulder. Instinctively, she sat up straight quickly and received a hateful glare.

"God forbid that you should actually want to touch me," he snarled sarcastically before getting out of the truck and grabbing his truck. Eileen and Shadow stared at Severus in surprise as he stalked into the house and slammed the door. After their moment of shock, the two got out and grabbed Shadow's trunk before following.

When they walked inside, Severus came over and grabbed Shadow's trunk and without a word hauled it upstairs to her room. Eileen motioned for Shadow to come with her into the kitchen and sit at the table.

"Shadow, I want to tell you something. You remember how my husband acted when you first met him?" she asked and Shadow nodded mutely. "He is like that all the time. He won't hurt you like your step-father did, I promise you, but…he does get violent sometimes…with me and Severus. It's only when he drinks, but…I wanted to let you know so…just so you'd know," Eileen said uncertainly. Shadow looked at the woman, but it seemed that she had already figured that Tobias was not a nice man.

Severus spent the next hour in his room until he heard his mother call him down for dinner. Pulling his sleeve down to cover his fresh cuts, he headed down to the kitchen where Shadow and his mother were now sitting. Sitting down in his chair, Severus began to eat without a word to anyone. Eileen was just as silent, but glanced up at her son every now and then. Shadow ate slowly and when she was finished, Severus was finishing as well. He put his plate in the sink, but when they heard the front door open and close, everyone froze.

Tobias stumbled in and looked at all three of them wild eyed, before letting his eyes settle on his son.

"You! Wash these fucking dishes! Eileen, come with me to the room. Now!" he snapped. Eileen looked at Shadow worriedly.

"Shadow, go up to your room and lock the door," she whispered and Shadow stood to leave, but she cast one worried glance at Severus who kept his face impassive, but his eyes were filled with fear, before she headed up to the room.

Shadow sat on her bed and listened to the constant yelling downstairs. She could hear Severus yelling back at his father along with several crashing noises. She closed her eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening. The last thing she wanted was for Severus and his mother to get hurt, but they had told her to go up to the room and lock the door. She wanted to use magic to help them, but was afraid that it would get out of control and she would hurt someone. That was the last thing she needed.

Finally, she heard the voices quiet down and someone coming up the stairs. She was sure it was Severus, so she waited to see if he would come to her room and tell her everything was alright, but he didn't. The room next to hers slammed shut, but their bathrooms were joined so when he opened his door to the bathroom, he hadn't expected hers to be open as well.

Shadow stared at him, horrified as he stood in the bathroom staring back at her. He didn't say a word, but he didn't have to. She felt her heart wrench at the sight of blood pouring from his nose and mouth and the new bruises that formed around his left eye and both cheeks. His eyes were flashing angrily and without so much as a peep, he grabbed her door and slammed it shut as well. Looking back down at her comforter, she silently closed her eyes and let the tears fall in silence.

Severus was elusive for the next few days and it was starting to unnerve Shadow to no end. His mother seemed to think this was normal behavior and didn't comment much on it.

It got to the point where Shadow really became concerned and decided to check on him. Shadow kept quiet as she walked into the bathroom and toward Severus's door. It didn't have a lock on it and was cracked open just a bit so she was able to peek inside. Unfortunately, she wasn't ready for what she saw.

Severus was slouched against the headboard of his bed, stroking himself with his head back and his eyes closed. Shadow's eyes widened to saucers and she couldn't help, but stare at the _thing_ in his hands. She had never truly seen one; she just knew that it caused harm. She couldn't stop the warmth from spreading between her thighs as she watched him in silent fascination. She could hear his breathing in the silence of the room becoming short and ragged. It wasn't so much the sight of him that truly shocked her, it was his words as he came.

"Shadow…" Eyes wide and face flushed a deep crimson, she backed away from the door and went back into her room quickly when she saw him getting up. Silently, she closed the door, but not all the way so that the 'click' would not give her away. Shadow ran her hands over her face, but froze when she heard the sink water running. She walked over to the dresser and searched the drawers for some clean clothes…and knickers. She wanted a shower badly.

Severus cleaned himself off quickly and then looked to Shadow's door, his eyes widening when he saw that it was partially open. Fear flushed through him; he wondered if she had heard him. He walked quietly to the door and looked into the room to see Shadow digging through her drawers. He watched her pull out a pair of black silk knickers and a slinky beige silk nightgown to go with it. His eyes widened and he tried to keep his mind clean, but it wasn't working. He was beginning to feel aroused again, but when she closed the drawer, he darted back to his room.

Shadow ignored the fact that she had felt his presence nearby and went to the bathroom with her clothes in hand. She didn't bother closing the door to his room, but instead started the shower and started to undress. Little did she know that Severus was standing just outside the bathroom door; his eyes as wide as they could get and his heart beating wildly in his chest.

When the water was nice and hot, she stepped into the shower and closed the glass sliding door. Closing her eyes, she stood underneath the spraying water and savored the feeling. She grabbed the soap and began to rub a thick lather over her entire body; before putting shampoo in her hair.

Severus stood by the door, peeking into the bathroom and watching in the mirror as she bathed herself behind nothing but the sliding glass door. He began fully aroused in a matter of seconds as he watched with longing. He knew that he wouldn't be able to stay away from her since she was here in his house everyday and every night, unlike at school where it was easier to avoid her.

"SEVERUS!" Shadow startled and Severus quickly jumped away from the door when they heard his father's angry voice calling him.

"Fuck!" he hissed and quickly ran to his bed side to grab a pair of pants that were thrown on the floor.

"SEVERUS, GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE!" his father bellowed again.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Severus cursed as he adjusted himself, glad to feel that his arousal was deflating. Quickly, he grabbed a long sleeve shirt and threw it over his head, before racing down the stairs.

Shadow rinsed herself off quickly and stepped out of the shower so she get grab her towel, but an unwelcome spasm of pain shot through her body and she collapsed onto the floor.

"What the…hell?" she gasped before she went into another fit. She remembered then that Audrey had told her a Phoenix will go into extreme pain before she comes into power. Her head began to swirl and she found herself gasping for breath as the pain seized her repeatedly. Audrey had said that she would have spasms once in a while and they would go away on their own, but every Phoenix was different. Pain seared through her again and this time she cried out. She laid into a fetal position on the blue bathroom carpet trying to alleviate the pain.

Severus and his mother had heard Shadow cry out, but because Tobias was drunk and screaming at them both so they couldn't leave. Eileen had concern written all over her face when she heard the young woman upstairs, but when Tobias finally lost his temper for no apparent reason except for the fact that he didn't care for his son much, she found herself yelling at him as he punched his son. The two rolled around on the floor, throwing punches, pulling hair, and kicking at each other.

"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!" Eileen screamed, but they didn't. Severus kicked his father in the groan and pushed him away as Severus scrambled to his feet.

"You little…bastard!" Tobias gasped as he glared, red faced at his son. Severus had a look of terror on his face even though he had fought back. It didn't mean that he wasn't afraid of his father.

"I…I didn't mean to, dad…" Severus stammered and felt his mother come up next to him.

"Tobias, I'll be back down in a minute to help you to bed," she said and pushed Severus up the stairs quickly, before the man could do anything. Now that he was away from his father, he felt anger and hatred all over again. He shrugged away from his mother, but she kept close to him. She opened Shadow's door, but didn't see anyone until her eyes landed on the bathroom door that was open. Quickly, she ran over to the bathroom and gasped when she saw Shadow trembling on the floor. Severus pushed past his mother and looked down at her, horrified. Eileen knelt on the floor and gently rolled her onto her back. Her eyes were fluttering wildly; Severus and Eileen noticed that the color of her eyes kept changing from green to yellow, to orange and then to red, before going back to green and even a few times, black.

"What's happening to her?" Severus asked worriedly, as he knelt down beside her.

"She's going through a pain spasm due to her Phoenix nature. Their magic becomes so powerful that it hurts them sometimes until they share power with their chosen one. She's going to have a lot of these spasms throughout the summer and up until her birthday when she comes into power. By then, hopefully she has a mate chosen so she can share that power," Eileen said and eyed her son who flushed crimson and looked away from his mother's intense gaze.

The shaking slowed down and Shadow's eyes returned to their natural green color, but she was breathing a little shallow and didn't bother to get up. Eileen told Severus to grab some potions from the cupboard underneath the sink and when he handed them to his mother, he couldn't help, but look down; getting a full look at Shadow exposed to him. He licked his lips subconsciously and tried to push his obscene thoughts from his head, looking back up to see his mother administering the potion to her. Shadow was now completely calm and blinked groggily up at Eileen's concerned face.

"Are you ok?" Eileen asked.

"No," Shadow said hoarsely, but Eileen smiled at her after hearing the touch of humor in her voice.

"I'm sorry we didn't come up sooner…" the woman said, but Shadow nodded her understanding and then frowned.

"We?" Eileen motioned to Severus and when Shadow looked at him, she felt embarrassed and shocked. Their eyes locked for a moment, long enough to make her cheeks flame up before she turned away uncomfortably. Severus however, didn't break his gaze.

"Son, why don't you go to the room and I'll take care of Shadow?" Eileen said noticing her embarrassment.

"Why? It's not like I haven't seen her naked before," Severus said coldly, but the look his mother gave him was enough to frighten all the Slytherins. Without another word, he got up, went to his room, and slammed the door shut behind him. Eileen scowled at her son and slowly helped Shadow to her feet.

Eileen grabbed Shadow's clothes and began helping her get into them, surprising Shadow with her tender motherly touch. She had never had a mother that cared about her so this was an entirely new experience for her. Once dressed, Eileen pulled her wand from her back pocket and cast a drying spell on Shadow's hair. It was the first time that she had actually used magic since Shadow and Severus had come to the house. Eileen helped Shadow to her room and helped her to lie in her bed.

"Shadow, are you ok now?" Eileen asked in concern.

"I think so…thank you," she replied softly. Eileen smiled and nodded before covering Shadow with the blankets and turning off the lights.

"Goodnight, Shadow," she said softly.

"Goodnight," Shadow replied and watched as Mrs. Snape walked back over to the bathroom, crossing it to Severus's room. Shadow didn't want to pry, but she could hear them arguing in the other room.

"Severus, what is your problem?! You have been acting like Tobias a lot lately," Eileen yelled.

"Well it's kinda hard not to when I leave with the fucker!"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" Eileen practically screamed causing Shadow's eyes to go wide. She didn't hear Severus reply to that. "I don't know exactly what happened between you and Shadow, but you cannot keep treating her like this. I also don't want you sulking around the house and getting an attitude about every single little thing that happens. I am sorry that your father is the way he is and that school isn't going so well for you, but you need to control that temper of yours and start showing a little compassion."

"Why?! Why the hell should I give a damn about anyone if they don't care about me!?" Severus snapped back angrily.

"I care about you very much!" Eileen spat back.

"Bullshit! If you cared, you'd do something about that bastard you married!" Severus snapped, but the sharp sound of Eileen's hand making contact with Severus's cheek resounded through to Shadow's room. Then there was silence.

Severus held a hand to his cheek and stared at his mother wide eyed, shocked that she had actually slapped him across the face. Eileen also held a look of shock, but quickly recovered and eyed her son warily. Severus stood in the same spot starring at her with wide eyes.

"Severus?" she said softly.

"I can't believe you slapped me…. You slapped me because of what I said about dad. You defend him but not me…" Severus said in disbelief, the pain showing clearly now on his face. Eileen felt the tears fill her eyes.

"That is not true…"

"Yes it is. If you loved me, you'd help me, but you never do. You just sit back and take his abuse and now that I say something…you punish me for it," Severus choked out the last part and backed away when his mother came near him.

"Severus…"

"Leave me alone. I'll stay out of the way. Just leave me alone," Severus said with a trembling voice.

"I am your mother, Severus," Eileen told him softly, but her son shook his head.

"You can be a mother to Shadow. She needs one more than I do," Severus said angrily although he didn't mean it. Eileen stared at her son in shock before turning and walking out of his room with tears streaming down her face.

Severus locked his room and shut his side of the bathroom all the way before going to his bed and sitting on it Indian style. He pulled the silver knife from underneath his pillow before rolling up his sleeve and slicing into the marred skin. Tears fell down his face as he watched the blood come to the surface of his cut. He knew he had been cruel to his mother and that she did genuinely love him, but he wanted to say something hurtful to her because she slapped him. He knew his mother was just weak and in love with Tobias; that's why she stayed.

Shadow got out of bed and crept through the bathroom to Severus's door and opened it quietly. Peering inside, she felt her jaw drop as she watched him slash angrily at his wrist with a knife. At that moment, she didn't care what he said to her or how angry he got for invading his privacy; she wasn't about to let him continue hurting himself. Severus didn't even realize that she had walked into the room until he brought the knife down again and saw a delicate hand grasp his, stopping the blade an inch from his skin. He looked up startled and for a moment and just stared in surprise at Shadow, but then wretched his hand away and gave her a deadly glare.

"What the fuck are you doing in my room?!" he snapped.

"Stopping you from continuing to hurt yourself," she growled.

"It's none of your damn business what the hell I am doing! Go back to your fucking room and leave me the hell alone!" he said viciously.

"I will not!" she hissed and summoned the knife to her. Severus jumped up from his bed just as Shadow flung the knife across the room. He towered over her a mere inch from her face and looked coldly into her bright green eyes.

"Get out," he said dangerously low.

"No." Severus grabbed her arm, but she quickly twisted out of his grip and pushed him back against his bed. He sat there looking up at her in fury, but she did not relent. She approached him until she was standing between his thighs.

"Get away fro-"

"Why are you hurting yourself?" she asked, cutting him off.

"That's none of your business," he hissed.

"It is if it started because of me," she whispered, her hard look softening. Severus looked away from her concerned gaze and glared at her feet instead. He didn't say anything to her. "Do you fear me, Severus?" Severus took a moment before answering.

"Yes," he said coldly.

"Why? Are you afraid that I am capable of murder or that I am going to break your heart?" Severus blinked back the tears in his eyes, but kept a very stone face as he stared at her delicate feet and neatly trimmed toe nails.

"Both…" he whispered and instantly wished he had not let her know that. He didn't want to come off as weak or needy, but inside that was what he felt like.

Shadow reached down and slowly grasped his wrist; he tried to pull it free, but she wouldn't allow it. He finally raised his eyes and glared angrily at her as she inspected the scarred skin closely.

"You've been doing this for a while," she whispered, but he didn't reply. She then wrapped her fingers around his wrist causing him to hiss in pain, but she tightened her hold.

"What are…" he trailed off when he caught sight of her hand glowing bright red. His eyes met hers to see they had changed to that red and yellow color. He stared at her; fascinated by the sight of her magic working. When her eyes became green again, she let go of his wrist and he looked down at the once bloodied marred skin to see that his injuries were healed and there were only faint scars left. He looked up at Shadow in shock to see she was watching him through hooded eyes.

"I am not all bad, Severus. I am capable of giving life, too." Severus felt ashamed that he even thought that Shadow only took life now. "As for your heart; the only way it will get broken is if you don't follow it. It is not my intention to break it." Her words were soft and loving, but before he could reply, she turned and went back to her room, closing the bathroom door behind her.

Severus sat there on his bed looking down at his wrist, thinking over what Shadow had told him. She was willing to give him another chance; actually she had been for a while and he had been stupid by pushing her away. All that time he was without her and hurting himself it was his own fault. He was stupid enough to let his pride get in the way of being happy for the first time in his life.

It was quite late when they Severus woke up to the sound of yelling coming from downstairs. It appeared that his parents were at it again. Groaning loudly, he got out of bed and staggered to the door, opening it to peer outside. His mother was headed up the stairs crying; her jaw bruised.

"Mum?" Severus said softly and came out of his room to face her. Eileen looked at her son with expressions of remorse and hurt. Severus walked over to her and hugged her tightly. "I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'm sorry." He voice was quiet and was glad when he felt his mother return the hug.

"Oh Severus…"

"Did you want to sleep in my room? I can stay with Shadow…" Severus asked uncertainly. Eileen seemed too emotionally drained to argue and nodded her agreement. They walked into Severus's room and Eileen lay down in his bed to sleep while he crossed through the bathroom to Shadow's room. Upon opening the door, he was actually surprised to see Shadow awake and sitting up in her bed, looking over a book. Silently, he came in and noticed that she was so engrossed in what she was reading that when she did look up, it frightened the living hell out of her to see Severus standing there.

"What…what are…you doing?" she stammered and quickly stuffed the book under the covers. Severus raised a brow and eyed her suspiciously.

"Well…my mother is staying in my room and I was going to ask your permission to stay in yours. My parents are fighting…again," he said cautiously.

"This is your house, I hardly think it is necessary to ask my permission to stay in this room," she told him. Severus thinned his lips and narrowed his eyes.

"This is _your_ room and considering how things have been lately, I think asking your permission is necessary," he replied tersely.

"You have my permission then…" she said uncertainly and watched as Severus crawled into the bed next to her. Her face had flushed a deep shade of red and it hadn't gone unnoticed. He eyed the book hidden under the covers and then looked back at her.

"What were you reading?" he asked and was surprised that her face went a deeper shade of red.

"Nothing," she mumbled, but her reaction suggested otherwise. Now Severus's curiosity was peaked.

"Really? Can I see that 'nothing'?" he asked in amusement. Shadow seemed to fidget a little and then shook her head.

"Um…no," she said softly.

"Why not?"

"Because it was a gift from Lily…and it's…um…embarrassing…" she said uncertainly. Now Severus really wanted to know what she was reading.

"Come on, let me see it," he pushed, sliding his hand under the blanket to get the book. She nearly jumped off the bed, but Severus managed to grab the book and pull it out. Before he could start to peruse it, Shadow snatched something from it that stuck up from the pages. It looked suspiciously like a photograph.

"What was that?" he asked, watching as Shadow hid it in her nightstand drawer.

"Nothing," her voice was shaky and she was wide eyed when she sat back down, looking at him. It was then that he became very aware of what she was wearing and that was practically nothing. She had on her knickers and a bra. His eyes went slightly bigger and he quickly looked away; unfortunately when he opened the book it didn't help. His mouth fell as he stared down at the very graphic artwork and descriptions.

Shadow felt her face burning as he flipped through the pages; his expression displaying his obvious shock. She chewed her bottom lip, wondering what he was going to think of her now. Shadow glanced down at the book to see he had settled on a picture of a man licking and sucking a woman's sex. He was reading the description! Shadow felt heat surge through her and her face almost hurt from the burning embarrassment.

Severus felt his erection under the book and couldn't help but let himself think of what it would be like to taste Shadow the way the drawing was depicting. He licked his lips subconsciously and wanted so badly to touch himself, but he suddenly remembered that Shadow was sitting right next to him; in nothing but her underwear no less. He quickly closed the book and cleared his throat as he handed the book back to her. She took it quickly and set it on top of her nightstand.

"You know…I'm kinda surprised…" Severus started uncertainly.

"About what?" Shadow asked softly.

"You are afraid to be touched in some areas…and afraid of men…but you are reading that book…" Severus said, making sure the covers were sufficiently covering his raging hard on. Shadow considered what he said for a moment before replying.

"That is true…but that does not mean…that I am not curious. Things of that nature have always been…painful…everyone tells me that they do not have to be…so I was looking through the book to get a better idea of it…I guess." He looked at her, admiring the side of her face. She certainly was beautiful.

"No, it doesn't have to be painful. What your step-father did to you was nowhere near what these pictures display. What he did was wrong. I would never do that to you," Severus told her seriously. Shadow gave a small smile.

"I know," she whispered, still looking down at the blanket. Severus leaned over and brushed his lips against her ear, feeling her shiver in response.

"May I kiss you?" he asked softly; his velvety voice pouring over her and igniting a fire that only he could. He heard her breath hitch as she turned slowly to look at him; his lips brushed her cheek as she turned to look into his onyx colored eyes. They stared at each other for a moment before Severus leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against hers. Desire overtook the both of them as they kissed for the first time in months.

Severus gently moved his mouth against hers, savoring the feel of her soft lips moving against his. He pushed his tongue out against her mouth, coaxing it open before he slipped inside and felt the warm cavern of her mouth around his tongue. He shuddered and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her toward him. Their kiss became passionate and desperate as they tried to make up for the time they lost.

Severus lay back on the bed, bringing Shadow down with him; neither of them breaking the kiss. He wrapped his arms around her possessively; her body was lying halfway on top of his and he let his hands slide up and down her back.

Shadow wanted so desperately to please him, but wasn't sure if she was capable of it. They finally broke their intense kiss and Severus began to kiss her neck, sucking gently at the soft flesh just under her ear. Shadow's eyes strayed down his pale torso to where the blankets and his boxers covered the all too obvious bulge and curiosity was beginning to get the better of her…


	16. Trusting Each Other

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 15**

_Trusting Each Other_

Severus was rubbing Shadow's back as he kissed her neck hungrily. She was curious about him and how to please him or how he could please her. Severus kissed the soft skin in the crook of her neck and that caused her to moan softly, sending electricity straight to his groin. He reached up to her bra clasp and undid it pausing when she gasped in surprise and hoping that he was not over stepping his boundary with her. She looked uncertain as he stared up into her eyes.

"I won't hurt you, I promise," he said softly and kissed her mouth again. Slowly, he pulled her bra off and threw it to the floor. His hands slid up her arms and then down her chest to her naked breasts where he rubbed her taut nipples with the pad of his thumb. She gasped into his mouth as the heat spread throughout her body. It was an intense feeling inside that she couldn't understand, but she wanted him to touch her everywhere.

Severus laid her down so that he could hover over. There was the slight hint of fear in her eyes as he was now in control of the situation. He stared longingly into her eyes before lowering his mouth to hers again. His hand squeezed her breasts gently before moving down to her waist where it rested for a moment as he kissed her intently. Breaking the kiss, he looked into her eyes again.

"Do you remember when you asked me if a woman can have an orgasm?" he asked softly. Shadow nodded her head mutely. "Let me give you one." Shadow's eyes widened and the fear was there along with the desire.

"I don't know…"

"I won't hurt you, I promise. Trust me." His voice was gentle and he was asking her permission to touch her.

"What are you going to do?" she whispered uncertainly.

"Kiss you," he replied softly as his hand slid further down to hook into her knickers. Her breath hitched as he sat up on his knees between her legs. Her eyes went wide as he removed her knickers and looked down at the delicate flesh that formed her sex. She only had a thin neatly trimmed patch of hair on the top of her sex and the rest of her was bare skin. She instinctively went to clamp her thighs together, but Severus held them apart.

"It's alright baby, I won't hurt you," he said gently as his hand moved downward to touch the soft skin. She gasped softly when his finger barely grazed the inside of her folds, touching the sensitive bud she had no idea existed. Severus bent over her and kissed her chest as his fingers slowly explored her. Her breathing was so ragged, he was sure she was on the verge of hyperventilating so he gently kissed her neck and then her mouth again before looking into her eyes.

"Relax. You don't have to be afraid of me," he whispered to her. She trembled beneath him as she felt his arousal against her inner thigh. Fear was gripping her quickly. She looked into his eyes to see nothing but love and desire. He wasn't going to hurt her. Swallowing hard, she tried to control her breathing as he bent down to kiss her chest again, moving down to her breasts where he clasped his lips around one of her nipples. She gasped at the sensation of his tongue swirling around her nipple before he moved to the other one.

His fingers rubbed her gently as his tongue teased her nipples; the sensations were driving Shadow insane as well as Severus who was trying with all his might to control himself. Severus gently moved his finger to her entrance and pushed the tip of it inside her. She gasped in astonishment and pleasure, looking down at him to see him watching her intently as he stuck his tongue out to swirl around one of her nipples again. Her face flushed with desire and embarrassment as he stared at her unabashed, causing her to lay her head back down and look away.

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she felt him trailing kisses down her stomach toward the one spot on her body that felt as though it was on fire. She looked at him, startled; as she reached down to stop him.

" No…" she whispered.

"Why not?" he asked, frowning.

"Because…you…you might not…" she stumbled over the words, but Severus knew what she was trying to say.

"You're afraid I won't like how you taste." It was more a statement than a question, but her deep blush told him he had hit the mark. Severus watched Shadow as he brought his hand up and licked his wet fingers of her essence. She seemed to freeze in stunned silence from what he just did. "I love how you taste and I knew I would," he said huskily, sending shivers throughout her entire body as he began kissing his way down again, keeping his eyes locked on her face as he did. The taste of her had sent him into a state of arousal that actually hurt. He wanted so badly to plunge into her, but he knew that couldn't happen for a while. He heard Shadow give a little squeal when his lips pressed against her soft folds. Slowly, he dipped his tongue inside her, barely grazing the inner folds of her sex.

Shadow had a hard time keeping her breathing steady as she felt Severus glide his tongue over her most sensitive part of her body. The sensation she was feeling now was completely new and foreign. She wasn't exactly sure what to make of it, but it certainly wasn't painful. Severus suddenly deepened his sensual kiss, letting his tongue delve into her entrance. He heard Shadow gasp loudly as he pushed his tongue against the thin layer of skin that blocked him full access to her depth. He wasn't even sure how he was going to be able to fit himself inside when and if the time came because she was so tiny. Severus brought his mouth up to the sensitive bud that was now taut and began to lick and suck her hungrily, causing her to writhe underneath him.

"Oh…Severus…it's too much…" she gasped, but he didn't relent. He knew from reading the book that she was close and that this was a normal reaction. He reached down into his boxers and stroked himself as he lapped at her frantically; desperately trying to push her over the edge.

Shadow couldn't describe the pleasure that shot through her entire body as she felt Severus's hot tongue touch her most intimate spot. He was sucking her in a place that was driving her crazy as she felt a strange, but intense sensation pool in her abdomen.

"Oh Severus!" she gasped and felt a sudden wave of shocking pleasure shoot through her as she climaxed in his mouth. Severus greedily plunged his tongue into her, lapping up the juices that flowed from her orgasm. He was holding his erection tight in his hand and needed release badly, but wanted to make sure that Shadow was alright. With one last run over her sweet tasting sex with his tongue, he came up and lay beside her, pulling her close to him. She was still shuddering from her very first orgasm as she rested her head on his chest; her breathing still uneven and short.

Severus wiped his mouth on the sheets and wrapped his arms around her protectively. He was aching for a release, but wouldn't let Shadow go just yet. Slowly, she began to calm down and wrapped her hands around his waist. Shadow began to focus again on her surroundings and looked down to see Severus's arousal was extremely prominent even with his boxers on. She suddenly had the urge to see him.

"I need to go to the bathroom," he said hoarsely, trying to push the aching feeling into the back of his mind. Shadow knew why he wanted to go to the bathroom. She had already witnessed what he did to relieve himself.

"I want to see you," she said softly and with some embarrassment. Severus swallowed hard and shook his head.

"I don't think…"

"Why not? You saw me. Let me see you," she cut him off, but her tone was quiet and curious. There was a moment of silence, before Severus hesitantly reached down and tugged his boxers down to the middle of his thighs. Shadow's eyes widened when she actually saw the true size of it. Severus was too embarrassed to look at her so he kept his head turned as she looked him over.

He was beginning to feel self conscious and was about to cover himself up when he felt Shadow's hand move down his stomach. His breathing became short as he felt her fingers run through the mass of black hair that surrounded his length. He swallowed hard, wondering if she was really going to touch him, but that question was answered when he felt her delicate fingers graze the swollen head of his erection. Severus couldn't stifle the moan that erupted from him and Shadow felt a little encouraged, so she slowing ran her hand over him, paying close attention to the feel of the smooth skin and pulsing veins.

Shadow remembered how Severus had grabbed himself and brought himself to orgasm so she slowly wrapped her fingers around him, surprised that they didn't touch because of his girth and gently tugged at him. He gasped loudly and tightened his arm around her shoulders.

"Am I hurting you?" she asked uncertainly.

"No…" he choked as he tried to keep some self control. He couldn't believe that Shadow had willingly touched him and was now slowly jerking him off; he wanted her so badly it was agonizing.

Shadow listened to his unsteady breathing and his soft moans of pleasure as she slowly mimicked what she had seen him doing to himself earlier. She was unsure if she should go any faster until Severus reached down and put his hand over hers, moving it faster and more forcefully obviously getting closer to his climax. She was fascinated by the loss of control Severus displayed and was surprised that she was capable of giving him this pleasure. Her head was resting on his chest as she tugged at him, but she slowly lifted it so she could kiss his chest, wondering if what he did to her would have the same effect on him. She slowly and timidly brought her mouth to his nipple and closed her lips over it, sucking gently.

Severus bucked against her hand and felt himself building up. He felt Shadow running her tongue over his nipple the same way he had done to hers and was shocked by the intense pressure it was building in his abdomen. He was panting now and rubbing her back encouragingly.

"Uh…Shadow…don't stop baby…" he gasped and when her grip on him tightened, he groaned loudly as he felt his hot seed erupt from him and spill onto his stomach and her hand. Shadow had stopped playing with his nipple so she could look down and see what had happened and was surprised to see thick white liquid on his stomach and her hand. Looking up at Severus, she was surprised to see him gazing at her with a curious expression. He seemed to be wondering if she was going to be upset about what just happened but she seemed more stunned than anything.

"Did…did I hurt you?" she asked hesitantly. Severus shook his head. "Did I do this right?" Now she sounded shy.

Severus smiled at her, bringing her face up to his so he could kiss her. His kiss was gentle and comforting, making her relax in his arms. He broke the kiss slowly and looked into her green eyes.

"I think we need to go wash up," he said softly although his cheeks turned a faint tinge of red. She nodded and got up with him to go to the bathroom. Once they were both washed up, they came back to the room together and lay down in the small bed. Severus reached over and turned off the lamp before settling under the covers with Shadow in his arms. She was lying on her back with him on his side and his head nestled in the crook of her neck.

"Severus?"

"Mmmm…"

"Did I do that too?" Shadow asked uncertainly and it took a moment before Severus understood what she was asking.

"Sort of. It's not exactly the same, but yes your orgasm did that," he said softly kissing her shoulder. She was silent after that and just stared at the ceiling for a while.

"Shadow…I love you," he whispered, his chest tightening at his own words. Shadow couldn't describe the amount of joy and relief that flooded through her when those words came out of his mouth; it actually brought tears of happiness to her eyes. She snuggled closer to him and whispered her soft reply.

"I love you too. I have for some time." Severus smiled and closed his eyes, savoring the warmth of her body against his. He knew he could definitely get used to waking up next to her every morning for the rest of his life.

The two of them slept in until about eleven in the morning, not caring what was going on around them. They were unaware of a presence in their room. Tobias Snape stood there staring at the two of them in disbelief. He had been told about Shadow's magical abilities and knew that they could not have had sex, but the sight of his son lying half naked with a completely naked Shadow was still somewhat startling.

Tobias studied his sons face to see a look of contentment there. It was the first time that he had ever seen his son relaxed, but then again Tobias knew that he didn't pay close enough attention to his own child. Guilt had shown on his face as he left the room. It wasn't the guilt of looking at his son and his naked girlfriend, it was the guilt of having not been a good father and not being able to give his son happiness. He was secretly glad that this frail girl could do what he could not.

Severus groggily opened his eyes, blinking a few times to get them into focus; he fixed his gaze on Shadow's face. She was lying down facing him, only a mere two inches from his face; still asleep. He stared at her long black eyelashes and soft full lips, memorizing every detail of her face. His stomach fluttered at the sight of her and he now knew what he truly wanted. Her.

Shadow awoke to the sensation of Severus's lips against hers and sighed in contentment as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her jaw and then her neck before nestling his face in the crook of her neck, simply lying there with her. He wondered if she would love him through out her life or if she would get tired of him over time. These were thoughts he didn't want to have, but they invaded his mind anyway.

"Shadow?" he whispered.

"Hmmm…"

"Do you ever think you would want another man?" he asked uncertainly, his heart slamming against his ribcage. There was a moment of silence and dread began to flow through his body.

"Severus, I have never loved anyone until now. I do not want anyone else. I only want you and I will bind myself to you if you need the proof," she replied softly. Severus felt a tear slide down his cheek as he closed his eyes tight and held her close to him.

"I love you so much," he whispered. Shadow smiled.

"And I love you."

Eileen looked up from her Women's magazine when Severus and Shadow entered the kitchen. She immediately noticed the closeness they shared and the interlocked fingers. She couldn't help, but smile behind the pages of her magazine. She had hoped that Shadow and Severus would make up because they were such a perfect match for each other.

"It's about time you two got out of bed," Eileen said, setting down her magazine. Severus gave his mother a sheepish look and sat down at the table with Shadow right next to him. Eileen smiled and got up to get them both something to eat.

Shadow had excused herself to go to the restroom so Severus took the opportunity to talk to his mother in private. He scooted closer to his mother who gave him a curious look, noticing his obvious nervousness.

"Mum…is there any way…that we could…well…go someplace so I can buy…something for Shadow?" he asked uncertainly.

"Does she not like the necklace you bought her?" Eileen asked suspiciously.

"No! I mean yes, she loves it…this is something she doesn't know about. I have to…I have to speak with her brother…first…" Eileen surveyed her son before her eyes went wide in realization.

"Severus, is that truly what you want?" she asked. He looked his mother in the eye and nodded.

"Yes. I love her," he said softly and was waiting to see if his mother was going was going to go into a rage, but instead she gave him a genuine smile; tears brimmed her eyes.

"I want you to be happy Severus and if Shadow makes you happy then I want the two of you together. She's an excellent choice and I can tell that she loves you very much," Eileen told him seriously. Severus felt a weight lift from his shoulders and he embraced his mother tightly.

"I'm going to talk to Lupin and see what he says. I think it would be best to have his permission," Severus said quietly. Eileen nodded as Severus sat back down just as Shadow emerged. Eileen watched her son give the girl a genuine smile, his eyes filled with love and joy and knew then that _she_ was the right choice for him. The only choice.

Eileen had both children get dressed for going out and the three of them set off for London. She had decided to take them to Diagon Alley to do some 'shopping'. Shadow looked around at the different stores, having never been there before. Everything seemed to catch her attention. Severus however, was nervously looking around for the shop that would have what he was looking for. When he spotted it, he nudged his mother gently. Eileen knew what he was trying to say and steered Shadow away from him.

"Let's go look at some of these women's clothes. Severus can look around for a few minutes while we browse through here," Eileen said, leading Shadow into a store filled with dresses, women's robes, and plenty of knicker sets, allowing Severus the opportunity to slip into the store he needed to go to.

The three of them sat together at a table, eating ice cream after doing some shopping. Severus was a little embarrassed about kissing Shadow in front of his mother, but soon didn't care and brushed her lips gently before eating his ice cream again. Eileen felt her heart warm at the sight of her son treat Shadow so lovingly.

Severus felt someone tap his shoulder and turned to see who it was and felt his blood run cold. James Potter stood there looking at him intently. Severus couldn't suppress the years of experience with the boy and narrowed his eyes.

"I wanted to have a word with you, Severus," he said politely, shocking the Slytherin. It was the first time that James had not called him, _Snivellus_. Severus nodded and stood up. James bowed to both Shadow and Eileen before walking next to Severus several feet away from the two women. Severus glanced back at Shadow to see concern written all over her face, but James didn't seem to want to fight him. Leading Severus to a lone alley way, he turned to face the boy; his expression without the usual loath and hatred.

"Severus, I saw what you bought in the jewelry shop earlier," he told him and Severus felt his jaw clench, but didn't respond. "Were you planning on talking to Remus?"

"Yes," Severus replied curtly. James nodded and looked out at the busy street.

"I don't like you, Snape. I'm sure you know that by now, but I know Shadow loves you and I know that Remus approves of you so it doesn't really matter how Sirius and I feel about you," James said and looked back at him to see Severus glaring at him. "I came here to warn you." His tone was flat.

"Warn me about what? I have no intention of hurting Shadow!" he snapped, but James shook his head.

"That's not it. My dad works for the Ministry of Magic…Severus, Shadow's life is endanger, that much you know…but my father says…my father says that they are putting all kinds of restrictions on what she can and cannot do. Marriage is one of them," James told him. Severus felt his jaw drop.

"What?" he choked out.

"They won't let her marry…not in the Wizarding World because of Keadan Hill's influence on the Minister himself. Apparently, the Minister has a lot to lose."

"They have no right to chose whether or not she should marry!" he spat angrily.

"I agree. There is one way that they_ cannot_ control. Your mother and father are now her legal guardians…and Professor Dumbledore has the right to marry you if you so wish it. Don't go through the Ministry, go through Hogwarts. Go to Dumbledore," James told him. Severus eyed him suspiciously.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Shadow deserves to be happy and she is happy with you. I know that you are capable of protecting her. As much as it pains me to say this…I can tell you two are meant for each other," James told him sincerely. Severus felt his expression soften and he looked at his nemesis closely. James seemed to know his thoughts.

"How did you know anyway?"

"I was in the store at the same time you were. I was buying a ring for Lily. I can't imagine not being able to marry the one I love because some stupid Minister has something to lose," James told him and Severus felt himself swallow the lump in his throat.

"Oh."

"Remus will be home tonight if you want to talk to him. Sirius will be there, but so will I and I can make sure that he doesn't start anything," Severus looked up at James and nodded slowly.

"Thank you," he said softly and James gave him a smile.

"Go back to your future wife before she thinks I hexed you or something," he told the boy who smirked in return before heading back to the table where Shadow and his mother were sitting.

"Is everything ok?" Shadow asked uncertainly. Severus smiled at her and nodded.

"Yeah, he just wanted to…inform me of a few things. We'll talk about it another time," he said and Shadow sighed in relief. There were a few minutes of silence until James came back to the table, this time looking flushed and frantic.

"Snape!" he called. Severus turned and frowned at James who ran over, panting.

"You guys need to get the hell out of here. Shadow's step-father is heading this way," he panted and was surprised at how quick Severus got to his feet. Eileen pulled her wand and held it ready just as her son did. She grabbed the bags and immediately motioned for her son to hurry. Severus gave a nod of thanks to James before ushering Shadow back toward the Leaky Cauldron. James saw the protected shield that Severus formed with his own body as he kept Shadow close to him. It was obvious that Severus was just the right person for her.

Eileen ushered them into the old pick up truck once back in London and quickly sped away. Severus wrapped his arm around Shadow protectively, holding her close to him. She trembled in his arms from the fear of nearly running into her step-father again. Eileen looked furious.

"I don't understand why he is not in Azkaban! After everything he has done!" she spat angrily.

"I don't know. Potter, told me earlier that his father works for the Ministry and because of Mr. Hill, Shadow is being restricted from her rights. Potter said that they are even forbidding her to marry," Severus and felt Shadow's shoot up.

"What?! They can't do that!" she cried.

"I wish they couldn't, but according to Potter, they had," Severus said softly, pulling Shadow back into his embrace.

"That's such bullshit!" Eileen swore, surprising the both of them. Neither one of them said anything else for the ride home, nor did they speak much when they got into the house.

Severus led Shadow up the stairs to his room and closed the door. Almost immediately, he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her passionately. She willingly invited him into her mouth and groaned softly when she felt his tongue slide along hers. His embrace was tight and protective as he kissed the woman that he wanted to marry.

Severus Snape left Shadow in the hands of his mother as he stepped through the fireplace of Remus Lupin's home. He wasn't too surprised to see James and Sirius sitting on the couch together. Sirius drew his wand and pointed it at Severus.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE SNAPE?!" he roared, catching the attention of Remus who rushed in from the kitchen. James stood up and grabbed Sirius's wand and motioned for him to sit back down.

"He's here to see Remus," James told him firmly. Remus looked concerned and turned to Severus.

"Is Shadow alright?" he asked immediately.

"Yes, she is fine. I wanted to speak with you…_alone_," Severus said coolly. Remus frowned, but motioned for Severus to follow him into the backyard. He did so in silence and once out of ear shot, Remus turned to look the boy over. He certainly looked better than he had in months.

"What's going on, Severus?" Remus asked curiously and was beginning to see Severus looking nervous and out of place. The raven haired boy couldn't even look him in the eye at the moment.

"Lupin…um…Remus…" he started and surprised Remus by using his given name. "I…Shadow and I made up…" It was obvious Severus was uncertain as he looked down at his feet, trying to compose himself.

"Severus, it's alright you know. I am not going disapprove of your relationship with my sister especially when I was the one trying to encourage it," Remus told him. Severus took a deep breath and looked at the Gryffindor.

"I love her…and I want to marry her," he said finally. Remus felt his eyes go wide and he stared at Severus in stunned silence. It took a moment for Remus to get his thoughts together enough to speak.

"I never thought I would hear you say that," he said honestly. Severus snorted.

"I never thought I would say it. Look, I came here to ask your permission for your sister's hand," Severus told him softly. Remus took a deep breath, realizing the reason for Severus' visit.

"Severus…would you protect her? Would you always love her?" he asked. Severus looked into the boy's eyes; his own expression softened as he spoke the word of truth.

"Yes. I love her more than you could know. I would die for her," Severus told him and saw Remus nod, his eyes glazed over.

"Severus Snape, I give you my permission to marry my sister," he said softly and Severus couldn't help but smile. He felt the weight lift off his shoulders and his chest tighten with realization that all he had to do was ask Shadow herself and be accepted. Remus held out his hand and Severus took it willingly.

"Thank you, it means a lot."

"You do realize that you are about to marry the sister of a Gryffindor, don't you?" Remus asked in amusement. Severus chuckled softly and nodded.

"I'd do anything to marry Shadow," he said truthfully, but the memory of what James Potter had told him earlier caused his smile to fade. "There is a problem though."

Remus looked at him curiously and Severus told him what James had told him earlier. Remus's eyes were ablaze and he ran a hand through his hair angrily.

"They have no right!" he growled.

"I agree. Potter told me that Professor Dumbledore has the authorization to perform a marriage though. I was going to ask him," Severus told him. Remus nodded, but still didn't look happy.

"This shit against my sister needs to stop. The Ministry is a big part of the problem. Keadan can't be allowed to control them like this," Remus said angrily. Severus nodded.

"Again I agree, but what are we going to do about it? We don't know who can be trusted at the Ministry and who can't," Severus said sourly.

"I know…I am going to talk to Dumbledore and see if there is anything he can do about it," Remus said and then looked at Severus thoughtfully. "Have you asked Shadow yet?"

"No. I wanted your permission first," Severus told him and pulled the small box from his pocket. Remus took the box and opened it, smiling at the contents. Inside was a ring made of white gold with a princess cut diamond in the middle and four smaller diamonds; two on either side of the large stone.

"It's a beautiful ring, Severus. She'll love it," he said softly.

"I hope so." Remus looked up at him and smirked.

"She won't say no to you. She loves you too much," he told him sincerely as he handed back the ring.

"Ask her and then we'll talk to Dumbledore and set something up," Remus told him seriously. Severus nodded and walked back into the house with Remus, ignoring the deadly glare that Sirius Black was giving him. He stepped back into the fireplace and flooed home. He wasn't surprised to see Shadow sitting on the couch looking at him when he stepped out of his own fireplace. He hadn't told her where he was going. She was sitting there with her drawing pencils around her, sketching something in her sketchbook that Lily had gotten for her.

"Where were you?" Shadow asked curiously. He smiled and sat down next to her, looking over at the drawing she was doing. His smile broadened when he saw that it was a drawing of himself standing by her side with two Phoenix birds flying in the background; their tails entwined.

"I went to see your brother," he told her. Shadow gave him a startled look.

"What? How come you didn't take me?" she asked. Severus looked at her seriously.

"There was something I needed to ask him in private before I told you. Don't worry, you'll see him real soon," Severus told her softly. Shadow could see something in his eyes that she couldn't describe and wondered what on earth he needed to see Remus for.

"What did you talk about?" she asked uncertainly.

"I'll tell you tomorrow," he replied and then started putting her pencils back into their little box. He closed her sketch book and set it on the coffee table before taking her hand and leading her up the stairs. She was silent as they went into his room where he led her to his bed. Quietly, he began to take her shoes off and then her pajamas. He removed his own clothes, careful to not let her see the tiny box that he slipped into his dresser drawer before lying down in the bed beside her. He looked at her face to see her staring at him with big bright green eyes and smiled.

"Shadow, I can never make up for all the wrong things I have done to you, but I hope you know that I am sorry and I do love you," he said softly. Shadow gave him a small smile and kissed his lips gently.

"You don't have to make up for anything," she said gently.

"I wish I could though," he replied as he caressed her face.

"We all wish we can take back things that we have said or done, but we can't. There is no need to worry about it. I am not mad at you and I love you very, very much," she said sincerely. Severus captured her lips in a searing kiss, laying her back onto the bed. There fingers intertwined and his lips remained locked on hers in a passionate kiss as he expressed just how much he loved her. Tomorrow, he would ask her to be his wife.


	17. On Bended Knee

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 16**

_On Bended Knee_

Severus had woken up before Shadow and quickly taken a shower, dressed in his nicest pair of slacks with a white button up shirt, and was now pacing the kitchen. His heart was racing as he thought of the different ways he was going to propose to her. He honestly didn't think that he would be so nervous about the whole ordeal, but he was because he was unsure of how she would react. He knew that he was moving things fast, but he loved her and he didn't want to wait.

Shadow stepped out of the shower and padded back into her room, but frowned when she saw a jade summer dress spread out on her bed. She looked around to see that no one was there and then let her eyes land back on the dress. It was quite beautiful and simple. She touched the fabric and found that it ran through her fingers like water.

"Do you like it?" Shadow nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Mrs. Snape behind her.

"Um…yes…what's it for?" she asked uncertainly.

"I think Severus is planning on taking you somewhere nice today. The dress was mine when I was younger, but I made some modifications to it so it's more with the times," Eileen said smiling. Shadow smiled warmly and looked back down at it.

"Where is Severus taking me?" she asked curiously.

"It's a surprise. He hasn't really elaborated with me much," Eileen said and walked over to her, using a drying spell for Shadow's hair. "Let's get you dressed up before my son has a heart attack downstairs." Eileen gently pried to towel from Shadow who quickly went to cover herself.

"No…"

"Don't worry sweetheart, I am not going to hurt you," Eileen said comfortingly. Shadow relaxed a little as she put on the bra and knicker set that Lily had bought her for Christmas. Eileen unzipped the dress and put it over Shadow's head, pulling it down so it fit neatly around her small frame. Eileen zipped up the dress and looked it over with a smile.

Wow," Shadow whispered as she looked down at how the dress caressed her form.

"It looks so much nicer on you," she said softly, effectively making Shadow blush. There was a hint of cleavage showing and the hem of the dress came just above her knees, flaring out just a little bit. Eileen twisted Shadow's hair up and pinned it, but let the remainder of her lightly curled hair drape down her back. After the woman pulled Shadow's bangs forward a little, she smiled.

"It's very pretty."

"You have such a lovely face. You shouldn't hide it behind your hair. I tell Severus that all the time, but he looks at me like I have tentacles sticking out of my head," Eileen said wryly. Shadow couldn't help but giggle a little at that as the older woman opened a box with matching jade slippers. Thankfully the heals were small because Shadow wasn't sure how much walking she would be doing and remembered the Christmas Ball had been murder on her feet.

"These are nice."

"There we go. I wouldn't put any makeup on though. Your face is far too pretty for it," Eileen said and motioned for Shadow to look in the mirror; she did and smiled at what she saw, especially when the necklace Severus had given her, shimmered against the light.

"Thank you," Shadow told Eileen kindly before walking with the woman down to the kitchen. Severus looked up and felt his jaw drop as Shadow shyly walked in and sat down next to him. He could see the blush creep up her cheeks as he blatantly stared at her with wide eyes and mouth open like a fish. Finally, gaining composure, he leaned over, his lips brushing her ear and whispered.

"You look beautiful, my love." Shadow felt her body shiver from the velvety sound of his voice laced with lust. She smiled at him and felt his lips brush against her gently in a brief kiss.

Eileen had to 'apparate' them one at a time to the restaurant that Severus was taking her to for lunch and then told them she would be back to pick them up in a few hours. Severus led Shadow inside and to a table and pulled out her chair so she could sit before sitting across from her. She was looking around in wonder, having never been in a five star restaurant or having been treated so kindly. Severus gazed at her lovingly, tracing every detail of her face with his eyes. He couldn't think of how he went from the loneliest, greasy haired, cold hearted boy at Hogwarts to the luckiest man alive with a beautiful girlfriend at his side and a heart filled with nothing but love for her.

Shadow finally sense his gaze and turned to look at him curiously. Severus never took his eyes off of her and although he looked calm and collected on the outside, his heart was slamming against his ribcage, threatening to break his bones from the shear force of it.

"What the matter?" she asked uncertainly.

"Nothing."

"Um…then why are you staying at me?" she asked.

"Because you're beautiful," Severus answered simply. Shadow flushed red and looked down at the table making Severus smile at her embarrassment. He looked up when their waiter showed up, ready to take their order. Severus hadn't even paid much attention to menu and quickly flipped through it to find what he wanted.

Shadow decided that she wanted to try something new and was looking over the seafood part of the menu. She had never really eaten anything other than fish and over the years she had lost her appetite for it so she wasn't exactly sure what to choose. Severus seemed to sense that.

"Bring her a mix of seafood so she can try different things," Severus told the waiter who nodded and took their menus.

"Severus, those plates were not cheap," she told him softly. He smiled.

"Good. You deserve nothing but the best," he replied causing her cheeks to burn again. They listened to the music play and saw some couples get up to go out onto the dance floor, before Severus looked at her intently.

"What?" she asked uncertainly.

"You know…I never did get to dance with you at the Ball," he stated softly, remembering how cruel he had been and inwardly flinched. Shadow gave a small smile, knowing all to well why they hadn't danced together.

"I know…"

"Care to dance with me now?" he asked so softly, that she barely caught it. She looked up at his face and could see the uncertainty in his eyes. She smiled warmly and nodded her head, not missing the sigh of relief he let out as he stood and held out his arm for her.

Shadow felt Severus draw her close as the soft music wafted through the restaurant. She felt his face against hers as they danced like two lovers not caring what was going on around them. He closed his eyes and savored the feel of her body against his, the gentle touch of her breath against his face, and the love he knew no other woman would ever fill his heart with.

Shadow didn't want to let go of Severus, but when the waiter called to them, they headed back to the table, hand in hand. Together they sat and enjoyed a meal fit for the finest people in Europe. Shadow was full and sat back in her chair.

"What did you like better?" Severus asked in amusement, noticing that she had just about eaten everything.

"Lobster tail," she answered shyly, noticing that he was smirking at her. "I was hungry." She tried to sound defensive, but couldn't help the little smile that played at her lips.

"I noticed," Severus chuckled softly, but couldn't say much because his plate was empty as well and he had quite a bit to eat.

"I am certainly full."

"I think a walk around the Enchanted Garden will help work some of this food off," Severus said, feeling his stomach beginning to churn uncomfortably and it wasn't from the food.

"Ok," she replied and stood with Severus who paid for lunch and walked her out the doors. He directed her to the Enchanted Garden, as it was called and walked along side her as she stared at the different flowers and plants. A lot of flowers were changing colors every few minutes and several of them had butterflies fluttering about them. It was a beautiful place and Severus couldn't think of a more appropriate place to propose to Shadow.

Severus felt his palms become clammy and his throat dry. He slowly led her to an isolated spot where several colored butterflies were gliding around a tree with draping foliage and blooming sapphire flowers. He could see that Shadow was entranced by the beauty of the place and barely registered that Severus had stopped her from walking as they stood under the tree, butterflies gliding all around them. Severus swallowed the lump in his throat. It was now or never. He pulled the box from his pocket and looked at Shadow, hiding the little box from her.

"Shadow?" his voice was hoarse and nervous, catching her attention immediately.

"What's the matter?" she asked softly.

"I know that I haven't been all that kind to you since I met you and for that…I am sorry. I told you before I wish I could take it all back, but I know I can't. I want you to know that I have never been in love with anyone until you came along. I love you Shadow and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." The words touched Shadow so deeply, that her eyes brimmed with tears. To her surprise, Severus got down on one knee and presented the ring to her. She gasped in surprise, staring at him in disbelief.

"Shadow Elaine Lupin, will you marry me?" he asked softly. Shadow felt her chest tighten as she looked at the man she loved on bended knee, asking for her hand in marriage. Tears filled her eyes, but a brilliant smile broke out across her face.

"Yes!" Severus couldn't believe that he had just heard her say 'yes' to him. With trembling hands, he took the ring from the little box and slipped it on her finger before standing up to embrace her in a tight loving hug.

"I love you Shadow. I love you so much!" he choked out, his face buried in the crook of her neck.

"I love you too…more than you could know," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks as she held her _fiancée _close to her. Severus hadn't even realized that a tear slide down his own cheek as she said those words to him.

Remus Lupin told his mother about Severus's intent to propose to Shadow and the woman smiled happily. She hadn't yet been able to meet Shadow or Severus Snape, but she was excited about a wedding all the same. The only thing that brought her down about it was what Remus told her about the restrictions the Ministry was trying to inflict on Shadow.

Remus was now waiting for Severus to give word that he had proposed and that she had accepted although he knew that she would. He had sent word to Dumbledore last night about Severus's intent and was also waiting on that reply. He wanted his sister to be happy and have the life she always wanted; away from the pain and torment.

"Remus, try to relax," James told him as he sat with Lily on the couch across from his brother. Lily smiled at Remus before looking down at her own hand with her newly adorned diamond ring. James had proposed to her last night and she would in no way refuse. He had then told her about Severus being in the shop at the same time as him, buying a ring for Shadow. Lily was so excited; she couldn't wait to see Shadow now.

Remus turned sharply when he heard an owl tapping on the window and quickly let him in. He immediately recognized Professor Dumbledore's writing and the Hogwarts seal on the letter. After passing a treat to the owl, he sat back down and opened the letter.

_Mr. Lupin_

_I am pleased to find that Severus Snape and Shadow are doing well together. I am also very happy to hear about his intent to propose. I have heard a few things from friends inside the Ministry and I am quite disturbed to find that they would refuse her marriage. However, having an Order of Merlin First class, and being the Headmaster of Hogwarts I am capable of performing a marriage and if your sister and Mr. Snape wish to be married then I will be happy to perform the marriage right here in the school. Owl me when you know what date it is to be and we will make the arrangements to bring you to the school. Tell Mr. Snape that the sooner he does it, the better. I fear that the Ministry may interfere if they find out his intent to marry her. _

_Sincerely_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts_

Remus relaxed a bit in his chair and sighed loudly. He had been so nervous about whether or not Professor Dumbledore would perform the marriage and now that he knew that the Headmaster would, he felt the relief wash over him. He knew this is what Shadow wanted and he was going to do the best that he could to give her what she so rightfully deserved.

"Is he going to do it?" Lily asked anxiously. Remus smiled and nodded.

"Thank Merlin!" she exclaimed. Just then, Sirius Black walked into the room and sat down beside James. There was tension within the room and Sirius looked at his friends suspiciously for a minute before speaking.

"Is something wrong?" he asked. Remus sighed heavily and leaned forward in his chair.

"Sirius, I am going to tell you something and I know you won't be happy about this, but I am warning you now…you don't have a say in this," Remus said firmly. Sirius narrowed his eyes and looked at Remus coolly.

"Does this have to do with, Snivellus?" he asked coldly.

"Yes, it has to do with _Severus_." Sirius's expression darkened considerably.

"Alright what is it?" he growled.

"He is going to propose to Shadow," Remus told him and held his breath. There was a moment of eerie silence before Sirius flew off the handle.

"WHAT!"

"Sirius, I warned you!" Remus told him sternly.

"You are going to let him marry her?!" Sirius asked in disgust.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I talked to him last night…"

"Oh! So that's why the little bastard was here!" Sirius spat angrily, now pacing the room.

"Sirius! Shadow is Remus's sister and if he trusts Severus enough to allow him to marry her then no one has any right to say otherwise," Lily told him angrily, getting a nasty look from the dark haired boy.

"_Snivellus_, doesn't deserve someone like Shadow!" he snapped. Lily stood up and faced him, ignoring her fiancée who tried to talk her down.

"Why not?! Why doesn't Severus deserve to be happy with someone he loves?! Is it because it makes everything _you_ have said about him these last few years wrong? Is it because it makes you look like the asshole or because you are jealous that Severus has someone as beautiful as Shadow at his side?" Lily yelled.

"HE'S EVIL, THAT'S WHY!" Sirius roared angrily.

"SHADOW IS A DARK WITCH!!" Lily countered angrily. The room fell silent for a moment before Remus stepped in.

"Lily is right. Shadow is a dark witch, Sirius. Severus may indeed turn out to be a dark wizard, but there is no one better to handle her than someone who understands her. He loves her and she loves him," Remus said tiredly, not wanting to fight with one of his best friends.

"Why Snape?" Sirius asked angrily.

"BECAUSE SHE LOVES HIM!" Remus yelled, finally losing his temper. Sirius was shocked into silence at his friend's outburst and saw fit to sit down beside James who coaxed Lily to sit on the other side of him.

"Sirius, sit down," James said quietly.

"Sirius please… Shadow has never had the opportunity to be happy. She has lost _everything_. I am all that's left of her true family if you really think about it. She has never been socialized, never been allowed to have fun, she didn't even know what a fucking birthday celebration was for," Remus choked out, feeling the tears burn his eyes.

"Remus…" Sirius started, but his friend cut him off.

"Shadow is afraid of any man that touches her. She used to be afraid of me when I touched her and somehow Severus got through to her and earned her trust and I do not believe it to be misplaced. I want my sister to be happy. I want her to have a life, to have kids, to be loved and able to experience all the things that we are lucky enough to experience. They love each other…leave them be," Remus said resting his head in his hands. There was silence as Sirius took in all that Remus had said.

James would have usually been right along side Sirius when it came to Severus Snape, but not this time. He wouldn't want someone to take Lily from him or object to his happiness with her and he wasn't about to inflict that on Shadow and Severus. He'd be lying if he said he liked Snape, but it didn't change the fact that this was the way love should be. Shadow wanted Snape so she should be able to have him.

"I'm sorry Remus. I hate Snape and I always will, but…I'll try to be…civil around him where Shadow is concerned," Sirius said warily. Remus gave him a grateful look and nodded.

Shadow was alone in her room when another spout of pain seared through her causing her to double over onto the floor. The pain she felt wasn't often, but it was intense when it did come. She felt the sweat on her forehead and her vision became blurred. The pain was so intense that she hadn't noticed Severus come back into the room and rush to her side.

"Love, it's alright, I'm right here," he said softly as he lifted her onto the bed and sat down next to her.

"It hurts so much…"

"MUM!" he called and waited until his mother rushed in. When she saw Shadow, she immediately went to her room to get the proper potions for the pain and nausea. Severus continued to stroke her face gently and speak softly to her as he watched her eyes flutter and the colors change within them. She was shaking violently in his arms no matter how he tried to soothe her, but his mother came to his side and waited until the trembling slowed down before feeding her the potions.

Severus held Shadow quietly as her fit stopped and she lay on his lap breathing heavily, trying to compose herself. Severus looked at his mother worriedly.

"Is this ever going to stop?" he asked.

"Yes. When a Phoenix comes into power and shares it, then it will stop because the magic within her will be balanced," Eileen told him and he nodded. She looked down and saw the ring sparkling on Shadow's finger and then smiled at her son.

"Oh."

"Congratulations son. Apparently, she said yes," his mother said softly. Severus smiled and looked down at Shadow who was now blinking her eyes back into focus.

"Are you ok, Love?" he asked in concerned.

"Yes, I think so," she said warily, allowing Severus to help her back up into a sitting position. She took the potions that Eileen provided for her and downed them one by one, relieving her of the nausea and pain she had just gone through.

Severus and Shadow lay alone in the room for quite some time, enjoying each others company. He simply held her close to him, breathing in the scent of her hair and feeling the warmth of her body against his. He looked at her hand that was resting on his chest to see the sparkling diamond ring adorning her finger, causing him to smile with pride. He couldn't believe that Shadow was going to be his wife. If anyone had told him months ago that he would have a beautiful woman at his side for the rest of his life, he would have laughed and hexed them for teasing him. It was a dream he hadn't dared hoped to come true until now.

"We should go see your brother," Severus said softly causing Shadow to look up at him and smile. He kissed her gently before sitting up and getting off the bed; he held out his hand to her and helped her to her feet before he reached out and intertwined their fingers as they made their way down the stairs and to the fireplace.

Remus looked at his fireplace when he heard someone coming through and immediately broke into a smile as his sister stepped through; her face practically glowing as Severus came in right behind her. Remus got up and hugged her tightly before Lily came over and did the same.

"I told you he loved you," she whispered in Shadow's ear before smiling brightly at her. Shadow returned the smile, her eyes sparkling. The two girls went to the kitchen while Severus stayed out in the living room with the boys.

Lily and Shadow sat down at the kitchen table and admired each others rings as they talked about the upcoming weddings. Shadow didn't have to explain to Lily what was going on with the Ministry because James had already told her. Lily however was sure that Professor Dumbledore would be able to marry Shadow and Severus without the Ministry's approval.

"I wish that they would all just leave me alone…even if that meant not telling anyone what I have seen…"

"Shadow, people need to know. The Ministry cannot be allowed to do things like this," Lily told her softly. Shadow ran her hands down her face and nodded.

"I know. Lily, I am scared. I love Severus and I know that something is going to happen sooner or later. Someone is going to try to hurt us," Shadow said quietly. Lily looked at her friend seriously.

"You are a powerful witch Shadow and once you share power with Severus he will become a Phoenix wizard and be even more capable of protecting you and himself," Lily said reassuringly, but in actuality she knew deep down that it was only a matter of time before something terrible happened to the happy couple.

Severus was sitting down next to Remus and for the first time having a civil, although serious conversation about his new engagement. Remus had let Severus read the letter that Dumbledore had sent him and was glad that his wedding could be performed by a man he trusted.

Sirius Black remained silent, but his expression spoke volumes. He glared daggers at Severus, but true to his word did not do anything physical to hurt the Slytherin. He knew that Severus would screw up again at some point.

James Potter also watched the boy, but his expression was unreadable. He didn't like Severus Snape, but as he sat there looking at him, he could see happiness for the first time. Any other time that James had seen Severus, he had been scowling or had his face set in a cold callous expression. Now, as Severus gazed into the kitchen to look at his new fiancee', his features were softened and his eyes showed genuine love within them. James knew that he couldn't hate him completely for that.

Remus talked with Severus for quite some time before the girls came back into the living room. They watched as Shadow sat down next to Severus and he willingly embraced her. Shadow laid her head down on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around his middle. Remus had to smile.

"So when are you two going to make me an uncle?" he asked and saw both of their faces turn red.

"Um…we…we haven't really…talked about that," Severus stammered uncertainly and looked at Remus who was smiling widely in amusement. It was the first time that he actually smiled like that and his pointed teeth could be seen. Surprisingly, it didn't unnerve Severus like he thought it would.

"I am kidding with you," Remus told him. Severus smiled and shook his head, looking down at Shadow. She was snuggled against him with her eyes closed.

"Are you tired?" Severus asked her softly. Shadow opened her eyes and nodded.

"Well, I think it's time we all call it a night, but I would actually like to talk to Shadow for a moment," Remus said, standing up. Shadow got up and followed Remus out of the room and into the backyard where he had taken Severus.

"Shadow, I just wanted to tell you congratulations and tell you that I am very happy for you. I am glad that you and Severus have worked things out," Remus told her. She smiled up at him.

"I am glad we did as well," she replied happily.

"Shadow, I was thinking…maybe it would be a good idea if you and Severus moved from here for protection until we figure out what to do about your step-father and the Ministry," Remus said quietly. Shadow knew that Remus didn't really want her to go and she actually didn't want to either, but he had a point. They might be safer elsewhere.

"I don't know. I want to stay for now. I know I said that I would not cast another Death Phoenix, Remus, but if it came down to me and my step-father, you know I might have to," Shadow told him. Remus looked into her green eyes and nodded.

"If it came down to that then yes I would agree. If I could I would cast it along side you," Remus told her.

"I hope that you don't have to. With you being part muggle and a victim of lycanthropy it would drain you and possibly kill you. I couldn't live with that should I survive a fight with my parents," Shadow told him seriously.

"I know, but just as Severus told me he would, I would die you," Remus told her with just as much conviction. Shadow felt her eyes water as she stared into her brother's face; still painfully seeing her father there.

"I would do the same for you. Remus, when I first came here, I told you that I wanted to speak with you about my Gringotts vault. I gave you a key to it and told you that you may use it," she told him. He blushed slightly and nodded.

"I know…but I didn't want to use your money. You've worked hard to earn it especially since your step-father didn't give you a single sickle," he said.

"I know, but that doesn't matter. I don't care about the money and I want you to use it for you and your mother whenever necessary, but another thing is that I will be leaving personal items in that vault. If anything ever happens to me…you will have my things in the vault to do with as you please," she told him.

"Please don't talk like that," Remus told her.

"It is something we have to be prepared for. I don't like to even think about it, but if something happens to me you have to know that I will leave behind everything and you might find _some things_ useful," she told him pointedly. Remus finally nodded and gave his sister a small smile.

"Alright, let's go back inside," he said and they walked into together, hugged, and then Remus watched as his soon to be brother in law took her hand and led her to the fireplace to head back home.

"We'll probably see you tomorrow," Shadow told Remus as they disappeared in the green flames. He nodded and felt the smile fade from his face. Shadow was talking about being prepared for death. That wasn't what someone her age should be doing. It was sad and unfortunately, Remus didn't know what to do about it.


	18. The Joyous Day

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 17**

_The Joyous Day_

It had been three weeks since Severus proposed and now he was nervously pacing the room with Lucius watching him in amusement. They had arrived at Hogwarts the previous night to get settled in for the wedding that was taking place today. Lucius sipped his pumpkin juice and smirked as he watched the raven haired Slytherin.

"Severus, relax mate. It's only the most important day of your life," Lucius said jokingly, but got a very un-amused look from him.

"You're not helping." Lucius merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Everything will be fine."

"How do you know? What if the Ministry shows up? What if they ruin everything?" Severus asked nervously, continuing to pace.

"They won't. The wards are in place and Professor Dumbledore doesn't need to acknowledge the Ministry regarding the wedding because he is within his rights to perform one as well as well as sign off on the papers. Relax," Lucius said lazily. Severus however, didn't relax.

Shadow wasn't much better as Lily helped her with her hair. Her hands were trembling and Lily was trying to get her to relax, but like Severus, there wasn't much luck. Lily laughed softly as she pulled Shadow's blue black hair up and arranged it so long black curls cascaded down her back. Lily placed the small jeweled crown on her head with the shimmering white veil flowing behind Shadow. Lily came around and looked at Shadow from all angles, tears filling her eyes.

"You look absolutely beautiful," she breathed and allowed Shadow to look in the mirror. Shadow gasped softly when she saw herself adorned in a pearl white wedding dress with a silver phoenix decorating the front of the corset and the tails trailing down the train of the dress. The small heart shaped pendant sparkled against her chest as well as the diamond bracelet her brother had given her that encircled her wrist.

"Wow…I never thought I would see myself like this," Shadow said softly, fighting back the tears. Lily gave her a small smile.

"You may have never thought yourself to be a bride, but now you are and it should be one of the happiest days of your life," Lily told her. Shadow smiled.

"It is," she whispered and turned when she saw Narcissa Black come into the room.

"Wow! You look gorgeous!" she said happily. Shadow gave her a smile. It was a shock that Narcissa and Lily actually got on quite well despite their house differences, but then again, it was a special occasion and the truth of the matter was; a Gryffindor had willingly allowed a Slytherin to claim the hand of his sister despite his house.

Narcissa and Lucius hadn't been too shocked when Severus had owled them and told them that he and Shadow had resolved their differences, but they were stunned when they received the wedding invitation. They didn't know Severus had it in him to propose, but were glad that he had.

"It's almost time. Lucius said Severus has just about worn the floor through with his pacing. Your brother will be here in a moment to get you," Narcissa said and headed out the door. Lily looked at Shadow and smiled.

"Good luck," she whispered and kissed her gently on the cheek before following Narcissa out as well.

Remus walked into his sister's dressing room and froze at the sight of her. His breath caught and he stared, his eyes watering. He knew that if this was his reaction, Severus's would be about the same. Remus couldn't help but think that Severus was lucky to marry one of the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on.

"Do I look alright?" she asked uncertainly.

"Shadow, you look stunning," Remus breathed coming up to his sister. Shadow smiled at her brother's emotional expression.

"I am so nervous," Shadow admitted. Remus smiled gently.

"Don't be. Everything will be fine. We have been trying to tell Severus that for the past few hours," Remus replied in amusement.

"Narcissa said he had just about worn the floor through with his pacing," Shadow laughed softly. Remus chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah, he just about did," Remus said. There was a moment of silence before Remus looked his sister in the eyes. "Shadow, I am honored that it is _I_ who am giving you away. I can't tell you how glad I am you came to Hogwarts." His voice sounded hoarse with emotion now. Shadow bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling with the emotion she felt. Remus embraced her tightly, hiding his face as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I'm glad it's you too."

"I love you baby girl," he said softly.

"I love you too, Remus." He held his sister a moment longer and then stood up straight and looked at her with a smile.

"Well, I think it's time to make you a Snape," he joked and offered his arm to her. She smiled and took it, walking with him out of the room to commit to a life long change.

Severus looked at the people sitting in the Great Hall for his wedding. His fellow Slytherins were on one side along with his mother and surprisingly, his father. On the other side, were the Gryffindors, Lupin's mother, and the owner of the dress shop in Hogsmeade. All of the Professors were in attendance, sitting along the front rows on both sides. Lucius stood at his side, holding the precious ring while Lily stood on the other side holding Shadow's ring for him. The Great Hall was adorned with flowers, balloons, and spelled so that the ceiling looked like a bright beautiful morning. Albus Dumbledore stood before them dressed in his finest deep blue robes, his eyes twinkling madly.

When the music started, Severus felt his heart jump into his throat and he stared down the aisle toward the entrance where everyone else's eyes rested, waiting to see the bride. Then, when she did appear at Remus's side, Severus felt his heart skip and his breath stagger. There were gasps from around the Great Hall as everyone stared at this remarkably beautiful Spanish woman walking down the aisle next to her brother. Severus took a ragged breath and blinked back the tears in his eyes.

Tobias Snape stared at Shadow with a look of complete astonishment as her brother walked her up to stand before his son. He clenched his jaw, but not from anger. It was an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. He looked up at the blissful expression on his son's face and felt his lips tremble slightly. His boy looked so happy and so in love that it nearly killed him. A life time of guilt flooded his thoughts as he thought of the many wrongs he had done Severus. Deep down, he loved his son, but he never once had the courage to say it.

Severus took Shadow's hands in his and looked into her eyes with a look of pure devotion. Remus stood next to Lucius as Narcissa stood next to Lily. Albus came forward and began casting several spells.

"Severus Tobias Snape, do you promise with your life, your heart, and your soul that you will love and protect this woman for as long as you both shall live?" Albus asked seriously.

"I do. I promise to love, honor, and comfort her. I promise to share my life with her and only her. I swear that I will do everything to protect her and give my life for her if necessary," Severus said with all seriousness.

"Shadow Elaine Lupin, do you promise with your life, your heart, and your soul that you will love and protect this man for as long as you both shall live?" Albus asked her.

"I do. I promise to love, honor, and comfort him. I promise to share my life with him and only him. I swear I will do everything to protect him and I will give my life for him if necessary," Shadow said seriously and it sent a chill down Severus's spine. He hated the thought of her dying for him. He couldn't live without her and if he ever had to, he knew that it would be a life he didn't care to live. He would be empty, alone, and full of hatred if he didn't have Shadow by his side. He knew he would never open up to anyone ever again.

"The rings," Albus said and Severus took the diamond ring from Lucius and slipped it onto Shadow's finger. She did the same with the ring she took from Lily and Severus smiled when he saw the three diamonds embedded into the to white gold band. This was the first time he had seen the ring and was surprised that it matched up to hers nicely.

Albus whispered an incantation and watched as silver bonds wrapped around Severus and Shadow's interlocked hands. The two felt the magic surge through them as they stared into each others eyes; their love made obvious. When the bonds that tied them disappeared, Albus Dumbledore smiled brightly.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss your bride," he said and gave a toothy grin as Severus wrapped his arms around Shadow and kissed her passionately, not caring who was there and vaguely aware of the cheering throughout the Great Hall.

"I pronounce Severus and Shadow Snape!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. That was it. They were married. There was nothing the Ministry could do to revoke it.

The night was filled with laughter and dancing. Lily was snapping pictures left and right as Severus twirled his wife around the dance floor. He was surprised when his father approached and requested a dance with his new daughter in law and after a moment's hesitation, Severus agreed, but watched them like a hawk.

"Shadow, I am honored to have you take our family name. Forgive me for having been cruel. It was a shame that you had ever seen it," Tobias told her sincerely, although his tone was somewhat cold from years of practice.

"Thank you. I can only hope that in the future your relationship with your son improves," Shadow told him. Tobias gave a small smile and nodded.

"Only time will tell."

"Mr. Snape, may I ask you something?"

"Please, call me Tobias and yes you may," he said as he held his son's wife close to him.

"If something happens to me…if my step-father fulfils his promise of ending my life, will you make sure that Severus is protected?" she asked seriously. Tobias felt his face pale and he looked at her in surprise.

"Why would you think something like that?" he asked in astonishment.

"I know you have been told the details of my relationship with my step-father. He has vowed to end my life at some point or another. The Ministry of Magic is not to be trusted. They are as guilty as Keadan is and they might try to harm Severus. If something happens to me, please protect him. All evidence of me must be hidden so they believe that he knows nothing nor does he have anything of me. I don't want to hurt him, but I have to protect him," Shadow told him softly, her eyes shining. Tobias swallowed hard and glanced at his son who was watching him with his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"My dear, if something should happen to you, then yes, I will do as you ask and hide all evidence of you, but for how long?" Tobias asked.

"I don't know. I guess for as long as necessary," Shadow said uncertainly and Tobias nodded gravely.

"Please try and make sure nothing happens to you," Tobias said hoarsely before leading her back to Severus. Severus eyed his wife as she watched Tobias walk back over to Eileen.

"Something wrong?" Severus asked suspiciously. Shadow looked at him and smiled.

"No. I just think it's a shame that your father doesn't tell you that he loves when I know he does," she told him. Severus looked a little shocked and glanced at his father talking to his mother by the punch table.

"He'll never admit it if he does indeed feel it. It doesn't matter. I have my mother and I have you. That's all I need," he said seriously and kissed her lips gently. Shadow smiled at him, but sadness was evident in her eyes.

Lily had to practically drag Shadow away from Severus and when she finally succeeded she made Shadow sit with her at a table by themselves. There was a mischievous sparkle in Lily's eye when she looked at Shadow.

"So let me ask you something cause we haven't talked about this yet. Have you and Severus experimented yet?" Lily asked frankly, her face showed how anxious she was for all the details.

"Um…yes."

"Did you have an orgasm?" Lily asked excitedly.

"Yes," Shadow replied, her face deeply flushed. Lily burst into a fit of giggles.

"Isn't it great?!" she squealed. Shadow was flushed and embarrassed, but she did allow a small smirk and nodded. Lily burst out laughing, obviously thrilled.

"Yes," she said softly.

"So are you guys going to _do it_ since you're married now or do you still have to wait?" Lily asked after she calmed down a little.

"We still have to wait. I discussed it with Severus already. If a Phoenix gives away their virtue before they come into power, then they loose all their powers and their life is cut in half," Shadow explained.

"Really? That sucks," Lily said bluntly looking disappointed.

"Yes it does. I actually want to be with Severus in that way," Shadow said honestly. Lily smiled brightly.

"So what exactly happens when you come into power?" she asked.

"Well, I will no longer have the pain caused by the unbalanced surges of magic. My power will be balanced and more controllable. I will also have the ability to fly," she replied.

"Fly? Without a broom?" Lily asked in shock.

"Yes. A Phoenix witch or wizard has wings once they come into power. They appear when we summon them with magic," Shadow said.

"That is so cool! I wish I could get some of those. Hey! Does that mean Severus would have them?"

"Once I share power with him, he will be able to summon them, yes. Remus should be able to also, but I think because of his lycanthropy, it is more difficult. His Phoenix magic is not as strong because of it," Shadow said softly. Lily nodded in understanding and looked out to the dance floor.

"I took a bunch of pictures so I will make you guys a photo album as soon as I develop them," Lily said, changing the subject.

"I would like that."

Professor Dumbledore approached Shadow and held out his hand. She willingly accepted it and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. He smiled brightly as they began to waltz.

"Thank you for marrying us," Shadow told him gratefully.

"You are most welcome, Mrs. Snape. I knew the two of you were destined for each other. It is obvious that you are soul mates," he said happily, but then looked at her seriously.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"I know what you told Tobias Snape earlier. I hope you know that if anything should happen to you, I will do what I can as well to protect Severus," Albus told her sincerely.

"Thank you. I do not like thinking this way, but it is a preparation I must make. I was actually going to request of you that you protect Remus for me," she said. Albus nodded.

"I will do everything in my power to make sure that nothing happens to either one of them. Shadow, do not forget that you are a _Phoenix_," Dumbledore told her seriously.

"I know."

Shadow was exhausted by the end of the night as her and Severus made their way up to his bedroom. She was quick to dispense of her gown and take her hair down as Severus undressed himself. He watched her from the corner of his eye, admiring the lacy black and red lacy knicker and bra set she was wearing. He licked his lips subconsciously and although he knew they couldn't have sex, he knew there were other things they could do. They hadn't had the opportunity to spend intimate time together in the last few weeks and he was desperate to touch her again.

Shadow stretched her arms above her head, effectively popping her back in the process before collapsing on the bed. Severus walked over to the bed and grabbed her causing her to gasp in surprise. There was a momentary look of fear in her eyes before his lips crashed down on hers. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, kissing her passionately. Shadow instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to press his weight against her body. He was relentless in his kissing, but finally began to fumble with her bra.

Severus quickly removed the lace garment and immediately brought his mouth to one of her budded nipples, sucking gently. Shadow cried out softly, gripping a handful of his hair and urging him to continue. His mouth quickly moved to her other nipple, lavishing it like he did with the first while one of his hands trailed down her stomach and slipped into the matching knickers she had worn. His breathing was quickly becoming ragged as was hers as he thrust a finger inside her painfully tight opening. She gasped loudly, accidentally bucking her hips against his groin. He let out a startled moan and began pumping his finger in and out of her rapidly.

After a moment, he removed his finger from her warmth and pulled her knickers free of her. She watched him with curiosity as he lay next to her on the bed, but with his feet past her head. She was slightly confused by the position until Severus moved her hand to his groin and motioned for her to rub him. She was now able to look right at the bulge in his boxers as she stroked him through the silk fabric.

Severus was resting on one elbow, using that hand to reach under and between her thighs; fingering her gently. Severus was watching her touch him as his other hand rubbed her clit gently, almost teasingly. He could see her curiosity and uncertainty as she ran her hand along the length of him causing him to have to restrain his hips from bucking against her hand. He wanted to feel her bare hand against his skin so Severus reached down and pulled his boxers down, giving her full view of him.

Shadow stared at her newlywed husband's proud erection in fascination. She was slightly intimidated by it, but she knew that it could do her no harm unless Severus intended it to. She felt Severus's weight on the lower half of her body and looked down just as Severus's face lowered between her thighs and his hot tongue made contact with her wet sex. She involuntarily bucked against his mouth and grasped his throbbing member tightly causing him to let out a slightly high pitch moan.

Shadow arched her back as the sensations became overwhelming; her hand still firmly wrapped around Severus's engorged cock. She tugged him gently and felt his entire body shudder from the one movement. She remembered what she had done last time and wanted badly to please him, but as the sensations his tongue was giving her increased, she found it hard to focus on her task.

Severus plunged his tongue into her, noticing that he wasn't able to get a little more than the tip of it inside her because of her intact virtue. He resorted to suckling her clit instead, listening as she moaned in pleasure. Severus then pulled her thighs a little higher and spread them more. He reached around her thighs and grabbed the soft globes of her ass, before running his tongue down the length of her. Her grip on him tightened, almost painfully, but he wanted to ensure Shadow that no matter where he touched her, he wouldn't hurt her. Severus moved his head further between her thighs, running his tongue along her clit and past her tiny entrance.

Shadow froze as she felt Severus touching the one place that pain was usually caused. She wasn't sure what to do so she lay absolutely still, stiff as a board. She felt Severus run his hand gently along the back of her thigh as his tongue went places she never thought it would. Her breathing was coming out in short gasps; she tried to calm herself, but was having a hard time despite the fact that it was Severus. He finally moved back up to assault her sensitive bud and she felt herself relax under his touch, but soon go rigid again when the sensation that had built up in her abdomen finally exploded.

Severus lay back on his side, but rested his head on Shadow's lower abdomen; his eyes closed as he tried to regain some of the strength he put into pleasuring her. He had felt her discomfort when he ventured where he probably shouldn't have just yet, but she had not outright freaked and for that he was thankful.

Shadow opened her eyes once the shock of her climax dulled a little and looked down to see Severus with his eyes closed and resting near her sex. She looked to his erection to see that it was still within her grasp and standing proud. Shadow thought about the page that Lily had told her to study weeks ago and wondered if Severus would allow her to please him the same way he did with her. Despite the fear she felt, Shadow leaned forward and flicked the head of his arousal with the tip of her tongue.

Severus's eyes flew open from the shocking sensation of something hot and went touching his cock. He looked down to see Shadow lean forward again and twirl her tongue around the mushroom shaped head. His lips parted as he tried to control his breathing, but he soon found that it was pointless. He stared in fascination as she willingly opened her mouth and took in a few inches of him. He sucked in a sharp breath and gripped her thigh, while the other hand held her waist as he tried to brace himself.

Shadow ran her tongue along the soft skin of his shaft before taking him back into her mouth. She realized that he was far too big to take all the way in her mouth as she felt herself gag slightly when she pulled him in too deep. She resorted to taking him in her mouth as far as comfortable while one hand gripped him at the base. Then she felt his hand on the back of her neck as his hips thrust slowly against her. His hand went back to gripping her waist and she could tell by the near painful way he was gripping her, he was close to losing control. She gently tugged at the base of his shaft while her lips were still encircled around the tip of him, causing him to gasp loudly.

"Shadow…pull back! I'm gonna cum!" he gasped, but Shadow decided that if he could taste her orgasm without pulling away, she could do the same for him.

Severus felt his eyes become unfocused and an indescribable feeling wash over him as he felt his release shoot into the warmth of his wife's mouth. He grunted loudly as she licked his throbbing arousal clean. Severus was breathing heavily as he nestled his face against her navel, waiting until the blissful sensation passed. Shadow was watching him with interest, hoping that he was pleased with her.

Finally, Severus opened his eyes to look up at his wife's flushed face and big expressive green eyes. He could tell that she was concerned and gave her a tired smile before sitting up and pulling her into his arms. He buried his head in the crook of her neck before lifting his face to hers to kiss her softly on the mouth.

"I love you, my wife," he murmured against her lips. Shadow smiled and looked into his onyx eyes.

"And I love you, my husband," she whispered.

The weeks went by and the now happily married couple spent everyday together savoring each moment. They didn't know that they were on borrowed time. Shadow had a feeling that something was going to happen and soon, but no matter how on guard she was in public, she knew that she was no match for her parents.

It was now only days until she and Severus returned to school and this made both of them nervous. They discussed their plans of the future and decided that it would be best to move someplace far from her parents until things were sorted out. Severus planned on buying a home once he got his Potions degree and hoped that he and Shadow could start a family. He had so many dreams for _their_ future. He had no idea at the time that none of them would come true.


	19. The Minister of Magic

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 18**

_The Minister of Magic_

Shadow and Severus were practically inseparable when they returned for another term at Hogwarts. Many of the students were shocked to see the two of them together and obviously completely in love. Some were even more shocked to see that they both had a wedding ring on their finger. The first few days of school went by without incident, but as Severus and Shadow walked hand in hand to the Great Hall for breakfast, they were stopped by one of the people they had no interest in seeing.

Shadow felt her body tremble as she stared at the Minister of Magic who stood with two Aurors at his side. Severus pulled Shadow behind him and eyed the Minister carefully.

"Stand aside boy, I need to speak with that girl," the Minister snapped, but Severus glared coldly at him.

"You've hurt her, lied about her, and have made it a point not to help her despite what Mr. Hill has done and now you want to talk to her?" Severus sneered angrily. He was hardly aware that Lucius and Narcissa came up to flank one side of him while Remus stood on the other.

"This has nothing to with you! Any of you! I need to speak with Miss Hill now!" the Minister snapped.

"It's Mrs. Snape to you!" Severus spat viciously stunning the Minister.

"I have granted no such marriage!"

"No. I did." They turned to see Albus Dumbledore walking toward them with a stern look on his face. The other students were standing by watching in interest.

"You have no right!" the Minister yelled angrily, his face turning red.

"I have every right!" Dumbledore thundered, silencing everyone.

"You were wrongfully denying her marriage," Lucius cut in with a low hiss. The Minister glared at him, but Dumbledore cut in.

"Shadow and Severus were married over the summer and there is nothing you can do to revoke it. If you wish to take disciplinary actions against me, then be my guest, but I am sure you know of the repercussions that will come of it when people start wondering why you would not permit her marriage in the first place," Dumbledore said firmly, successfully getting through to the Minister.

"I need to speak with _Mrs. Snape_ then. Alone," he growled.

"You may speak with her, but you will use a classroom and she will not be permitted to leave the grounds," Dumebldore told him sternly.

Severus felt Shadow's hand tighten in his and looked to see that she had gone at least three shades lighter. Her eyes showed every bit of fear she felt and he couldn't help but be concerned about his new wife being alone with the Minister of Magic. She feared him for a reason.

The Minister agreed to the terms and Dumbledore motioned for Shadow to follow him. She hesitated, but only for a moment and then followed him down the corridor. Severus was watching them with narrowed eyes as was Remus.

"She was terrified," Lucius stated.

"The Minister himself has hurt her before, I know it! He's got a lot to lose," Narcissa hissed angrily. Severus pulled his wand and strode down the aisle with Remus close behind. Neither one of them wanted to leave Shadow alone with that man no matter who the hell he was.

Once inside the classroom, without Dumbledore's presence, the Minister rested a cold glare on Shadow and cast a Silencing spell on the room. His two Aurors were standing just outside the door and he was aware Shadow's brother and new husband were not far.

"I am going to make this quick, Shadow! I do not trust you and you know too much for your own good. You need to keep your mouth shut about what happened to you and those children," the Minister threatened. Shadow's eyes flashed.

"Why do you keep hiding from your own crimes? Why do you protect my step-father?" she asked angrily.

"Because that man is dangerous!" he hissed in return.

"So you're afraid of him? The Minister of Magic is afraid of one man," she spat, disgusted.

"You are also afraid," he returned.

"For different reasons. That man raped me since I was a child! You were no better," she hissed. The Minister was silent for a moment, eying the girl thoughtfully.

"Your father…"

"Step-father!" she snapped.

"Yes well, he forced me to do what I did! I had no choice."

"No you didn't, did you?! You wanted to save your own ass by keeping him quiet about the murder of my real father. You didn't want him to incriminate you so you did as he asked. You haven't saved yourself, you only dug your grave deeper," she said angrily. The Minister advanced on her, but when he saw her eyes flash black, he stopped.

"Listen to me you brat, Keadan will have his way. You _will_ die, but in case he does not succeed I want insurance," he growled.

"What kind of insurance and what makes you think I will give it to you?" Shadow looked at the man suspiciously.

"You will give it to me because if you don't, your brother and husband will pay the price!" There was silence and Shadow's resolve crumbled. She stared in fear at the Minister, knowing full well that he meant every word.

"You would have them killed?" she knew she didn't need to ask.

"Yes. I would start with Snape's family. I will have Lupin's mother killed as well before I go after the Snape kid and your brother. Your friends will die, Shadow. I am not making threats, I am making promises!" the Minister said dangerously. Shadow felt the tears fill her eyes as she stared at the man before her.

"What do you want then?" she whispered deciding that it was better to resign to her fate.

"A vow," was his immediate reply.

"What kind of vow?"

"A vow that states, you will stay away from everyone at Hogwarts should your step-father fail to kill you. You will not be able to come near me, him, or anyone for that matter. Not for at least 100 miles!" he told her. Shadow stared at him in disbelief, a tear trailing down her face.

"You can't be serious! I can't just leave them…" she choked.

"Not now, no, but you will. I doubt this vow will go into effect, because Keadan has made it a point to kill you, but in case he fails, I want this vow and I will need one of your feathers do it," Shadow looked at him in horror.

A feather from a Phoenix couldn't be taken by sheer force, it had to be willingly given. A feather in his hands would mean that she would be cursed and have to abide by what the Minister said. If she survived, he need only have that feather to make her do his bidding. It was another reason Phoenix witches and wizards had been looked down on years ago; most of them were cursed. It was similar to the Imperius Curse. She would be his life long prisoner.

"I can't give you that," she whispered.

"You can and will if you value the lives of your friends and family and their families!" he snapped. Shadow felt tears run down her face and she began to tremble. The Minister smirked.

"You do realize that because of your marriage, Severus Snape is endangered? When you are gone, I will find evidence of this marriage! When you die, your assets go to him and any incriminating evidence you leave behind will be destroyed along with that boy!" he hissed devilishly. Shadow stared at the man, her tears still streamed down her cheeks, but her expression was defiant.

"There will not be any evidence of it. I will make sure of it."

"Then he will not get your assets," the Minister smirked.

"That is fine. If it spares his life then I will do it. I will make the vow with you Minister and I will give you a feather once I come into power, however, should I ever survive beyond my step-father's revenge, I will find a way to seek you out and I will kill you." Shadow's tone was chillingly cold and her eyes were black. The Minister paled considerably.

"Then I hope you do not survive," he choked out.

"For you sake, you better keep hoping," she spat angrily. The Minister swallowed hard before drawing himself up to full height.

"Tell no one of our conversation. If you do, one of _them_ will live to regret it," he threatened and then was out the door. Shadow stood there, her body now trembling and her eyes becoming their normal green before her knees gave way and she collapsed to the floor. Tears flowed freely as she knelt in front of one of the desks and tried to regain her composure.

Remus and Severus walked into the classroom and rushed over to Shadow who was staring wide eyed at the stone floor. Remus knelt down on one side of her while Severus knelt on the other.

"Shadow? What happened? What did he say?" Remus asked. Severus felt his anger boiling as he looked down at his broken wife. "Please Shadow, tell us."

"I can't," she whispered.

"Why not?" Severus asked suspiciously.

"I was told not to," she choked out.

"Who cares what he says! Tell us!" Severus said angrily, though not angry with her.

"_I_ care. If I speak of our conversation, something will happen to one of you. I can't talk about it. I am sorry." Then there was silence. Severus looked at Remus to see that the Gryffindor held the same angry expression that he did. It was obvious that she wasn't going to tell them what was said in that room.

"Shadow, tell me this; are they revoking the guardianship? Is he forcing you to go back to Keadan?" Remus asked softly. Severus looked horrified.

"No. He did not mention it," Shadow replied in a near whisper. Just then, Albus Dumbledore walked in the classroom and frowned.

"Mr. Snape, Mr. Lupin, please go ahead and go to the Great Hall, I need to speak with Mrs. Snape in my office," he told them gently, but firmly. Severus wrapped his arms around Shadow's waist and lifted her to her feet. He kissed her mouth gently, before reluctantly leaving alongside Remus. Both boys looked back at her to see her gazing at them with a sorrowful expression; obviously pained by whatever it was the Minister had told her.

"Come with me, Shadow," Albus said and motioned for her to follow him to his office.

Once inside the office, Shadow felt her emotions rising again and couldn't help it as she burst into tears, vaguely aware of the Headmaster embracing her for comfort. Her cries were heartbreaking and Dumbledore felt his heart ache as he listened to her, not knowing if there was anything he could do or say to make things better. Once she had calmed down a little, he sat her down and summoned a chair so he could sit in front of her.

"Shadow, can you tell me what was said?" he asked gently. She shook her head.

"No I can't. I cannot risk my friends and family."

"He threatened you then?" Albus asked darkly. Shadow merely nodded. Albus cursed under his breath and rubbed his eyes.

"Professor Dumbledore?" He looked up at her, his eyes distant. "Yes?"

"If something happens to me, I know I asked you to take care of Remus and Severus, but I need to know if you can do one more thing…" she started.

"What is that?"

"Remove all evidence of my marriage," Albus felt his jaw go slack as he stared at her in disbelief.

"What? Why?"

"Please? None of my assets can go to Severus and I do not want them to go to Remus. It could endanger them both. I will leave behind something for the both of them so they will know why this had to happen, but please make sure the Minister does not find evidence of out marriage," she pleaded. Albus knew then that the Minister had threatened to harm Severus.

"I will not allow the Ministry to do anything to Severus. I promise you that. Shadow I know you cannot or will not tell me what is going on, but please tell me; is your life endanger?" he asked seriously.

"Not yet," she whispered, looking into his blue eyes. He understood the meaning perfectly.

"I do not want you to go to Hogsmeade anymore. I want you to make sure that one your friends, your brother, or your husband is with you at all times no matter where you go in the castle," he told her firmly. She nodded her understanding.

"Shadow, I know that Severus is a strong wizard and I know he can protect you, but I think that when you share power with him, he will become stronger and more powerful. Perhaps it will help you both, since your power will actually be controllable. I do not condone sexual activity in the school although I know it happens like with most teenagers, but on your birthday I will make arrangements for the two of you to be excused from classes. The only way you can protect yourself is by becoming stronger and being able to control your magic," Albus told her.

"You are an Elemental Phoenix too, aren't you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes I am."

"Who did you share your power with?" she asked, wondering if she had overstepped her bounds. He smiled at her.

"Minerva. She has been my life time companion, though not many people know that. She is a Star Phoenix," Albus told her.

"Why didn't she become a Night Phoenix?"

"Because she was previously married. Severus, however, has not lost his virginity to anyone so he should if I am correct, become a Night Phoenix wizard," Albus said. Shadow nodded and wiped her face.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"To be honest with you, so am I."

Severus couldn't eat or concentrate in class after the Headmaster had taken Shadow with him. His mind kept racing with thoughts of what the Minister could have said to Shadow to upset and scare her so much that she didn't want to talk about it. He was angry, that was for sure.

Lucius looked over at his friend and watched him. He could see the emotions playing in his eyes and could tell that Severus was in a foul mood. In truth, Lucius couldn't blame him. The boy was madly in love with Shadow and she was being threatened. If it had been Narcissa, he would have been furious. He nudged his friend who looked at him coldly.

"Relax mate, I'm sure that things will get straightened out," he told Severus, but the boy didn't say anything. To tell the truth, Lucius wasn't all that convinced himself. Obviously, the Minister had too much at stake and would do _anything_ to protect himself.

Remus was no better as he sat in class, thinking about earlier. Whatever it was that Shadow was hiding, it wasn't good. She would have told him or Severus if she didn't think it would endanger anyone, but apparently the Minister made it clear that he would hurt those she loved. Sometimes, Remus thought Shadow's heart was too big. She wanted to protect everyone she knew and was willing to risk herself to do it.

Shadow had asked permission to be excused from classes so that she may floo to the Snape's home on Spinners End. When she stepped through the fireplace, Eileen and Tobias did a double take, surprised to see her. They could tell that she had been crying and they instantly thought the same thing.

"Did you and Severus fight?" Eileen asked. Shadow shook her head and stood in the middle of the living room.

"The Minister of Magic came to see me today," she said softly and saw Eileen's face darken.

"What did he want?" she asked.

"He threatened me. I cannot say exactly what the conversation was about because it would endanger my friends and family, including the both of you." Shadow said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Tobias narrowed his eyes and looked at Eileen for a moment, before looking back at Shadow.

"What did he want?" Tobias asked.

"I must do something that he asks…the reason that I came here is not for me. It is for Severus. The Minister of Magic knows of our marriage and is going to use it against us. He said that once my step-father kills me, my assets will go to Severus since he is my husband…" Shadow took a shaky breath.

"You're father is not going to kill you! We won't let it happen," Eileen told her firmly, but the look in Shadow's eyes told her that her daughter in law had already accepted her fate. It was disheartening.

"The Minister threatened to kill Severus and destroy everything of mine to hide any evidence of what happened to me and the others who died at my step-father's hand. I can't let that happen…" Eileen covered her mouth to stifle a cry as she looked at Shadow who stood before them, defeated.

"He threatened _my_ son?!" Tobias growled angrily, clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white. It was the first time that he had really come to Severus's defense; proving that he did indeed love his son.

"He did. Severus does not know I am here and I do not want him to know. I told Tobias on my wedding night that I wanted him to hide all evidence of me. It's no longer a request. It is a necessity. I do not want any of it destroyed. I just want it hidden someplace away from here so neither the Minister or Severus can find it. I want him to be safe," Shadow told them.

"Severus will want something of yours should anything happen. It would break his heart if he had nothing," Eileen told her quietly.

"I know he will, but for his own safety, I think it is best that he doesn't. At least for a while. I have requested that Dumbledore protect Remus in the same way. Please, do this. I love Severus more than I can tell you and I want him to be safe even if it hurts him," Shadow felt her heart breaking as she told his parents what she wanted them to do if she died. There was silence before Tobias spoke up.

"As much as I do not want to do that to Severus, if it will keep him safe, then I will. If something happens to you, I will arrange that your things are hidden along with the marriage license and the ring he wears. When and if there is a time that is safe for him to have it back, I will return it. For the time being…I will arrange it so that it looks as if you didn't exist." His tone was full of regret and remorse. Eileen wiped the tears from her face before approaching Shadow.

"I really don't want anything to happen to you. Please be careful," she told her and hugged her.

"I will try," Shadow said softly.

Severus sat next to Shadow in the common room that night, watching her as she stared into the flames of the fireplace. He reached out and touched her thigh gently, causing her to startle, but when she looked at him, she rewarded him with a small smile.

"Will you tell me something about what happened today?" he asked softly.

"I can't. I'm sorry," she whispered and saw the frustrated look on Severus' face. There was nothing she could tell him without endangering him and she didn't want to do that. She loved him with all her heart and to see him or his family harmed because of her would break her.

"Shadow, I appreciate you trying to protect me, but I can take care of myself. I am supposed to protect you," he said irritably. She sighed and shook her head.

"I know you will be angry with me, but I am not telling you what was said. I cannot risk the chance of you getting hurt or anyone else I care about. Forgive me Severus," she whispered and got up to leave, but Severus grabbed her arm and brought her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her middle and held him possessively to him.

"I love you Shadow and I don't want anything to happen to you. I can't lose you. I don't know what kind of man I would be if you weren't in my life," Severus said softly and it nearly broke Shadow down. She didn't face him as she tried to fight back the tears, but there was one that escaped.

"Severus…maybe we shouldn't have done this," she choked out softly.

"Done what?"

"Get married." There was silence. Shadow turned to see Severus pinning her with a deadly glare.

"What?!" he hissed dangerously, pulling his arms away from her.

"I am not safe to be around. I am endangering your life," she sobbed softly. The angry look in his eyes did not diminish.

"Do you regret marrying me?" he asked callously. Shadow looked at him warily, knowing that he had misunderstood what she had meant.

"I do not regret marrying you Severus. I regret not being able to live a happy life with you. He'll never stop…" Tears streamed down her face and she looked away from the piercing gaze. She felt his arms wrap around her waist as he pulled her close again.

"We will be happy. If he won't stop chasing you then I'll just have to kill him." Shadow looked at him, thinking that he was trying to be funny, but the look in his eyes was almost as frightening as her Phoenix eyes.

"You…you're serious?" she asked.

"I am dead serious. I would love nothing more, but to see that man die at my hands," Severus said firmly, his onyx eyes showing the truth in his statement. Shadow stared into his eyes a moment longer, before she leaned forward and kissed his lips.

"I love you," she whispered against his mouth before kissing him again. They had no idea what the next few days would bring, but Shadow knew that something was going to happen and she was going to make the best of the time she had left.


	20. The Cabin

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 19**

_The Cabin_

Halloween drew closer and Severus was becoming more and more anxious. It wouldn't be long before he and Shadow would consummate their marriage. Since school started they hadn't really had the opportunity to be intimate with each other and Severus had to revert back to his own methods of sexual release. It was quite frustrating.

Everyone had gathered in the Great Hall for lunch, but to Severus's surprise, Shadow wasn't there waiting for him like she normally did. Frowning, he turned to Lucius for an explanation.

"I think she went back to the Common Room to get a book she forgot for her next class," he said lazily, but Severus wasn't comforted. There was this nagging feeling in the back of his mind telling him that something didn't feel right. Turning toward the Gryffindor table, he saw Remus looking at him with a concerned expression and that was all it took for Severus to get up and practically run out of the Great Hall.

Severus flew through the portrait hole and raced up to the girl's room, but Shadow was nowhere to be seen. His expression became one of sheer panic. He ran from the Slytherin common room and searched the corridors, but had no such luck. Suddenly, he cried out in pain as his hand burned like white hot fire. He looked down at his ring to see that it had literally seared the top layer of skin that it touched.

"Shadow…" he choked out, barely able to conceal the despair in his voice. Severus looked up when he heard someone coming down the corridor.

"Severus, is that you?"

"Narcissa!" he called, surprising the girl. "Shadow's gone!" There was a moment of silence as Narcissa let it sink in.

"Oh no! Where is she? _He_ took her?!" she panicked.

"I'm pretty sure he did. My ring was burning a moment ago. She's in trouble! I know it!" Severus ran his hand through his hair nervously, but after a moment of pacing he froze. "She burned their house down…didn't she mention once that there was some kind of cabin that he used to take her to?"

Narcissa looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes she did. She mentioned in the beginning of last year I believe. It was a cabin north of here." She didn't have time to say anything else, because Severus darted down the corridor. Narcissa ran in the other direction, straight to Dumbledore's office.

Severus ran out onto the grounds towards the Quidditch pitch, but slid to a stop, nearly falling backward when he saw a wand on the ground. His heart nearly froze when he picked it up and realized that it was Shadow's wand. Tucking it into his waist band, he ran as fast as his legs would carry him. He wasn't going to wait for someone else to help nor was he going to depend on the Ministry.

Remus was frowning down at his plate when he heard some commotion coming from just outside the hall. The students looked up to see a very distraught Dumbledore come in with Minerva McGonagall at his side. Remus felt his heart jump into his throat as Dumbledore strode up to the Gryffindor table.

"Professor?" Remus was now sure this had something to do with his sister and felt the bile rising in his throat.

"Come with me, Mr. Lupin, now," he said urgently. Remus was on his feet quickly and raced with his two professors out of ear shot.

"What's going on? Where's Shadow?"

"She's gone." Dumbledore saw Remus's face lose color and quickly grabbed the boy's shoulders to steady him. "Narcissa Black came and told me that Severus couldn't find her in the dorm and that his wedding band was burning. I am not going to lie to you, Shadow is in danger, but I have some friends that are going to try and find out her whereabouts. Miss Black mentioned that Shadow had once spoke of a cabin north of here that Mr. Hill used to take her to when he abused her. Do you know of it?"

"No sir…" Remus's voice was small to his own ears as the realization set in. Shadow was with her step-father and he was probably going to hurt her like he had before. That man was going to rape his little sister. Tears filled his eyes and he looked like a lost child standing before his professors.

"Remus, come with me. I'll have James, Sirius, and Lily come to my office as well," Professor McGonagall told him and tucked on his arm.

"Where is Severus?" Remus asked quietly.

"He left the castle. I think he might have taken one of the Quidditch brooms and went after her," Dumbledore said apprehensively. "I don't know if he will find her, but if their bond is as strong as I think it is, I am certain that he has a far better chance than any of us. My concern is that Keadan Hill is a Raven wizard and Severus is just a boy."

Remus buried his head in his trembling hands, knowing that all they could do is wait. He was concerned for both Severus and Shadow, knowing that Keadan was involved in this. He wished there was more he could do, but there was nothing. The full moon was approaching and he couldn't risk going after them and then turning into what he feared most. The last thing he wanted to do was be responsible for his sister's death. Merlin knew that he had almost killed Severus because of Sirius Black's wrongful prank.

Severus was not the best flyer at Hogwarts, but that didn't stop him from pushing the broom stick to its limits as he sped through the clouds, letting his wand guide him north. He knew what general area Shadow had been talking about, but finding the cabin itself was going to be the tricky part. Severus could feel the ring burning his finger. Tears filled his eyes as he realized that right at that moment, Shadow was being tormented.

Shadow hung flat against the wall with her wrists shackled above her head. Blood streamed down her arms and fingers as the weight of her body caused the shackles to cut into her flesh. The lashes her step father gave her were an open, bloody mess. Bruises laced her body and the deep red shade of blood caused a stark contrast to her pale skin.

Keadan stood before her with a look of sheer hatred gracing his features. Her screams didn't matter to him, nor did her tears. He was going to beat her until she lost consciousness. He held a shiny black baton in his right hand and approached Shadow who went wide eyed with fear. She knew what he was going to do.

The resounding crack that echoed off the walls of the cabin was sickening as Keadan began to beat Shadow mercilessly. She screamed out in pain as two of her ribs broke. She could hear him laughing as he repeated what he had just done, but coherent thoughts were beginning to evade her. With a final cry of pain as her pelvic bone was cracked, her world went black.

_Shadow drew her sword as she crept into her shabby home of five years. It was one of the few homes she has had that she didn't have to pick up and run immediately. Now there was a boy standing in her living room, looking at her things. _

"_Who are you?" she hissed. _

_He startled, whirling around to face her. She felt her guard drop slightly. The boy couldn't be more than 18 years old if that. He had the messiest hair, with circular rimmed glasses. Shadow backed away from him. He reeked of love. It wasn't so much the love in his heart, it was the love that surround him. She looked into his bright green eyes. She hadn't been frightened of anyone in a long time, but this boy was different. This boy not only brought back memories of one of her best friends, but he was surrounded in her sacrifice…_

"_I'm here to help you, Shadow."_

Shadow was jarred awake by her step-father who was now pulling her down from the shackles. She tried to struggle out of his grip, but her body was too weak to put up much of a fight. Keadan slammed Shadow down across an old dingy table and tied her hands behind her back.

"I am going to keep you until your birthday. It's right around the corner. Then I am going to take what is mine. You _will_ make me a Phoenix wizard," he said callously as he bent her over and unzipped her pants.

"NO!" Shadow screamed at the top of her lungs and put every bit of energy she had into fighting him, but it wasn't enough. He pinned her down and with one thrust, he was inside her. She let out a piercing scream as he slammed into her like he had done so many times before. Despite the searing pain and broken body, she was inwardly glad that he had not tried to take her virginity yet. She still had the chance to share her power with Severus.

Keadan was relentless as he raped her. He grinned evilly when he saw the blood flowing from her torn opening. He laughed when she screamed and he thrust harder when she tried to fight. He pulled her hair roughly as he found release.

Shadow burst into tears of shame when Keadan threw her on the floor. Drawing her knees to her chest, she cowered in the corner. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the man in who had ruined her life. She was hurt and scared. Shadow feared the man so much that she couldn't bring herself to use her Phoenix powers.

"I'm not done with you," he laughed. Keadan grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to the middle of the room. He summoned shackles with the flick of his wand. Her arms were now chained again and she hung from the ceiling. Keadan wasted no time picking up his favorite flog. He continued to laugh as Shadow screamed from the pain as he lashed her already raw flesh again.

Severus flew low to the tree tops, scanning the countryside for any sign of a cabin. He had seen a few, but on closer inspection, they turned out to be the wrong ones. He was becoming desperate now. His ring had burned with such intensity that it seared his skin, but he didn't dare remove it. Shadow was hurt and he knew it.

Severus spotted another cabin and slowed to the broom to a near hover above the trees, but when he heard the piercing scream of his newly wed wife, he soared through the trees. His heart was beating painfully fast as he listened to the painful cries. Landing ungracefully, he tossed the broom aside and drew his wand, not wasting a moment as he dashed to the front door.

"Alohomora!" The door instantly opened and Severus stood in its way, glaring angrily at Keadan who had turned to face him.

"You! I remember you, boy," he said in distain, looking him over, "you were there when Shadow casts the Death Phoenix."

"She is my wife, Hill!" Severus sneered, pointing his wand at the man.

Keadan narrowed his eyes. "You will not take what is mine!" he spat.

"She isn't yours," the boy replied evenly, "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

Keadan cried out as gashes tore through the flesh on his face and torso. Blood seeped through his fingers and he fumbled with his wand for a moment. "Avada Kedavra!"

Severus jumped out of the way, watching as the green light went right through the open doorway. He stood back up and pointed his wand at the man again, "CRUCIO!" It was the first time Severus had ever used an Unforgiveable. Severus couldn't help the immense delight he felt when he saw the man writhing in pain. He could still see Shadow's memories clear in his head. He remembered all the blood and the cold stone basement room she had lived in. Severus couldn't help, but feel the power from using such a curse. When he finally lifted it, Keadan was gasping for breath.

"You hurt Shadow for too long," the raven-haired boy sneered.

"I'll…k-kill her…b-before this…y-year is out," Keadan gasped and then with a flick of his wand, disappeared. Severus knew that he was lucky this time. Keadan Hill was a Raven wizard and dangerous. The only reason Severus was able to hurt him this time was because he had the element of surprise. Keadan hadn't anticipated anyone knowing where the cabin was or even being able to find it.

Severus dashed into the living room only to freeze in horror. He stared at the bloodied body of his wife hanging by shackles. She seemed to be unconscious. Severus felt the tears stream down his face as he hesitantly approached her. Using a non-verbal spell, he unshackled her and brought her down into his arms.

"Shadow…oh my god, Shadow," he sobbed softly as he looked at the damage done to her. It hadn't taken so much to earn her trust, only to have one man tear it away within a little over a day. Severus held her close to him as ran out of the cabin. He quickly summoned the broomstick to him and mounted, steadying Shadow in his arms as he did.

Severus made sure her body was set firmly in his grip, but he moved one hand to the broom and soared back into the darkened sky.

He knew that he couldn't fly with her all night. He was tired and concerned for Shadow. He needed to find some place to hide for the night so he could try and take care of some of her wounds. Severus flew for about an hour before finally, lowering to the ground. He summoned the broom to follow him as he carried Shadow's broken body down a heap of rocks before finding a small cave. Luckily, a stream was within a few yards of it so he could clean them both off.

Severus set her down next to the stream and quickly began casting the healing charms that he knew. The larger wounds would not be affected by the charms, but at least he was able to heal some of them. Hesitantly, he rolled Shadow onto her side and looked between her legs. She may be his wife, but he felt wrong having to do it. He could see the blood that trailed down her thigh and knew instantly that she had been raped. Rage filled him as he examined her to see that she was still intact, but had been sodomized. With a trembling hand, he cast the healing charm on her to heal that damage Keadan had done to her. Severus conjured a wash cloth and dipped it into the cool stream before gently wiping away the dried blood. He knew he could use magic, but he didn't think it would be enough.

It was late in the night before Shadow stirred in his arms. He had cuddled up behind her and wrapped his cloak around them both. The weather was getting colder and he wanted to keep her as warm as possible. He opened his eyes when Shadow began to struggle in his arms.

"Shadow, it's alright…" he started, but she didn't stop. He tried to calm her, but she was panicking and by the way it sounded, ready to hyperventilate. Suddenly, Shadow wretched herself away from him and cowered in the corner of the cave. Severus felt his heart break at the sight.

"Shadow? Please baby, it's me, Severus," he tried again, but she was looking frantically around the cave. She was shaking all over and couldn't seem to focus on anything. "Lumos."

The light brightened the entire cave so Severus could see her face. Fear gripped him as he stared into solid black eyes. Shadow didn't seem to recognize him at all. He could see the same black smoke beginning to swirl around her wand arm as he had the day she killed the man at Hogwarts.

"Shadow! It's me! It's Severus. Baby, I won't hurt you," he said firmly, causing her to blink a few times before her eyes turned back to their bright green. The smoke disappeared and she stared at Severus only for a moment before turning away, completely ashamed. "Look at me." His voice was nothing more than a whisper as he began edging closer to her.

"No," she choked out, drawing her knees closer to her and burying her face, "I'm disgusting…I don't want you to look at me."

Severus ignored the tear that rolled down his cheek as he knelt right in front of her. "No you are not, Shadow. I love you no matter what," he said softly as he reached out to touch her.

Shadow flinched and tried to back away. "No…you can't love…not after that…" she sobbed.

"I do love you!" Severus snapped, scaring her further. She brought her lashed arms up to shield her face as if Severus was going to hit her. "Don't do that. I would never hurt you. I'm sorry Shadow. I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner," his voice cracked with emotion, this time making Shadow look at him.

She looked at the man she loved, on his knees before her with his head down. His inky black hair shielded his face, but she could hear the sniffing echo in the cave. He blamed himself for what Keadan had done to her. Slowly, she reached out and touched his hand, causing him to startle and look at her. His eyes were red and swollen and the tears stained his cheeks.

"Forgive me," she whispered.

Severus looked at her with a sorrow in his eyes that she had never seen before. "There is nothing to forgive you for. I understand that you're afraid after what happened. I just hope you know that I won't hurt you. Not now, not ever," he choked out.

Shadow burst into tears and buried her face in the crook of Severus's neck as he quickly pulled her to him. Her body shook as she sobbed loudly. His arms were wrapped firmly around her, trying to offer some comfort. All he could do was hold her.

Severus couldn't stop his own tears from streaming down his face. He made a vow to protect her and he hadn't been able to keep it. He knew he should have kept her close. Listening to her crying made the guilt twist at his gut even more. However, as Severus held her, his guilt began to turn to rage. He wanted to kill Keadan Hill. Somehow, he wanted that man to pay for what he had done to Shadow.

"S-Seve-rus?"

"What baby?" he asked softly, not letting her go.

"H-How did you f-find m-me?"

"I remembered what you said about the cabin when we played that truth or dare game. I just got on a broom and searched. I could feel if you were close or not. The wedding band…burned…when you were being hurt…" he replied.

"How did you get K-Keadan away?" she asked quietly.

Severus took a moment to answer. "I used a spell I invented…" he said before lowering his voice, "then…I cast an Unforgivable."

Shadow's head shot up and she stared at him in shock. "Which one?" she asked, frightened.

"Cruciatus," was his soft reply.

"You could get in trouble…" she started, but Severus shook his head.

"I don't care. I would do anything for you, Shadow. I would cast that spell again and again if I had to. I would kill for you," he told her in a dead serious voice.

Shadow reached up and brushed a lock of ebony hair from his face. The man in front of her would sacrifice his own freedom for her. He would sacrifice his life for her if he had to. She loved him for it, but she had to be sure that it never came to that. It would be her that would sacrifice herself.

"I didn't mean to back away from you…it's just…when you were behind me…" she started.

"Sshhh. It's alright. I understand. Shadow, I promise you, no matter where I am or how I touch you, I will _never_ hurt you. I'll never do what your stepfather does to you," he told her seriously.

Shadow nodded and gently kissed his mouth before tucking her head back into the crook of his neck. Severus laid back, bringing Shadow down with him. He covered them both with his cloak and held her close to him. Severus was tired and as he slept, he didn't let go of the tight grip on his wand. It was said that you cast a curse, you had to mean it. Severus couldn't stop the images of Shadow hanging from the shackles from plaguing his mind and knew that he had everything he needed to cast the killing curse. That image alone would be burned in his mind forever.


	21. A New Phoenix

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 20**

_A New Phoenix_

For the next week and a half, Shadow remained almost untouchable to anyone. She allowed her brother to hug her once in a while and Severus to hold her hand, but other than that, she remained standoffish. It seemed that several of the students from the school knew what was going on and gave her sympathetic looks. Severus would not allow Shadow out of his sight. If anyone came near her, his wand was readily drawn.

Word had gotten around about Severus using an Unforgivable. Most of the students now feared him, but there were a few that had a newfound respect for what he did. Remus had been both shocked and grateful when he found out. Using an Unforgivable had made Severus become one of the most feared students at Hogwarts. Many of the students made sure to keep their distance from Shadow for fear that Severus would curse them as well.

A Ministry official had come to the school and interrogated Severus about his use with an Unforgivable, but luckily for him, Dumbledore had been there to assist. Severus told the Ministry official that he didn't regret using the 'Cruciatus' curse and that he would use any Unforgivable if it meant saving Shadow. Dumbledore had told the official that Severus had the right to protect his wife and himself. Nothing was done for the time being to Severus, because the Ministry knew that if they proceeded to punish the boy, word would get out about _why_ they were trying to cover up their mess. The wizarding world would know that the Ministry of Magic was aiding a murderer to cover up their own crimes. It would reek havoc on the magical world.

Shadow was in a fetal position in the shower, enduring yet another fit of pain as her powers began to get severely out of hand. She didn't call for help this time or take a potion for the pain. Shadow didn't want anyone to see her this way, not even Severus. Her wounds had been healed along with her broken bones, but emotionally, she was broken. She was even afraid to let Severus touch her intimately, like he had several times before.

Once Shadow was able to stand again, she left the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. It was Halloween Day. She was now seventeen. Shadow knew that today was the day that she was supposed to share her power with Severus, but she couldn't bring herself to face him. He had seen her in such a vulnerable position that she was ashamed of herself. She found it hard to look into his eyes since that night.

Sitting on her bed, she looked down at her wrists. Old scars laced them. It had been a long time since she had inflicted pain on herself. Shadow remembered how she felt when she saw Severus doing it. It had worried and frightened her. Tracing the scars lightly with her finger, she almost gave in, but an image of Severus flashed through mind and she quickly let go of the thought. She knew that Severus would be hurt if she did something like that and she wasn't willing to hurt him in any way.

Sighing loudly, she stood up and walked to her window. The students would all be in their classes right now. None of the Slytherins would return until after dinner. They knew what was supposed to happen. Shadow wondered if Severus was even in the common room or if he had decided to go to class. He had not bothered to come up to her room all morning. In fact, she hadn't seen him since last night and was inwardly hurt. She missed his company already. Shadow knew that it was more her fault than anything.

After gazing down at her ring, she set her jaw in determination. She went to her dresser and pulled out a simple green silk robe. Tossing her towel aside, Shadow quickly slipped the robe over her body before making her way down to the common room. She looked around nervously, but Severus wasn't there. Taking a deep breath, she headed up to his room. Shadow knocked on the door and waited silently.

"Come in," his voice rang out.

Shadow opened the door and peered inside to see Severus sitting on his bed several books laid out around him. He was writing furiously on a piece of parchment, but paused briefly to glance at her.

"What are you doing?" The tone of his voice was flat and almost unwelcoming.

"Um…I…I was just coming to…see you…" she managed uncertainly. She watched him continue his scribbling without looking at her again. There was silence and Shadow felt her heart breaking. "I'll just leave you alone," she said and quickly shut the door and went back to her room.

Shadow went into the bathroom and brushed the tears from her face. She was shaking as she collapsed to the floor, trying her best to hold the tears back. Shadow didn't have time to really break down as another spout of pain rippled through her body. This time she cried out as she lay on the cold bathroom floor, hoping that the pain would go away quickly. Her body shook as she curled up into a ball. Shadow felt the tears stream down her face, but it wasn't so much from the pain. It was because of how alone she felt.

Severus stared down at his parchment, his quill limp in his hand. He knew he had hurt Shadow by being cold to her and now felt guilty. It wasn't her fault that she felt withdrawn after what happened to her, but inwardly he was a little hurt that she hadn't been very receptive of his attentions lately. Severus put his work aside and got up. Shadow had approached him and he had practically sent her away. He quickly made his way to her room. He didn't want to push away the one thing that he loved more than anything. When he heard her cry out, he rushed in to see that she wasn't on her bed. Quickly, he opened the bathroom door to see Shadow curled up in a ball crying and shaking.

"Shadow?"

She didn't answer, but he could tell that she was in a lot of pain. He went to her side and knelt down beside her. Gently, he lifted her into his lap and held her close to him. She cried out again as pain surged through her body. The sound made his heart ache as she shook in his arms.

"It's alright, baby," he told her softly as he gave her cheek light kisses. It took several minutes before Shadow's body calmed down and she lay, exhausted in his arms. He looked at her face, but her eyes were averted. Carefully, he helped her to her feet and led her out to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Shadow. I have just been frustrated lately. I didn't mean to push you away," he said softly, trying to look Shadow in the eye, but she still would not meet his gaze. "Please look at me."

Shadow glanced up at him, but looked away immediately. He could feel her body trembling in his arms. Shadow was afraid and seemingly embarrassed. She wiped her eyes and looked down at the floor, but Severus placed a finger under chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze.

"Shadow? Do you love me still?" His voice cracked with emotion as he stared into her big green eyes.

"Of course I do," she replied in surprise.

"Then why won't you willingly look at me?" Again, Shadow turned away, but he brought her gaze back to his.

"I…I don't know…" she said uncertainly.

"Are you afraid of what I think of you?"

"Y…yes."

Severus brought his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. He was aching with a desire he couldn't control for much longer. He had waited for this day to come so he could consummate their marriage and make her his. Breaking the kiss, he let her go and backed up to sit on her bed.

Shadow gave him a look of confusion as he leaned back and rested on his hands. His black eyes remained fixed on her as she stood in the middle of the room in nothing but a thin green robe.

"I am not going to push you to do something you are not comfortable doing, Shadow. If you want to go further than what we have done in the past, then you need to initiate it," he told her, but the huskiness in his voice betrayed what he wanted. Shadow couldn't help the warm feeling that spread throughout her body as she stared at her husband sitting on her bed, waiting for her.

Slowly, Shadow reached down and untied her robe. She watched Severus's lustful gaze watch her hands as she carefully slid the robe off. She could see his arousal practically begging to be set free from the confines of his pants.

Severus couldn't take his eyes off of Shadow as she now stood naked before him. He had seen her naked on several occasions, but it didn't seem like enough. He could never get enough of her. Severus swallowed hard as he realized what was to come. He was afraid and intimidated by what was expected of him, but he wasn't about to back out now.

Shadow came to stand in front of him and watched as Severus looked her body over before looking up into her eyes. She could see the desire written all over his face. There was no denying that he wanted her. Her uncertainties began to melt away as she realized that Severus truly did not think ill of her even after what he had seen. He still desired her. Gently, she brushed some of his ebony locks behind his ear so she could look at his face completely.

Severus relished the tender touch and slowly brought his hands up to her legs. When she didn't flinch, he moved them higher until they were on her hips. He felt his breath catch as Shadow straddled him and sat on his lap. Licking his lips, he brought his mouth to one of her hardened nipples and began to suck gently. He didn't miss the moan that escaped her as his tongue swirled around the taut peak.

Carefully, Severus turned Shadow so she could lie on the bed. He hovered over her for a moment before kissing her mouth feverishly. His tongue slid along hers as they battled with a need they hadn't felt before. Severus began to trail kisses down her neck and then back to her breasts. He was cautious to ensure that she was comfortable with what he was doing, but so far, she seemed alright. He made his way down her stomach to the thin strip of hair on top of her mound. Wasting no time, he thrust his tongue inside her and lapped at her delicate folds. Severus made sure no part of her sex was missed as his tongue worked feverishly against her.

Shadow arched her back and spread her legs further, encouraging him. Severus took the hint and pressed his face harder against her as he licked her fiercely. Her cries of pleasure were adding to his already aroused state. Shadow's hands tangled themselves in his hair, urging him on. Severus closed his lips around her little bud and sucked gently. He loved the taste of her.

"Oh! Severus!"

Severus held her hips firmly as she went into a shattering orgasm. Her breathing was labored and her hips were straining against his hold as she bucked against his mouth. Severus waited until her state of bliss began to wind down, before he proceeded any further. He began to kiss her inner thigh slowly before trailing more kisses up her body, until his face was nuzzled in her neck. Shadow wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her, still breathing heavily. Severus reached down and unzipped his pants. He pulled off his shirt before continuing to remove his pants and when he was completely naked in front of her, he saw her eyes going over him. He looked down at his proud erection and felt his face flush slightly, but Shadow had never laughed at him or deliberately tried to embarrass him.

Shadow reached out and laid her hand on his flat stomach just above his navel, before moving her hand lower. Her fingers raked through the thick patch of black hair that surrounded his length before she touched the sensitive skin of his shaft. She heard his breath catch as she trailed her fingers up his shaft with a feather light touch. A shiver ran down his spine and he closed his eyes, savoring the touch.

"You're so perfect…" she whispered so softly that he barely caught it.

Severus opened his eyes and gazed down at her. "I am far from perfect. You are much closer to it than I am," he said fondly.

"You're perfect to me," she replied lovingly.

Severus bent down and crushed her mouth with his, slipping his tongue past her lips when she gasped. He had never felt so loved or wanted in his entire life. Now, here beneath him was _his_ naked Spanish beauty, who desired him like no other would. He lowered his body on top of her, feeling the heat of her flesh against his. He noticed that she willingly opened her legs to him, but she used her inner thighs to put some resistance on his hips. He slowly broke the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"Baby, I am not going to hurt you. I won't do anything until you tell me to," he said softly. She looked into his eyes and could see the lust and love he felt as he gazed at her. He felt her legs relax, allowing his groin to rest flush against hers.

Severus began to kiss her again while letting his hands explore her body as if he had never touched her before. Her arms were wrapping tightly around him and her face was buried in the crook of his neck. She began to pant again as he caused her body to go into overload. His hands touched almost every part of her leaving her body hot and ready.

"Stop…" she gasped causing Severus to freeze with uncertainty. "I can't wait…I need you now. I want you so bad…"

Severus felt his heart skip a beat as he slowly brought his hand down between their bodies so he could adjust himself. He lowered his mouth to hers again, kissing her gently. He wanted to make sure that she was truly comfortable with him. His own breathing became ragged as he brought the tip of his penis to her small entrance.

"Shadow…this will hurt for a minute…" he said uncertainly.

"I don't care…I want you, Severus." Her voice was full of need and he couldn't hold back any longer.

Severus wrapped one arm around her shoulders and used the other to grasp her thigh as he thrust into her. She cried out and held him tighter to her, willing herself not to cry from the searing pain she felt. Shadow refused to associate this pain with that of what her step-father had caused her. Severus remained still, gasping against her neck as he tried to remain in control of himself. The warmth that surrounded him was beyond anything he had ever imaged. The velvety feel of her inner walls against his skin was close to sending him over the edge despite the fact that he was remaining still. He could feel her muscles trying to adjust to his size. She was so tight, it almost hurt.

After a minute or so, Shadow began to plant gentle kisses on his throat, making her way to his jaw line. Severus turned to look her before kissing her mouth. As their mouths passionately searched each others, their hips began to move. Severus broke the kiss and groaned loudly as he rested his forehead on hers. His eyes were closed as he moved in and out her slowly. His body was now in control because his mind was hardly able to function. The pleasure he felt as he moved inside her was indescribable.

Shadow moaned loudly, causing Severus's eyes to fly open. He stared down at her face as he began to move faster within her. Her legs wrapped around his waist causing him go deeper.

"Oh, Shadow," he groaned, suddenly needing more. He began to thrust into her, trying desperately to quench this aching desire.

Suddenly, Severus rolled her on top of him, surprising her. He grabbed her hips and began moving them up and down his erection. She was gasping as her body was shocked with these new sensations. Severus couldn't help but watch himself slide in and out of her. He felt the familiar sensation of release fill his groin and knew that he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. Looking up at Shadow, he was certain that she was just as close.

Shadow met his every thrust as she sat astride him. When she opened her eyes, he was surprised to see they were bright red. Severus suddenly felt a strange sensation, unlike anything he had ever felt before. He looked at Shadow's skin to see that it had a faint white glow to it. Her magic was balancing and preparing to share itself with him.

Severus let go of her hips and entwined his fingers with hers. She bent forward, pinning his hands on either side of his head as she thrust her pelvis against his. Severus's hips bucked uncontrollably as he began to drive for completion. He watched the light within her grow brighter. His groaning was almost as uncontrolled as his plunging into her was. Then, he felt her body clamp around his erection causing him to gasp.

"OH! SEVERUS!" Shadow cried out as she sat up, her head thrown back as she came with such force that it drove Severus over the edge. He thrust into her madly as his seed spilled inside her convulsing walls. Their climax was completely different from the previous times. The magic that she transferred to him had intensified their release to the point where they almost blacked out. It had been the most incredible experience of their lives.

Severus looked up at her through hooded eyes that soon went wide with shock. He thought he had seen all the surprises his wife had to offer, but apparently he hadn't. He stared disbelievingly at Shadow who sat astride him now with a set of beautiful red and white colored wings. He pushed himself up, keeping Shadow in his lap, as he looked closer at the wings.

"Wow," was all he could say.

Shadow smiled. "They're pretty," she said excitedly.

"Yes they are…"

"Yours are too."

Severus froze. What did she mean? He turned his head and found a beautiful black wing sprawled out at his side. He immediately looked at the other side to see an identical elegant wing. Severus's eyes bulged and he looked at Shadow, stunned. He could feel a difference in himself as well. He felt more powerful than he had before.

"How…how do I hide these?"

"You just wish them away. They come and go as you wish or need them to," she replied softly and caused hers to disappear. He concentrated on willing his away and was surprised that with a small puff of smoke, they were gone.

"I wasn't expecting the wings…" he said honestly.

"Sorry, I guess I should have mentioned that," she said uncertainly, but Severus flashed a sly grin.

"It's alright. Did I hurt you?" He was now concerned, worried that he had lost a little too much control.

"No, you didn't," she replied and leaned into kiss him gently. "You could never hurt me."

Severus smiled and pulled her flush against him as he gently kissed her mouth. Their kiss was slow and passionate. He realized that he was still inside of her and gently lifted her hips to free himself. Severus lay back on the bed and brought Shadow down with him. Shadow snuggled up to him and closed her eyes, promptly falling asleep.

Severus stared up at the canopy over her bed and thought about what had just transpired. Never in his life had he felt such ecstasy. There was nothing comparable to what they had just done. As he lay there with Shadow in his arms, he wondered briefly what kind of powers he had now. He wondered how strong his magic was now that he had transitioned into a Black Phoenix wizard. His eyes became heavy and he soon found sleep.

_Severus Snape found himself standing behind a large mahogany desk, littered with rolls of parchments. There were potion vials on the shelves all around him and the room was cold and lonely. He was looking around the office with uncertainty for some reason until he heard a knock on the door. _

_When he looked up, a young boy was holding something for him. Emotions he thought he has suppressed surfaced and he found himself missing Shadow dearly. It had been so long since he had seen anything that belonged to them while they were together. Severus glanced down at his hand and pain filled him as he looked at his bare ring finger._

Severus awoke with a start, sweat forming on his brow. His breathing was uneven and his heart was pounding fiercely in his chest. The dream was clear in his mind. He saw an older version of himself standing alone in an office. He had no idea who the younger man was, but he recognized he had been holding. To his horror, he remembered the feeling of loneliness and loss. There was also the distinct memory of something very important to him missing aside from Shadow herself.

"Shadow," he whispered to himself and looked over to see she wasn't in the bed next to him. His heart leapt into his throat as he looked frantically around the room. "Shadow!" His call sounded full of panic. Instantly, he heard the padding of bare feet come back into the room. Shadow looked frightened for a moment as she stared at him with concern. She had merely been in the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, coming to sit on the bed next to him.

Severus instantly grabbed Shadow and pulled her onto his lap. She gasped in surprise, but didn't object to straddling him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his head in the crook of her neck. Holding her tightly to him as if his life depended on it, tears began to form in his eyes.

"Shadow…"

"Please tell me what is wrong," she pleaded softly, gently cupping his face and lifting it so she could look at him.

"I…I had a bad dream…" he choked out.

"About what?"

"You…me…I don't know. I was older and alone. A boy came into some office to give me something. I could feel the emotions of that older version of me. I felt lost and alone. You weren't there," he told her brokenly.

Shadow sat back on his lap and looked into his dark eyes. His ebony hair fell to frame his face as he stared back at her. She could see the anguish in his expression. There was something strange about what Severus described to her and it was eerily familiar.

"The boy in your dream, what did he look like?"

"I don't know. He was in the office doorway…in the dark."

"I dreamt of a boy," she replied honestly. "When my step-father took me to the cabin weeks ago, he beat me to the point I blacked out and I saw the boy in my dreams."

Severus closed his eyes, trying to shake the memory of seeing his beloved wife, hung by shackles on the ceiling. The sight haunted him still and he couldn't get over the sight of her lovely body being covered in ugly lashes and blood.

"What was your dream about?" he asked uncertainly.

"It was strange. I was in a house that was falling apart and this boy showed up. He said that he was trying to help me. The dream wasn't long, but as I looked at him, I could swear that I had seen his eyes before. He was surrounded by love. The kind of love that is blessed onto someone because of a sacrifice made by a parent," she said softly.

"You don't think these dreams are real, do you? They are not some future premonition, are they?" Severus asked almost fearfully.

"Honestly, I don't know. Most times, dreams are supposed to be just random thoughts, memories, or mixed ideas. It's probably just because we have been so worried about everything lately," she said, trying to reassure him that everything was going to be ok. Shadow knew, however, knew that things weren't going to be ok. Severus had dreamt of a boy giving him something that belonged to him as a boy had offered to help her. Both of them had been without the other. She was almost sure that the boy from her dream was the same as from his. There was something strange about it. As a Phoenix, it was possible to see things that had not yet happened. She had a sinking feeling, that they were somehow going to be separated in the future.

"Shadow, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you," Severus choked out, kissing her neck.

"You won't lose me. I will never leave you. I love you," she whispered to him, hugging him to her.

Severus knew that she meant that _she_ would never leave him. That didn't mean that someone else wouldn't _take_ her from him. Severus couldn't be certain, but from what he saw in the dream, it would seem that Shadow was dead. He was going to lose her, but he didn't know when and the thought of living without her, terrified him. Severus looked down at his left hand that was wrapped around Shadow's shoulders to see his wedding band glittering in the dimly lit room. His heart clenched painfully as he remembered that the older version of himself from the dream, wasn't wearing it. Why?


	22. Vows and Blood Potions

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 21**

_Vows and Blood Potions_

It was a week after Shadow and Severus consummated their marriage that the Minister of Magic returned to collect one of her Phoenix feathers. She stood in an empty classroom with him, eyeing him warily. She and Severus had reached a new level in their relationship and they were intimate just about every night now. She wanted to stay in that bliss with him, but it wouldn't happen. It was about to be ruined.

"Mrs. Snape, give me one of your feathers," he told her coldly.

"What is your vow?" she asked, just as icily if not more so. There was a moment of silence before the Minister sighed loudly and answered.

"I vow that I will not harm Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, or any of your other friends so long as you, should your step-father fail to kill you, leave and not return. You cannot tell any of your friends, teachers, or family of this vow. You will not be able to contact any of your friends or family. In fact, you will not be able to come within a hundred miles of any of them. You will also not be able to kill me. If you want your precious brother and husband to live, I suggest you give me what I want," he said sinisterly.

"I cannot contact them at all?"

"No. No letters, no patronuses, nothing!" he snapped.

Shadow could feel the tears burn her eyes as she thought about what the vow entailed. There were details left out that he didn't realize, but those details would take time to work out. Grinding her teeth, the materialized her wings and spread them out for him.

The Minister stared at the magnificent red and white feathers in awe. He had never actually seen a Phoenix and full form before. Slowly, he reached up and plucked a feather from one of the beautiful wings and watched as it glow a bright blue. The vow would be in effect if Keadan failed to kill her. For the first time, the Minister looked at her with a regretful expression.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry," he said.

Shadow laughed bitterly. "Sorry? Sorry for helping to cover up the murder of my father? Sorry for allowing me to be raped all these years? Sorry for taking away the last happiness I have? Are you really sorry? You don't know what sorry is! You will find out, _Minister_. I will find a way back here and you will see me again should I live so long," she hissed dangerously. Her eyes were black and her face etched with hatred.

The Minister stared in horror at the young woman who stood in the middle of the room with splayed feathers like a Phoenix ready to attack. Black smoke swirled around her forming a Phoenix bird every once in a while.

"Shadow please…"

"You better keep good on your vow, Minister. Nothing better happen to Severus or Remus," she spat angrily. The smoke Phoenix let out a deadly caw, almost like a scream as it swirled around her.

The Minister nodded his head and quickly stashed the feather before racing out of the classroom. He had never seen anything so frightening in his life. He was beginning to question whether or not he should have forced her to make that vow. Now he was frantically trying to think of how she could possibly get around it. He couldn't figure it out.

Shadow stormed out of the classroom and down the hall, her eyes narrowed dangerously. Her wings were once again hidden and her eyes green, but she looked just as deadly now as she did just a minute ago. Shadow made her way out toward the lake to be alone. She knew that she wasn't supposed to go anywhere without Severus or someone else by her side, but she didn't want to be in the castle right now.

Standing alone by the lakeside, Shadow thought about everything she had gone through. She had lost her father, her sister, her dignity, her innocence, and now she was going to lose the last two things she loved dearly all because of the same man. Her sorrow quickly changed to anger. Shadow knew what she would become if she let anger get the better of her. She didn't want to become a Death Phoenix, but it was so hard not to hate. It was a relief that she had found love or she might be lost for good.

"Shadow?"

Whirling around, Shadow saw Lily standing behind her. "Hi, Lily," she replied softly, her anger fading.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"I know it's _something_. I saw the Minister here. Did he threaten you again?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"I guess you could say that. I cannot speak of it. I'm sorry," Shadow replied softly. Lily seemed to understand and nodded.

"James and I have decided to get married at the end of this school year. Are you going to come?" she asked hopefully.

Shadow smiled. "I'd love to," she replied.

"Good. James and I were talking about our future the other night and we want to have kids. I can't wait. I hope I have a boy and two girls," Lily said excitedly.

"I rather hope I have a little Severus," Shadow said with a small smile.

"I think he would be cute," Lily laughed. Shadow smiled for a moment, but Lily saw the smile fade into a frown.

"What is it?"

"Lily, do you know much about Phoenix witches and wizards?" Shadow asked.

"Um…I guess not. I know some things from what you've told me," she admitted.

"Did you know that sometimes we can dream of things not meant to happen for years?"

"No, I didn't." Lily replied uncomfortably.

"I think that's how Professor Dumbledore knows everything that goes on around the castle. He seems to know what is supposed to happen in the future even if he doesn't speak about it. I can see sorrow in his eyes when he looks and Severus and I," Shadow told her.

"Maybe he just feels bad about what's going on now," she suggested.

"No, I know why he feels bad. I am sure that he has seen it. Severus and I both have. Something happens…to us. Something that separates us," Shadow told her quietly.

"How do you know?" Lily asked skeptically.

"I dreamt it and so did Severus. He said in his dream he was alone. In mine, I was too. In both our dreams, a boy came to us. He was probably as old as we are now. I don't know his name, but he said he was there to help," she explained.

"What did he look like?"

Shadow gazed out at the lake again, wondering if she was making the right assumption as to who the boy was. She was also at war with herself as she tried to decided whether or not she should be telling Lily any of this or just let things run their course. In the end, it came down to Lily being her friend and deserving to know.

"He looked like James…but he had your eyes."

There was silence as Lily thought about what she had just been told. There were so many things about Phoenix witches and wizards she didn't know. Maybe, Shadow was right. Perhaps something happens to them that takes away their future.

"Do you think he was my son?" Lily asked finally.

"I have almost no doubt," Shadow replied.

"Well, at least I know I have a son. Was he good looking?"

Shadow gave a small smile. "Yeah, he was a good looking kid. I of course have different tastes, but he was nice looking," she said with a faint laugh.

"Shadow, you're telling me this for a reason, aren't you?" Lily asked suddenly. Shadow looked at her. She was such a beautiful young woman. Her hair was like autumn leaves and her eyes were a deep jade. It was such a shame that someone as beautiful as Lily inside and out, was going to die so young.

"Why do you ask?" Shadow replied softly.

"I have a feeling that you saw my son in the future, but there is something missing. I can see it in your eyes. I'm not in his future, am I?" There was a desperate look in her eyes as she asked that question. Shadow wasn't sure if she should tell her or deny her. Eventually, honesty won out.

"No, Lily, you are not," she said quietly. There was a moment of silence before Lily nodded her head and sighed.

"I can't say that is something I wanted to hear, but I am glad you are honest with me."

"Lily, I don't know how long you have with your son, but I will tell you that in my dream, that boy was surrounded by old magic. You make a sacrifice _for him_ that protects him. I don't know what happens, Lily, but whatever you do, it saves your son's life," Shadow told her.

Lily smiled. "Good. If I am going to die, I am glad to know that I will die for my son. I would make that sacrifice over and over again," she replied firmly.

"So would I."

Severus was walking alone down one of the corridors thinking about the dream he had a week ago. It was the only one that had come to him. He hoped that it wasn't what was to happen in his future. The thought of not having Shadow in his life made his chest constrict painfully. He was afraid. He loved Shadow with all his heart. He wanted to start a family with her and enjoy life with her by his side. Just thinking about the fact that it might not happen scared him to death.

He looked up when he heard Shadow's voice float down the hall. She was talking to Lily about Christmas and what she wanted to do. Severus couldn't help but smile when he looked at her. No matter how angry he was, he could always count on Shadow to make him smile. He strode up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, surprising her. He smiled as he kissed her gently, not caring that Lily was standing right there grinning like an idiot.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"By the lake with Lily," she replied.

Severus nodded and nuzzled her neck lovingly. He held Shadow close to him, breathing in her scent. She smelled of lavender and vanilla. It was a unique smell to him and one that was all her own.

"I'm going to go meet up with James and let you two have some _personal _time," Lily said and quickly left before she saw more than she wanted to see.

"So, do you want to take some _personal_ time off with me?" Severus asked silkily. Shadow giggled and slipped her hand into his.

"Sure."

The two of them walked down the hall and headed for the Slytherin common room. Many of the students and staff were in Hogsmeade so they didn't have to worry about anyone walking in on them. Severus wasted no time saying the password and bringing Shadow up to his room. He warded the door and almost immediately began to kiss Shadow with a passion.

Shadow moaned against his mouth as his tongue invaded her. His arms snaked around her body and held her close. She could feel his arousal pressing against her stomach as he edged them closer to his bed. When her knees hit the edge of the bed, she fell back on it, bringing Severus down with her. Somehow, he managed to kick off his shoes as he crawled on top of her. He murmured a spell that closed the drapes around his bed and resumed kissing her as he undressed.

Severus now sat up on his knees before her, completely naked, and began to pull her shoes off. She smiled as she watched him through hooded eyes as he slowly pulled off her socks and then started to unbutton her shirt. Once he had her completely naked, he ran a hand down her chest to her stomach where he made a small circler motion.

"Would you have my child?" he asked so softly that she had almost missed it. His eyes raised to look at her and she could see the hint of fear from rejection in his eyes. She smiled at him.

"Severus, I'd do anything for you. I would very much like to have a baby with you," she said sincerely. Severus blinked back the tears that her words had brought on and smiled at her. Bending over her, he kissed her lips, pouring all his love into it.

Shadow ran her hands up his back to his neck before burying them in his hair. She feverishly slid her tongue along his as they battled for dominance. Severus broke the kiss and began trailing hot kisses down her neck and to her chest. He clasped one of her nipples between his lips causing her to cry out in pleasure. She began to push his shoulders down, encouraging him to go lower. She willingly opened her legs to him as he kissed his way down her body.

Severus plunged his tongue into her, swirling it around the sensitive bud hidden within her delicate folds. She gasped and pushed her hips up against his mouth to get more contact. He pushed his tongue inside her as he held her thighs open. Shadow let out a throaty groan at his ministrations. Her hands fisted his hair as he worked his tongue over her, lapping up her juices with earnest.

"Oh…"

Severus knew that she was close now. He carefully slid a figure into her as he sucked gently on her clit. Her breathing became ragged and her moans became louder as he brought her closer and closer to release. When she finally cried out his name, her body shook with such a force that Severus had to hold her down. Severus didn't wait for her to wind down from her orgasm. He quickly crawled back on top of her and thrust into her. To his surprise, Shadow's body went into overdrive and her slick walls convulsed as she went into another startling orgasm.

"Oh gods, Shadow!" he gasped as he used all his self-control to keep himself from releasing. Her legs wrapped tightly around his hips as she shook beneath him before finally beginning to relax. She was gasping when her mind finally found coherent thought and looked at Severus in surprise. His pale cheeks were red and his eyes were glittering passionately.

"I almost…lost it," he said breathlessly.

Shadow smiled at him and urged him to move. Severus readily obliged. He thrust into her desperately, kissing her mouth with such a passion, they both thought they may lose consciousness in their state of bliss. She held him close to her as his thrusts became more rapid. His breathing was in short gasps and his body was slick with sweat.

"Shadow!"

Hearing her name coming from his lips with such fervor sent her over the edge again. She gripped his shoulders hard as her body clamped down around him causing him to cry out again. She could feel his seed empty inside her as her own body milked him. His arms were trembling and he couldn't help but collapse on top of her.

Severus rolled off of her after a minute and lay beside her, breathing heavily. This time, Severus fell asleep before Shadow did. She prompt herself up on one arm and watched him snoring softly. Something stirred in her chest and she knew it was the love she felt for him as well as the sorrow for what was to come. The more she watched him breath as he lay beside her the more she felt the urge to take vows of her own to ensure they remained one even if they were separated.

Shadow summoned her wings and brought one up to look at it. It was the one missing the feather. She looked at the empty space with a look of loss. There were things she could do to possibly break the vow she made without killing herself in the process, but there wasn't much she could do to escape death, but she wanted to try. Wishing the wings away, she looked back at Severus's sleeping form. She had to do something.

Shadow cast a silent 'Accio' and summoned an empty potion vial to her. With extreme care she lifted Severus's wrist to her mouth and slowly let her descended canines pierce the flesh and draw blood. She carefully collected the blood in the vial as it dripped down from his wrist. Once the small vial was full, she corked it and wrapped her hand around the injury. Whispering an incantation, her hand began to glow a faint red and when she let his wrist down, there was no evidence she had ever punctured it. Shadow slipped the vial in the pocket of her shirt that lay in a heap next to her before lying back down with Severus.

Shadow brushed a few strands from his face as she gazed down at him. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. She traced his cheek with her finger before bringing it to his lips.

"I love you, Severus," she whispered softly, before bending down to kiss his lips softly. She then snuggled up to him and closed her eyes.

Once Severus and Shadow had woken up from their nap, they dressed and left the common room. Severus couldn't help but be excited at the prospect of Shadow bearing him a child. He slipped his hand into hers and intertwined their fingers as they headed out to the grounds. They looked up when Remus Lupin greeted them.

"I haven't been able to spend much time with Shadow because of you, Severus," he said jokingly. Severus gave a sly grin in return.

"Sorry about that. We've been…busy," he replied, his cheeks turning pink.

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Oh, I'm sure you have been," he remarked and hugged his sister.

"Where is James and Sirius?" Shadow asked, glancing at Severus to see his expression darken somewhat at the mention of Sirius Black.

"James is with Lily, probably doing the same thing you guys were," Remus replied noticing that both their faces had turned red, "and Sirius…actually I don't know where he is. I saw him with some Ravenclaw girl earlier so he's probably with her."

"Aw, are you lonely without your friends?" Severus asked in a mocking tone. Remus flashed him a grin.

"Yes, I am. That's why I have come to spend time with you two," he replied.

"I'm sorry I have been busy, Remus," Shadow said softly feeling guilty.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I just hope I get to see some nieces and nephews come out of all this," Remus said with a smirk, glancing at them. Remus noticed that Severus had a hopeful smile on his face. It was one of the few times that Severus was genuinely happy.

"How many do you want?" Shadow asked playfully.

"Oh, I don't know. Three nieces and maybe five nephews," he replied. Remus laughed when he saw both their mouths drop.

"I want children, but I don't know about having eight of them," Severus said uncertainly.

"I was just kidding. I don't know if I could handle that many little Severus's," he laughed.

"When are you going to think about having a wife and children," Shadow asked.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. I kind of enjoy the bachelor life. Maybe in a few years I'll think about it," he replied.

The three of them laughed and talked about the future, hoping that it will be filled with many family events and children. The more Remus thought about Severus and Shadow, the more he realized how perfect they were for each other. Remus hoped that they did have a family together. Severus and Shadow deserved happiness.


	23. A Moment of Joy

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 22**

_A Moment of Joy_

It was nearly Christmas now. Only two days to go. Shadow had already bought gifts for everyone and was glad that she didn't have to worry about it anymore. She had made sure to get him things he could use and one item, he had just wanted. Shadow was now sitting with Lily, flipping through the photo album Lily had put together. There were still some empty pages for more photographs, but Lily was still working on it.

"I love these pictures you took," Shadow said with a smile as she looked through them. She and Severus looked so incredibly happy.

"Yeah, I should be a photographer," Lily said confidently.

"Maybe you should," Shadow agreed.

Lucius walked along side Severus through the snow filled grounds. Everyone was glad that it was Christmas break, especially Severus. He wanted to spend every moment he could with her. Lucius looked at the joyful young man and gave a faint smile. He was happy for Severus.

"Lucius, what did you want to talk about," Severus asked.

"Well, after some thought, I must admit that I do not trust the Ministry of Magic anymore. I have seen what they are capable of and I believe my loyalties may lie safer elsewhere," he said seriously.

Severus frowned and looked at him. "With who?" he asked.

"Severus, I have decided to join the Dark Lord's ranks," he admitted and could see the look of horror on Severus' face.

"Y-you can't be serious…"

"I am. As odd as this may sound, I feel safer with the Dark Lord than I do with our own Ministry. Severus, I only wanted you to know of it. I am not going to ask you to join, although it might be a consideration for you," he said pointedly.

"No. I will not allow Shadow to be a part of that. Becoming a Death Eater would mean that the two of us would have to kill. You saw what happened to her when she killed that man when he threatened her brother. I don't want her to become a Death Phoenix and that is exactly what will happen to the both of us if we join the Dark Lord," Severus said firmly, his eyes flashing.

Lucius nodded his understanding. He didn't expect Severus to join him and he didn't want to ask. Severus was right about Shadow. She shouldn't be put into that kind of situation.

"I understand, Severus. Like I said, I was not asking you to join me. This is a decision I made for myself. Narcissa and I have already discussed it," Lucius said.

"You do know that the Dark Lord is against muggle-borns, don't you?" Severus asked quietly.

"Yes, I do. You know I believe in the same things he does, but I have to admit that I have seen some impressive muggle-borns who can wield their magic like a pure-blood," he admitted.

"Like Miss Evans?" Severus asked.

"Yes, she is an exceptional witch. I know that she will become a target and I will do my best to keep her and her soon to be husband out of the spot-light. I know that Miss Evans means a great deal to Shadow."

"Yes, she does," Severus agreed.

Shadow was still with Lily in Gryffindor tower when she felt a sudden jolt in her stomach. She swallowed down the bile that rose in her throat, but she knew that it wouldn't stay down. Quickly, she got up and ran to the bathroom, retching into the toilet.

"Shadow, are you ok?" Lily asked worriedly as she ran into the bathroom after her and began pulling back Shadow's ebony hair.

"I have no idea what came over me," Shadow said uncertainly as she got up and rinsed out her mouth with water.

"Shadow, maybe we should go to the Hospital wing just in case," Lily said with a frown.

"No, I'm ok."

"No you're not. We are going to the Hospital wing," Lily said firmly and grabbed Shadow's arm.

The two walked down into the common room where James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus were sitting. They looked up and greeted the girls, but Remus could tell something was wrong. He stood up and strode to them, looking at Shadow's pale complexion.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" he asked softly in her ear.

"I feel sick. Lily is making me go to the Hospital wing," she replied, slightly hoarse.

Remus nodded and walked with them out of the common room. He couldn't help but be nervous. He had no idea why he was so anxious to find out what was wrong with his sister.

Once inside the infirmary, Madam Pompfry immediately approached them. She could tell that Shadow was unwell by the look of her face. The medi-witch brought Shadow over to one of the beds and laid her down.

"I am going to run some tests on you, dear," she said as she pulled her wand from her pocket.

Remus and Lily stood by and watched as Poppy cast several spells and checked Shadow over. They watched as Madam Pompfry's wand changed color, wondering what that meant. Lily sucked in a sharp breath, catching Remus's attention.

"What is it?" he asked anxiously.

"The light turned pink!" she said with an excited squeal.

Shadow and Remus looked at Lily in confusion. The red-head woman was ecstatic about the wand changing color. They looked at Madam Pompfry who stood up straight and smiled at Shadow.

"Miss Evans is obviously aware of what the pink glow means," she stated.

"What does it mean?" Shadow asked getting up from the bed.

"It means you are pregnant!" Lily squealed again and jumped up and down excitedly.

"W-what?" Shadow stammered and looked at Madam Pompfry with wide eyes. "I'm pregnant?"

"Yes, dear. You are almost two months along," she said kindly before giving Shadow a serious look. "Now, is this a pregnancy you are going to keep?"

Remus looked at Shadow sharply, hoping that she wouldn't get cold feet and terminate the pregnancy. Lily seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Of course!" Shadow exclaimed, smiling brightly.

Madam Pompfry smiled approvingly. It was obvious that she was against abortion. The medi-witch quickly went to her potion cabinet and pulled a few vials down for Shadow. She handed them to her and told her to drink them.

"Take these."

"What are they for?" Shadow asked curiously, smelling one of them.

"To help with your fatigue, upset stomach, and nausea. The others I have for you are to help with the pregnancy," she said and watched Shadow swallow the foul potion.

"Ugh! That is disgusting!" she exclaimed, handing back the empty vial.

"Yes well, I never said they tasted like pumpkin juice," Poppy replied dismissively. "Now, shall I inform Mr. Snape?"

"No!" Shadow said quickly. All three faces frowned at her.

"Why not?" Lily asked.

"I want to wait until Christmas. He told me he wanted a baby so I think it will be better if I told him after he opened his other gifts," she said with a smile.

"Oh, that would be a wonderful surprise for him," Poppy said happily.

Remus hugged his sister tightly when they left the Hospital wing. He couldn't help the tears of joy that burned his eyes. Lily was just as excited and was hugging Shadow to death.

"I should tell James that he needs to get me pregnant now so our kids can grow up together!" she said.

Remus stifled a laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Lily was always a very open person and sometimes he got visuals of things he didn't want to have. Remus walked along side the two women and listened, in amusement, to Lily's constant chattering about all the things she was going to buy for the baby. When she abruptly went silent, Remus looked up to see why. Severus was standing at the end of the corridor talking to Lucius.

Shadow couldn't help herself. She ran over to Severus and grabbed him in a hug, knocking him off balance. They both collapsed to the floor and he barely realized what was going on as Shadow planted kisses on his lips.

Lucius, who was briefly caught off guard by the fact that he had just been looking at Severus and then within the next moment, the boy's face had disappeared from view, looked down at the couple. He smirked at the blush that crept into Severus's cheeks as Shadow kissed him thoroughly.

"What was that for?" Severus asked in surprise as he sat up with Shadow on his lap.

"You'll have to wait until Christmas to find out, Mr. Snape," she said in mock seriousness.

Severus couldn't help but notice the sparkle in her eyes as she gazed at him lovingly. He smiled and kissed her gently. The two stood up and brushed themselves off before looking up to see Lucius smirking at them.

"What?" Severus asked.

"Nothing. I'm just so touched by how you've become such a romantic," he said in amusement. Lucius chuckled softly when Severus gave him a level look.

Shadow stood in the Room of Requirement later that night, in front of a table she had set up. The vial of blood sat in the middle of the table next to one of her smaller feathers, a small cauldron and another empty vial. Shadow pulled her wand from her pocket and started a fire underneath the cauldron. She then picked up her feather and cast 'Incendio' on it and watched as it burned into ashes. Shadow then took the vial of Severus's blood and poured it into the cauldron, listening to it hiss as it touched the hot bottom of the cauldron.

Shadow pulled back her sleeve and bit into her arm, drawing blood. She held her arm above the cauldron and watched as the blood poured into it. When there was enough, she quickly cast a spell to stop the bleeding and focused on healing herself. Shadow then, picked up her wand and waved it silently above the cauldron. When there was a white glow at the tip of her wand, she began to say an incantation in Spanish.

"_Con esta sangre_

_Me uno a Severus Snape_

_Mi vida es su vida_

_Si muero_

_Que el viva_

_Si el muere_

_Que muera yo a su lado_

_Unemos."_

Once the spell was cast the blood turned pink, she extinguished the fire and began to carefully pour the contents into the empty vial. She didn't know what was going to happen in her future, but she wanted to make sure that she had all her bases covered. She would get revenge for the wrong done to her one way or another.

When the potion was cooled enough, Shadow lifted it to her lips and drank it. She could feel her body tingling from the magical enchantment she had just bond herself with. She cleaned up the area and then went to a table with fresh parchments and a quill to write with. She wanted to tell the dress shop owner, Audrey Melbourne what she had done. She knew that if something happened to her, the Ministry would come and remove all evidence of her. She had to leave _something _behind.

Lucius sat in the Slytherin common room with Narcissa and Bellatrix. He was thinking about his conversation with Severus earlier. Maybe Severus was right. Perhaps joining the Dark Lord was not something he should do. Then again, it wasn't as if the Ministry of Magic could be trusted. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do. Malfoys had always looked out for their own interests. Now, Lucius found himself concerned for Severus and his young wife.

Lucius frowned as he stared into the fire place, watching the flames dance around. He could feel something wrong. He was sure what it was or what was going to happen, but he had this sudden feeling that something big was about to take place. The thought was disconcerting.

"What's wrong, Lucius?" Narcissa asked.

"Nothing my dear. I am just thinking about the future," he sighed.

"I thought you had already decided to join the Dark Lord," Bella put in.

"I did, but I was weighing my options," he replied lazily.

"Personally, I put my trust with the Dark Lord. Besides, how can anyone trust the Ministry after what they did to Shadow? They covered up loads of murders and allowed her to be raped all these years," Bella remarked.

"Yeah, it's sad. I can't say that I am truly comfortable with choosing the Dark Lord, but the Ministry of Magic is certainly no better. I don't even trust our own government," Narcissa said bitterly.

"Nor do I," Lucius cut in.

"Rosier, Crabbe, Lestrange, and Goyle are joining the Dark Lord. Is Snape going to as well?" Bella asked.

"No. I don't believe he should," Lucius told her firmly.

"Why not?"

"Severus has found happiness with a woman that has been abused all her life. Shadow finally has someone that loves her and truly appreciates her for who and what she is. If he became a Death Eater, his life would constantly be at risk. I do not think she deserves to lose the one person who loves her with all his heart. Severus is not made to do these things. He and Shadow are already at risk," Lucius replied.

"I'm not comforted by you joining the ranks either," Narcissa said softly.

"I know, my love. I know," Lucius said softly.

Shadow had done all that she could so far. She left the room of requirement and headed down to the Great Hall where Severus would be waiting for her. She couldn't believe that she was pregnant. They were going to be a family. Shadow couldn't help but wonder if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. She was torn between what she wanted more. She wanted a little girl so she could dress her in little gowns and braid her hair, but then again, she wanted a little Severus as well. She came to the conclusion that she would just have to have both at some point.

Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk and stared at his surroundings. Poppy had told him of Shadow's pregnancy and although he was happy for her, he was also deeply concerned. He had expressed his concerns to his long time love, Minerva. She had been keeping a close eye on the two of them, making sure that nothing happened.

Dumbledore knew that it wouldn't be enough. He could sense death. It was nearer than they realized. He wasn't sure that the school's protection would be enough. Being an Elemental Phoenix himself, he also saw things in his dreams that could be a reality. What he saw in the dream he had the previous night was un-nerving. Albus couldn't rid himself of the image of the Dark Mark burned on Severus Snape's arm.


	24. Lost Lives

**Lost But Not Forgotten **

**Chapter 23**

_Lost Lives_

Shadow Snape was excited now that Christmas was in less than twenty four hours and she would be able to surprise Severus with the news of her pregnancy. She was sitting with Narcissa in the one Hogwarts many gardens telling her the news.

"I am so glad that the two of you got together. You two really do make a good couple," she said excitedly.

"I am glad too. I never thought I would meet anyone I love so much and who loves me despite everything that happened," Shadow said with a brilliant smile as she looked down at the picture she carried of Severus. It was the one that Lily had taken for her as a Christmas present last year.

"Severus has always been a difficult person to deal with, but I think the two of you will be great together. He really does love you even when he has his moments," Narcissa replied.

Shadow smiled and looked out at the grounds which were white with snow. It was slightly windy out, but there was no snow coming down. It was actually a beautiful day for being winter. She smiled as she laid a hand on her stomach and looked down. She couldn't wait to tell Severus. Shadow thought about Severus for a moment and the smile left her face. There was something wrong. She could feel it. The presence she felt nearby made her blood run cold.

Severus was walking with Lucius again through the snow by the frozen lake when he heard a familiar and unwelcome voice. He whipped around with his wand drawn. Lucius had instinctively done the same. Both boys were now facing four adult wizards. Three of them were unknown to Severus and Lucius, but the fourth wizard they recognized as Keadan Hill.

"Well now, if it isn't young Severus Snape, the boy who married my daughter without my…blessing," he sneered.

"She isn't your daughter and she certainly doesn't need permission from you to do anything!" Severus snapped angrily. He watched the man's expression darken considerably.

"You took what was rightfully mine," he hissed.

"You're disgusting! How can you get enjoyment out of raping and torturing children?" Severus said in disgust.

"You know nothing, boy!"

"I know enough!" Severus snapped, but before he could react, Keadan raised his wand and cast the 'Cruicatus.' Severus fell to the ground in pain, trying his best not to cry out.

One of the other wizards quickly 'Stupified' Lucius and watched as Keadan tortured the raven-haired boy. They could see the pain in his eyes as he lay on the ground shaking from the curse, but glaring coldly at Keadan.

Shadow stood up instantly when she felt her ring burn her finger. Severus was in trouble. She could sense her step-father's presence and knew that he was hurting her husband. She quickly stashed the picture in her back pocket and went to grab her wand. Shadow was about to go search for them, but stopped when she saw her mother walking slowly toward her with her wand drawn.

"Shadow, you should never have defied your father," she hissed.

Narcissa stood and drew her wand, but was immediately disarmed. She felt Shadow come up along side her with her wand ready. Narcissa looked over at her to see that her eyes had turned solid black and her skin had turned almost a grayish tone. Small black veins trailed down from her eyes onto her cheeks and large magnificent wings spread out from her back, the feathers fanning out in a threatening display. Narcissa backed away from her knowing that she was deadly. She had never been so afraid of Shadow until that moment.

"He is not my father and you are not my mother. A true mother would never have done what you did," Shadow snarled. That's when the fighting began.

Narcissa watched in horror as Shadow's mother transformed into her Phoenix state looking almost identical to Shadow with the exception that her mother's wings were white and yellow. Both of them leapt into the air, their wings taking them high into the sky and began to fight. Narcissa covered her mouth as she watched different streaks of light fly back and forth between the two women. Breaking into a run, Narcissa raced into the castle to find Dumbledore.

Severus managed to stand up through the curse and fight back. Hexes were thrown in every direction now. Severus had cast a quick 'Enerverate' on Lucius and now the two stood side by side, fighting the four wizards who were far more experienced than they were.

Several students that had remained were in a panic as they watched the fighting. The turned to see Professor McGonagall running up with her wand drawn, trying to help her two students. She looked up for a moment when she saw flashes of light and gasped when she saw Shadow and another woman fighting in the air.

"Do you see your precious wife, boy?" Keadan asked mockingly as he looked up and saw the two fighting Phoenixes.

"Shadow!" Severus cried out, fear gripping him. Severus felt more rage than he had ever felt before. He didn't realize that his eyes had gone solid black like Shadow's often did. He didn't realize that he had unconsciously summoned his black feathered wings and was now building up to cast a Death Phoenix.

Keadan realized what was happening as he watched the boy change. For the first time he wasn't so sure he could defeat the young man. Raven wizards were powerful, but it was nothing compared to a Phoenix. Keadan quickly ducked behind one of his companions as Severus released the smoky Phoenix. The beast had an echoing scream as it engulfed one of the men who was now writhing in agony as pain seared through his entire body. A Death Phoenix was far more painful than the Cruciatus curse.

Shadow soared down at her mother and grabbed the woman's throat. She watched her mother gasp for air as she squeezed her neck tighter and tighter. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in Shadow's side and she was forced to release her hold.

Isabella coughed, but managed a smirk as she held a knife at Shadow. She then hexed her daughter, sending her whirling to the ground. She didn't expect Shadow to actually hex her back, but she did and Isabella was now spiraling down to the ground with her.

Remus and his friends were running along side Dumbledore as fast as they could to the fight scene. Fear flooded through him as he ran out onto the grounds and watched in horror as Shadow crashed down into the snow.

"Shadow!" Remus cried out and began running towards her, but she got up and immediately attacked the other woman he recognized as her mother.

"Oh my god! What are we going to do?" Lily gasped as she watched two separate fights.

Sirius and James held their wands ready, but couldn't take their eyes off of Severus, Shadow, and Isabella. They were shocked to see that Severus looked just as deadly as Shadow did with his wings spread out and his eyes black.

"I'm tired of this!" Keadan yelled in frustration as he saw Dumbledore disarm one of the two remaining companions. Keadan looked at Severus with a cold and deadly glare.

"AVADA KADAVRA!"

Everything happened so fast. Severus hadn't been prepared for that curse. Lucius and Dumbledore were not close enough to help him if they could. Severus heard Remus screaming, but didn't see why until someone ran in front of him and blocked him from getting hit with the curse and instead took it themselves. Severus crashed to the ground with his savoir next to him, but when he turned to look at who it was, he felt his heart practically stop. Staring with unseeing eyes was his beloved wife, Shadow.

"SHADOW!" The scream that escaped his mouth echoed loudly throughout the grounds and castle. Shadow had sacrificed herself for him just like she had said she would. Tears streamed down his face as he lifted her head into his arms.

Remus was struggling in James's grasp, screaming for his sister. The sickening sensation in his chest was like nothing he had ever experienced before. He had just watched his sister get murdered in front of his face. Finally, Remus went weak in the knees and collapsed to the ground crying.

Severus held his beloved Shadow in his arms not caring who saw him crying openly. Suddenly, rage blinded Severus and set her down gently before standing and pointing his wand at Keadan.

"AVADA KADAVRA!" He practically screamed, but the man had seen it coming and pulled his last remaining companion in front of him. Severus didn't flinch as he watched the wrong man die. In his eyes, they were all guilty.

Several of the students gasped and backed away from the scene, clearly frightened of Severus. They watched as Dumbledore went to disarm Keadan Hill, but Shadow's mother had grabbed her husband and disappeared. No one knew how it was possible that they could apparate off of the school grounds, but they had.

Severus knelt down again and cradled Shadow in his arms. Tears silently slid down his face, but his expression held nothing but cold malice and pure hatred. He didn't acknowledge the Ministry officials that had suddenly appeared and were now surrounding him with theirs wands drawn.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you are under arrest for the illegal use of an Unforgivable," one of them said. The man took an involuntary step back when the young Slytherin looked up at him with black eyes.

"What about Keadan Hill? Is he going to be punished for murdering my wife or are you going to let him get away with it again?" he asked coldly.

"Keadan Hill is under investigation," another man said.

"UNDER INVESTIGATION?" he yelled outraged. "How long has he been under investigation? Can you tell me that? He's been killing people and raping children since Shadow was a child and you still haven't fucking done anything about it?"

"There is no proo…"

"There is plenty of proof! You people are just too stupid to find it!" Severus snapped.

It was then that Dumbledore intervened. He placed himself between Severus and the Auror, drawing his own wand. No one knew what to make of the scene.

"Mr. Snape will not be going anywhere. The Ministry has done nothing to help this girl. Shadow was his wife, therefore Mr. Snape acted within his rights," Dumbledore said firmly.

"Very well. Mr. Snape will be facing charges of murder and must attend a hearing. In the mean time, Mrs. Snape's body is to be taken to the Ministry," the Auror stated.

"NO!" Remus snapped as he came over to stand beside Dumbledore. "You can't take my sister anywhere."

"Yes, we can. We have an order from the Minister of Magic to remove the body and collect all of her possessions," the man replied coldly.

Lily overheard and stifled a gasp. It was then that Dumbledore made eye contact with her. She heard his voice clearly in her head and nodded her understanding. Without being conspicuous, she slipped back into the castle and once out of sight, she ran.

Narcissa had seen her and quickly followed. Not much got past the Slytherin woman and she was sure that Dumbledore had given Lily an order.

"Miss Evans!" she called.

"What?" she asked.

"What are you doing? I know Professor Dumbledore told you to do something," Narcissa said. There was a moment of silence before Lily replied.

"He said to remove all of her things. I have to hide them. I think Severus's parents already know that they were supposed to get her belongings and hide them somewhere. I need to gather the things I have," Lily choked slightly.

"I'll get the stuff she had from the Slytherin common room and take them to Severus's parents. You get whatever she left in your rooms and hide them," she said and quickly made her way to the common room with Lily going to opposite direction to her own room.

In the end, Shadow's body was taken by the Aurors. There was nothing that could be done to stop it. Severus had become violent and Dumbledore had no choice but to 'Stupify' him. Remus had completely broken down and had to be taken to Dumbledore's office by Professor McGonagall.

Dumbledore had taken Severus to the Hospital wing and was looking down at the boy with an expression of remorse. The boy had lost the love of his life and now he was going to lose the only thing he really had left of her. With a heavy heart, Dumbledore removed the wedding band from Severus's finger and left him in the care of Madam Pompfry.

Narcissa and Lily had gone up to the Headmaster's office and told him that all evidence of Shadow was now hidden away. Dumbledore could only nod. There were no words to describe how he felt.

He felt as if he were to blame. He cursed himself for not being able to save her. In the end, it had been her that made the final decision as to whether or not she lived or died. She had _chosen_ to give her life for Severus. He wasn't sure he had ever seen a purer act of love.

Severus woke up feeling groggy. He sat up and looked around with a frown on his face. He didn't remember being in the Hospital wing. Then, it hit him. His face paled and he frantically looked around.

"Shadow," he whispered. Suddenly, he jumped out of the hospital bed and ran. His leg muscles strained as he made his way to the Slytherin common room as fast as he could.

Severus didn't acknowledge the other students as he dashed into the room and up the stairs to Shadow's room. He didn't see the sympathetic expressions on his house mates faces. He ran to her bed and began rummaging through her drawers, but they were all empty. There was nothing under her bed and nothing on it. It was as if she had never been there.

"Severus?"

"Where are her things?" he snapped as he whirled around to see Lucius standing in the doorway.

"They're gone, Severus."

"No…this isn't…right," he stammered, frantically looking around the room with wide eyes.

"Severus…"

"My Shadow…I want my Shadow. I need her! She can't be gone!" Severus was so grief stricken, he looked almost insane as he frantically tried to find anything of Shadow's.

Lucius walked over and stood before his friend. For the first time in years, there were actually tears in his grey-colored eyes as he looked at Severus. He watched the raven-haired boy start to tremble uncontrollably. Lucius caught him as Severus fell to the floor bringing Lucius down with him.

"I'm sorry mate. They took everything," he said softly.

"No!" Severus cried out and broke into tears. It was in that moment that he looked down at his finger to see his ring gone. "They took my ring! Oh gods, they took everything!"

Lucius held his friend close to him, but knew there was no comfort for what he was going through. There was nothing he could say that would make anything better. He held on to him as Severus cried openly, not caring who heard him or how he looked.

Remus was no better than Severus as James and Lily tried to comfort him. Sirius Black was pacing the room, brushing the tears from his face angrily. Life was so unfair. He didn't think much of Severus and how he must be feeling. His concern was only for his friend, Remus.

"It's _his_ fault!" Sirius growled.

"Whose?" Lily choked.

"Snivellus! He was supposed to protect her!"

"It is not his fault! He did try to protect her! Shadow jumped in front of the Killing Curse!" Lily yelled angrily.

"Why do you always protect him? He's worthless! He should never have been allowed near Shadow. It wasn't her place to sacrifice herself," he snapped back.

"It was her _choice_! She loved him!" she argued.

"Snivellus should have died, not her! He's the one who doesn't deserve to live!" Sirius spat angrily before leaving the common room.

Albus stood inside the living room of the Snape household. Eileen was crying on the sofa while Tobias packed Shadow's things into a box that he was going to hide from his son and the Ministry. The pain he felt was obvious in his expression. Albus walked over and handed him an envelope with the Hogwarts seal in it. The impressions of what was inside were obvious. Tobias took it and set it inside the box.

"This is going to destroy my son," he said softly.

"I know, but it has to be done. I do not want to see him hurt because of his association with Shadow. They will kill him. I want to protect him," Albus said gravely.

Tobias only nodded and closed the box. There was nothing he could say to that. He wanted his son alive, even if he would grow up to be a broken man. It was now that he wished he had done things differently with his family. He wished that he had been able to show Severus how much he loved him. Now, there was nothing he could do. Severus wouldn't come to him or Eileen and he knew it.

Severus Snape strode down the corridors with his fellow Slytherins behind him. Anger clouded his better judgment. He wanted revenge. He wanted to hurt someone, to kill them. At the moment, he didn't care who it was. All he knew was that he was hungry for vengeance and blood. He looked up and glared at the one person he didn't want to see, Sirius Black.

"Where are you going, Snivellus?" he asked snidely.

"None of your fucking business."

"You know, you should have died, not Shadow. It's your fault she's dead," he told the Slytherin. There was a flicker of pain in his eyes, before his face became a mask of indifference.

"Shut up, Black!" Bellatrix snapped.

"You know it's true!"

"You know, one of these days, you're going to die, Sirius Black. I hope I'm the one that kills you," she said coldly.

"Not if I get him first," Severus hissed and pushed passed him.

When the young Slytherins came to their destination outside the safety of Hogwarts, they were surrounded by men in black cloaks and masks. The graveyard was dark and quiet as they made their way to where a lone figure stood.

Lucius had already tried to talk Severus out of doing what he was about to do, but it didn't matter. The boy was so distraught that he couldn't focus on anything but his anger and hatred. That hatred would live with him just as Shadow's death would haunt him for the rest of his life. He watched as Severus stood before the Dark Lord and willing held out his arm. Lucius watched as Lord Voldemort pressed the tip of his wand to Severus's skin and burned the Dark Mark on his pale arm. Severus never cried out. He never flinched. He was no longer the same young man he used to be.


	25. Back to the Present

**Lost But Not Forgotten**

**Chapter 24**

_ Back to the Present_

After Severus Snape had taken the Dark Mark, the memories ended and the room around them returned to normal. Many of the room's occupants had tears streaming down their faces as they tried to come to terms with what they had just seen.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at Remus who was crying openly against Minerva and then to Professor Snape who was trying to get away from Albus. It was clear that he was just as emotional, but there was a look of angry malice in his eyes that they had never seen before.

"Severus, please…"

"Don't, Albus!" he yelled, whirling to face the man. His eyes were red and the trails of tears could still be seen on his face.

"I'm sorry."

"SORRY? ARE YOU FUCKING MAD?!"

There was a distinct about of tension and fear in the room. The trio all frowned and looked around to see that Madam Pompfry wouldn't look at him, Minerva looked distinctly uncomfortable, and the Malfoy's were looking at Professor Snape with an apologetic look.

"What's going on?" Hermione whispered to Harry who shook his head.

"I don't know," he replied uncertainly.

"I know we should have told you…" Albus started.

"OF COURSE YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING TOLD ME! SHADOW WAS MY WIFE!" he roared, his eyes becoming black.

"Severus, calm down this instant!" Lucius snapped, although he sounded quite concerned.

"YOU KNEW! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU KNEW ABOUT HER AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!"

"You were already going through such a difficult time, Severus," Minerva reasoned.

Everyone could see the pain in his eyes as they returned to normal color. His expression held hatred, but his eyes displayed such grief that it caused Harry's heart to ache. He had never seen this man so emotional.

"You all knew that she was pregnant and after twenty years, no one could tell me?" he said brokenly. It was then, that the trio understood why he was so angry. They gasped in shock and looked disbelievingly at Dumbledore.

"Severus, you were so untouchable after Shadow died. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't hurt you anymore than you were already hurting," Albus said softly.

"Twenty years, Albus." Professor's Snape narrowed his eyes menacingly, but his voice still shook. "It has been twenty years and you never told me I was going to be a father."

"Severus…"

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR EXCUSES! I HAD A RIGHT TO NOW!" he bellowed angrily. "I NOT ONLY LOST MY WIFE BUT MY CHILD AS WELL!"

"Severus, I am sorry," Albus said dejectedly.

"I don't give a shit how sorry you are, old man! You have no idea how much I loved my wife! You have no idea how much…I wanted a child!" he said, his voice cracking and fresh tears streaming down his otherwise expressionless face.

"That is why I couldn't tell you. You wanted it and I didn't want you to know that you no longer had it," he replied softly.

"That doesn't change the fact that I had a right to know, Albus! All this time, I have been mourning my wife when I should have been mourning my child as well! I was supposed to be a father and none of you ever told me!" he snapped viciously.

Harry felt a tear slide down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, but Hermione didn't bother. She silently cried for their broken Potions Master who stood before them all, tears streaming down his cheeks with a shattered heart as he discovered that he had lost a wife _and_ a child.

"We did what we needed to do," Albus replied.

"Yes, you did, didn't you? You also led me to believe that all of her possessions had been taken by the Ministrya when it fact all of you had hidden them. Tell me, how many more lies are there? What else have you done that I don't know about?" he snarled.

"Nothing else, Severus, I swear. Shadow _asks_ that her possessions be sent away to protect _you_," Albus reminded him.

"She loved you so much, Severus. She didn't want you to be hurt," Narcissa cut in softly. He didn't reply to that, but avoided looking at her.

"We'll have her things returned to you, Severus. Now that we have her memories, we have the proof we need to go against the Ministry," Albus said.

"What does it matter now? She's dead. My wife and child are dead!" he seethed hatefully.

"We can still do her justice, Severus. They have to be held accountable for their crimes," Remus said hoarsely, looking at his brother in law.

Severus didn't say anything, but instead he walked over to the pensieve and collect his own memories, using his wand to place them back into his head. He then turned to glare at Albus.

"I think I would rather keep these now, Albus, because if I see any one of those men, I'm going to kill them and there is nothing you can do about it," he said coldly before stalking out of the room.

"Are you three alright?" Minerva asked the students gently.

"I guess so. I mean…I don't know. That was difficult to go through. I can only imagine what it Professor Snape and Remus must be feeling," Harry said quietly.

"I can't believe the Ministry was involved in this," Hermione said, shaking her head.

"I know it is difficult to believe, but do you understand why I asked you to stay?" Albus said, looking at Harry.

"Yes. The dreams that Professor Snape and Shadow had were of me. I don't know how that's possible, but Shadow knew that I was the son of Lily and James."

"Yes, and there is a reason for those dreams, but unfortunately I do not know exactly what that reason is, especially because now that Shadow is dead, her dream is irrelevant," Albus said sadly.

"Yes, but Professor Snape's dream is not. I recognize what I gave him from the memory of my mother and Shadow. I need to go to Gringotts to see if my mother had left the personal things of Shadow's in there," Harry said.

"Yes. You can still help him. I know you two do not get along, but I am sure you remember from the memories, why we tried to be so careful with Shadow. We did not want her to be filled with hate," Albus replied, sitting in his chair tiredly.

"He's close to becoming a Death Phoenix, isn't he?" Hermione asked. "That's why you wanted the memories. It dulled the pain he felt so he wouldn't hate so much, but he does anyway. Now that he has the memories back, he'll become even more resentful and could lose his soul."

"Yes, that is exactly why."

"Headmaster, what happens if he does become a Death Phoenix?" Narcissa asked worriedly.

"If he does, he will be more powerful than the Dark Lord himself. The more he hates, the more he is liable to turn against everyone," Lucius answered solemnly before Dumbledore could reply.

"Oh god…" Remus groaned and plopped down in a chair, covering his face.

"Albus, what are we going to do?" Minerva asked.

"I don't know. Severus must love in order to save himself. He has nothing left to love with his wife and child gone. I don't know if we can save him," he replied remorsefully. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Lucius spoke.

"Headmaster, I would like to request that my wife and I stay here for a while. I would like to stay close to Severus and see my son, if you do not mind."

"Of course, of course. I will have rooms set up in the dungeons immediately for you."

"Good. I will leave my wife here and return shortly with the few things of Shadow's that we have. Perhaps, you should send an owl to Tobias Snape…" Lucius said quietly.

"Yes, I will do that," Albus said and watched Lucius leave.

"Sir, if you don't mind, will you allow me to go to Gringotts?" Harry asked.

"Yes, I will have Minerva escort you."

"Professor Lupin, do you know Spanish?" Hermione asked suddenly.

"No, I do not. Why?"

"When Shadow took Professor Snape's blood, she cast a spell on the cauldron before she drank it. I had learned some Spanish, but I didn't complete my studies of it because I left my muggle school and came here. I want to translate it," Hermione replied.

"Do you think it's of great importance?" Albus asked, interested. She nodded her head.

"The last word she said was 'unemos'…"

"What does that mean?" Minerva asked.

"I believe it means 'bind us'. I think she bound herself to him for life or she did a soul binding. If I can translate the rest of it, it may prove to be significant," Hermione said.

"Very well. You may use any part of the library, including the Restricted Section, but I don't know if we have language books like that," Albus said.

"I might have a few lying around somewhere. My possessions from my parent's house would also be in my Gringotts vault," she said.

"Very well."

"I am going to try and talk to Severus," Remus said softly and left the room. Poppy and Narcissa left as well, leaving the trio with Dumbledore and McGonagall.

"Professor, why couldn't she be saved?" Harry asked.

"The Ministry took her before we could do anything."

"What do you mean?" Ron asked.

"Shadow could have been saved, but it would have required Phoenixes of exceptional power to bring her back. Remus would not have had enough power because of his lycanthropy disease, but Minerva and I or even Severus could have. The Ministry knew that and took her body before we could do anything so she is gone to us forever."

"It is such a shame. She was such a kind and beautiful young woman," Minerva said, wiping her eyes.

"That's horrible," Hermione whispered.

"Yes, it is."

The trio went with Professor McGonagall to Gringotts with heavy hearts. None of them had ever felt so badly for Professor Snape than they did right now. They felt terrible for Remus as well, but he at least had Tonks and Teddy. Professor Snape had no one. Harry looked at his friends with determination.

"I want to help Professor Snape. There is something much bigger going on. I can feel it. I think we should investigate things ourselves," he said quietly.

"What do you think we're going to find, Harry?" Ron asked.

"I don't know, but I have a feeling that we missed something."

_To be continued…_

_**Sequel: The Long Road Home**  
_


End file.
